Page 50 of First Impressions (Passion and Perseverance #1)

Chapter Thirty-Four

When Beth walked in the apartment door, Jane immediately knew that something was wrong and she didn’t have the strength or desire to keep it from her sister any longer.

“Beth, you have to tell me what’s going on. I know you’ve been keeping things from me for a while but you need to talk to me, to let me help you,” Jane insisted immediately.

“I know, I’m sorry. Just let me set my stuff down and then I’ll tell you what’s been going on. Hope you don’t have any plans this afternoon - it’s a long story,” Beth replied and she went into her bedroom to unload her stuff.

When she came back out, Jane had already made tea and was waiting for her on the couch.

Beth sat down with a deep breath, took a sip of tea, and began to tell her sister everything that had happened between her and Darcy, everything that she had kept from her before, everything that had happened this past weekend, everything right down to his involvement with Charles heading back to Boston.

Surprisingly, she didn’t cry throughout her entire explanation - she must have been fresh out of tears.

The weight off of her chest, opening up to Jane, was a small balm to soothe her broken heart.

When she was done, Jane took a minute to process everything.

She’d kept quiet throughout the whole tale, not wanting to interrupt her sister who clearly needed to get everything out in the open.

She leaned in, enveloping Beth in a hug that broke down her last remnants of reserve as the tears began to flow again.

“Do you love him, Beth?” Leave it to the ever-perceptive Jane to boil the whole ordeal down to the most important question of them all.

“Yes.” Her lower lip trembled as she admitted the truth. “But I don’t want to, after everything he has put you, and me, through.” She was beating herself up over an emotion that she knew she had no control over .

“Oh, B,” Jane grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears off of her cheeks, “I may not be quite like you, but I’m a strong woman.

I don’t want to be the reason you are holding yourself back from happiness and torturing yourself for your feelings,” she said desperately.

“Charles is a grown man who can make his own decisions; regardless of what Mr. Darcy said or did, it was his own choice to leave and if I know him, at least a little from our time together, I’m sure he would agree with me; he would never put the blame on Darcy or think that Darcy made him. ”

She’s right; It was Charles’ choice to leave no matter what Darcy told him. The revelation only intensified the pain and regret that she was feeling, the full weight of the ramifications of her actions becoming clear. Her hand came over her mouth to stifle a sob.

“Shh, Beth, just breathe. It’s going to be ok,” Jane tried to comfort her before continuing, “I can’t imagine what Mr. Darcy said to him, but I know Charles would never have him as so close a friend if he didn’t believe that Mr. Darcy only had his best interests at heart; so, I’m sure that whatever transpired, Mr. Darcy thought that he was helping Charles. ”

Beth didn’t know if her sister’s opinions were helping or hurting more at this point. Either way, the bottom line was the same: Jane was right. She was so right; how could she have been so blind?

She could blame it on her emotions, being so wired that she wasn’t thinking clearly.

She could say that it was easy for an outsider, like Jane, to see the big picture; but that would be a lie.

She had been blinded by her pride in her independence and her own need for control, and by her prejudice against him for not being open with her, assuming that he must have done something dishonorable, that she completely missed the most blatant observations available.

The very same qualities that she had held against him, she had been guilty of herself, and not only was she in the wrong, but she had let those qualities destroy her chance for love.

“You’re right, Jane. You’re so right,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion and tears. “What have I done?” The tears began to roll uncontrollably down her face as she searched her sister’s gaze for some answers.

“B, it’s all going to be ok. This is Mr. Darcy we are talking about; the man who always gets what he wants.

If he loves you like he says he does, then he won’t give up on you that easily.

He will try to rectify the mistakes that he’s made, that you’ve accused him of, and if he wants you, he will open up to you completely,” Jane tried to reassure her.

It’s true; he did always get what he wanted. But what if she truly had lost his good opinion this time? What if she had finally pushed him too far?

“Beth? Are you ok?”

Vaguely Jane’s voice cut through the fog. She hadn’t realized that she had spaced out, as her mind spiraled through all the possibilities of what Darcy could be thinking about her right now.

“I’ll be ok,” she shook her head and mumbled, “I think I’m just going to go lie down for a little while. I’m so tired.” Jane gave her a questioning stare as Beth forced herself to steadily stand up from the couch and make her way back to her room.

