Page 41 of Fire Must Burn

‘And it took an entire world war to thwart those dreams.’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Only that could have had enough power to stop me.’

‘You didn’t embark on any jungle adventures when you got out of Cambridge,’ he pointed out.

‘No. I had already been to Berlin by that point. I put away my childish dreams for the more important grand adventure of saving the world from fascism. Then I cocked up my efforts in that.’

‘Is that why you said yes to your old boss this time? To make up for your prior failures?’

‘Maybe.’

‘When he asked you to do this, could you have refused?’

‘According to him, yes.’

‘But you agreed.’

‘Yes. And now I’m regretting it.’

‘Why?’

‘Because the assignment involves betraying an old friend.’

‘Why didn’t you refuse the assignment if that’s what it was about?’

‘Because he may be a traitor himself.’

‘And that justifies it to you.’

‘Well, there’s also …’

He waited, puffing on his pipe, watching her through the small clouds of smoke obscuring her.

‘In a way, he betrayed me before,’ she said. ‘And in doing so, caused me to betray someone else.’

‘When was this?’

‘At Cambridge. A woman I knew there drowned herself, either intentionally or accidentally, we never found out for certain.’

‘What did this have to do with you and this man?’

‘We could have stood up for her earlier. There was a situation – apparently an ugly one, although I never knew the specifics first-hand. And because I didn’t know exactly what happened, I didn’t take a side in it. I didn’t take her side. And I should have.’

‘And you blame this man for it?’

‘In part. He did take a side. The other side.’

‘And now he’s back in your life, and the subject of your former boss’s operation.’

‘Yes.’

‘It sounds like you’re taking a side now.’

‘Yes, it does,’ said Iris. ‘And I’m worried that I’m doing it out of vengeance rather than duty.’

‘Interesting that you’ve never brought this man up before,’ commented Dr Milford. ‘Your relationship with Sally at Cambridge, we’ve discussed. But not this man.’

‘No.’