Page 5 of Fitzwilliam Darcy An Honourable Man

Netherfield

Charles and Jane ate mostly in silence, each lost in his own thoughts of what would happen when they told William about Lizzy. Charles had related the discussion he and William had that morning, after William’s return from the cemetery.

“ Darcy, I was just about to mount a search party to go look for you.” He put an arm around his friend, leading him into the drawing room and pulling the door shut. “You have been gone most of the day. Are you well?”

“ I had to visit Elizabeth’s…” Charles knew what William could not voice. “It was not real to me until I saw for myself. Forgive me if I was inconsiderate in being gone so long, but I was invited to Mr. Williamson’s home, and we talked at length.”

Charles nodded his understanding. He was beginning to think he should have just told Darcy the entire truth and asked for his help—but no! He and Jane had agreed to wait until they were absolutely sure.

“ I enjoyed meeting Mr. Williamson.” William ventured as he stared straight ahead, focusing on something only he could see. “He was very kind.”

His small smile almost reached his eyes. “He told me tale after tale of Elizabeth as a child and young girl. He called her Lizzybet, because that is how she pronounced her name when she was small.” He shook his in head in wonder. “She was really quite unique.” A sad expression crept across his face as he stated wistfully, “He misses her, too.”

“ Mr. Williamson is a good man. I do not know how Jane and I would have coped without him.”

“ He mentioned Jane, Charlotte Lucas and many others. It seems he christened most of Meryton.” William tried to chuckle, but did not quite succeed. “I have much to ponder. If you do not mind, I would like to rest in my room today. If you want a consultation on your estate matters, I will make myself available in the morning.”

Finally Jane broke the silence. “I imagine William will want to return to Pemberley soon.”

“Yes. He mentioned talking over the estate problems in the morning, and I got the impression he was eager to finish and be gone. So if we decide to tell him, it must be done quickly.”

“From what you say, William seems devastated. Does that not signify that he would be willing to help us?” Jane’s heart began pounding rapidly. She was not sure her reaction was relief that he might help them or regret for having to involve him.

“I believe we have to go with our instincts and trust Darcy. After what I have observed, he must have been in love with her and still cares deeply.”

“I feel dreadful that we had to deceive him.” She studied her plate, pushing the food about with her fork but not eating. “And even worse to use his feelings to entrap him in this ordeal. I wish we could have handled it on our own.”

“Sweetheart, we have done our best, but circumstances dictate we must find another residence for her. Can you imagine being able to keep this from Caroline, and she is determined to come. Besides, I truly believe Darcy would want to know she is alive and help her in every possible way.”

“But that will effectively sentence him to …”

She hesitated, and Charles finished for her, “Possibly a lifetime of caring for her. He would, most likely, never marry, as no woman would accept a man who keeps another woman at his estate—and a married one, at that.”

He threw his napkin down in disgust. “And if the truth is ever revealed, people will assume she is his mistress.”

“It is a lot to ask.” Jane laid down her fork. “I am not hungry.”

Charles pushed back from the table. “Neither am I.”

He stood, reaching a hand out to her. “We will tell him tomorrow. Come, let us visit Peter. Perhaps that will lift our spirits.”

~~~*~~~

William lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to sort his feelings. He had seen her name carved in stone; it was real. Nevertheless, what his mind acknowledged, his heart still refused.

Every time he was left alone to contemplate, Elizabeth appeared—laughing and teasing. His memory replayed every conversation they had ever had. If only he had known during their earliest acquaintance that her witty replies were veiled digs at his arrogance—instead of learning her true feelings at Kent.

I wish I knew if she had at least believed my explanation for separating Jane and Charles.

His thoughts drifted to Mrs. Preston. Try as he might, he could find no feelings for her other than friendship. Though she was pleasant enough, there was nothing extraordinary about her. When she smiled, her grey eyes faded into her light complexion. They did not light up, tugging at his heartstrings, as a dark brown pair had. He realised then that her greatest appeal was the fact that, other than being an acceptable match, Mrs. Preston would not expect his love…for he would never love another woman.

Georgiana’s laughing face came to mind then. She would be greatly disappointed if he did not follow through with a courtship of her widowed sister. Did he owe her feelings at least some consideration? After all, Georgiana only had his welfare in mind, and he already knew what she would advise: The past is behind. Settle for what is right before you.

Settle. How does one teach a heart to settle for someone it does not want?

He blinked away hot tears as a pair of fine eyes came to mind, and he heard the music of her laughter. Turning on his stomach, he buried his head in a pillow just in case anyone could hear.