“Just let me know if you need me.”

Beth turned, “I’m sorry for everything, Jane.”

Jane gave her a weak smile and nodded before turning towards the kitchen, trying to hide the fact that she, too, was on the brink of tears.

Beth closed her bedroom door and collapsed onto her bed. In spite of her ruminating, she was asleep within minutes and didn’t wake up again until morning.

Unsure how it was possible, she woke up still feeling tired even after sleeping over twelve hours. Beth looked at the clock and realized it was eight forty-five; she was supposed to be at work in fifteen minutes. Shit.

Dragging herself out of bed, she went into the living room searching for her phone. She saw it lying on the kitchen counter with a Post-It on top .

I already called Phil and told him you would be working from home today. Told him the party was a huge success and you were drained. - Jane

Beth smiled. Jane was really the best out of all of them, giving her not just any excuse to recuperate at home for the day, but an excuse that made her look good to her boss.

The first few hours of the morning passed in a daze. Her mind was focused on Darcy while her body went through the motions of eating, showering, and unpacking. Deciding it was finally time to do at least some work today, Beth grabbed her laptop and sat down on the couch.

Knock, knock.

In an instant, her body was on edge. The last time someone had knocked unexpectedly at her door it had been Darcy. Maybe Jane was right, maybe he wouldn’t give up that easily. She shoved her computer off her lap and rushed to open the door.

“Hey, sorry to drop in on you like this.”

Beth stared at an apologetic Anne for a moment until her heart stopped racing and hurting at the realization that it wasn’t Darcy who had come for her.

“Hey, it’s ok. What’s up? Come in.”

“Ok. I can’t stay; I have to meet my mom for lunch.

” She gave Beth a knowing glance. “I stopped by your office and your boss said that you weren’t coming in today; he looked a little concerned but I told him that it was a personal visit, not business, don’t worry.

I had to see you, though.” Here Anne paused and bit her lip, appearing afraid to continue.

“Is everything ok? What’s going on? Did your mom find out something?” Just what she needed right now, to have that woman put an end to her career.

“Oh, no! No, no. Nothing about my mom, thank God,” Anne laughed nervously, “No, I’m here as a messenger, again. I told him I didn’t want to, that I didn’t feel right being in this position again, but he said he knows that you don’t want to see him but that you had to have this today.”

Beth’s heart started beating in her ears. Darcy had sent her a message. She stared expectantly at Anne as she pulled an envelope from her purse and handed it to Beth .

“Please don’t be upset with me. He just seemed really desperate and I couldn’t turn him down.”

Anne’s pleading tone made Beth realize that she had completely ignored the part about how her friend clearly thought she was going to be mad at her because Darcy couldn’t deliver his own message, again. Taking the envelope, she reassured Anne that she wasn’t upset.

“No, don’t be sorry. Please. I’m just glad you told him you’d come. We didn’t exactly leave things on the best note, but I’m sure he told you that.”

“Ahh, well he actually didn’t. He didn’t tell me anything, except that you needed to get this letter, but I’m also not blind.

He looked like he hadn’t slept well, like something was definitely on his mind.

I swear though if he didn’t make it sound as if it was a matter of life and death, I would have told him too bad,” Anne explained.

“Is he ok?” she knew Darcy hadn’t told Anne anything but she couldn’t stop herself from asking. She needed to know if there was any hope.

“Well, like I said, he really didn’t look good but I didn’t get to talk to him very long because I had to leave in order to get this to you and make it to lunch on time.

I don’t know what happened but I’ve only ever seen him this affected by someone once before, but that was a long time ago and I don’t really know what happened or who it was. ”

Interesting. Beth couldn’t care less about the past now though. All she could think about was what he thought of her now and that from what Anne had just said, it seemed like he was just as affected by their fallout as she was. She felt the tiniest warmth spread throughout her. Hope.

“Well, I hope whatever he wrote clears the air. I have to head out though before my mom calls and wonders where I am. Just call me if you need anything.”

Beth leaned in and hugged her. “Thank you.”

Anne hugged her back and then headed for the elevator as Beth went back inside her apartment. She ran to the couch and opened the envelope, pulled out several sheets of folded paper, her hands shaking as she unfolded them and began to read the letter she knew would change her life.