Page 39 of Full Body Hit, Part 1 (Alpha Omega Hockey #5)

“You could learn a thing or two from tending roses, you know. Patience, for one.”

Ariana butted in, “Dad, come on. Auston is a hall-of-fame NHLer.”

Auston narrowed his eyes. That had sounded like a compliment, but…

“He doesn’t have time for us little people and our mortal hobbies like gardening . What is he, a peasant?”

There it was.

Auston rolled his eyes. “When was the last time you gardened, peasant?” Auston asked. He turned to the fridge. He needed a snack if he was going to survive a second more with his family. He paused in his collection of sandwich ingredients. “Where’s my cheese?”

“Oh, I threw it away. It wasn’t good,” his mom said. “You really should be more careful about dairy.”

“Wait—I bought that like a day ago, what do you mean it was bad? Did you look at the expiry date?”

“I didn’t have to. I tasted it. It was bad.”

“It was vegan cheese, mom. It’s supposed to taste like that,” Auston gritted out.

Ariana snorted loudly. “His body is a temple, Mom! God.”

“It was bad,” his mom said decisively.

Oh, God. He really wasn’t going to survive the holidays.

He loved his family—really, he did—but Jesus Christ, were they annoying.

“I need to take a shit,” Auston proclaimed, ignoring the protests that followed him to the bathroom.

Which was, coincidentally, the only room that locked.

Why hadn’t he put locks on the bedroom doors? Deadbolts, even.

He took his phone out of his pocket before sitting on the closed lid of the toilet and then, when that made an ominous creak under the bulk of his weight, on the edge of his bathtub.

Aunix

Pretty sure my mom thinks vegan cheese isn’t a thing

He stared at the message, not expecting a reply but hoping for one anyway, when a text came through. His heart leapt, hand clenching and accidentally shutting the screen off.

He turned it on again.

Charlie

Lol I didn’t know you were vegan???

Aunix

I’m not, it’s just healthier

How are you, baby?

Charlie

Wait, you don’t eat cheese?

What about pizza

Aunix

I eat cheese, I just use vegan options when possible

There are some pretty good vegan cheeses out there you know

Charlie

Hmmmm

Aunix

You didn’t answer my question. How are you?

Auston tapped his foot on the tile floor, waiting for a reply, regret scratching at him like nails on a chalkboard. He should have just let it be—been a distraction for Charlie and left it at that.

Charlie

I’m ok

Kind of tired

I always forget what being here is like haha

Which is dumb because I spent all summer here but I guess I forgot

Auston felt sick at the thought of Charlie spending months on end with that fucking woman. He might not know a lot about her, but he’d learnt enough to want to keep Charlie as far away from her as possible.

Aunix

It’s not easy to keep up that level of tension

It’s not a bad thing that your body learns how to relax when you’re away from her

Silence. Auston tried again

Aunix

Wanna talk later on the phone?

Charlie

It’s ok i know you’re spending time with the fam

Aunix

Charlie, you would be doing ME a favour. I’m going to kill my sister if I don’t destress.

Is that what you want? For me to go to jail for murder?

Charlie

Lol ok well if it’s for you then yeah sure

Is it ok if i call you though

I don’t know what time i’m gonna be free

Auston wondered what that meant. If Charlie felt watched in that house, like prey in a predator’s pen.

If so, that was a fucked-up way to feel around your own parent. Auston could complain all he wanted about his family, but his love for them lived warm and alive inside him. He knew his sister’s teasing was good-natured—that if anything happened to him, she’d be there to back him up in an instant.

He couldn’t imagine living without that security. He wouldn’t have had the courage and strength to do the things he’d done in his career without having a home base that felt safe.

Aunix

Of course, baby

Call whenever you want

Charlie

Thanks daddy

Auston sat there for a while longer, ass going numb from the bathtub’s hard edge. He watched the screen go dark, his shadowy reflection staring back at him, brows pulled down and mouth a flat line.

He eventually stepped out with a sigh, finding his parents and sister sprawled on the couch. His mom was knitting, and the kids were playing with kinetic sand on the floor—he kept a closet full of toys and yarn for when his family visited.

Ariana peered at him, sipping her drink dramatically.

Auston raised his eyebrows in an aggressive ‘ What? ’ gesture. She rolled her eyes, climbing over the back of the couch, and followed Auston into the kitchen.

“Mom fished the cheese out of the trash. It was in the packet, so it should be fine.”

Auston snorted. “Thanks.”

