Page 42 of Fitzwilliam Darcy An Honourable Man
Going Home
The hypnotic sway of the carriage had rocked Elizabeth almost to sleep only an hour outside Liverpool, though the last time William had asked, she had insisted that she was not tired. He chuckled contentedly at the way she leaned into him. Moving his arm to wrap it around her shoulder caused Elizabeth to tilt precariously forward, so he gently pulled her back, and her head came to rest against his shoulder.
His low baritone was smooth as he whispered in her ear, “Lie down, sweetheart. Put your head in my lap and your feet on the seat. If you rest, you will feel much better by the time we stop for a change of horses.”
“But what of you?” Elizabeth murmured sleepily, yawning and rubbing her eyes. “You must be just as tired as I am.”
He laughed aloud, the deep sound reverberating through his body into hers and filling her with happiness. Smiling now, she looked back over her shoulder to study him.
And to think that I once thought him incapable of merriment!
Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by his declaration. “Surely you do not think I can lie down in this coach, sweetheart! While you sleep, I shall lean into this corner and doze as I always do while travelling.” Quickly lowering his head to nuzzle her neck, he whispered seductively, “Now, lie down and rest, my love, as I intend to keep you awake again tonight.”
Swiftly she turned her head to meet the lips now placing hot kisses on her neck, triggering another very passionate interlude. Not expecting such a response, William whirled her around so that she faced him. His eyes shown with unbridled desire, and she felt herself melting into him as he cupped her face and drew her mouth to his. If not for the driver calling out a command to the horses a few seconds later, William might have completely forgotten that they were not alone. He smiled sheepishly as he pulled back to look into her equally affected eyes. His desire had kindled hers, and she sighed audibly when he broke away.
“I forgot where we were for a moment.”
“I … I forgot as well, my darling,” Elizabeth murmured, resting her forehead against his. With such close proximity, their lips could do naught but join again, though this time there was not the previous urgency. After several minutes of deliciously tantalizing kisses, William loosened his grip and lowered her to lie in his lap.
“Rest, my love.” One hand tenderly smoothed her hair. “Rest,” he murmured with an exhaled breath.
Soothed by his tender caresses, Elizabeth closed her eyes. Last night had been both infinitely satisfying and totally exhausting. William was right—she should rest while she had opportunity.
As he observed the rise and fall of her chest, it was not long until William realised that her breathing had become steady. Once he was convinced she was soundly asleep, he reached into his pocket to retrieve the letter that had fallen out of Elizabeth’s Bible just before they were wed. Though it had been forgotten in the euphoria of last night, he had caught sight of it when he had donned his coat this morning. And while he intended to return the letter, he wished to read it through once more before confessing that it had fallen into his hands. Written two years ago, he was unsure if he remembered correctly what he had said and was equally worried that he had.
Pulling the familiar paper from its hiding place, he noted first that it was well worn, almost falling apart at the folds, evidence that she must have read it often. His eyes flicked to Elizabeth’s face, serenely beautiful in sleep. Determining that she was indeed unaware, he began to read the words that he had written in anger so long ago. The further he read, the more ashamed he was of his arrogance. Every word had been fashioned to defend his position with absolutely no concern for her feelings. Finishing the first page, he was convinced that she must have hated him more with every examination of it. But, as he moved the page to read the second, he discovered that someone had written on the back of the first.
Immediately, he recognised Elizabeth’s delicate script, and his breath caught at the tenderness contained in the greeting.
My Fitzwilliam,
I blush to consider what you would think if you learned that I used that endearment in regards to you. But use it I shall, as I know you will never read these tender words from my contrite heart.
I am equally confident that it would shock you to find that your words have kept me sane during my long ordeal. I have been allowed no correspondence with my dear Jane, and your letter has been my only connection with one who cares for me—or once did. How often have I read it with the deepest of regrets!
I confess that I cared for you from our earliest acquaintance, and your statement that I was merely “tolerable” hurt me deeply. Thus wounded, I set out to find fault with your every deed. But no matter the number of imperfections that I laid at your feet, you always conducted yourself like a gentleman—even when you realised that I had heard the remark and apologised with kindness. Would that I had considered that kindness before I rejected your offer!
For after refusing your offer and returning to Longbourn, I was bargained to a man of no scruples, no kindness—a man I cannot respect—by my own mother. His hands never reach to me in kindness but instead are weapons used to force my submission. Even as he echoes my mother’s words of my unworthiness to be a gentleman’s wife, I have only to read this letter to be reminded that you once found me worthy of being yours. Reaffirmation of my value from a good and decent man has kept me from ending it all, though I was very near doing so many times. So, you see, you have been my saviour unawares.
I cannot say why I felt a great need to pen this reply. I suppose it eases my conscience in a small way, and I would beg you to indulge my folly were it possible to speak to you.
I can only end my letter in the same benevolent manner as you did your own. I ask the Lord to bless you, kind sir.
Elizabeth
By the time William had read the letter completely, tears threatened, and he swallowed hard to keep them in check. Glancing down upon the beautiful face of his wife, his heart shattered anew for all she had endured because of his failure to act. He leaned down to press a soft kiss on her forehead, and in her sleep, she smiled. The serenity on her face brought him a small measure of comfort, and he closed his eyes to make a vow.
Never again my love! Never shall you know the pain of not being loved and cared for—as long as I live! I swear this to you!
As though she had heard his silent oath, Elizabeth was staring up at him when he opened his eyes again. Her brows furrowed as in a sleepy voice, she whispered, “Whatever is the matter?”
Unhappy that he had once again caused her to worry, he pulled her back up and into his embrace with such intensity that she could barely breathe. Overcome with emotion, he murmured hoarsely, “Have I told you today how much I love you, Elizabeth Darcy? How much I have always loved you?”
Lying against his chest, his rapidly beating heart drumming in her ear, Elizabeth discerned the need in his voice and clasped him tighter. “You have, my darling, but I long to hear it again.”
Subsequently bestowing warm kisses over every conceivable place on her face and neck, he whispered the words she never tired of hearing between each token of his affection. “I love you. I shall always love you.”
When at last he found her mouth, he made a great effort to control his ardour, kissing her tenderly then situating her under his chin and gently running his hands up and down her back. Comprehending that he was trying to find the words to speak, Elizabeth lay perfectly still against him. Shortly thereafter, William began to share with her how he had found the letter and read her reply. Once finished, he lifted her chin so that he could look into the dark brown pools that had imprisoned his heart so long ago, willing her to understand.
“I realise now that there was never a moment that I did not love you, Elizabeth, though I was too stubborn and foolish to admit it. Be assured that I will love you until the last breath leaves my body. No! If God allows, I shall love you better after death—even throughout eternity!”
She wept, too affected to speak for some time, and finally murmured brokenly, “I never dreamed you would read what I wrote, but it is true. I loved you from our first encounter, and in spite of the terrible consequences of my refusal, my love and respect for you never wavered—nor shall it ever.”
The rest of the journey was punctuated by kisses and whispered endearments, which kept them well occupied until they caught up with the rest of their party at the last inn they would inhabit before reaching Pemberley.
Netherfield
The Drawing Room
“Janie!” Charles shouted, hurrying into the room with a letter held high in the air. “We have heard from Darcy! The count is dead, and the long ordeal is over! Lizzy is safe at last!”
“Thank the Lord!” Jane exclaimed leaping to her feet. “When are we to see Lizzy?”
Charles read over the missive again as Jane waited impatiently. “According to Darcy, they will marry in Liverpool and then return to Pemberley. In fact, they are most likely already man and wife as we speak!”
Charles ended his speech in front of his wife, where he picked her up, swung her around, and kissed her soundly before putting her down. Suddenly realising what he had done, he stopped abruptly to peruse her swollen belly. “Forgive me! Did I hurt you? Are you and the child well?”
“Nonsense!” she replied, giggling with happiness. “I am not fragile, Charles. Now, permit me to read what William has written.”
Charles handed over the letter, content to watch his wife’s eyes light up as they followed each line. “How romantic! It seems that Lizzy was the instigator. She did not want to wait to be married, and fortunately, Mr. Williamson was in attendance. Oh, we must go to Pemberley straightaway so I can see her now that she is well!”
Promptly heading towards the door, she spoke aloud to herself. “I have so much to do—packing to oversee, letters to write, people to inform, and deciding what I shall bring for Peter.”
As she continued, naming everything that she had to accomplish, Charles called out to her, causing her to stop in mid-stride. With a small amount of annoyance, she turned to learn just what her husband needed while she was so busily planning. The twinkle in his eye surprised her, and he chuckled softly at her dismay. She was not amused, lifting one eyebrow in a show of displeasure.
“Perhaps you would like to take Peter back to the nursery before you begin?”
Jane’s gaze immediately dropped to the large basket of clothes sitting next to the sofa. It contained items that needed mending, and she had been working on them when he arrived. On top of the clothes lay her firstborn, fast asleep. Blushing to think that she might have forgotten him, she hurried back to the basket. Never intending to allow her to pick him up in her condition, Charles took up the task. Peter never stirred as his father lifted him, holding the babe gently to his chest while he snored lightly.
“How could I have forgotten one so dear?” Jane lamented, softly stroking her baby’s angelic face.
“Blame it on the fact that you were thinking of the return of another who is dear to you—one that has been returned from the dead as it were. That is all, sweetheart.”
Jane leaned in to place a soft kiss on Charles’ lips, and when she pulled back, she recognised the look in his eyes and smiled slyly. “I do not have to see to the packing this very moment.”
“Do you suppose Peter will sleep for another hour?” he ventured eagerly.
“I just imagine that he will.”
With Jane’s arm wrapped securely around his, they made their way up the grand staircase, first to the nursery where Charles placed Peter in his bed under the watchful eye of his nurse, and then, with hands clasped, to their own bedchamber. And for the next hour or more, they forgot all their cares as they celebrated the joys that came with being married to someone you dearly love.
An inn on the way to Derbyshire
“There you are, Cousin!” Richard strode forward to clasp William’s hand as he and Elizabeth stepped down from the coach a good hour after dark. If not for the torches along the front of the inn, it would have been pitch black, as the clouds obscured the moon. On the breeze, the smell of rain in the distance made Elizabeth take a deep breath of fresh air.
“I was beginning to think I should send a search party out to find you!”
His eyes danced with delight as William scoffed, “Considering how late we left Liverpool, we made good time. I was determined that we would arrive tonight before the rain, as I want to reach Pemberley with the rest of you tomorrow.”
Richard lifted his brows in mischief. “Were you afraid of the tales I would weave if I returned to Pemberley before you?”
William smiled knowingly. “No, I was afraid that if I did not reach this far tonight, you might decide to wait for me in the morning and ride back in my coach. As it is, I can now rest assured that you will travel with the others, and Elizabeth and I will be alone again tomorrow as we travel.”
Richard grabbed his heart with both hands. “I am wounded!” Glancing over William’s shoulder, he addressed Elizabeth. “Do you see how this reprobate treats his relations? Would that you had known this before you married the scoundrel!”
Elizabeth’s musical laughter filled the night air, instantly reminding Richard of the young girl he had met two years ago at Rosings. Taking in her lovely appearance, he thought of how far she had come since William had brought her into his home—into his heart. Elizabeth Bennet had come back to life! No, it was Elizabeth Darcy who had risen from the dead.
His musings were interrupted by Elizabeth’s impertinent retort. “I have firsthand knowledge of his kindness and generosity, sir. I shall never be dissuaded from my regard for him.”
William smiled lovingly at his bride as Richard stepped aside to motion them on into the inn. “Then so be it, milady. Since you have been hopelessly hoodwinked by my cousin, there is nothing I can add, except to say that I wish you both joy!”
Elizabeth placed her hand around the arm that William extended, and they proceeded inside to find a clerk giving directions to several servants, while their trunks were being carried up the stairs by William’s footmen.
Trying to hide a smile, William enquired, “Why are the others not here to greet us? Are they already asleep?”
“You have guessed correctly. They have long since succumbed to fatigue—neither is able to endure such weariness as often follows a career such as mine. Only an experienced officer could withstand such incessant travel and still function admirably at this hour.” At William’s raised brow, he guffawed, “Or a newly married man!”
