Page 1 of Fitzwilliam Darcy An Honourable Man
Netherfield
1814 March
Charles Bingley nervously ran his hands through his hair, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Lizzy was supposed to be in her rooms, but once again they had found her on the terrace staring out into the night. “Is she asleep?”
“I think so. I cannot tell anymore.” Jane sighed wearily, her blue eyes filled with worry. “She pretends to sleep, but Mrs. Drury informed me that she gets out of bed as soon as I leave.”
“It is difficult to judge if it is any better. She does not speak, and she clutches that doll...” Charles’ voice trailed off. He did not want to add to the upset his wife was already suffering.
Jane took a ragged breath. “True, she does not speak, but what concerns me more is that she will not look me in the eye. She seems to be in a daze. The only time I have been able to elicit a response is when she does not want to do something. Then she will resist, shaking her head no and pulling back. As for the doll, she will not let anyone take it from her. Mrs. Drury has tried to remove it while she sleeps, but she panics if she wakes, and it is not in her arms. I truly do not understand the significance of the doll... nor any of it.”
Silent tears slid down her cheeks, causing Charles to take his wife in his arms and gently rock her back and forth. “Calm yourself, my love. It will not help for you to get so distressed again.”
“If only I knew what happened. It breaks my heart to make Lizzy do anything she does not want, after that savage...”
She could not continue, and Charles held her tighter, whispering words of comfort until she sniffled and pulled back to look into his face. “I do not know how much longer we can hide her, and if he were to find out that she is still alive...” she shuddered. “I would simply die if he came for her.”
“I know. We have to think of a safer arrangement. Your mother has almost found her several times, since she persists in coming to the house unannounced. Then there was the dance at the assembly hall. How in the world did Lizzy get out of the house and walk that far without having anyone come upon her?”
“I have no idea how she eluded Mrs. Drury to escape the house that night, but Lizzy is used to walking. You know that, Charles.”
“Is there something else we can do? More locks on the doors?”
“We have locked her doors, but she just knocks one of the small window panes out of the balcony door and unlocks it. I refuse to board up the windows. It would break her heart not to be able to see outside, and I would be fearful of a fire. I think she goes out of doors because she misses the freedom of walking.”
Charles ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “But we cannot let her walk about just anywhere. She might be seen and now there are all these silly rumours about a ghost outside the assembly hall, all because Lizzy walked about in plain view, howbeit at a distance, and Miss Paulson saw her. If she had not screamed and run back into the room, scaring Lizzy away, well, I fear she would have been discovered that very night!”
“I realise that we came close to being found out, but we have managed to keep her safe here at Netherfield for five months. It is hardest on Mrs. Drury, poor thing. She hardly gets any sleep. Lizzy is just as likely to ramble around in the middle of the night as during the day, but we cannot risk bringing anyone else into our confidence.”
Jane began to cry softly. Charles slipped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest and patting her on the back. “We will find a way. Lizzy shall be safe, even if I have to buy a house far out in the country and hire someone to care of her.”
“I do not want her to be where I would worry over her safety. If only we could get Mr. Darcy to…” Jane’s whispered hopes ended abruptly.
Charles stiffened and pulled back to look in her face. “I cannot believe I have not heard from Darcy. Even if he could not help us, he could at least have answered my letters.”
Suddenly his eyes flashed. “Why did I not think of this before? I shall write to his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and ask whether or not he knows if Darcy is in residence at Pemberley.”
“Charles, I told you that Lizzy was truly sorry for refusing Mr. Darcy’s proposal, and I imagine that he was very hurt too. Do you think he did not return because he thought he would have to see her? She was so sure that he hated her.”
“I do not think Darcy has it in him to hate anyone and especially not Lizzy, but perhaps he felt it better not to open old wounds. After all, he had no idea she was missing.”
Charles seemed to mull over the reason he had not heard back from his oldest friend. “It is unlike Darcy not to give me an answer. I have heard nothing since that letter he sent last year from Scotland. Surely he has returned to Pemberley by now.”
“I would be willing to move elsewhere in order to keep Lizzy safe.”
“And I would move anywhere for you, my love.” Charles leaned in to give her a kiss. “Now it is late, and she is safe for this night, at least. Let us get some rest, as young Master Peter will be up early looking for his mama.”