~~~*~~~

Stormy weather woke William hours later. It was night, and though he tried, he could not fall back into his restless dreams. For over an hour, he lay watching the deluge clearly visible through the French doors leading to the terrace. Fierce winds blew rain, leaves, and twigs sideways across the portico and bent smaller trees in half. Every so often, a succession of intense lightning strikes would flash across the sky, followed by thunder that shook the windows and doors ferociously. Nevertheless, the storm raging outside was nothing compared to the one raging inside him. Immediately upon awakening, his mind had raced to a single thought. I will never see her again.

Most painful was the realisation that Elizabeth had been dead for months, and he had not known. Over the few months since he had decided to come home to England, he had worked out what he would say were they to meet—how he would act—only to find out it had all been pointless. She was already dead, even as he practiced his lines.

His father had told him once that he knew the exact moment his mother passed. He explained that he had risen from his bed and gone into her bedroom, knowing she would not be there. The only evidence of the woman he loved was the body she had occupied while on earth. Tears rolled from the corners of William’s eyes. He remembered that night well. He had felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest when his father awakened him to go into her room and say his goodbyes. He had experienced that feeling once more when his dear father died, but never again, until now.

How could I ever have thought I was over you, Elizabeth!

No longer able to bear it, William slipped out of bed, grabbed his robe and found the shoes he wore in his bedchamber. Adding more logs to the waning fire, he stoked it until it burned hot again, then moved to the French doors, hoping to be distracted by watching the display of nature.

However, just as he reached the door, a bolt of lightning lit up the terrace, and William found himself staring into the face of a woman on the other side. Her white gown was wet and clung to her body. Some of her long dark hair was plastered around her face, but the rest blew wildly in every direction. She was extremely pale, and as her dark eyes met his, a strangled cry escaped his throat.

“Elizabeth!”

Just as quickly as the lightning subsided, it was pitch black. The encounter shocked him enormously, and he took a step back, his heart beating wildly.

Am I hallucinating? He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands before fixing his gaze once more on the glass separating him from the tempest raging beyond. It must be my imagination! She cannot be there!

Another brilliant flash of lightning appeared, and this time when the terrace lit up, he saw a flash of white flying down the steps towards the garden. Without hesitating, he unlocked the doors, throwing them open, and ran in the same direction. With his long legs it did not take him long to catch sight of her again, and in another seventy-five feet, he stopped abruptly. She had stilled, her arms stretched overhead, eyes closed and face turned skyward. Streams of tears mingled with the rain flowing down her face.

Suddenly lightning struck a tree not too far away, causing a limb to break and come crashing down. Recognising she was in harm’s way, William closed the gap between them, quickly catching her in his arms. Finding that she was truly flesh and blood and not a fantasy come to haunt him, his heart filled with joy. It took all his strength to keep from crying as he clutched her to his chest, his head buried in her hair. Then, gaining his senses, he quickly stirred, carrying her towards safety.

Elizabeth began flailing at him, trying to escape his grasp, which induced him to tighten his grip and try soothing her as he had a young Georgiana when she had nightmares, whispering in her ear. “Shhh, Elizabeth. It is Fitzwilliam. I will not hurt you. Hush, Lizzybet, calm yourself. All will be well. You are safe, sweetheart.”

He continued his soothing words, and as they reached the terrace, something seemed to register in Elizabeth’s subconscious. She quit fighting him, looking up as if she were seeing him for the first time. Then her arms went around him, and she hid her face in the crook of his neck and sobbed as if her heart would break. Stunned, he stilled for just a moment. Then recovering, he continued on through the open doors. Once inside, he kicked the doors shut and tried to set her down, but she would not let go, clinging to him fiercely.

Thus thwarted, he moved to the settee nearest the now roaring fire. Sitting down, Elizabeth in his lap, he grabbed the blanket lying across the back and wrapped it around her, taking note of her cold, bare feet. He knew she could not stay in wet clothes for long, but he hoped to gain her trust, and then summon Jane. His mind was full of questions, but his heart was so full of love, that all he could focus on was the woman in his arms. He held her tightly to his chest, rocking her gently back and forth, continuing to whisper words of comfort, even as everything he had heard and seen in the last two days raced through his mind.

