Page 36 of Full Body Hit, Part 1 (Alpha Omega Hockey #5)

Chase closed his eyes, letting the black and the silence settle over him. Every inch of him ached at the thought of Aunix rejecting him. Telling him he wasn’t enough. That Aunix deserved more.

His stomach churned with seasickness, with being tossed around by the waves of fear and apprehension and guilt, Chase limp like a rag doll in their grip.

He wanted what Beau and Emilio had. That closeness. That support. That compatibility. He didn’t want to keep pretending, to keep playing silly games with Aunix like he wasn’t falling in love.

Because fuck, was he falling fast and hard.

They hadn’t met. Hadn’t seen each other’s faces. Hadn’t scented. Had been talking for two months. It was ridiculous to have let this feeling burrow so deep. To have allowed it to metastasise, spreading to every organ, every thread of muscle, every pumping artery.

But Chase wasn’t going to lie to himself about this. He was falling in love with Aunix, and there was no way he could go any further without telling him the truth about his scent.

He should probably wait until he was calmer to say anything. To think about how to phrase things. How to explain everything in a way that made Aunix want to keep him.

The thought of having to keep this information secret, letting it breed images of how Aunix would react, how he’d reject Chase in a plethora of horrible ways, made spiders crawl under his skin.

It had been such a good dinner with friends. Chase didn’t know how he made everything such a fucking drama.

Charlie

Hey daddy you busy?

Aunix

Nope. What’s up, baby?

Charlie

Was just wondering if you wanted to chat no worries if not

As a response, Chase’s phone started ringing. Dumbly, he let the tune play for a few seconds, his intestines writhing like worms in mud.

“Hey, Daddy.”

“Hey, baby. You good?”

“Yeah.” There was a pause. “You?”

“I’m good,” Aunix said slowly. “What’s up, honey? You sound a little off.”

Chase tried really hard to swallow around the lump in his throat.

The only person he’d ever told about his scent disorder was Sammy, and he’d reacted well, but this was a completely different situation.

“No, I’m—I’m good. I just…I want to tell you something. About me. That maybe you won’t like much. And that’s totally okay if you don’t. Really, you don’t have to lie or anything.”

Another heartbeat of silence. “Okay, baby. If you need me to help you hide the body of the person you just killed, I’m gonna have to buy some rubber gloves.”

That startled a laugh out of Chase. “You really shouldn’t be helping me if I just murdered someone,” he admonished.

“If you killed someone, they deserved it.”

Chase huffed, melting into the couch. Trust Aunix to make him smile right then, when everything in him wanted to hide or run away. “Well, I didn’t kill anybody.”

“Great, so it can’t be that bad.”

Chase’s heart lurched, a swaying, piercing pain. “Well…okay, so, um…”

This was why Chase should have thought of what to say beforehand. The words were getting caught in his mouth, crowding there with sharp points that stung the back of his throat.

He took a deep breath. He just needed to let it out.

No sugarcoating. “So when I was thirteen, I hadn’t presented yet…

which I know now isn’t actually a big deal, but I thought there might be something wrong.

Or, I guess, my mom thought something might be wrong, especially because I wasn’t getting big like the other kids who were presenting as Alphas and it was affecting my opportunities in…

in life,” Chase began, catching himself from saying ‘hockey’ just in time.

“Okay,” Aunix said, in a soft ‘go ahead’ tone.

“So my mom—I mean, we both thought I’d be an Alpha.

So my mom kind of…she found a sort of treatment that would help me present as an Alpha, but it kind of messed me all up instead?

I presented when I was fourteen, and I guess the medication I’d been taking fucked that up because my pheromone production was off the charts. ”

Aunix made a small noise of concern, folded up small so that it didn’t interrupt.

“Apparently, the pheromones were strong enough to affect other people—especially other Alphas. As I grew up, if an Alpha smelt my pheromones, the likelihood that they’d bite me would be high, whether they wanted to or not.”

“Jesus Christ, baby,” Aunix said, and Chase wasn’t sure what that meant. Was he worried that Chase was a danger to Alphas? A danger to him?

Chase ploughed on. “Other people’s pheromones were also super overwhelming for me—they made me throw up and get dizzy and achy and stuff. So the doctor put me on a special treatment to block that stuff—the pheromone production and the ability to scent.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

Chase swallowed roughly. “So. Um. Yeah, I don’t produce pheromones, and I can’t smell pheromones, so if we were to ever—I mean, if I got a partner one day, they wouldn’t be able to scent me until we decided to mate. So…yeah. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

More silence on the other end of the line.

Chase clenched the hand holding his phone. He searched for something to say, but Aunix cut in before he could find anything.

“Sweetheart…I am so, so sorry.”

Every piece of Chase went tight. He breathed through the hit. Through the pain. “No, it’s…you don’t have to be sorry. Seriously. I totally understand if that’s not something you want to get involved in. I—”

“What? No. I’m sorry that happened to you. Your mom…I mean, did anything ever happen with that?”

Chase frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Like, did she get punished or…I don’t know. She gave you drugs to make you present a certain way. That’s illegal. That’s medical child abuse.”

Chase opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “No,” he croaked. “She wasn’t—she was trying to help me.”

“Help you, how?”

Again, the words got crammed in his throat. “By…it’s kind of complicated, but the field I’m in is pretty physically demanding, so she just wanted me to be big and strong like Alphas are.”

