Page 6

5

LUCIA

B eing on the circuit was like an extreme sport for someone who hadn’t traveled in three years. I had really leaned into the homebody lifestyle. Gianna loved the noise and excitement, but I also knew how overstimulating this was for her. Naps would be extremely necessary, and pulling her away from her Zio would be nearly impossible. But that was a problem for later me.

Gianna was happily bouncing in Matteo’s arms as he led us to the Moretti team lounge. Apparently today was a quiet day. But everywhere I looked was still busy. Luckily today, no cameras yet. I had my very own ID tag hanging around my neck, making me feel very official. I was jittery and anxious for qualifying and race day; it was the first taste of what life on the circuit would be like. I was thankful for the progression into chaos rather than being attacked headfirst by people and cameras and all the questions. I felt the pang of a headache starting. I could do this. Everything would be okay.

“Mama, they have nuggies!” Gianna announced as Matteo held her, pointing out the different food options behind a glass counter.

“Perfect, Bug!” I replied. The chef looked to me with a smile, I ordered the pair of us food as Matteo declined. The boys were on strict diets, when and what they could eat was all managed by a nutrition specialist. Matteo stayed with us for some time while we ate, until being called away for a meeting with some of his engineers.

We finished our meals and left the lounge. I was excited to be in the paddock. When Gia and I watched races from home, she would point out the people in the paddock and their “big headphones.” She couldn’t wait to wear her own pair during races. I looked for the red Morretti-branded things and followed the path toward the paddock.

“Mama! Puppy!” Gia’s hand slipped out of mine, leaving my heart rate to leap out of my chest. She was running full force toward a tall woman with a small dog on a leash.

“Gianna Rose!” I shouted after her, jogging to keep up.

“Hello, darling! This is Monty!” The woman leaned down to Gianna with a smile.

“I’m so sorry! She saw your sweet dog and just made a run for it!” I quickly apologized. “Amore, you have to ask first, okay?” Gianna paused and nodded up to me then looked to the woman.

“Go ahead, It’s no problem!” The woman looked over to me with a perfect smile. She was stunning. Long, dark brown hair, perfectly straight, wafted down her back. She was dressed like a royal, and if her beauty wasn’t shocking enough, she was actually glowing. The sunlight directly behind her made her seem aglow.

“I’m Nicola!” She stood and held out a hand. “And this is Monty.” She nodded toward the golden, shaggy-haired dog Gianna was petting. I stood in small shock for a moment, she was holding out perfectly manicured nails, golden rings adorning her fingers.

“H-hi,” I stuttered. “Lucia. This is my daughter, Gianna.”

“Are you with Belen?” she asked, nodding to our matching sweatshirts.

“Oh, actually, Moretti!” I said. “I’m Lucia, Matteo DeLuca’s sister. Gianna is his niece. He talked us into joining for the rest of the season.”

Nicola smiled warmly but eyed the sweatshirts.

“The sweatshirts, are, um—” I stuttered under her gaze.

“Alexander Wright?” she asked, seeing the number fourteen clearly displayed.

“Yeah, I?—”

“Matteo and Alexander are inseparable.” Nicola laughed. “If you know one, you know both.”

I beamed. That was my brother, all right—a pain in the ass but so damn lovable. “Yes!”

“Well, since you’re family, I’ll actually introduce myself,” she said, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Nicola Moretti.”

“As in?”

“Mm-hm, so we will be seeing a lot of each other! And thank God because I need another girl here who isn’t a wag.” She waved a hand. Then paused. “We do have some badass women on the Moretti team, but they’re all so damn busy.”

“No interest in being a wag then?” I laughed.

“Absolutely not! God forbid it.” She placed a hand on her chest dramatically. “But I do want to work in motorsports, so I’m here this year and hopefully from now on. I’ve been floating around helping whoever needs help!”

“That’s great! Have you met Anna?” I asked.

“The most beautiful, intimating person alive? I want to be her when I grow up.”

“She’s amazing.” I sighed. As if we conjured her, Anna appeared in my view and waved, walking over.

“Oh good, you girls have met!”

“Baby G, how are you so big!” she said to Gianna, who was still enamored with Monty the dog. Gia looked up, looking unsure.

I crouched down. “You remember Anna, she helps Zio and Alexander with work.” Gianna only nodded and went back to petting the dog.

Anna smiled. “It’s a lot of new things.”

“Hoping it doesn’t overwhelm her too much, but I know it will only get busier.”

“True,” Anna said and reached out a hand, squeezing my arm gently. “But you are here.” Her sincerity took me aback. Her eyes are so genuine. I had assumed Alexander and Matteo had spoken about my decision to join them on the road, but this felt deeper.

“My Olivia is almost eight. She was super intimidated by everything here in the beginning but begs to visit me at work now.”

“I didn’t even know you had a daughter!” I beamed.

“She lives with her father.” There was a hint of sorrow in her eyes. “But she’s everything to me.”

I smiled, glancing to Gianna.

“Well, I need to meet Alex, but find me later. I’ll show you the secret entrance and introduce you to my favorite security guard here. You can completely avoid the main entrance and all the paparazzi,” she said, and I let out a relieved sigh. Thank God .

“Perfect,” I replied.

Anna left us and Nicola walked with us into the Moretti paddock just in time for practice to get started.

The racing was loud and exciting. We got to watch as Matteo got into his car. Gia got to wear the big headphones and we watched the screens from the garage as all the cars zipped around the track during free practice. Moretti was looking really strong this year, and Matteo just signed on for another two years. Despite being in the Moretti garage, I couldn’t help but keep an eye on the familiar blue and pink car with a 14 painted on it for the rest of the day.

By the end, Nicola had cemented herself as my new best friend, which she had announced after practice, linking arms with me and showing me some of her favorite quiet spaces around the club and lounges in case Gia or I needed a break at any time. Nicola and I clicked right away; it was like we had known each other for years. Making friends as an adult felt like this huge, impossible task. I was lucky to have such a supportive family, a semi-intrusive, albeit loving brother, and his very attractive best friend who had this unmatched ability to make me smile. We were a hodgepodge, mismatched bunch. While I loved my family and the boys, it was a breath of fresh air to have a girl friend to talk to.

“All right, give me your roses and thorns,” Nicola asked while we walked around, letting Gianna walk Monty in the most chaotic way.

“My what?” I asked.

“Roses and thorns, the good and bad of the day.”

“Oh,” I said, slightly stunned, and racked my head for them. “Well, a rose is being able to do this. I can work remotely, I just need my phone to do socials and marketing for my parents’ vineyard. That’s a huge privilege. Today was super exciting, but a thorn is that I am a little overwhelmed. I think once I get the hang of the schedule, it’ll feel less overwhelming, and maybe even start to feel like more of an escape. Another rose is how excited Gianna is about this whole trip.”

“And meeting me.” Nicola smirked.

“And obviously meeting you. What are yours for the day?”

“Rose, I just bought these boots and they’re so comfortable. I made two new girl besties.” She looked at Gianna with a smile as she laughed and Monty licked her face. “Honestly, no thorns today, today’s been really good.”

“No thorns, wow.” I sighed. When was a day that had no thorns?

“You’ll have them too.” She nudged my shoulder and looped our arms together. We had trauma dumped already over coffee earlier, just full force jumped into this friendship. She knew my baggage, and I knew about her on-and-off again relationship with a very problematic man. She added her phone number into my phone as your F1 Baddie (Nicola) . I loved her already.

The day was chaotic and new, but something about that felt endlessly exciting. So in contrast to my life at home. I was so nervous about it all, but meeting so many nice people today and knowing I had the boys and now a new friend in my corner gave me some fortitude to take on tomorrow.

By the time we made it back to the hotel, Gia was asleep in my arms, didn’t even stir as I set her down in her crib. Our bags were strewn among the large suite. I took a much-needed long shower, feeling myself reset, put on my comfiest oversized sweater and leggings, and curled up in bed with a book.

* * *

I woke up to my alarm, an instrumental version of “Mirrorball” by Taylor Swift. Gianna stirred but stayed asleep. She was a good sleeper—honestly would happily stay home and chill all day if we needed to. So I got ready while she slept in. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was so long now, the blonde highlights I had done before leaving home were fresh and bright. I looked like myself again, like the before me. My cheeks had filled out, and I no longer had hallowed out, dark circles under my eyes. My eyes seemed brighter, my skin more olive from being in the sun over the summer. Freckles kissed my cheeks, making me not want to cover them with makeup. I had painstakingly picked outfits for the track. I loved clothes. Back when I had my own place, I had taken over the closet in my own room and the guest room. Slipping on a long-sleeved, brown, knit dress and boots, I reapplied my lip gloss and was about to get Gia up when a light knock was at the door.

Our room was a huge suite, an attached living room to the bedroom with a table and couches. This hotel was stunning. It was rich and luxurious, paintings hung in the hallways with these ornate golden frames. I wanted to remember to look at all of them before we left for the next race. I walked into the attached room, gently closing the bedroom door behind me after I glanced at my daughter, unfazed by the noise, and smiled to myself. I opened the door to our room to reveal a man with a tray of food.

“Miss DeLuca.” He nodded. “Your room service.”

“Oh!” I said, taken aback. “I’m sorry, I did not order anything!”

“It was ordered last night by a Mr. Wright to be delivered at seven a.m. sharp to room 489 for a Miss DeLuca.” The man’s thick accent slowed the words down as I let the information sink in. Alexander had ordered us breakfast.

“O-okay,” I said, holding out my hands for the tray.

The man shook his head. “Allow me, Miss.”

I moved out of the way, and he walked into the suite, setting up the food on the table and placing out the plates. My mouth watered at the array of breakfast foods. Steaming pancakes, waffles, plain eggs, and an omelet. Coffee and tea options, and a juice for Gia. He really did think of everything.

“Thank you so much,” I said to the butler as he left.

“Mama,” a groggy Gianna called from the other room. I peered in through the cracked door and dark room, only the dim light of the bathroom giving me some light onto my daughter.

“Hey, Bug, guess what we have?” I said, walking over and picking her up. She yawned and rubbed her half-awake eyes.

“What?” she asked.

“Breakfast pancakes!” I cheered. She wiggles out of my arms and onto the ground, dragging her bunny plushie with her, pink unicorn pajamas blurring into the other room in one blink.

“This is amazing,” she announced loudly. I followed after her to find her already sitting in front of the seat with the pancakes, looking at me expectantly. I giggled at her, all bright eyes, blonde curls smashed and going in every direction.

“Go ahead,” I said, and she dug in. I poured myself coffee and pulled over the omelet and waffles for myself. Taking out my phone, I snap a photo of her and send it to Alexander with one sentence:

Lucia

You did good.

By the time we were out the door, Gia and I had perfectly coordinated denim jackets on. Gia was clad in a matching black sweat set to fight off the chill of the day. We were introduced to a driver as we exited. Anna had coordinated a private driver just for us so we could come and go as we pleased, or if Gia needed a break from the chaos. The sun was peeking through the clouds, the chill in the air making my nerves skitter and stir. I hoped there would be no rain for qualifying today—for both my brother and Alexander’s sakes. Rain always made races tricky, but according to what I overheard yesterday from the race engineers, no rain was forecasted for race day, only today for qualifying. Which promised a chaotic day of racing.

My hand found its way to my necklace, a small butterfly charm Matteo had given me after he won his first race. It was his rookie year, the big paychecks were beginning to roll in and he bought everyone in the family something nice to celebrate. The simple but gorgeous golden butterfly necklace had become somewhat of a talisman for me. I found myself sliding it through my fingers to combat any stints of anxiety that would hit me. Below it was my heart locket, a cursive G on the front for the one who had my heart. My mini sunshine girl, my Gianna Rose.

Once we arrived at the gates, Gia was bursting with excitement to see her Zio Matteo and Alexander. The security at the front gate smiled widely and waved hello to us as we scanned our badges into the paddock. Upon crossing said barrier, the excitement of the day began to unfold. Anna found us rather quickly, and explained how the day would go, what time Q1 would begin, and how it would progress to the final formation for the day of racing. The drivers were doing some promotional things for the morning, so we made our way to the Moretti lounge. Nicola appeared as we walked through the door, basically jumping up and down, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

“I have a surprise!” she sang and ran up to Gia with a big smile. “Hi, cutie girl!” She crouched down and held her arms open. Gia giggled and ran into them, then immediately after gave Monty her attention, who wagged his little tail in response.

