Page 29 of Forever After All (Pine Harbour #2)

Alice

I keep my eyes closed for as long as possible, because I know when I open them things will feel so different. I flex my fingers a little and realise I must have remained in the same position most of the night, draped across his thighs.

Carter told me he loved me, and those words are out there swirling around in the air because I didn't take hold of them and say it back.

Autumn told me not to break his heart while trying to fix my own, and as the fear of being loved became visible on my face, I felt Carter despond in front of me. The look on his face when I became scared broke my heart, so I can only imagine what it did to him.

I love him. I think I've loved him for a while.

I think I've loved him since the first night we slept together in my apartment.

The feeling of safety he gave me at a time when I felt so unprotected as I shook in his arms, I will never forget.

I didn't think I'd ever be ready to talk about what happened to me, but Carter plucked the words right out of my mouth without trying.

I can't have him think that I don't care, because I do.

"It's not because I don't care, Carter." I don't open my eyes but I talk to the room, rather than him.

I feel him shift a little beneath me.

"I care. So much," I tell him as he rubs my hair and urges me back to sleep.

"We don't have to talk about this now, Alice. It's still early. You've got a big day. Sleep some more. I'll wake you when it's time."

I ignore him and continue to speak, because I know if I don't say this now, I’ll struggle to say it later. "I just can't tell you I love you when I hate someone else so much that it devours every bit of me." The struggle I felt saying those words was uncomfortable.

"I told you that you don't need to say it back. Why are we talking about this?" Still pressed against his leg, his voice runs down his body and shakes my eardrum. Carter squeezes my shoulder gently, and I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at my naked body.

"Oh, wow," I say to myself, seeing the small fingerprint bruises on my chest. Touching my skin, I lightly brush my fingers over the places that Carter's were last night, then I twist around a little, trying to get a better view of my very tender butt.

Red outlines of his fingers still etched into my skin. "You got me good, huh?"

"Are you okay?" he asks as he watches me examining my body and reaches down to rub my sensitive breast.

"I'm fine, I promise," I reply as he squeezes my right breast so gently. "Besides"—I look up at him—"every time I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I'm going to think of you." And I grin at him a little, before pulling myself up to sit next to him once again.

"Fucking hell, Alice," he groans into the nape of my neck. "You're killing me here." His dick hardens a little.

"Sorry," I say, genuinely not intending to make him horny. "Hey…listen to me?" I ask.

"Sure," he replies, still rubbing my skin.

"After today, things are going to be so different. Just one more horrible day to get through."

He smiles at me but doesn't say anything. He doesn't believe me, I can tell.

I’m sincerely excited for Danny's burial today. However fucked up that might make me. I know it sounds sick, but I have some things to say to my ex, and without fear of being hurt, that's exactly what I'll do.

I ran back to my dark, cold hotel room this morning, grabbing Carter's t-shirt to cover myself. He dragged me out of my room last night wearing nothing but lingerie, and there are people walking up and down the hallway this morning.

As much as I am confident in my body, I can't say I want to flash my hotel neighbours either.

I grab my things and head back to my room where I pull out a long-sleeved, curve-hugging black dress from my case and some nude flats.

After showering, and drying myself off with a towel the size of a postage stamp, I dress myself and do my makeup in the bathroom mirror.

I'm a very curvy girl and sometimes struggle a little more than others, but I often wonder who these towels are made for. Even my daintiest, tiniest friends wouldn't be able to wrap themselves in hotel towels, and they do nothing for your confidence.

In typical British fashion, it’s raining as we pull up to the cemetery. Nothing like a rainy day to bury someone.

I sit in the car, waiting for…I don't know.

Carter drove my hire car here and pulls into the cemetery gates onto the gravel path following the signs for the car park. As he drives through the large metal gates, a knot starts to form in the pit of my stomach, and I press my hands to it, willing it to stop.

"I feel sick," I mumble, trying to suppress the need to vomit.

"You're okay, Alice. You've got this," Carter encourages me.

I pull an antacid from my purse and take two, chewing the chalky fruit-flavoured tablet into dust before swallowing it, hoping it’ll stem the sick feeling.

I watch as the rain beads down over the car windows as someone directs people where they need to go, and a few faces I recognise start to gather in the back corner of the cemetery, behind the doors of the large brick building.

"Showtime, I guess." I look over at Carter as he reaches out to put his palm on my trembling thigh.

Unclipping my seatbelt, I pull a large umbrella from the backseat and open the door.

The dampened sound of the rain now floods into existence.

The rain is heavy and unrelenting. Carter turns the car engine off and unclips his belt too.

I put my palm on his chest and press him back into the seat. "I want to do this by myself."

"No chance," he protests, taking my hand and moving it away from him.

"Carter, I’m serious. I want to do this by myself, I need to do this by myself. He can't exactly hurt me now, can he?" I make an awkward looking face, pleading with Carter to let me do this alone.

"I'm going to be here the entire time. I'm not going to take my eyes off you until I don't have a choice." He looks over to the building, then back at me.

"You're only human, I don't really blame you for that." I laugh and lean over, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then I exit the car, pulling the umbrella over my head.

The sound of the rain hitting against the fabric calms me as I walk towards the small group gathered for Danny's funeral. The urge to vomit has subsided, and I join the other attendees, holding back far enough as to not overstep.

"Alice? Is that you?" A voice I’ll remember forever questions me as she narrows her eyes slightly, trying to look at me through the sheet rain.

"Hi." I wave and give a tight-lipped smile to Danny's mum. She looks no different. Like I’ve been transported back in time by a decade, I’m face-to-face with the woman I thought might have become my mother-in-law one day. That was until her son ruined my life, anyway.

"Oh, Alice, it is you. What a shock." As Sarah approaches me, I see the hurt in her eyes and feel a little pang of guilt that I’m so happy over something that has ripped her world in two.

"Mum told me what happened. I wouldn't have missed it. I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah." I try to sound as sincere as I can because although I am sad for her loss, I’m not sad that he's gone.

"It's really lovely to see your face, sweetheart." She smiles at me, fighting her tears away.

"It's lovely to see yours too," I reply genuinely, because as much as Danny was a monster, his mum and dad were the sweetest people you could ever wish to meet.

The doors to the brick building open and everyone is urged inside. I hang back, waiting for the last person to enter before stepping to a seat at the back of the room. I take a seat as everyone organises themselves.

The celebrant urges everyone to stand as Danny's coffin is walked into the room.

I stand and keep my eyes to the floor as I sense his coffin being walked past me.

And as I look up to look at the dark wooden box, Danny's best friend locks eyes with me and he looks like he has seen a ghost. Pretty apt for a funeral.

I feel nothing as Danny's body is delivered to the front of the building. I think about his cold, lifeless body enclosed in that little wooden box, and it fills me with joy.

You have no power over me anymore.

"Good afternoon." The celebrant's voice booms to the back of the room. "We are gathered to celebrate the life of Daniel Monroe, or Danny, to his friends and family. "

I zone out a little, having to listen to this man say the nicest things about the absolute scumbag I know him to be. The funeral is filled with stories of his childhood and his family and how kind-hearted and clever he was.

Ha, the joke is on you all.

I contemplate walking out as I struggle to listen to the torrent of lies coming out of the celebrant's mouth. Of course, he has no idea he's telling lies. He has no idea about the devil in the box.

"If anyone would like to have a moment and say a few words privately to Danny, please do so on your way out of the building." Those are the last words I hear before people start to shuffle towards the doors at the front of the room, making their way back out into the courtyard.

I hang back for as long as possible, not knowing whether I should do this or not, but fuck it. He's dead, I don't care anymore.

I approach his coffin, the dark, shiny wood gleams under the spotlights, and my hands start to shake. I press them together, willing them to stop and to be as brave as me.

Running my hand over the wood, I take note of the gold fixings, so shiny, so beautiful, and so…

funeral-like. I bend down, and whisper, "You ruined my life, Danny.

You were evil. You hurt me. And now you'll never get the chance to hurt anyone ev er again.

I get to love myself again now. So, thanks, I guess.

" My voice gets lower the longer I speak, desperate for nobody else to hear what I have had bottled inside of me for so long.

"Have the death you deserve, you monster.

" Then I lean down and press a kiss into the wood, leaving my mark on his coffin before I walk out of the cemetery, head held high.

"Take care of yourself, Sarah." I squeeze his mum very gently on the arm, and aim for the car once more.

Carter sees me coming across the gravel and gets out of the car to open my door, the rain still hammering. I didn't put my umbrella up on the way back to the car. I wanted to feel the rain on my face. I wanted to feel the cool air against my wet skin.

I sit on the seat and swing my legs back inside the car, and Carter closes the door behind me before going back to the driver's side and slamming the door, securing us back inside the car. The sound of the rain dampened once more and everything becomes that little bit quieter.

In silence, he turns the engine on and blasts heat through the fans. I press my fingers to the vents as rain drips out of my hair, off my eyelashes, and down my neck. I am drenched to the bone. I don't think a single part of me is dry.

"Are you okay?" he asks at the very same time I say, "Carter, I love you," without looking at him. The words come out of my mouth and I smile before pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.

"What? Say that again." He shakes his head in disbelief.

"I love you. I. Love. You, " I say again, reiterating each word.

Carter grabs my face with both hands and pulls me into a kiss across the centre console of the car. I feel him smile as he kisses me so tenderly that it sends a dull ache to my stomach.

He breaks away from me long enough to say "I love you too, Alice. Fuck." He presses his forehead to mine.

I smile as he holds my face, and all the weight I had been carrying for so many years is finally gone.

"I want you to meet my parents," I say as he presses kisses all over my face. " Argh , get off!" I giggle in protest.

"Never." He continues kissing me until I poke him in the side. "I mean I'll never stop kissing you, not that I never want to meet your parents, by the way," he confirms, still trying to kiss every exposed part of my skin.

"I'm glad you cleared that up, big guy." I squirm, trying to push away from him.

"I like that, kissing you," he says, pulling away from me. "I'd love to meet your parents."

"Tomorrow?" I ask.

"Tomorrow." He nods at me. "Then I get to take you home and do exactly what I told you I would."

"Oh?" I tilt my head a little, trying to remember what he sai d

"Yeah, princess. I'm gonna touch you like I love you this time."

I smile at him, and he mumbles to himself, "Yep, stay calm, everyone. I just found out the girl of my dreams loves me."

"Ha-ha-ha, stop it!" I bellow into the car, trying not to lose my composure completely.