“You should not have waited up either,” William offered. “But I must confess that it was good to see your smiling face when we emerged from the coach.” Richard shrugged at the tribute.
As the newlyweds started up the stairs, William threw a question over his shoulder. “Were you able to get us a suite?”
“Yes, though you shall be sharing it with me!”
Stopping in the middle of the stairs, William turned, his face now sporting a frown. Enjoying himself immensely, Richard commenced to explain. “There were only so many rooms left when we arrived. The suite has two bedrooms with a sitting room between, so I told them I would take it!”
Because Richard had signed the register when he arranged for the room, the staff had no idea if the couple newly arrived were married, other than by their affectionate manner. And since Elizabeth wore gloves, there was no ring to placate their uncertainty. Thus the maid escorting their party coloured a bright shade of red at the mention of just who would be sleeping where.
Richard, having seen her disquiet, was much too amused to desist. Thus, he waited until she had escorted them inside the sitting room to say solemnly, “I just assumed that you and I would share a bedroom, Darce.”
William choked as he swallowed, causing him to strangle a cough and Richard added, “Surely you do not expect the young lady to share!”
The maid was so taken aback that she immediately ran out of the room, slamming the door and causing Richard to laugh uproariously. William’s first inclination was to be angry with his cousin for letting the maid think that Elizabeth might not be his wife, but as he glanced Elizabeth’s way, he saw that she was not angry in the least. Her shoulders were shaking, and she covered her mouth with both hands, trying desperately not to make a sound. Meeting her eyes, they both laughed out loud, while Richard joined their merriment.
Hearing the occupants of the suite laugh so stoutly after she pulled the door shut, the maid gasped. Then she quickly went in search of the other night maid, wishing to share her experience with the party in the expensive suite with someone who would understand.
Finding Henrietta in the kitchen, she went through the entire tale before adding, “All I can say is that the lady did not look in the least offended at their discussion of the number of beds available.”
Henrietta shook her head knowingly. “I do not believe I shall ever understand these rich folk.”
Back in their bedchamber, William made a mental note to make certain that the entire staff of the inn would know he and Elizabeth were married before he had departed the next day. Perhaps adding a bonus for the first-rate service rendered on their return home from their wedding would serve the purpose.
Later that night
Alone in their bedchamber, Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed listening to the sounds of the inn as she awaited William’s return. He had stepped out to have another word with Richard, suggesting she prepare for bed and promising to be back shortly. As good as his word, he returned in a few minutes and began his preparations for bed, completely unaware of what had transpired whilst he was gone—something fated to affect him tremendously.
As Elizabeth had been waiting, the couple in the next room began to argue, and while she could not hear all the words, she could hear enough to be embarrassed for them as well as for herself. Apparently the walls were paper thin. That fact, along with the knowledge that Richard, Mr. Williamson and Evan were somewhere close by, caused her to reassess the activities that William had planned for that night.
As he slid into the bed beside her, she ran her fingers over his cheek. “Darling, perhaps—just for tonight—it would be wise for us to refrain from—” She stopped whispering, trying to judge his astuteness in ascertaining what she was trying to say.
Not liking the turn of this conversation, William tilted his head to study her. “From?”
“You know very well what I am talking about,” she replied softly as he pulled her towards him.
Seeing that she was serious, he stopped and his brow knit. Surely she was not suggesting…
She scooted even closer, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest as she related what she had heard through the walls. “My concern is that if you are half as vocal as you were in the cottage—well, I do not relish the entire inn hearing your oaths of love. How would I ever face your family, much less the other guests, in the morning?”
Trying to be understanding, William had to admit that even he would not want their lovemaking broadcast throughout the inn.
Smiling wanly at the look of concern in her eyes, he proffered, “Do not worry, my darling. It will not be easy, but I am a not a beast, and I can certainly abstain for one night. Just allow me to hold you.”
So spooning together, her back to his chest, they closed their eyes with the best of intentions. But good intentions often go awry. Needing the touch of her bare skin, he reached down to pull the hem of her gown up and over her head.
“William?”
“Just let me touch you, and I shall be satisfied.”
His hands slid around to cup her breasts, believing surely that would satiate his desire for intimacy. He was quite mistaken. Almost as though they had a mind of their own, his fingers began to slowly manipulate each soft mound until the centres hardened.