“Okay, so follow me.” She waved her arms all big over herself, making Gia giggle again and run up to her, tugging on her arm. Nicola paused to look down at my daughter, who was holding out her hand, silently asking to hold Nicola’s. Nicola looked back at me, her eyes slightly bewildered and excited. I gave her a reassuring smile. Nicola didn’t have much experience with children, but it did not stop her from making Gia feel loved and included. Gia on the other hand was quick to love anyone who gave her attention. She was a lovebug. I picked up my pace, falling into step with the two of them.

“I think she likes me!” Nicola whispered to me.

“She totally likes you. So, does Monty go with you everywhere?” I ask.

“Basically. He’s actually my dad’s. My mom thought it would be a good idea for him to have an animal as he slows down from the day-to-day operations, but I am kinda obsessed with Monty, so when we started the season, I asked if he could hang with me too. Other times, he’s with my dad. Monty is very, very spoiled.” She scratched his ears, earning an adorable little eyes-closed snuggle from the dog.

“I think he was meant for track life,” I said, reaching out and petting him, too, as Nicola held him in her arms. She had a Moretti-branded dog leash for him and a crimson red collar around his neck. He was the cutest thing to ever exist.

We walked past a sea of red: crew members, team members, all donned Moretti red. Nicola pushed open double doors to reveal a small room, a couch, a table and chairs, and to my great surprise, a corner of toddler toys. A princess tent with sparkles and a wand leaning against it. Gia stood mouth agape for one whole second before letting out a screech and sprinting into the princess tent. I stared in awe, watching her, then looking to Nicola.

“You did this?” I asked, not knowing how I got so lucky to meet this woman.

“I had a little help, and did some recon with two certain boys to make sure Gia would love it.” She shrugged and sent me a smile.

I shook my head, beaming a smile that could not be contained.

“I figured you both might need a place to decompress during the weekends, so I simply used my power to secure a room for you at every lounge set up for the rest of the year. Nepotism really works for me.”

I let out a laugh. “Really glad you forced your friendship on me, this is going to work out.”

“Damn right,” she replied before grimacing. “I mean, darn.” I waved a dismissive hand and we sat down on the large couch, which had cozy blankets and very cute throw pillows. Yup, this was all Nicola, and not the work of a single man. I loved it.

“I can’t believe you did this in a day.”

“I’ve got people.” She smirked, then her expression softened as she looked to Gianna, who was already playing with the toys. “Races can be long, so if you want me to hang with Gia in here for any time at all, I am happy to!”

“Oh my god, no, that’s too much!” I insisted.

“It’s actually doing me a favor, I would love to chill with G and Monty in a quiet room from time to time. Plus, I have, like, every princess movie at my disposal.”

“You’re about to be her favorite person ever.” A sigh made it out before I could continue. This was so nice, so thoughtful. It was honestly a little jarring to have someone find a quiet space. Life at home was very different from here and on the road. I was used to the silence on the vineyards, long walks through the hills with Gia, playing in the lake or the grassy meadows, or sitting on the porch with a cup of tea. But I wanted this, wanted the change of pace and the new, exciting adventure. I knew that. Nicola, thinking I might still want a quiet place among the fast-paced chaos of the circuit, cut my heart right open…in the best way.

“This is…” I paused, turning to my new friend. “Thank you.” I hoped the sincerity was there because that was about all the words I could muster at the moment.

“It’s half for me too. Dealing with a male-dominated industry all day makes me want to scream. We need more women in motorsports.” Nicola shrugged and walked over to Gia, leaving me to my thoughts. I walked to the tinted windows, thankful for the privacy, and looked out to the main walk that had grown twice as busy in the time we had been in the lounge area. A knock rang through the room, then a familiar brunette poked her head into the room. Anna.

“The boys are back in the pit if you want to say hi before everything begins!” she announced. Gia jumped up immediately, abandoning her new toys.

“Zio!” she cheered her answer. We waved goodbye to Nicola, who needed to go back to work, and followed Anna to the Moretti pit. Gia walked next to me, hand in hand, her excitement was evident by her big smile as she took in all the big posters and bright red colors. Crew were hustling around us, the buzz of the pit was unlike anything I had experienced. Turns out, yesterday had been the quiet day.

“So this is the pit, where all the exciting things happen. The car is getting ready here.” She pointed, and Gianna’s eyes got even bigger seeing the car up close. Her bedroom was lined with little model Formula One cars, both Belen Racing and Moretti ones.

