Page 43 of Fire and Icing (The Firemen of Waterford TN #1)

Emberleigh

In both baking and love, perfection is a myth.

~ Unknown

I wake up unsettled. It’s my day off from the bakery.

The last thing I need is a day off. Dustin’s off today too.

And while I’d love to have a day with him, I really need time to get my head together.

I don’t want to drag him down with my unfinished business.

He deserves to be excited about this opportunity.

And I think I’ll get there. I just need a minute.

I roll over in bed, taking advantage of the one morning a week that my feet don’t have to hit the ground as soon as the alarm sounds.

Memories of my dreams last night come to me in fragments.

The bakery. