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THREE YEARS LATER

LUCIA

“C ome on, Lucia!” Matteo groaned. “It’s just the last circuit! Ten races! It’s a vacation, all paid for!”

“Matteo.” I sighed, bouncing Gianna on my hip. “I can’t just take a vacation, what am I even going to do, the only people who attend race after race like that are the girlfriends and wives!” Also coined as the WAGS: Wives and Girlfriends.

“Not true!” Matteo practically whined. I swear he’s worse than Gia is when she’s hungry.

“Matteo, I have a toddler, I barely remember to shower. How would I even do that?”

“I have people for that!” he called, following me from room to room.

“Like who?” I shot back.

“Alexander will be there!”

“Yes, Alexander, the five-time world champion who will be busy racing just like you, Matteo!” I laughed out loud at my brother’s idiocy. He was the embodiment of a golden retriever. Sweet, goofy, and much too good for this world. I loved Alexander, he’s practically family to us, but he would be zero help when it came to any type of childcare, he was even busier than Matteo was.

“I’ll hire someone! A nanny! Gianna will come with us, obviously, but then you have someone to take her and we can go out and party!” Matteo typed vigorously on his phone.

“Matteo,” I shouted at him. “Matteo!” He stopped typing. “I’m not just leaving Gia with someone I don’t know!” I rolled my eyes, bending to put Gianna down. She happily ignored us and walked over to her kitchen set. “Also, it’s not exactly easy to travel with a kid, she needs all her stuff!” I said, brushing off my jeans.

“We can use Alexander’s private jet! Bring it all!” Matteo called back, now in the other room.

“Stop using Alexander as the solution for everything, Matteo!”

“Why is everyone yelling, and what are you using me for?” Alexander appeared, wearing an oversized hoodie and his braided hair pulled back into a knot at his neck. The tattoos on his hands peeked out from the sweatshirt. The wings marking his neck were relatively new, and very, very distracting. Alexander had countless tattoos, each a piece of art, a piece of him, etched onto his skin. If his British accent wasn’t enough of a swoon, the man was just straight-up stunning. He was tall for a Formula One driver; I only came to just below his shoulders.

I rolled my eyes and threw my hands over my face at his remark. Alexander had been Matteo’s friend for a while now. They karted together when they were little, and Alexander signed with Belen years before Matteo. But when Matteo finally got a spot on Moretti Racing’s team, they were thick as thieves all over again. About three years ago, he started making his yearly summer break trips out to the vineyard with Matteo, spending them with us. The summers were filled with sunshine and swimming in the small lake on my parents’ land. The pair of them kept me sane through being pregnant and having a baby while they were here, but once the season began again, the days were long and lonely.

Alexander had this uncanny ability to make me relax, like his presence alone was a calming draft through the air. That or the cologne he wore, which was intoxicating. It became a sense-memory for me. After being my anchors all summer, they would finish out their break with me, assuring me I could do it and I wouldn’t be alone. Matteo and Alex had shown up, and I never had to worry about Gianna having a role model to look up to because these two would rope the moon for her if she asked.

I looked at Alexander, his dark skin was so glowy and perfect, it was such a waste on a man who had never touched skin care once in his life. Long lashes and the most perfect lips.

Good god, I need to snap out of it .

“It’s too much, Matteo, I can’t do it all. I am so tired, I could literally sleep for, like, four days straight and still not be rested.” Warm arms wrapped around me and the scent of leather and pine cologne that was so familiar now, so very Alexander, flooded me. I indulged my tired limbs and melted right into him.

God, I am so starved for affection, this is pathetic.

“You can sleep for four days! We’ll watch Gia while you sleep!” Matteo yelled from the other room.

I let out a sigh into Alexander’s chest, who squeezed his arms around me. I tried not to let out an actual groan. I really need to calm down. “I love him, but I hate him,” I grumbled.

