Page 29 of Flameborne: Fury (Emberquell Academy #2)

~ DONAVYN ~

Holding her while we flew was necessary . We were both spent, and wary of what was to come. We needed the comfort of remaining close, especially since duty would separate us the moment we landed at the Keep.

After that last, breathless lovemaking, we’d spoken very little.

I wondered if, like me, speaking felt less necessary now that we could sense each other.

Though, it meant I could feel her tumultuous mix of joy and apprehension.

She hadn’t hidden her concerns about the reactions we’d receive from the other Furyknights when we returned home.

But it wasn’t until the dragons came back to us and we’d harnessed them both that I sensed visceral fear from her.

There was no time to speak immediately. We needed to get the dragons moving before Akhane’s heat grew demanding again.

So, we’d mounted Kgosi together and taken off.

At first, I’d wondered if her increasing tension might have been from the necessary separation as we both harnessed the dragons, but when we were in the sky together on Kgosi, her seated in front of me and my arms around her, her tension continued to crank higher.

Wanting to soothe her, I reached forward to comb back the strands of hair that had loosened from her braid and now whipped around her face. I caught them and tucked them behind her ears, trailing my fingers down her neck, and even brushing a kiss to her neck when she shivered.

But it didn’t seem to make a dent in her fear. Had I missed something?

“Bren, why are you growing more afraid?”

She sagged. “The more I think about how their faces will look—the things they’ll say—when they hear you announce that we’re mates… I can’t help it, Donavyn. It scares me.”

My ego flinched. Did she believe I couldn’t—or wouldn’t—protect her? But I swallowed it back because I knew it went deeper than that. She wasn’t afraid of the Furyknights setting upon her in a rage in front of me. She was afraid of their ridicule and disrespect when my back was turned.

And to my frustration, I couldn’t deny that she was likely right about how many of them would see this. They had questions about bringing a woman into our ranks from the beginning.

The question was, would their prejudice pass quickly as I wanted to believe?

Bren turned her head to meet my eyes over her shoulder and the shadows in her gaze made me hold her more tightly.

“Bren, they won’t all look at you like—”

“Enough will,” she responded, her tone dead.

“There’s no way to win, Donavyn. You tell them all that we’re mates and most of them will dismiss me.

Then, if the King punishes you for it, you also lose status in their eyes.

And they blame me because the man they all admire has been pulled down for me.

Or, the King doesn’t discipline you and you retain your rank, then they all assume the only reason I’m there is for you.

I lose any respect I might have gained, and can’t get it back because I’m the General’s whore—”

“Don’t not refer to yourself in that way in my presence. Ever,” I growled. “You’re my mate. I won’t let any person cheapen you that way. Especially you.”

Her cheeks pinked and she turned back to watch Akhane, who flew slightly ahead of us. But her brow furrowed and her tension didn’t ease.

I wished I could deny any risk the men would react that way.

I did have hope that most of the Furyknights were both mature enough, and insightful enough to see that she was more than a simple toy.

But the problem was, even if I didn’t think most of the men would ever outwardly accuse her of such a thing, I knew the question would be raised in their minds.

Then she tightened her grip on my arm across her belly and sighed. “They’ll all think it isn’t real,”she said, and even though she raised her voice to be heard over the wind, her tone was so thin and cracked, I barely made out the words.

But worse, I felt her crumbling. The bond gave me access to her heart, her emotional and physical state in a way that was similar to my bond with Kgosi.

Though I couldn’t speak into her mind, or her into mine, to a degree I could feel what she felt.

And she didn’t just feel afraid. She felt sick .

Embarrassed. Humbled—and not in a healthy way.

I couldn’t see the thoughts in her head, but it wasn’t hard to decipher the direction that they took.

Then I remembered that clash she’d had with Faren, and the horrific derision he’d thrown at her.

