Page 21 of For Life
“Dad kicked me out when I got caught kissing a boy during my senior year. I begged my grandma or aunts and uncles to take me in, but my dad was the oldest and told them I needed to go to counseling. Or I could leave our family.”
Reaching across the table, I took Ant’s hand to lend my support. They threaded their fingers with mine and finally looked up at me.
“I knew I was gay, since at the time I didn’t even know my feminine side could mean anything else, and didn’t want to pray the gay away. I wouldn’t even be able to kiss a boy if I wanted to attend family weddings or baptisms. So, in all my seventeen year old wisdom, I left home and made my way south. Eventually I met Shepherd, and the rest is history.”
“I’m glad you had them to show you kindness and acceptance.”
Ant smiled shyly and let go of my hand to play his turn. We played for at least an hour, talking about our families and getting good and tipsy. When I couldn’t see the cards straight, Ant hopped up to make toast and help us sober up. After eating the bread Ant had added cinnamon to—clearly chefs were geniuses with all food— I suggested we take our conversation to the couch, because it had arms that would hold us up… and we’d be sitting closer to each other.
“So what made you realize you were gay?”
“I’m not gay,” my head lolled to the side to see Ant’s face, “I’m bisexual.”
“So am I.”
That confused me, “Because you’re non-binary?”
Taking a drink of my second, or maybe third, beer I watched Ant smirk.
“I sleep with gay men and straight men.”
My drink sprayed all over Ant’s face as I sputtered on a laugh. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, dude! Can I call you dude? You shouldn’t make me laugh when I just drank!”
“You can call me dude, but I think I need to wash my face again,” Ant laughed with me as I wiped at their face with my sleeve. “But yeah, I’m non-binary and into anyone who is masculine and has a dick, so technically bisexual. I usually go with queer.”
We looked into one another’s eyes for a long time, the sexual tension growing until I remembered how tired we both were as Ant yawned. I stood and reached for their hand.
“We should probably sleep…”
“But there’s one thing,” Ant rubbed their neck as I helped them to their feet. “Should I take the couch?”
Blinking at them, it took a bit to process what Ant meant. “Oh, no, we can share the bed. Unless you’re uncomfortable. I can take the couch.”
“No, it’s big enough for both of us,” Ant assured me they were good to share, and after washing their face I got my turn in the bathroom.
We fell into bed in t-shirts and briefs, the cabin chilly on the summer night. Pulling Ant into spooning against me, I fell asleep with them in my arms.
*****
The next morning, after waking up alone with a boner, I couldn’t help feeling like I did something wrong. Did Ant leave before I woke because they were uncomfortable? Sure, they had breakfast out for me, but Ant was passed out on the couch. Maybe they got no sleep with me in the bed. So of course I did the mature thing.
I avoided Ant all day.
It was difficult to do with only three rooms in the cabin, but I mostly spent it patrolling the woods outdoors. The likelihood of us being found was slim, but patrolling felt important. The property didn’t have fences, and I got to see a lot of wildlife like deer and squirrels. It was a beautiful location. Complete with a creek not far from the house, so clear I took a chance and drank from it. Tasted a lot better than city water.
Carrying my phone and gun, I made my way to the end of the pine-needle covered dirt road to check if there was reception. The tall trees on the property and forested area around it meant I hadn’t had any all day. In view of the main road I got to one bar and made the call. Telling my boss that I was in a hospital across the bay with my mom gave me an excuse to be unreachable, but I also wanted to hear from him if they knew Ant was gone. They did and Matlock was pissed. Captain Brown told me not to worry and to focus on my family.
When my stomach got angry at me for going so long without food or water, and a healthy dose of guilt, I headed back down towards the cabin. There were other driveways, but their houses weren’t visible from the road either. The sun hadn’t set, and I kind of wished that Ant was with me for my explorations.
Going inside, I smelled something delicious. Ant was setting the table with two bowls and spoons. Guess we were eating dinner together, so maybe they weren’t mad at me. I used the bathroom and washed up before braving the main room again.
“Hi. What’s for dinner?”
“Hi?” Ant narrowed their eyes and put hands to hips, so maybe I was in trouble? “I’m just going to ask. What the fuck is up?”
“I was out patrolling and calling in to work… I thought, maybe–” Letting out a long breath, I decided to dive in. We were stuck together, better to know. “You were gone in the morning… and we were drunk. You know I’m attracted to you, and we agreed to play, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to take advantage. Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”
Their face went from pinched with annoyance, to confusion, and then finally resolved into a smile. I was confused.