“I know the feeling,” Alexander replied. I could hear the smile in his voice. “You should come, though, it would be good for you and Gia.” His voice was so soft and gentle, reminding me of when he and Matteo got on the first flight to come meet Gianna when she was first born. The “You got this” whispered in the middle of the night when Gianna was only four months old and the sleep regression hit like a freight train. Alexander woke up to a crying baby and a crying me. He stayed up with me, in the moonlit nursery, as I rocked her back to sleep, and when she finally went back down, I closed the door and slid down the hallway.

Am I fucking this up? I had asked, tears leaking from my tired eyes.

No , he’d said simply, as if it was this known fact. No, I was not fucking this up. Simple and to the point. Then his shoulder knocked mine and he whispered with full confidence, You got this.

It became a mantra after that, over and over again. I got this .

Even on days where it was the furthest from the truth.

Alexander had been around constantly after that first summer, following my brother home. My parents adored him, he sent photos in a group chat that included all of us on race days, he was just a part of our lives. As if he just slotted himself into it so seamlessly.

“The only people who will be there will be models or celebrities or wags who look like models or actually are celebrities.” I pulled myself out of Alexander’s arms reluctantly and saw Gianna looking at me. Her room was pink but race car themed, thanks to Uncle Matteo, who surprised us with a little nursery makeover right before she was born. She even had a custom plushie that was the pink version of Matteo’s own Formula One race car. Alexander had then of course found someone to make a Belen version for his own team, it was black with bright blue and pink racing stripes, and much to Matteo’s annoyance, it was Gia’s favorite.

“Up, up!” Gia’s small voice drifted over to us as she walked to Alex, her favorite human. Alexander ruffed up my hair before leaning down and picking her up. The absence of his warmth and arms was sorely missed. But it only took a moment for my heart to swell again when I watched them.

“Yes, love?” he asked, peering down at my daughter with the biggest smile on his face, giving all of his attention to my girl.

“I just, I don’t trust people enough to watch her. It should be me. And you know how it is on the circuit. There are so many people and the cameras.” I sighed. “I don’t know if I want to expose her to that.”

Alex turned to me, Gia resting in his arms and staring up at him like he had hung the moon just for her. He probably would if she asked.

“What if I ask Anna?” he asked. Anna was one of his personal managers, she handled PR and media and all around scheduling. She was incredible and could figure out anything you asked. Unlike Dante, who scared the shit out of me. “No one will bother you, we will make sure of it. Plus, some of those hot wives are rather nice.” He smirked, and I immediately rolled my eyes and mouthed, Yuck , because yes, they were nice, but Alex was the definition of a playboy and was constantly being berated by the media about it.

“And if you don’t want cameras on her, I’ll make every photographer allowed in the paddock sign an NDA.” His eyes were gleaming with sincerity, like he was planning it all out in his head. I couldn’t help but smile at him and the thought of being in the paddock with Gia. Letting her see that world was such an exciting thought. She would be obsessed with the real-life version of Alexander’s car, I knew it.

“Dante is never allowed to watch her,” I said quickly as the thought entered my mind. If Anna was Alexander’s right-hand woman, Dante was the left. He was a sort of fix-it man—could do basically everything and anything at the drop of a hat—however, I did not trust that man to watch my daughter; he would probably hire someone else to do it or something.

Alexander chuckled. “Christ, no. I rarely see him, myself. He keeps to himself.”

“I want full background checks,” I said, hands on hips. Alexander nodded, as if that was a given. Honestly, Alexander was probably as protective as me when it came to Gia. It was jarring to see that love pour out of him when Gia was born; if only the media moguls saw this side of him, they would maybe stop the relentless rumors and invasions of privacy.

We all loved Alexander, of course, but he was a bit of a wild child, he had loads of money, more than I could fathom, and loved extreme sports—like driving a car at two hundred–plus miles per hour for his job, or skydiving in Abu Dhabi. An adrenaline junky who loved fame and the spotlight, but after eight years in the high-paced sport, the spotlight was becoming too much, and he had begun to slow down.

Alexander had really calmed down from his bachelorhood over the last year, even bought some land on the mountains only twenty minutes up the road from my parents’ house. Matteo could’ve done the same, but he preferred to be here with us on his breaks instead. He had an apartment in France and a home in New York, but he would always pick the family home here in the Italian countryside first for summer break. We loved summers here growing up, and I wanted Gianna to love it as well.