Jane slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. “Yes, and his mama will want to see him, too.”
Onboard a ship from Ireland
1814 April
It was eerily dark aboard the creaking vessel, the moon having gone behind ominous black clouds. Rain, which he could smell already, was headed their way, but it had not begun just yet, and Captain Burris was thankful for that as he pulled his cap down over his ears. The wind, however, had picked up, and he had trouble keeping his balance as he moved along the starboard side. Just as he stepped around a load of cargo lashed to the deck, he was startled to see someone, a passenger judging from his clothes, leaning on the rail, bracing himself against the rocking of the ship. It was a rare occurrence to find a passenger awake at this time of the morning, much less above deck, where the waves washed over the sides of the ship in stormy weather.
Shaking his head in annoyance, he moved to warn the man of the danger before stopping abruptly. It is Mr. Darcy.
Though Fitzwilliam Darcy had never been outgoing, over the years, they had become acquainted and shared a few conversations regarding the stars, currents and navigation as the taciturn man travelled to Ireland and back, visiting his estate. However, the gentleman from Derbyshire had been so reclusive on this voyage, keeping to his cabin even during the day, that Burris had wondered about his apparent change of character. Deciding he had better leave well enough alone, the elderly captain moved on towards the bow.
He never takes kindly to my warnings. I hope the man can take care of himself in the coming storm.
~~~*~~~
Fitzwilliam Darcy was going home. It had taken a long time, but he was certain now of one thing—he could meet her as an indifferent and common acquaintance. He had conquered the steady ache in his heart, and he no longer thought of her every waking moment. He could go for days without waking in the middle of the night, wet with sweat and heart pounding, as dreams of their last argument tormented him anew. He was almost free of her at last!
He had decided that when he arrived home, he would write Bingley. Perhaps Charles might mention her without any prompting, since she was probably his sister now. It had been almost two years, and she was most likely married…quite possibly a mother. Those circumstances would only strengthen his resolve, and he half hoped to have it confirmed. Knowing with certainty that she was lost to him forever would reinforce what he had determined in his heart.
I no longer love you, Elizabeth!
Taking a deep breath of the sea air, he turned to go back to his cabin. Tomorrow they would dock in England, and within a week, he would be at his beloved Pemberley.
Pemberley
One week later
“Oh, William!” Georgiana exclaimed as she slid gracefully off her horse, throwing the reins to a nearby footman. Her feet had barely touched the ground before she sprinted towards him, her golden hair flouncing about her shoulders and her dark blue eyes sparkling with joy. “You are home! You are home!”
Her actions and demeanour were so reminiscent of her as a child that William could feel tears filling his eyes. Unaware of the effect she was having, she never slowed, eventually running into him. Having braced himself against the impact, he caught her flying form and whirled around with the momentum, then sat her back on her feet as she giggled and he pulled her close.
“Evan will be furious with you,” he murmured in her hair as his head lay atop hers. “Does he know you are here? I heard him say often enough that he does not want you riding so far on horseback, and it is ten miles to Rosewood.” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled back to look at her with an expression of unabashed love. “Just let me look at you! Do you know how much I have missed you?”
He leaned in to kiss her forehead and then promptly clasped her in another tight hug before she could answer, content just to have her in his arms. They stood that way for a long time before he straightened.
“Have you been well?” The tone of William’s voice asked the question he could not. Georgiana had suffered two miscarriages since her marriage three years ago and had not been with child again.
Schooling herself not to show any concern, she answered as happily as she could muster, “As I have answered each query in each letter since you went away, I am well and happy... except for missing you.”
William chuckled. “And that scoundrel of a husband of yours?”
Georgiana giggled. “The scoundrel is well. I imagine Evan will be along shortly to find me.”
Her face quickly sobered when she pulled back to look at him closely. She realised at that moment what had not been obvious at first sight. He had lost weight, causing his clothes to hang on his large frame. He had lines across his forehead and around his eyes, which were dull and without the sparkle that had been there before. Even more shocking was the recognition that his almost black hair was beginning to gray dramatically around his face. It took everything she possessed to speak without letting her voice quiver.
“And you?” She took his hands, and her eyes searched his to find the truth. “Are you well, truly?”
“I am,” he responded almost too quickly, his eyes darting away. Then he began to shift from one foot to the other, feeling self-conscious under her steady gaze.