Eventually he felt her grip on his robe loosen and her breath become steady. Allowing her head to slide back into the crook of his arm, he peered into her sleeping face and his breath caught. She was still beautiful, but this was not the face he remembered. She was thin and pale, which made her dark lashes and eyebrows appear black. She had blue circles under her eyes and her lips, which he remembered as the colour of berries, were pale. She looked much older than her years, and his heart broke for what she must have endured since last he had seen her.

Able to think more clearly with her asleep, he seethed with the knowledge that Charles had deceived him. To what end? And why would Elizabeth be running around outside in the middle of the night, apparently ill? His thoughts were interrupted by soft moans and his eyes darted back to her. Gathering her to his body, he lifted her gently, and carried her over to the bed. She must have been exhausted, as she did not wake when he moved her or laid her on the soft sheets.

Pulling the blanket and counterpane over her, he quickly shed the wet robe and night shirt he was wearing, replacing them with others from his closet and sat on the edge of the bed, not ready to relinquish the sight of her just yet. For several minutes, he let his fingers trace the planes of her face, pushing wet curls away from her eyes and playing with the long tendrils of hair lying on her pillow. Lifting one lone curl, he brought it to his nose. It smelled of lavender. Tears threatened as he remembered that the only time he had smelled that fragrance in a woman’s hair it had been Elizabeth’s.

Sudden loud voices in the hallway interrupted his reverie, and he realised it was time to declare her presence, as they needed to get her into dry clothes and her own bed. Then he would have a confrontation with Charles.

Charles’ Study

“You let me go through hell, thinking her dead!” William paced back and forth in front of Charles and Jane, who were also standing. “I…. I grieved at her graveside.” A strangled cry tried to escape, and he covered his face with his hands and turned, not wanting them to see his tears.

Charles and Jane exchanged tortured glances as William struggled to compose himself. Finally able to continue, he swung around.

“And you call me your friend, Charles! What evil possessed you to send for me, only to carry out this hateful charade?”

“I am so sorry, Darcy. We felt it best—”

“ Felt ?” William fumed as he stalked towards Charles, coming to a halt in his face. “What about what I felt? You do not know how I have agonised over her in the last two years, how much I have wanted to see her, to hear her laugh again.”

Jane pushed in between the two men, causing William to step back. “I know exactly! I was without my sister for those two years as well!”

“Then, if you know the extent of my agony, why would you put me through this…this pretence? Telling me she was dead and leaving me no hope!”

“She was taken from me, without so much as a goodbye, and I could not find her! Only through the kindness of a servant was she recovered, gravely ill. I would not chance that man learning Lizzy was still alive, so I insisted we tell only those necessary…those we could trust.”

“And you could not trust me?” William retorted, waving his arms about in disgust. “What a recommendation! Why did you even condescend to invite me here?”

“Go ahead! Rage at us, if it makes you feel better! But I would do it all again to protect my sister!” Jane shouted, tears now coursing down.

Charles moved beside Jane, sliding his arm around her shoulders and declaring, “We are truly sorry to have lied to you, but we felt we had no alternative. We have fostered the lie that she is dead for her own good. The Count is ruthless!”

Fearlessly, Jane stepped forward again, pleading, “You saw what we are up against, trying to keep her in her rooms. We do not have enough trusted servants to have her watched night and day. God knows Mrs. Drury cannot do it around the clock, and I cannot while also tending to Peter. Most of our servants are local people, and they have family in Meryton. Can you imagine what would happen if my mother found out? I fear that she might have sold her to that tyrant! And just today, we learned that Caroline is coming to Netherfield.”

Taking another ragged breath, she declared, “Count Stefano may stop at nothing if he finds she is alive. He thought he had killed her when he left her to burn at Northgate, so will he try to finish the job?” Having exhausted all arguments, she covered her face with her hands, and her body shook with uncontrollable sobs.

Charles turned Jane around, pulling her into a tight embrace and patted her back, trying to soothe her. His eyes locked with William’s, and calmer now, he stated with resignation, “We have tried, but we cannot keep her hidden. With Caroline determined to visit, it is inevitable that she will be exposed.”

William turned to gather his composure, feeling shame that he had taken his anger out on Jane and Charles. While their deception had been cruel, it had been done to keep Elizabeth safe. Besides, was he not, even now, thinking of how to accomplish the same thing? Taking a deep breath, he turned to face them.

“I apologise. I should have listened to your explanation before I spoke. It was just such a shock to see her. I…. I thought Elizabeth was gone forever.”