I started picking up around the room while Alexander held Gianna and looked out the window with her, pointing out trees. I stayed in the doorway, a hip leaning on the wooden frame of my baby’s nursery that used to be my own room as a child. The door was chipped and painted over hundreds of times, pencil marks on the edges to show my and Matteo’s heights over the years. And now a pink pencil marking little Gia’s height at only two-and-a-half years of age. My parents adored her. They were so supportive and wonderful about everything. With so much land, Gianna could have a wonderful childhood here, I knew that, of course, because my own had been the same. Dad had even offered to split off some land for me to build my own house on and have my own space, but that step felt so big and scary. I felt safe here, with my mom down the hall or my dad waking up and rocking Gianna back to sleep on hard nights. That’s why I loved it here; it was the only place that I had ever felt entirely safe. And after everything, I wanted to give that to Gianna too. A safe place to call home, to dream up anything she wanted, and to be anything she wanted. Places to go explore, endless trails, a creek to swim in, trees to read under.

“Okay, Lucia, you’re added to all the flight schedules and Anna has already booked rooms next to ours for all the stays. Also, you have been emailed a list of options for how to help with Gianna on circuit, and she even offered to help watch her and has a friend who might be able to help out too!” Matteo called out from across the hall. Alexander looked at me, offering me a smile as if to say, if Matteo wants it to happen, it’s going to happen. Alexander knew damn well I couldn’t say no to my brother.

“Anna is a wonder woman,” I shouted back. Matteo had sort of adopted Anna as his own assistant, so she now somehow juggled both Alexander and my brother. She was also one of the nicest people I had ever met. Sweet and kind, but so strong and fierce. I was never sure whether to be scared of her or in awe of her. It was a little of both, if I was being honest.

“Make sure you tell her that. She eats that shit up,” Alexander said while poking at Gia’s cheeks to get her to giggle. My own smile dropped. The circuit isn’t made for babies; this would not be easy for her or for me.

“I don’t know?—”

“You are coming,” Matteo said, walking into the room. “End of story. Mom and Dad want their house back,” he added, including the guilt trip card. “And you can run DeLuca Family Vineyards from anywhere!” After going to university for business, it was an easy decision to take over the dealings and marketing for the family business. My parents wanted to tend to the winery and the tasting rooms, creating an experience. I did the backend, the marketing, helped pick events to sponsor, and made deals with markets all across Europe. Alexander would send a proud photo from whenever he saw an end cap at the market with DeLuca Family Vineyards wine bottles on display.

“Don’t listen to him, darling, we always want you here! But you can work from anywhere, why not get out there!” My mom piped in from another room, eavesdropping on the whole conversation. It was a huge house, but somehow the whole family seemed to move in a small pack, always inhabiting the same section together. My mother, the wonder that she was, walked past holding a basket of laundry. Her light brown hair was in loose, natural waves down her back. Even into her sixties she had not one gray and kept her hair long. My dad always said he loved it wild and free, like her.

Her eyes softened when she looked at me, then glanced behind to see Alex with Gianna, a knowing smile playing on her lips as she gave me an arch of her brow. “And Matteo got us tickets for the Italian Grand Prix!” Mom added before going back downstairs.

“You leave in like three days. How am I supposed to be ready in that amount of time?” I threw my hands up.

“Whatever you forget, I’ll buy you a new one!” Matteo answered like it was the most obvious answer ever.

“I don’t want your money, Matteo!” I reached for Gianna out of Alexander’s arms. She lunged for me the minute I got close, mumbling a tired “Mama.”

“Yeah you do!” he called after me as I walked out of the playroom, upstairs to my own room.

It’s a huge undertaking, traveling with an almost three-year-old, let alone traveling with an F1 driver and his team, and being on the circuits on race days. Alexander and Matteo drove for different teams, but as far as I remembered, their paddocks were always close to one another, since they ranked closely. That was a plus for Gianna to be able to see Matteo and Alexander the whole time. I smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

“Want to go on an adventure, G?” I asked. She smiled and cheered an enthusiastic “Yeah!”

