Page 12 of Foxed Up

I'd had a lot of practice.

Wallace disappeared into the file room, and I was busy with paperwork and didn't get a chance to talk to him for the rest of the day. My mouth was already watering for the ribs and steak I'd be barbecuing. There would be hamburgers and hot dogs, too. I already knew the kid wouldn't eat anything but grilled hot dogs.

I needed Eli to be on his best behavior, but he'd shown signs of mutiny already. His jaw had been set in a firm, grouchy way this morning and he'd given me a narrow-eyed look as I got him ready for school and reminded him what today was.

My mother and I had been talking to him about the whole meeting Wallace thing, how that didn't mean I was going to forget him and all that sort of thing, but there was still a part of him that couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it till I proved it, I guess.

But I intended to. I could be a good father and a good partner — I needed to be. Wallace was the best thing that had happened in my life in some time, perhaps forever. Being Eli's father was a huge part of my identity, and he filled so much of my heart. I would never forget about or abandon my son in any way if I could help it, and not just because I felt the need to make up for all the years I wasn't there, all the years I hadn't even known he'd existed because of my ex's vengefulness.

I wanted to be a good father because I loved him, would always love him. It wasn't his fault that his earlier life had made that hard for him to believe. I intended to show him for the rest of his life.

As for Avery? He made me glad to be alive. It had been so long. He made it worth learning to accept myself, admitting to being who I was, and loving another man openly. If I wasn't very good at it all yet, I was at least trying. I dreamed of the day we could go to sleep next to each other and wake up the next day still there, together, sharing a home, a bed, a life. And lots and lots of hot sex.

I wasn't kidding about him being sexy, but it wasn't just because he was a fox shifter and very, very good at sex. It was him. It was justhim. I had gotten far luckier than I deserved, because so far, he seemed to love me and really like me, too, flaws and all. The man had class, style, and sheer sex appeal, even if he often kept it hidden under soft sweaters and shy manners.

He was a hidden time bomb of sexiness, and when he wanted to show it, he was the hottest person on the planet. I still couldn't believe my luck, when he looked at me with those green eyes that smoldered just so, and then moved into my arms to kiss me. And do a lot more than kiss me.

I kept waiting to wake up and find it gone, this connection, this perfect man who had somehow made the time for me in his life. But so far, he was still here. I was starting to believe he always would be, if I didn't mess it all up somehow.

I could imagine spending the rest of my life with this man. That had never happened to me before. I'd tried to imagine spending my life with a woman, or even with many women, but nobody had been able to keep me from wanting more. I was bi, but definitely more into men than women, and always had been, even though I'd tried so hard to suppress that side of myself.

I still didn't like feeling like I had to wear a label, and sometimes felt uncomfortable even thinking about my orientation, but the one thing I'd never been able to change about myself was that I was attracted (very strongly) to men. Not every individual man, every single moment of the day, of course, but it was always there, and not something I could overcome or change through willpower. And heaven knows I'd tried.

When I failed at that (so many times), I'd gone for the casual thing, the no-strings sex at certain bars, trying not to get attached or let anyone get attached to me. It was easier that way; if I couldn't change myself enough to not want men, I also couldn't change my life enough to actually include a boyfriend.

I was the homophobe. I was the asshole. And yes, at least part of that anger and disdain was aimed at myself — but it was still part of who I was in my everyday life. I'd never expected to reach a place where I was willing to try to change, to step back and start fresh, to form my life around another relationship and let myself be vulnerable to a man, every single day.

Wallace had so much more power over me than I'd ever expected to give to anyone, let alone a man, even one as sexy as he was. But oh, he was the best thing to have happened to me in so very long. I couldn't imagine going on without him. If it was hard work, and sometimes embarrassing — and if I still fucked up sometimes — it was at least worth trying. It was worth all the cost, all the changing, because I got to be with this most amazing man in the world.

For as long as he'll have me.

I got my jacket, smiling a little as I thought of the upcoming barbecue, and of that someday when we'd be able to share a home, a bed, every night. It would be nice when we could drive home together.

"See you soon," I called, raising a hand in farewell as he veered towards his car, shrugging into his jacket. He probably didn't need it; the day was warm

"Yeah," he said, giving me a small wave in return. He looked grim.

Was he dreading tonight? I hoped not. My kid wasn't that scary, just a little…well, okay, he could be pretty fierce if he thought he was going to lose me, but I figured Wallace knew enough of the situation to cut him a little slack if he was suspicious and wary. And I'd talked about the whole thing with Eli enough that I figured he'd behave himself somewhat, even if he didn't want to rush up to greet Wallace like a friend.

Would he think of Wallace as his second father someday? Did it work that way? I had no idea. Maybe Wallace would get up with me to have breakfast with Eli someday. Cooking with my kid was kind of our thing — a routine after school and work, when he picked what to eat and helped me cook it.

I didn't know where Wallace would fit into that schedule, or if he'd be willing to adapt to that sort of thing. Most people wouldn't, let's be honest. Kids don't usually get to decide what's for supper. But for me and Eli, at least for now, it worked.

Wallace was something of a gourmet, though. Shelves lined with cookbooks, skill in the kitchen, all of it. He did it for fun, and wasn't snobbish about it, but he'd let drop enough that I knew he was a pretty good amateur cook, and really enjoyed learning new recipes. He probably wouldn't be willing to eat mac and cheese for a whole week at a time, just because that's what Eli was hungry for.

Still, I was getting ahead of myself. Nobody had said we had to mesh every aspect of our lives right away. It was nothing to worry about at the moment.

#

I was happily flipping beef on the grill when Avery drove up in his silly little car. I gave him a grin and a wave. He hesitated a moment, then walked down to join me.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking ill at ease. He was gorgeous even like this, that mix of hot and bookish, slightly shy and yet extremely sexy. Perhaps it was because I knew what he looked like without his clothes on, but I didn't think so. A lot of people knew he was hot — including that jerk Matt from work, who'd had his eye on Wallace ever since he got there.

I wasn't usually a jealous sort, but I could see Matt thought he'd treat Wallace better and was more worthy of him. He'd even told me to my face once that Avery would see the error of his ways soon. Who knew I worked around so many gay people? Well, Wallace, and Matt. But that still seemed like a lot after the answer was (I thought) zero for so long.

If I counted myself among them...among the not-so-straight demographic at the precinct…did that mean I was starting to accept my sexuality, or whatever? I knew I didn't want to run screaming every time I thought about it anymore. I still wasn't perhaps the most comfortable in the world with the subject, but I had a boyfriend now so I needed to get used to it.

Today my boyfriend was wearing slim, but not tight, dark-washed jeans. It was too warm for a sweater; he wore a short-sleeved shirt with a collar. It was unwrinkled and pale blue, serviceable and nerdy — and yet on him, very cute. Just the sort of thing he would wear in the cool weather.