Hope appeared for the first time on the faces of Jane and Charles, and William’s voice was kinder as he ventured, “Does the woman who informed you of Elizabeth’s plight know where the count went?”

“No.” Charles sighed. “He apparently set the fire and then left the county, perhaps the country. He has not returned, as the housekeeper promised to alert us if he should. We do not know where he is now. He could be anywhere, perhaps even in Italy, where his mother was born, and he might be using another name.”

“Or perhaps he is, even now, aware that he did not succeed in killing her and is trying to find Lizzy,” Jane whispered fearfully.

Her words made William shiver. The thought of such evil ever having control over Elizabeth made him sick to his stomach.

“If it makes any difference, we had decided we would tell you the truth in the morning.” Charles’ words penetrated William’s thoughts, and he turned to see both Bingleys studying him. “It seemed you—we prayed you still cared enough about Elizabeth to...”

William knew what they intended. “You want me to take Elizabeth to Pemberley.” It was a statement, not a question.

Jane shared a glance at Charles. “Yes. Her reaction to you was astonishing. Elizabeth will not let any other man near her, not even Charles. Somewhere inside, she must feel safe with you. Even if she should escape the manor, Charles says Pemberley’s holdings are so extensive that the likelihood of her being seen by someone outside the grounds is small. Here in Meryton, she remembers all the places she used to walk, and she tries to go back there, even to Longbourn.”

William turned back to the windows and studied the storm outside. He was full of questions that needed answering.

“The last time I saw Elizabeth, she said I was the last man on earth she could ever be prevailed upon to marry. What is to prevent her suddenly remembering that she does not like me and trying to leave?”

“I can answer that truthfully, as my sister told me of your ill-fated proposal.”

William dropped his head, somewhat embarrassed that Jane, and probably Charles, knew everything that had transpired between them.

“When Lizzy returned from Kent, she was heartbroken. She told me of your proposal and admitted that her temper had controlled her response. Her wounded pride had coloured her opinion of you from the very beginning, and she was ashamed of her behaviour. After reading your letter, she understood why you felt as you did about Charles and me, though you were mistaken.”

William glanced over his shoulder to meet her steady gaze. He nodded.

“She regretted what she said. She realised too late that she was in love with you.”

William’s head lifted as his heart sank. She loved me. If only I had returned to Meryton instead of leaving for Scotland, how different our lives would have been. His thoughts flew immediately to Georgiana. She is counting on my courtship of Mrs. Preston, of my marrying and having a family.

If he took Elizabeth to Pemberley, he would be giving up the prospect of a future with another woman, and there would be no future with Elizabeth as his wife, as she was already married.

Could I settle for another woman, knowing that Elizabeth is alive? Can I live with the prospect of caring for her for a lifetime without being able to marry her?

Remembering the way his heart leaped upon seeing her, the sense of elation that overtook him and the sweet sensation of her in his arms, he had his answer. “I will take Elizabeth to Pemberley.”

Jane rushed to William, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles, as she broke into tears of joy. “Thank you, William! I shall forever be grateful to you.”

Embarrassed, William gently pulled his hand out of her grasp and took both her hands in his. Looking steadily into her eyes, he stated, “I love Elizabeth. I can do no less.”

Charles moved to put an arm around his shoulder. “We agonised over bringing you into this nightmare and are truly sorry at how you learned the truth. You have many questions, I am sure, but we are all exhausted, and for now, Lizzy is safe and sound. Why do we not meet here in the morning and discuss everything?”

William nodded, covering a yawn with his hand. “I will be able to think more clearly then, I believe.” Charles and Jane watched as he departed wearily. Stopping at the door, he glanced back over his shoulder.

“We need to have our talk very early in the morning, as I must get Elizabeth away from here before Caroline arrives.”

Jane replied, “Caroline is to arrive the day after tomorrow. I shall have Mrs. Drury’s and Elizabeth’s things packed first thing tomorrow. If you want to leave immediately after we talk, it will be possible.”

“Thank you.”

~~~*~~~

“What an awful way to discover the truth,” Jane said softly, as she reached a hand towards Charles.

“The worst,” was all he could add, as he took her hand and began leading her back to their bedroom. Lizzy was safe and all was well.

In his own bed, William rolled over to grab the still damp pillow Elizabeth had laid her head upon, breathing in the lavender scent. He held it tightly to his chest as his eyes closed, and he slept soundly for the first time since Charles had told him she was dead.

~~~*~~~