“You have aged,” she said solemnly.
“Well, that is a fine thing to say on my first day home!” He forced a smile, trying to cheer her. “Thank you for making me feel as old as I obviously look!”
He actually felt years older—unresolved heartache having taken its toll, physically as well as mentally—nevertheless, he had hoped Georgiana would not notice so readily. When he glanced back, he was surprised to see her eyes flash in annoyance.
“I care not if you are offended. I knew it would not be good for you to spend all that time alone, and I can see that I was correct.” Softening her voice, she reached up to cup his face. “Have you come home for good? No more running away?”
William started to protest that he had not run away, but he checked himself. That would be a lie. His face fell at the revelation.
“Will, promise me that you will stay home—or at least stay for a long time.”
He stood silently contemplating his next words, then sighed heavily. “I have come home to stay. Except for trips to London or those necessary for business, I will be at Pemberley.” She watched the corners of his mouth lift slightly. “What say you, Gigi, to settling in the drawing room with a cup of tea to review our accomplishments while we have been separated?” The use of his pet name for her made her smile, in spite of her frustration.
“I say lead on, Fitzy!” He grimaced at the appellation she had given him when she was too young to pronounce Fitzwilliam .
“I wish you would come up with another term of endearment.”
“Oh, but that would not be you! You will always be Fitzy to me!”
Giggling at his discomfiture, she took his offered arm and stepped onto the first of the many steps leading to the front door. As they attained the top and crossed the portico, Mr. Walker, the elderly butler, threw the door open, greeting them and taking their coats.
“Good morning, Mrs. Ingram,” Mr. Walker said enthusiastically. “It is so good to have you back again! I know you are just as thrilled as we are to have Mr. Darcy home.”
“Yes, Mr. Walker,” Georgiana said, leaning her head against William’s shoulder, “I am extremely pleased to have my brother home.”
~~~*~~~
They spent the better part of the afternoon sitting side-by-side, holding hands. Georgiana listened raptly as William told her about his eight-month stay at the estate their father had purchased years before in Scotland and the subsequent twelve months he had spent in Ireland at the estate he had inherited from their grandmother.
He related all the particulars—the repairs and improvements to the mansions, the various servants and the changes he had made in staff. She marvelled as he rattled off names of people and places and then figures, including the number of servants, tenants, crop yields and income. She was not actually absorbing the information as much as she was silently admiring his ability to remember so much. It was a long time before she interrupted him to speak.
“Oh, my poor, dear brother,” she murmured, stretching towards him to kiss his cheek. “It is a miracle that you can keep it all straight. You have so much to attend.”
“I do not mind.” He seemed dispirited, even as he tried to smile. “I would rather keep busy.”
She cupped his chin, pulling him around to face her, and the sadness in his sky blue eyes broke her heart. “I fear I must ask. Will you ever tell me why you felt compelled to leave?”
He stood and walked over to the windows, clasping his hands behind his back. It was quite some time before he spoke softly. “The reason no longer exists, and I would prefer not to speak of it, as I do not want to be dragged down into that well of despair again.” He turned to look over his shoulder. “Can you understand, Ana?”
She nodded, standing to move beside him and slipping an arm around his waist. “I understand, but please know that if you ever feel you need to tell someone the reason, I will listen. I love you, William, and I am so truly happy you are safely home.”
“I love you, too.” He turned then, taking her into his arms and kissing the top of her head. “Having you for a sister was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
She smiled. “I surely hope you have better things happen to you in the future—like finding the right woman and getting married.”
“Georgiana Ingram! What are you about? Do I now have to contend with your playing matchmaker as well?” He asked in mock horror, his hand over his heart.
“Well, you know Evan’s step-brother died over a year ago in a hunting accident. His widow, Cecile Preston, is coming to stay with me next week. We are having a dinner party and…”
“Stop!” he retorted. “I think you are getting too far ahead! Let us go back to I am truly happy you are safely home!”
Rosewood Manor
One week later
The dinner party
Evan Ingram was very much his own man. Tall, blond, blue-eyed and quite handsome, he was muscular from years of fencing and riding. He had been quite the eligible bachelor when he stumbled upon a rider-less horse one afternoon on the road to Lambton. Looking around, he found that Fitzwilliam Darcy’s little sister had been unseated by a disagreeable animal. At that point on, the man who had fancied himself never marrying but living the life of an adventurer, changed course. Tonight was just one of many occasions that he thanked his lucky stars that he had.