Aunix scoffed loudly. “I’m in a physically demanding field, too, and let me tell you, the most talented people in this…craft are Omegas. You cannot seriously tell me that there aren’t successful Omegas in your field.”

It was true that Gayne Wensky, the best hockey player in history, had revealed he was an Omega a few years ago. And there were players like Orion Young and Alonso Dolivo who had dominated their draft class, both of them Omegas.

That didn’t mean his mom hadn’t meant the best for him, though.

“Okay. Maybe, but—I’m just telling you what happened and why my mom did it.”

There were a few audibly deep breaths on the other line. “Okay. Well. I mean—did your mom ever apologise, at least?”

Chase didn’t understand why Aunix was talking about his mom.

That wasn’t the point of the story. “I don’t…

no? I don’t think so? But I feel like you’re missing the point.

I’m telling you that if we ever met up, you wouldn’t be able to know what my scent is unless we mated.

Once someone bites me, my scent will go back to normal and I can stop taking the meds, but until then…

so, first of all, it’s really off-putting.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had sex with an Omega that doesn’t have a real scent, but apparently it sucks. ”

Aunix growled. Chase went on.

“Secondly, you could invest, like, so much time in me and then mate me and find out that I smell really bad and you’ve wasted all that time and energy and—”

“Whoa, whoa. Okay, baby. You’re okay. Take a deep breath for me,” Aunix said, and it was only then that Chase realised he was shaking, that his voice was mangled with tears.

Chase took a trembling breath. Let it out.

“I hear what you’re saying,” Aunix said softly. “And I understand there are limitations to not being able to scent the person you’re dating, but…baby. If I’ve fallen this hard for you without seeing your face, I don’t think your scent is going to matter.”

Chase shook his head. “That’s not…scent isn’t like looks. You can’t just get over how bad someone’s pheromones smell to you. It’s biological compatibility.”

“That won’t happen.”

For some reason, Aunix’s refusal to even acknowledge incompatibility as a possibility was making Chase’s heart race even quicker, his lungs even tighter. “It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not. It can happen. Our scents might not be compatible, and we might not know it until we mate.”

Silence fell, a sheet of water that drenched everything. Chase wiped his face, clearing it.

The worst thing Aunix could do was not admit the truth.

“Okay,” Aunix murmured eventually. “But if that happens, I’ll be grateful to have known you.

Baby…I’m not spending time with you just because you might be my mate one day.

I spend time with you because you make me happy right now, in this moment.

And if it turns out we’re not a fit as mates?

It’ll be fucking devastating, but there is no fucking way I’m regretting a single second with you. ”

Chase tried to draw in some air, but it splintered in his lungs, a sob spilling out.

“That’s just the truth, honey. You have no idea how much better you make my life. How much happier I’ve been since I met you. How could I ever regret that?”

“Daddy…” Chase whispered.

“So I get it. This thing might not work out—for many different reasons, really. One of them is scent incompatibility. But I still want to try. I fucking…I fucking adore you, baby. Unless you tell me to, there’s nothing that can make me let you go.”

Chase bent in two, burying his face in his knees.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Love was conditional. You had to meet the standards other people set to be worthy of affection. Love wasn’t just a free-flowing thing he could cup his hands into and drink from whenever he felt sad or lonely or scared.

Love wasn’t this safe.

Chase pressed the phone against his cheek. “What if…what if you—”

“No more what-ifs, baby. I’m telling you what I know is true right now. Maybe when you get your scent back, you won’t like how I smell. Maybe we meet up and don’t get along. Maybe one day we have a big misunderstanding and never talk again.”

Chase sniffled. “I’m for sure gonna like your scent.”

Aunix laughed. “Well, that’s a little hypocritical.”

“There’s no way you smell bad,” Chase insisted.

“Well, there’s no way you smell bad, baby. I wanna fucking bite into you already. Unless you turn out to have some weird alien scent, I think we’re good.”

Chase relaxed, shoulders drooping, forehead still tucked into his knees. “What if I smell like black liquorice?”

“That’s funny because I love black liquorice.”

“Ew, no, you don’t. Nobody likes that.”

“It’s good!”

Chase sat up, smile wobbling on his face. “Oh my God, maybe you really won’t care what I smell like if your taste is that bad.”

Aunix chuckled. “I can guarantee that you’ll be sweeter than liquorice.”

The smile on Chase’s face settled. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. Trust me. I can tell.”

And that was the thing, wasn’t it? Chase did trust Aunix. He trusted that this was the truth—that Aunix wasn’t promising everything would turn out perfect, but that everything they did to get there, no matter how it ended, would be worth it.

Chase had never felt that security. And maybe he did have it—with Sammy, with Noah, with some of his other teammates. They had his back.

But he’d never felt it so starkly as he did with Aunix.

“Okay,” Chase murmured. Okay, I believe you. Okay, I accept this flowing thing you’re giving me as something I may deserve.

“I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.”

“I…thank you, Daddy. I, um, I know I shouldn’t need protecting, that I can do things myself, but…I just want you to know that I really do feel safe when I’m with you. I…I trust you.”

“That’s…” Aunix cleared his throat. “Thank you.” A pause. “I don’t take that lightly. That trust—I’m gonna keep it safe. I promise you that.”

“I know,” Chase whispered, feeling the truth of it all the way through.