Page 4 of For Life
“I had drank wine with dinner since I was a toddler, and used drugs off and on before I worked for you. I didn’t think a few drinks a couple months early would hurt,” I shrugged, “But I am twenty-one now, and have an actual license to prove it. Though not driving much in four years makes me scared of driving.”
“I understand, and appreciate you telling me the truth. Would you like a hug? I bet it was stressful to tell me that.”
Nodding, I stood and met them around the kitchen island. They wrapped me in a tight hug, both of us tall, but Shepherd wiry and soft where I was hard and broad. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Of course, you’re family.” Shepherd gave my shoulders one last squeeze before returning to making lunch, which looked like sandwiches and salad. “Was there anything else you wanted to get off your chest?”
“Yeah, actually….” The moment had arrived for my biggest news. “I plan to leave Shepherd’s Kitchen by the end of this year.”
Shepherd stopped moving, knife chopping some peppers frozen in the air as they processed my words. “I didn’t think you’d stay forever. But why now?”
“You’ve trained me so well, but my reason for leaving is two-fold,” I took a deep breath and continued with my planned speech. “You trained me so well, and I want others to get that same ability to become head baker and sous chef to you.”
Shepherd nodded, understanding and moving back to the routine of chopping veggies. “And the other reason?”
This was the part I was worried about. Not because Shepherd wouldn’t support me, I knew they would. I was nervous because it felt like a pipe dream for me. This would be the first time I’d voiced it out loud.
“I want to open my own bakery or catering business or, I don’t know, something that’s mine,” I finished lamely after rambling, finally taking a breath. But I couldn’t meet their eyes.
“Ant,” Shepherd said firmly in their Daddy voice, but I just bit my lip and stared at my clasped hands on the counter. “Hey, look at me, Ant.”
Honestly, I didn’t think I was bratty enough to resist that command, and I looked up. All I found was acceptance and a smile, allowing me to let out the breath I’d been holding. I’d said the words and Shepherd wasn’t looking at me like I was crazy.
“You don’t think I’m too young and inexperienced to open my own business?”
“Doesn’t really matter what I think,” Shepherd tilted their head with a smirk, “but I did train you for over three years to the point of letting you run my kitchen. I’ve never trusted anyone else to do that before. I think that’s why I’m feeling a bit upset. Not at you, but at the thought of losing you.”
It was such a relief to hear them say that. I didn’t want to leave them either. Shepherd’s Kitchen meant familiarity and comfort. I had a drive to make something of myself. Whether to prove it to my family or to myself, I didn’t fully know, but it had been at the back of my mind for over a year.
“I support you in anything you want to do, you know that,” Shepherd pointed their knife at me in chastisement over being afraid to tell them. “How are you doing otherwise?”
How was I doing? Noticing that Shepherd was making a handful of sandwiches and four bowls of salad, I smiled at the automatic inclusion in their lunch. With supportive friends and a boss like Shepherd, I was doing great.
“The transition from he/him pronouns to they/them is interesting,” I started, knowing what Shepherd was asking. “On one hand I feel gender euphoria when people use them, but it doesn’t feel wholly wrong to be called he/him after two decades. Hell, I misgender myself sometimes.”
“I totally feel you, and wish we could opt out of genders,” Shepherd nodded, starting to plate the sandwiches and push the salad bowls across the island. I could tell that each one was catered to each partner and mine to me. No tomatoes in one, no peppers in another, and no cheese in two. “But then I think about how hard July worked to be seen as a man and have their gender accepted during transition. Gender matters to so many, and is unavoidable in most languages.”
Nodding, I grabbed my plate from them, “Thank you. And I agree. It’s just hard to ask people to call me they/them when I forget often. I love being non-binary, and it has felt so right, but it feels like a hassle.”
“You’re worth the hassle,” Shepherd came around to grip my shoulder gently, “And you can be a He/they if that works for you. There’s no one way to do gender anymore.”
“Before I go get my boys for lunch, how are things going in the bedroom department?”
“You aresucha Daddy,” I teased, wondering how they didn’t know that about themself until that year. “It’s going slooooow.”
“And you’re such a sub,” Shepherd chuckled at my teasing and exaggerated whining. “If you want to bottom, you just have to find someone you trust, set your boundaries, and it will happen.”
“It’s just, I like being in control and fighting for dominance,” I admitted, “Casual sex where I top is fun, but boring. I just want to trust someone enough to let them win, to take me already.”
“Find someone you feel a connection with, whether sexual or just trust-wise, and get closer to them by talking and trying things out before sex is involved,” Shepherd tells me all wise-like, “and maybe come to the club to try out your kinky fantasies and see what you’re into.”
“Yeah, yeah, gotta be there to meet people who are also into more than just a quickie,” I rolled my eyes in an overly dramatic way, “And we should probably know each other’s name before building trust.”
“Now you’re getting it.” Shepherd chuckled and started walking backwards towards the bedrooms, “Put in the time and you reap the reward.”
Rolling my eyes again at their blatant Daddiness, I turned back to start eating my lunch. I might act like I wasn’t taking their advice, but I was definitely going to try it. A partner to explore things with would be just what I needed to move fully into adulthood.
Plus, the more kinks the merrier!