He watched as his wife proved, once again, to be the consummate hostess, moving among their guests and making everyone feel special and welcome. She looked especially beautiful tonight in her new blue gown, and his chest swelled with pride to know that she was his.
He turned then to locate her brother among the crowd. Darcy had just returned from almost two years in Scotland and Ireland, and Evan wondered what demons had driven him that far from home. He had known the man all his life, not that they had ever been close. He was two years younger than Ana’s brother and was always too ill-behaved for Darcy’s taste. Always so serious, Darcy was the kind of boy who tried to please his father, whereas Ingram was the kind who tried his father’s patience. Only since he had been drawn to the beautiful Georgiana, had he finally gotten to know the man he once considered dull. His brother could be reserved, but he was also kind, generous and sometimes very witty.
Evan Ingram smiled over the top of his glass of punch as he located him among the crowd. His brother seemed to be trying not to appear interested in any of the women eyeing him. In fact, he had found a convenient corner in which to hide just as soon as dinner was finished. So far, he had danced only with Georgiana and two older married women and was trying to fade into the wallpaper. Seeing his disconcertment, Evan decided to join him and do what Georgiana asked him to do—but only on his own terms.
As he came to a stop by Darcy, his eyes roamed the room to locate Cecile, and finally he found her standing on the other side of Georgiana. Her face was turned towards his wife, but her eyes were on Darcy. Evan smiled to himself. His step-brother’s widow was no beauty, but she was not ugly. In truth, she was pleasant though mostly plain, and at six and twenty, she was eager to find someone interested in offering marriage.
When Cecile appeared on their doorstep two days ago, her year of mourning had ended several months before. With Georgiana’s letter touting her brother’s return to England, Cecile had made hasty plans to visit. There were eligible men in London, but the most recent gentlemen to take notice of her had only been interested in her fortune. Besides, the opportunity to be in the company of Fitzwilliam Darcy was just too tempting. Though never introduced, Cecile spoke often of seeing him at the theatre and opera years before and told Georgiana that she had been captivated by his tall, dark figure even then.
“Ana is hopeful that you will form an attachment with Cecile, I believe,” Evan said quietly.
William shifted uncomfortably. “Your sister is lovely, but I am in no hurry to form an attachment.” Afraid that he might have offended his brother, he added, “Not to say that I never will be.”
Evan barely nodded. “I understand, Darcy. Though Georgiana is rather hopeful for a match, I only want you to know that I would be most pleased if you were inclined in that direction. Cecile has had too many suitors interested in her fortune, I fear. It is disheartening when one’s sister is sought after by one cad after another, only out to pay his gaming debts.”
“How well I remember.” William stared pensively at some point straight ahead. “I believe you were the only man I considered worthy of Georgiana.” His eyes flew back to Ingram. “Not that you were perfect!” Both men laughed.
“Oh, of course not! I was too much like you—accustomed to saying what I thought and getting away with it! I thought you would toss me out of the house when I asked permission to court her.”
“I was quite shocked. She had always said she would never marry...That is until you came along. I remember telling you that I had not formed an opinion about you.”
“And I retorted that I was not worried about your opinion, only Ana’s!”
“Yes,” William said wistfully, his mind recalling his sister’s joy at discovering Evan was at Pemberley to ask permission to court her. “I remember it well.”
Straightening even taller, he punched Evan on the arm. “You should be thankful that I overlooked your impertinence and granted my permission.”
Just at that moment, Georgiana began to stroll towards them, her blue velvet gown hugging her lovely figure and tendrils of gold trailing down her back from a crown of curls atop her head.
She was so lovely that Evan’s breath hitched. “I will forever be thankful, Darcy! I could never love another as I love her!”
William could not but smile as he watched their eyes lock and Evan move to meet his wife. Georgiana took her husband’s outstretched hands and leaned towards William, whispering sweetly, “Come, Brother, you must not stay hidden in this corner. Many are eager to speak with you, and I promised Cecile that you would play a selection on the pianoforte.”
William grimaced as his sister grinned. “I knew that I should have stayed in Ireland!”
“Shhh, Fitzy! People will hear you!”
~~~*~~~