Silence settled as Auston regathered the sandwich ingredients.

“So…” Ariana started.

“Ari—”

“You know you’re gonna tell me eventually, so, spill. What’s got you looking at your phone so much?”

Auston opened the bread bag. Ariana was right—it was pointless to argue with someone as stubborn as her. “I met someone.”

Ariana gasped way louder than was appropriate.

Auston huffed. “If you’re gonna be a dick—”

“Come on, I’m allowed to be surprised. You’ve been single since…forever.”

Auston rolled his eyes.

“For how long has this been going on? How did you meet? Do they live close by? Oh my God, can we meet—”

“Abso-fuckingly-lutely not. He’s not even here at the moment—he’s with his mom for Christmas.”

Ariana narrowed her eyes, obviously trying to see if that was a lie. “Convenient. Okay, so it’s a he. How did you meet?”

Auston debated skirting around the truth, but his sister had an uncanny ability to know if he wasn’t being honest. They’d gotten into enough trouble together during their childhood to know when the other was up to something. “Online.”

“ What .”

“Plenty of people meet online,” Auston complained.

“Yeah, normal people. Who aren’t allergic to putting themselves out there emotionally. I just…I’m surprised that you set out to find a partner.”

Well…it had been more about finding sexual gratification than finding a partner, but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud. “Well, I did. So.” He shrugged, studiously cutting the trash-recovered vegan cheese.

“Wow, okay. Damn, little bro, I know I’m giving you shit, but I’m seriously proud of you. What’s he like, then?”

“He’s…sweet. Thoughtful. Intuitive. Kind.” His hands paused in their sandwich-making task as he imagined what his baby was doing. What he looked like. How he felt.

“Oh, shit. So it’s like that, huh?”

Auston snapped out of it. “What?”

Ariana leaned against the counter, tilting her head to the side. “And you guys are exclusive? Wait, you never told me how long you’d been talking.”

“Like two months. And, yeah. We’re exclusive.”

“Did he recognise you? Is he, like, a hockey noob or a fan or what?”

Ah, shit. He’d really been hoping she wouldn’t ask that. “Well…okay, can you be fucking normal if I tell you everything?”

Ariana held her hands up. “I’m literally the normalest person ever.”

“So…we haven’t met face-to-face. Oh my God, don’t fucking give me that look,” he complained when Ariana’s eyes practically bugged out of her dumb face. “We both have our reasons for being anonymous. I don’t know his, but whatever it is, I respect it, okay?”

“Bro, you are one hundred percent being catfished.”

“How is that…he hasn’t shown me pictures of himself. Of his face I mean. And we’ve video chatted. So, no, he’s not catfishing me.”

“Oh, right, you haven’t seen his face. Well. Okay. Still sounds fucking weird.”

“Well, I’m in a weird situation.” He finished his sandwich, putting half on a separate plate and sliding it over to Ariana, who’d been eyeing the food the whole time.

“Oh, thanks.”

They munched quietly for a while.

“You really like this guy, though? He’s legit? I just…you’ve always been so scent-focused, especially after what happened with Dickwad.” She snarled the last word, her nickname for Hunter.

“Yeah, well…if the way I’d been doing things was going to get me anywhere, I’d be there by now. This is…it’s good, okay? I don’t wanna dissect it. I just wanna…have it. And take care of it. And see how it goes. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Ariana regarded him, chewing slowly. “Okay. Yeah. That’s fair.”

Auston side-eyed her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re right. I think it’s good that you’re letting go a little and just enjoying the process of something instead of obsessing about the goal. But…try not to play it too safe, okay?”

Auston frowned. “When do I ever play things safe?”

Ariana snorted. “Are you kidding? When it comes to emotions—all the fucking time. I know you fall hard if you like someone, but it’s been a long time since that happened, Aus. And this whole ‘keeping it online’ thing, it’s you playing it safe again.”

“I don’t see what’s wrong with—”

“No, no, wait. I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m just saying…be, like, aware of what you’re doing. Of the fact that you are playing it safe, and that there’s gonna come a time you’re gonna have to take a leap, yeah?”

Auston let that ferment in his brain. Part of him was desperate to see Charlie…but there was a slice of him that feared it would all fall apart once he did. “Yeah. Okay.”

Ariana smiled.

Auston grunted. “Thanks.”

“And you gotta introduce me after you guys meet. Like, seriously , Auston.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll be the first person I call.”