Fucking Commander’s favorite and King’s entertainment…

Even though the little prick thought he had reason to be particularly cruel, I knew his sentiments, while invalid, were rooted in gossip that had been seeded throughout the ranks—even some of the Officers had raised it with me, though they were smart enough not to go further than implication.

But what would those men think when they heard I’d chased after her when she disappeared, and we returned bonded?

The truth was, I knew exactly what they’d think: The young ones would take great delight in deciding the salacious gossip was true, and the older ones would wonder.

And I could imagine how their attitudes towards her would shift. Even though the more mature among them wouldn’t ever speak words to her face, or repeat the accusations in company, they’d think them.

Bren was perceptive. She’d know.

There was an awful moment when I saw it in my head: My mate walking across the courtyard from the dining hall, male eyes on her back, half of them admiring and considering how to approach, the other half sneering, convinced she only walked among them because of her private duties for more powerful men.

Shit.

I reached for her through the bond, both to seek and to offer comfort, measuring her, her misery and apprehension. But that only increased my unease.

I was suddenly plagued with doubt.

Was it possible she was right? That her bid for Furyknight couldn’t survive this? Would my insistence on telling them hurt her?

Frowning, pulling her back into my chest, gratified when I felt her shoulders loosen a hair because I held her, I let myself consider her proposal that we veil the bond from others.

The thought turned my stomach, but I made myself ask: What if we kept it quiet for a time, during which she earned her pin, was raised to Furyknight, and proved herself? If the bond were revealed in the wake of that, would the gossips be silenced?

Not entirely. But partly.

Yet, I’d be sick with the deceit of it all.

And what if, instead of opening doors for her to prove herself, instead we were discovered? The gossips, or those with that baseless desire to tear her down would feed on the news.

Though I wanted to discard deception as an option, I had to admit the alternatives might be equally horrifying: My rank demoted and those loyal to me taking revenge on her.

Or, my rank sustained, but her bid for Furyknight seen as a joke—and treated accordingly. A disaster if she was sent on a mission without me. Which any real Furyknight would be.

I had a high opinion and expectation of the men in my ranks, but most were fairly young, and all were vital, domineering men. Trail a woman among them where no other women were allowed and couple that with their belief that she was the King’s secret—or my toy.

I’d bet my life that no Furyknight would ever force himself on a woman—even one who was known to sell her body.

But proposition her? Flirt? Suggest? If they believed she’d been placed among them for the sexual pleasure of men in power, some wouldn’t be able to resist trying to capture her attention—especially those immature enough to make a bid to tempt a woman away from the King or myself .

The thought of that kind of attention and pressure on my mate made my skin pull tight. I wanted to roar like Kgosi. To shield her. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to proudly present her to them with warnings that if they so much as eyed her wrong I would slit them from balls to gullet.

‘You’re very violent in your mating throes,’ Kgosi interjected smugly into my mind.

The irony was suffocating. ‘This from the dragon who will remain quiet and passive when we return to the Keep, and all the males in the stable?’ I sent back.

‘The males of the herd wouldn’t dare perk their ears at my mate. I am Primarch. She belongs to me.’

‘And if they didn’t respect that?’

‘The Creator have mercy on them,’ he rumbled in return.

I almost smirked. ‘I don’t know if I could ask for mercy. My mate fears, and a large piece of me would rather see them removed by Divine smite than have to watch her deal with their bullshit.’

‘She will face none of it alone, ever again.’

I sighed. ‘It doesn’t work like that for us, Kgosi. You know that. With our roles and our limitations, I can’t possibly be at her side every moment. She will inevitably face things alone, though I wish it weren’t so.’

‘She may face things without you at her shoulder, Donavyn. But never alone. Not now. If you cannot see that, then look again. It’s precisely as it was for you and I—distance doesn’t separate the soul. Though I may not be at your side, still we’re together.’

‘That’s beautiful, Keg. I didn’t know you were a poet,’ I teased.

‘And I’d forgotten you were a witbane, so I suppose we’re even.’

