Page 23 of Forgiving His Past (Eagle’s Nest Securities #5)

But just when Kam was certain they were about to share their very first kiss, Van blinked and took a step back, his hand returning to his side.

“I’m sorry.” He gave a curt shake of his head. The same hand that had just held her ran over his beard-covered jaw. “I shouldn’t have?—”

“It’s okay,” she lied.

It was a lie because she’d wanted him to kiss her. And when he didn’t, the disappointment she felt was so profound she wasn’t quite sure what to think.

Not wanting the awkward moment to last even a second longer than it already had, Kam walked with hurried steps back to her bed. She grabbed her things and then returned to the bathroom without daring to look Van’s way.

Once back inside the bathroom, she took her time getting dressed, brushing her teeth, and running the comb she’d found through her damp hair. With it hanging loosely over her left shoulder, she gave herself a quick once-over in the small, mounted mirror.

Like before, she reminded herself she couldn’t stay in there forever. And without allowing too much time to pass, she put the unfortunate incident out of her mind and went back out to join him.

This time, when Kam exited the bathroom, she found the entire cabin empty. Her gaze lifted to the door at its entrance and found it had been left wide-open.

He’s outside.

Relief mixed with another dose of disappointment, but rather than follow his path, she went back to her bed. Folding the clothes she’d worn, she placed them back into Cassie’s sizeable bag before setting it on the floor and sliding it out of the way.

She stood there a moment, trying to decide the best course of action.

If she went outside, it might seem as though she were chasing after him. If she stayed in here, he could interpret the choice as her being afraid to face him.

A sardonic laugh began to bubble up from deep inside as she thought of the irony of the situation.

Sneak up on the guy in a dark alley in Kandahar and put a knife to his throat? No problem. Walk out onto the deck of the man’s houseboat after they almost kissed?

Her pulse began to spike from the thought alone.

Van apologized to you, which means he was blaming himself for what almost happened…not you.

In an instant, Kam knew her inner voice was right.

Van had apologized to her, which meant he thought the almost-kiss was all his own doing. Which of course, was rather silly considering she’d come just as close to kissing him.

Even so, she was willing to bet that the stubborn man was out on that deck right this second, mentally berating himself because he’d already become convinced that he’d done something to cause her offense.

She wasn’t offended that he was attracted to her enough to want to kiss her. Not when she’d spent half the day laying beneath the glorious sun and deep blue sky fantasizing about what it would be like to feel those lips against hers.

You can’t go to bed without making sure he knows he did nothing wrong.

Decision made, Kam carried herself up the two steps that led to the boat’s back deck. When she didn’t immediately see his imposing form, she began walking along the starboard side’s narrow pathway.

Her heart kicked against the inside of her ribs when she spotted him facing out onto the water at the bow. Van’s back was to her, and he appeared lost in his thoughts, as if he had no idea she was even there.

She soon discovered this wasn’t the case when his deep, masculine voice sounded with the passing of the evening sea wind.

“I thought you’d gone to bed.”

“Not yet.” Kam sidled up beside him. Keeping several inches between them, she looked out over the water.

The gentle waves glistened beneath the moonlight’s softened rays. Her gaze slowly lifted higher, her head tilting back so she could look up at the stars. The sight so beautiful…so breathtaking…it nearly brought her to tears.

“Wow.” She became mesmerized by the millions of shimmering diamonds shining down at them from the heavens above. “I’ve never seen so many stars all at once before.”

“It’s one of the reasons I like it out here.” Van shrugged. “It’s quiet. The view is priceless.” He paused. “And there’s no one else around for miles.”

She understood perfectly why it appealed to him so. Out here, there weren’t bombs or men trying to kill them. No evidence of a war against humanity that seemed as though it would never come to an end.

As they stood on a sea of shallow waves beneath the blanket of stars, Kam began to understand the closed-off man, if only a tiny bit more than before.

“Listen, Van…” She started to speak. “About what happened…before. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not?—”

“Don’t worry.” He cut her off with a shake of his head. “It won’t happen again. ”

“That’s not…” She paused, trying to come up with the right thing to say. “I didn’t come out here for some sort of guarantee.”

“Why did you come out here, then?”

“For you.”

Van slowly turned his black gaze her way. When he did, the look in his eyes was so intense, she once again found it hard to breathe.

“For me?”

Kam nodded. “I assumed you were out here blaming yourself for that which warrants no blame. And I wanted to make it clear that you did nothing wrong.”

“I almost kissed you.”

“I know.”

“That’s not…” His throat worked down a swallow. “I don’t do that.”

One corner of her lips curved upward. “You don’t kiss?”

“You’re here so I can keep you out of harm’s way.” He bypassed the actual question. “I’m supposed to be protecting you, not?—”

“I thought you brought me onto your boat so you could question me more about whatever it was you thought I knew.”

“That is exactly my point.” Van gave his lips a quick swipe with his tongue before his attention returned to the water. “You were my team’s target, and I’m here because of work.”

They’d circle back to the fact that he’d just referred to her status as a target of his team in past tense.

“I don’t suppose you’re the type of man who’s in the habit of mixing business with pleasure.”

“It doesn’t happen,” he growled, bringing his focus back to her.

“Not ever? ”

The curt shake of his head combined with the hardened expression on his face let her know he was telling the truth.

“Well just so you know, I am very good at keeping secrets. So don’t worry…” Kam put a hand to his arm. “Yours is safe with me.”

Their gazes remained locked together for several more seconds before she finally lowered her hand. Looking away, she turned and started to leave, but only made it a few steps before his voice cut to her through the chill of the evening air.

“I want you.”

She froze mid-step, her mind racing to find the proper response. Before she could come up with something that didn’t make her sound like a rambling fool, Van spoke up from behind her again.

“I’m more attracted to you than I’ve ever been to a woman.” A slight pause. “Even my wife. And I don’t know what to…” Another brief hesitation. “I won’t act on it, and I swear to you, you’re safe with me. I just thought…for full disclosure…that you should know.”

Oh, boy.

That was…

“There’s something you should know, too.” Kam finally turned her body around so she could face him. “I’m attracted to you, too. And if you had kissed me tonight…” She searched his troubled gaze. “I would have kissed you back.”

He blinked, her unabashed admission appearing to have taken him aback. Twice, Van parted his lips as if to respond. And both times, he closed his mouth without uttering a sound.

A blanket of that stoic control he always seemed to carry fell over him as she stood there and waited. On the third attempt to relay what he was thinking, Van dipped his chin with a softened, “Goodnight, Kam.”

She smiled, knowing he wasn’t quite ready to delve deeper into the feelings they were both beginning to share. “ Goodnight, Donovan,” she told him as she held his gaze a moment longer.

Kam turned back around, not stopping this time until she was back inside the small cabin. Reaching up, she flipped off the interior lights and climbed into her bed.