It was a huge convenience to live with my parents. Sure, I could take my father’s offer up on eventually building my own place on the land, but I liked not being alone, having my own mother when I felt like I was failing at being one myself. She was an angel on earth, that one. I loved it here, this was home . At the same time, it was deeply lonely to be here in the countryside. I felt so stuck. I had grown used to working all day and dedicating every other second of my life to Gia. I missed going out, having friends besides my annoying brother. I used to love traveling with my family, going to races, but between leaving an ex who isolated me from everyone and having a baby, there just wasn’t time for any of it.

Being alone, having so many changes thrown your way, and becoming a mother—it was hard to explain, especially to the two boys in the room with me who were so fiercely cheering me on. I needed a change, needed to do it for myself but also for Gia. She deserved a happy mother, she deserved a good life. And I knew I could give it to her. Maybe this was the start, the start of saying yes to things, to getting out of my comfort zone. My sweet girl was everything to me; blonde curly hair, bright eyes, a contagious smile, and the most bubbly personality. My mom would constantly mention how similar she was to me when I was young. My own childhood had been so bright, my parents the eternal beams of sunshine that they were, my father a sturdy rock of the family. I wanted to give that to my girl, a happy childhood, an exciting life.

“Guess we’re going on the road, G,” I whispered to her, looking into the mirror at our reflections. My blonde hair was long and wild now. The curls were doing exactly what they wanted today. If someone showed me a picture of myself from three years ago when I showed up on my parents’ doorstep so afraid of the future, I wouldn’t recognize myself. I had gained weight, finally gained some curves back, and my face wasn’t hollow anymore. It had been years since anyone had hurt me, and since I’d seen him . I was always shocked he never reached out. I expected him to maybe even show up one day. But he never did. I lived with a small amount of fear that he would, and that he would take Gia away from me. My father had walked in one day when Gia was just born, signed custody papers, Josh’s signature right there, granting me full parental rights. It hadn’t felt real, I only nodded at him with teary eyes when he leaned down to kiss my forehead. We hadn’t talked about it, no one had; I didn’t know if I even wanted to know. I just knew he was gone, according to the men in my life.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, sweetheart?” Mom asked, leaning against the doorway.

“I think some days I expect him to show up out of nowhere,” I replied honestly with a shrug.

“Oh, honey, he wouldn’t make it far.” She jutted a thumb out behind her to Matteo and Alexander.

I waved her off. “Oh please, Mom.”

“Those two would do anything for you.”

“Sure, Mom,” I replied.

“I mean it, Lucia.” She turned and left with a smile. I knew it was true, too, they loved Gianna something fierce. Any of us would move mountains for her. But it didn’t distinguish the constant fear that lingered in the back of my mind.

* * *

“Hey, Luce.” I looked up to find the brown eyes I’d come to obsess over staring back at me. Alexander was dreamy by anyone’s standards. There were thousands of fan accounts dedicated to his eyes alone, unsurprisingly.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I have to leave early, Anna says they want to add another interview before the season,” he explained. I felt the knot of disappointment since that would mean I wouldn’t see him before his first race back. We had a bit of a tradition, the three of us, before the end of break, would sit around the campfire and pull out a vintage from the wine cellars and swap stories all night before they had to leave. I was told they did it for me in the beginning to cheer me up that first summer, but Matteo and Alexander had come to love the tradition as well.

“Oh.”

“Okay, I’ll be seeing you then.” He rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Just find me before start, when you get in?” His eyes softened and he looked over to Gia. “And bring my girl with ya.”

I smiled so brightly. “Of course,” I said softly, looking at Gia, who stared at Alexander with big eyes.

”Promise?” he asked, his voice smaller than I was used to as he knelt to Gia and kissed her forehead before looking up at me. And if my heart didn’t burst at the sight of him on his knees with my daughter being so gentle and kind. I was so in over my head with this one.

“Promise.” I nodded.