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Hartley

“ M mm.” Whiffing in the scent of Liza’s cinnamon spiced hair is my favorite way to wake up.

“I love you.” I nuzzle my nose into the crook of her neck.

By the way a lazy smile spreads across her face, I can tell she’s reluctantly awake, too.

Her fuzzy socks grip around my calf and she cuddles into my shirtless chest closer than she was before.

One eye peeks open. “What was that?”

I tickle her belly, causing her to roll around the bed and wrap herself in the covers. “You heard me, Goldie.”

“So what? I want to hear it again.”

“Liza.” I pinch her side causing her to flip back over to face me. “I’ll scream it on the rooftop if you’d let me. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“I like the sound of that.” She giggles.

“Who would have thought my persistence would get me the girl of my dreams?”

Rolling those beautiful eyes, she sits up criss-cross on my bed. “You mean constant aggravation?”

I scoot up, back flush against the bed frame as I shrug in feigned ignorance. “My tendencies have grown on you, and you know it.”

“They have.”

“What do you want to do today?” Wrapping her up in my arms, I pull her to straddle me. My fingers fiddle with the ends of her hair as she stares at my bare chest, unashamed at her blatant ogling. “Finals are over. The world is our oyster.”

Biting her bottom lip, she looks distressed at the thoughts running through her head. “Why do you look stressed?”

“I don’t know if you’ll like my idea.”

“I like all of your ideas.”

“No, you don’t.”

“If you like it, I love it. Now tell me.”

“Bring me home. To your home where you grew up. I want to see everything.”

Within seconds, my mouth goes bone dry and I cough out to buy time to answer the last thing I expected her to say. My instinct is to come up with any excuse to avoid going back.

Her hands plant firmly on my chest as she continues, aware that I’m stalling. “I want it all, Hart. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”

“But. . .” My mind races, unable to articulate a response. My first reaction is to tell her no. I want to protect her from that place at all costs, but the other part of me likes the thought of replacing the fractured memories with sweeter ones.

“You aren’t that person anymore,” she assures me with a soothing voice. “We could bring Violet, too. She needs to get out.”

She’s right. Violet’s been struggling with her and Ryan’s breakup worse than any of us could have expected.

Her mind keeps her up all night. Luckily, Liza and I have been here to pick up the pieces.

I’ve always known how to help her, but everything I do makes it worse, and she’s starting to scare me.

I nod repeatedly before I can change my mind. “Yeah. I want you to see it.”

A few hours later, our bags are packed and loaded into the car.

It didn’t take much convincing to get Violet to come.

She’s terrified to stay here alone, and with the state she’s been in the past few weeks, I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her.

I booked us two hotel rooms right outside of town for the night, and we’ll head back to Springs U in the morning.

Going home is one thing. Spending the night in the four walls that forced me to grow up too quickly is another.

I don’t think I’ll ever get to a place where I’m ready for that.

Liza reaches back to squeeze Violet’s knee in reassurance. “I’m so glad we’re doing this together.” Violet cracks an almost-smile, but her hollow eyes quickly shift back out the window distracted with her racing thoughts.

My sarcasm is ready to roll. “Ready to uncover my past demons and bask in the place that single-handedly screwed me up?” I drop a tender peck on her lips with my hand on the steering wheel.

Liza shakes her head in disbelief and grabs my free hand as I shift my car into drive.

“You’re perfectly screwed up in the best way.

” I’m not entirely sure what to say to that unhinged statement.

My girl plugs her phone in and takes control of the music for the beginning part of our drive.

Her playlist is a mix of Tate McCrae, Olivia Rodridgo, Morgan Wallen, and a sprinkle of Taylor Swift’s angrier songs.

After the first few hours, Violet passes out in the back, leaned against the door with a pillow wedged under her neck, while Liza mindlessly scrolls on her phone. I glance in the rearview, to make sure Violet is still sleeping before word vomiting what’s been on my mind for a while. “Why me?”

Liza’s nose scrunches up. She places her phone in the cup holder and tucks her feet beneath her. “What?”

“Why me? What made you choose me?” My grip on the wheel tightens, and I can’t manage to look over until she answers me.

“I was scared at first. . .” She trails off before continuing. “I didn’t want to go through what I did with Layne. That breakup killed me. I started getting trashed every other night to numb the pain. It was toxic coping, and I couldn’t relive that.”

My jaw clenches as I crack my neck, a habit when I’m frustrated. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

“You’re right, but I did and I came out of it knowing I didn’t cope well.” Her hand lands on my thigh and squeezes. “I was scared of myself, but then you came along, and proved that I didn’t have to be scared anymore.”

“Tell me more.”

“I did my best to push you away every chance I had, but you still loved me through it all.” I cave and look over to her before pulling my eyes back on my road. “The little things you did for me showed me you cared even though I was giving you crumbs.”

“I’ve never been good enough,” I blurt out, not sure where that admission came from.

I know it’s true, but I’ve never spoken the words out loud.

“My mom left before I was old enough to know her. Dad stayed, but was as absent as you could be. The two people who are supposed to love you the most didn’t think twice about abandoning me physically and emotionally. ”

“Hart. . .” she mutters. “It was never about you being good enough. It was about me feeling worthy to love someone again.”

“I don’t know why someone like me gets to love someone like you. It seems unfair, like you deserve someone better than me.”

“Don’t.” Her ferocious voice comes to play. “Family isn’t always blood. It’s who we choose to show up for day after day.” She glances at a sleeping Violet, then her eyes land back on my side profile. “It’s who we vow to love no matter how much they mess up or push us away.”

Liza unlocks a realization in me that should have been clear for years.

The only family I want or need is sitting in this car.

My girlfriend, pushing me out of my emotional comfort zone to take on the hurt of my past alongside me, and my best friend, now snoring, who desperately needed a break from her own mind.

This is what family is. Not who made me, but who’s shaping my future.

“Promise me,” I let out sternly.

“I promise.”

This girl. “You don’t know what I was going to ask.”

“I don’t need to. I just promise. Whatever you need. I promise.”

My new favorite words roll off her tongue as we pull into the driveway of my childhood home.