I had a moment with my dragon then. A deep, slow breath where our bonded hearts rested together.

Brothers-in-arms. Or perhaps brothers unified in joy that they’d found their mates and would never be alone again.

But it passed quickly. Because right on the heels of those pleasant thoughts reared the dilemma I’d been facing.

Would my insistence on claiming her create more pain than it healed?

‘Don’t walk in fear, Donavyn.’

Don’t walk in fear? Fear said I shouldn’t tell anyone about her, because they might hurt one of us if they know. But fear also said if I didn’t tell them, one of them might touch her, pursue her, tempt her…

I cleared my throat and Bren tensed. I hadn’t loosened my grip on her as I considered this mess, but I’d been thoughtless of the fact that she was still waiting to hear my verdict.

“I’m sorry if I startled you.”

She shook her head, looking down over Kgosi’s shoulder.

“I was thinking about all you said, Bren. Considering it. And talking to Kgosi.”

“I know.”

She didn’t say anything else. I looked out over the sky, beyond her and Kgosi, beyond where Akhane flew a little ahead of us, towards Vosgaarde and our quickly approaching future.

I could feel it rushing closer—the relentless pummeling of time passing and dragging us towards the unknown destination, whether we wanted it or not.

“Kgosi warned me not to make decisions from fear, Bren. And I’m inclined to agree with him—but I recognize that wisdom always steps with a certain level of caution. So, I’m thinking.”

She sighed heavily again and I kissed her hair. “The unknown is always intimidating, but don’t lose sight of this, Bren. Us. The dragons. The four of us will never lose what we have—no matter what.”

She made a little noise in the back of her throat and a pang of desperation ripped through the bond.

“Bren, please, trust me. I won’t let anyone—”

“No, it’s not that. I just…” She turned her head, looking at me from the corner of her beautiful eye.

“Donavyn, please. I’m thinking and talking to Akhane, too.

And I’m begging you. At least let me get through the trial and prove myself capable before they hear this!

Then at least some of them might see me as more than a toy? ”

I felt the tremulous, fragile braid of hope and fear in her and it broke my heart. Not because I’d tell her no, but because she felt that she had to beg me. God, what had that fucker done to her? And who was he?

I lifted one hand to cup her chin and keep her turned, leaned down and kissed her softly. When we opened our eyes, she was staring up at me, her brows pinched over her nose.

“Is that a yes, or a no?” she asked.

“I’m still thinking, Bren. There are so many things to be considered—not the least of which is your position even if they don’t know.

But I will tell you this, I won’t leap from Kgosi’s back and announce it the moment we land.

And neither will you. I’ll tell the King about our invaders, and make a plan.

Then, we’ll address this once the necessary work has been done.

You and I. Together. While I’m in Council with the King, I want you to gather your things and bring them to my apartment.

You’re not sleeping one more night in that damned stable.

Keep yourself out of sight on your way if you must, but you’re coming to my quarters tonight, agreed? ”

She nodded.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “I don’t know how long it will take with the King, it depends how quickly he wants to move, and in what manner.

But you have my word, I’ll come back to you as quickly as I can once I’ve informed him.

Which is another argument for telling at least the King and my peers.

Because they’ll be considerate of a bond.

Could you imagine being separated now? But what choice would we have if we kept it secret? ”

Her eyes widened and her expression fell—she hadn’t thought of that.

But then she sat up straighter, her eyes clouding. “But, if you tell the King, he might make you leave! Right when we have invaders. Or he might remove me. Donavyn—”

I held her tightly, shaking my head. “I’m not saying I will, Bren. I’m saying there’s an argument for it. We have to measure what’s best as we walk this path— together.”

“But, what if—”

“I won’t tell them without you—not unless there’s dire need. You have my word on that, Bren. I won’t let you be surprised. And you won’t face them alone. I promise.”

She sighed again, but nodded and leaned back into me as we flew on, holding each other, the dragons called back and forth, anticipating our arrival home.