Page 131 of Fire Must Burn

‘Remember the night when we escaped the anti-fascist rally?’

‘Vividly. Our first kiss. And our second.’

‘Do you remember me telling you that I was in an experimental phase?’

‘I do.’

‘Well, this is the experiment,’ he said, looking away from her. ‘Hypothesis: Tony Danforth is not homosexual. Experiment: Tony will make love to the most desirable woman he has ever known. Result: abject failure. Conclusion: Tony Danforth is homosexual. I’m sorry to be such a disappointment.’

She crawled across the bed to hold him.

‘You are not a disappointment,’ she whispered. ‘You will never be one. You are my dear friend, and always will be. I’m so glad you’ve finally told me.’

‘You suspected?’

‘It’s taken this long to get you into bed with me,’ she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. ‘I wondered if that was the case. It’s good that you didn’t force yourself to go through with it. It would have only made things worse later. Do Kevin and Bruce know?’

‘They’ve been making snide comments,’ he said. ‘Dropping nasty little hints about my failures with women. Those easedoff when you came into my life. There were quite a few speculations as to what would take place between us this weekend.’

‘But they don’t know.’

‘They would cut me off completely if they did,’ he said. ‘It would get out around the entire university and dash to pieces all of my hopes to join the Foreign Office. Hell, to have a career in anything worthwhile in this country. My desires are prosecutable.’

‘Listen to me, Tony,’ she said, turning him to face her. ‘You are worthwhile, much more so than this wretched, backwards country we are forced to live in. So I promise you this: your secret will always be safe with me, no matter what. And you are going to spend the rest of the night in my bed, and we will emerge for breakfast looking exhausted but triumphant. If the others ask, I will blush becomingly and you will be reticent but quietly proud.’

‘You would do that for me?’ he asked. ‘Risk your reputation for me?’

‘Do you know my reputation?’ she said, laughing. ‘One more conquest for Iris Sparks will raise very few eyebrows. Now, put those pyjamas back on and let’s get some sleep. Oh, one more thing.’

‘What’s that?’ he asked.

She reached up and ruffled his hair vigorously for a few seconds, then sat back and admired her handiwork.

‘Now, you do mine,’ she said.

He reached forwards and gently tousled her hair, then held her head gently with both hands and kissed her.

‘I am forever yours,’ he said.

‘Likewise,’ she said. ‘Come, we can still cuddle under the covers without sabotaging the experiment.’

He put his pyjamas back on, slid under the bedclothes, and embraced her. They fell asleep and stayed in that position.

Until the screaming began.

East Grinstead, 1947

When they had stabilised him enough they transported him by ambulance to the specialised burn facility. His regular nurserode in the back with him, maintaining the morphine drip when each jolt caused him to gasp in pain. Once there, she kissed him on the cheek and whispered, ‘God save you,’ then took the train back to London, crying all the way.

There came a series of debridings and skin grafts, each requiring its own recovery period. The days became a blur, and he spent much of his time asleep. Then one morning, he woke to see a familiar pair of eyes inches from his.

‘Sparks?’ he said. ‘Am I dreaming?’

‘You dreaming of me would be extremely flattering, given everything,’ she said.

She was sitting next to his bed, leaning with her forearms folded on the edge, her chin resting on top so she would be face to face with him.

‘How extraordinary of you to come all this way,’ he said.