Ariana pointed at him. “And don’t you fucking forget it.”

The rest of the day was calm. They ended up going out to eat and then his dad returned to the apartment with the kids while Auston’s mom, sister, and he went to a jazz bar, Auston gripping his phone all the while, making sure he’d feel it if it started buzzing.

Charlie called deep into the night, after Auston got home and everybody had retreated to their rooms.

Charlie

Hey sorry it’s so late do you wanna still talk its ok if not

Aunix

For sure

Charlie

Ok give me like three minutes

Auston lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling until his phone rang.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey, Daddy,” Charlie said, sounding tired but not in that nice, sleepy way he got most nights. This was worn thin, threads loose and unravelling.

“Good to hear your voice.”

There was a little amused huff. “Same here. God, it’s been, like…the longest day.”

Auston’s heart hurt. “What did you get up to?”

“We went to the doctors to, um…you know. Make sure the medication is still working and stuff. And then we went through some…uh, it’s like…

well, my mom knows a lot about my line of work so we looked through some of my past mistakes and stuff and talked through them.

It was definitely helpful. Or, like, I should’ve been more receptive to it, I’ve just been a little tired. ”

Jesus fucking Christ, that sounded horrible. “That sounds tough. I think if my parents made me talk about work during my time off, I’d be tired too.”

“It’s fine. She means well. I just need to get some sleep and I’ll be ready for more tomorrow.”

What the fuck? “Oh, you’re gonna do more?”

“Um, yeah. On short visits we do it every day. It’s better in summer, though.”

Somehow, Auston very much doubted that. “How much longer are you staying?”

“Just like two days. I convinced her that I needed to prepare for work at mine before the break was over.”

Well, thank God for that. “Okay. What can I do to lower the stress?”

Charlie sighed. “There’s nothing…” He paused. “I mean. Can we maybe not talk about my days? And, like. Can you tell me about what you did today?”

“ ’Course, honey. Well, first of all, I was absolutely tormented by my sister all day.”

Charlie giggled. “Oh, no.”

“But, actually…I did tell her about you.”

“Really?” Charlie breathed.

“Yeah. She was pretty impressed I managed to bag such a catch. Compromise is that you gotta meet her eventually.”

A few beats of silence passed. “That would be really nice,” Charlie rasped eventually.

“Yeah, wait until you meet her to say that.”

Charlie laughed. “You’re just scared we’re going to gang up on you.”

“Oh, my God. I hadn’t even thought of that. Never mind, you’re never meeting each other.”

“ Daddy. Too late, you promised.”

“Fuck. Fine, I guess.”

The smile in Charlie’s voice was obvious as they kept talking, the exhaustion replaced by the sleepiness Auston had been searching for.

“How about you get some rest? I’ll text you first thing tomorrow.”

“M’kay,” Charlie mumbled. “Can we…I know it’s stupid, but can we leave the call going?”

Auston’s lungs compressed into a tight ball. “Yeah, sweetheart. Of course. I’ll be there with you all night. I’ll put it on speaker so I can wake up if you say anything.”

“You don’t have to do that. I just meant—”

“I want to.”

A pause. “Thanks, Daddy.” His voice was soft but not small—not hurt and trying to take up as little space as possible, as it had been at the beginning of the conversation.

“Of course, baby. Go to sleep. I’ll be right here.”

***

The apartment felt yawningly empty after his family left.

His sister had to go back to work and to her wife.

His parents had booked a cruise over New Year’s, and Auston had a game the next day, so everything had aligned, but their sudden absence still left black, shimmering holes in the air made out of silence.

It’d be different if he lived with someone, of course. If after the holidays were over, he could crawl into his partner’s nest and settle there with him, their scent suffusing everything, calming his nostalgic soul down.

Auston’s body ached for a reality that allowed that. That didn’t have him staring at his phone, hoping it would buzz.

Don’t play it safe , his sister had said.

Auston wondered how close he was to the time when playing it safe wasn’t an option anymore.

At least Charlie was home too, sending Auston pictures of his nest, of him in it, a blue baby-doll set on.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Auston told him, wishing with every little drop of his soul that Charlie was close enough to touch. “Wanna flip you on your stomach and spank your ass red, honey.”

Charlie made a high, choked noise. “Please, Daddy. I…you could do anything. I’d let you do anything.”

Aston groaned. What was he supposed to do with promises like that?

How was he supposed to keep holding off from begging Charlie to meet him in person?

The moment was so close, he could taste it.