“Darling,” Elizabeth whispered, writhing against the arousal that had announced its presence by poking her. “We should not.”
Her words stopped completely when he palmed both generous breasts and began to place hot, wet kisses along her neck and shoulders. A sharp intake of breath announced her most willing compliance.
William’s voice was filled with desperation as he murmured, “Can we not make love very quietly? No one will suspect a thing if we do not make any noise.”
Wanting him as desperately as he wanted her, Elizabeth replied hoarsely, “I shall not make a sound if you do not.”
No further encouragement was needed and, not bothering to have her turn around, he quickly lifted her leg to lie atop his before he guided his shaft into her. The novelty of this position and the knowledge that they must be secretive only heightened their pleasure. The dilemma was—as their enjoyment increasingly rose—so did their exclamations of affection. And by the time they were in the throes of ecstasy, neither was concerned with what anyone might hear.
Afterward, they fell into a profound, restful sleep, so deep that neither knew that a thunder storm had developed and raged into the early morning hours. Only the considerable noise of servants pushing carts in the hallways the next morning succeeded in awakening them.
~~~*~~~
In the light of day, both Darcys were a little discomfited to realise that they had made considerably more noise than they had intended during their secretive activities of the night before.
“William? Do you suppose anyone ...” Elizabeth’s voice faded as William’s head instantly swung around and his gaze met hers. She was blushing a becoming shade of rose.
“No! And we shall not give anyone the chance to gloat, especially Richard.”
Elizabeth puzzled over her husband’s contradictory statements, but he only continued to make them. “Keep your eyes averted. No one can disconcert us if we do not acknowledge them.”
Now fully dressed, they left the room to join the others. With their eyes lowered and their faces devoid of any expression, they arrived in the common dining room to find Evan, Richard and Mr. Williamson already there, breaking their fast. At their arrival, the three glanced up and then quickly back down, though William chanced to see a hint of mischief cross Richard’s mien, before it quickly faded.
A bit of playful banter was exchanged as William and Elizabeth sat down at the table, but the men were very conscious of Elizabeth’s presence, and none would dare say anything that would make her uncomfortable. After they all had eaten and the trunks had been loaded, the party filed out of the inn into the early morning light, anxious to board the coaches.
As Evan and Mr. Williamson entered their coach, William assisted Elizabeth into theirs and was about to climb aboard when he felt a hand tugging on his arm, keeping him from taking the step. He turned to face Richard, who had made sure that Elizabeth was securely inside before he began to pull his cousin a few feet away. Finally William halted, the look on his face a confirmation that he would go no farther.
Richard kept his voice low as he stated very seriously, “I hate to bring this up, but I am afraid that I had to inform the proprietor that I was somewhat dissatisfied with our accommodations. In fact, I threatened not to pay for the room!”
William was afraid to ask to what he was referring so Richard leaned in closer as though sharing a state secret.
“I told him that the walls are much too thin, as I could clearly hear other people saying their prayers!”
Suddenly remembering what Elizabeth had cried out in the throes of passion, William schooled his face to show neither recognition nor pride, the latter having surfaced unbidden.
“I was trying to sleep. It was the middle of the night, and suddenly a woman shouted, ‘my Lord in heaven’ only it came out as one word … my-lord-in-heaven! Whatever do you suppose she was praying for, Darce?”
William never replied, nor did he glance back at his guffawing cousin as he strode back to his coach, climbed in and sat down next to Elizabeth. But inside, he was smiling.
Seeing her quizzical expression, he offered, “Richard wanted to know if he was staying at Pemberley or Rosewood Manor when we reached home.”
“And what did you tell him?”
“I told him that he was welcome to visit Pemberley, but he is staying with the Ingrams until I decide that the honeymoon is over!”
The sound of the horses being whipped into action covered Elizabeth’s giggles as she turned in the seat to face William, nuzzling into his neck before laying her head against him and closing her eyes as his arms encircled her tightly. Never would she learn what Richard had said regarding her cries of pleasure. Nor would she know that William was torn between being exceedingly proud and being slightly embarrassed that they had been heard.
~~~*~~~