“Mama, it’s so shiny.” She beamed, her little hands were clenched at her sides. I had talked to her about how important it was to not touch anything while in the pit. Gianna had nodded seriously and answered with a stern, Otay .

“Does it look like the one in your room?” I asked her. She shook her head and walked around the back end of the car, pointing her little hand, red sparkly nails shining.

“That’s different,” she said. I looked at it, noticing the new design on the back wing, and nodded. Gia had an attention to detail that constantly shocked me.

“Principessa!” a familiar voice boomed through the pit. My brother walked across the space, clad in his bright red racing suit.

“Zio!” she squealed as he picked her up and spun her around. “You are so red!” she noted after they spun around and he held her on his hip. Her little hands poked at his uniform.

“Matches your nails perfectly.” He smiled, poking at her fingers. She giggled. Matteo turned to me. “No pink and blue today?”

“She makes the rules, and it was black and red today.” I pointed at my outfit, a little Moretti Racing embroidered patch on Gia’s and my denim jackets.

“They’re perfect,” he whispered to Gia, who kept giggling. I looked around the paddock, at the screens in the back, where people wore large headsets and looked at screens, analyzing whatever was on them.

“Oh, that reminds me, I got you both your own personalized noise-canceling headphones to wear during races, they’ll be out for you at every race. The small ones with sparkles are G’s. Obviously. ”

“Thank you, that is so thoughtful of you,” I answered.

“Thank you, Zio,” Gianna mimicked. Matteo smiled proudly and began introducing Gianna to everyone. I tried not to get emotional at the sight. “This is my niece, Gianna!” he repeated as they walked around the whole room. He pointed at screens and described what people’s jobs were. The whole crew seemed to light up as she came around, showing her what they did and what things meant. Gianna was in absolute heaven, and so was Matteo.

“They’re adorable,” Anna commented as she reappeared. She held out the headphones to me; they were Moretti red with little butterflies on them and Gianna’s name in black bubble letters.

“He seriously is the best uncle.” I took the headphones from her and pulled out my phone to snap a picture of the two of them.

We spent as much time with Matteo as we could before he needed to get back to work. The pit began to fill with more people, all getting ready for qualifying that started in two hours.

“Did Gia want to say hi to Alexander?” Anna whispered to me once we are in the back rooms, a TV in front of us of the circuit, which will play the live video once qualifying begins. Gianna was given another mini race car from one of the crew members, so she was happily making zoom noises and pushing the car along the floor.

“Probably, but I wanted to give her a little time to decompress before we go back into the loudness,” I whispered back.

“You know you can take a moment to decompress for you too…” Anna mentioned, then added a soft, “if you need to.” Her smile was soft and warm. When first meeting Anna, she was terrifying. After knowing she’s a mother, too, something about that alone was so comforting. That I was not alone in that version of life, and that finding myself and trying to be my own person along with being a mother was okay. It was a hard balance, one that I felt endless guilt for at times. But as my own mother had told me, taking care of yourself and your mental health is what will make you a good mother. A happy mother is a good mother, so go find your happy.

I smiled remembering the conversation we had had on the porch that day. It felt like so long ago now. Gianna was only slightly over a year old at the time, and I was not doing well. Getting up in the morning was hard; I felt like my entire life had been turned upside down. I didn’t have anything for me anymore, and it was chipping away at me slowly. After many months, it was my mother who sat me down and talked with me, told me how she had felt the same way after I was born. How postpartum depression is common and how it was okay to feel all the things I was feeling and to try doing things for myself again. Gianna was my whole world, the biggest little bundle of joy, and despite everything I had been through that gave me her, I would not change it for the world. Because that was my path, that was my choice. It was that morning when we made a list; my mom and I took out an old notepad that had been stuffed into a kitchen drawer and wrote down how to find my spark again. On the top of that list was to do new and exciting things, to say yes to experiences.

When Matteo came home that summer, Alexander had been with him. They both spent the entirety of their break on the DeLuca vineyard instead of flying around the globe and attending lavish parties and skydiving or doing whatever it was the adrenaline-addicted racers did on breaks. It was the summer that my healing began. I was determined to keep going, to keep being more present, to keep fighting for my own happiness, and being the best mother I could be.

A giggle from Gia brought me back to the present.

“Yes,” I replied to Anna. “I am trying to be better about that.”

She gave me a reassuring arm squeeze. “Me too,” she agreed.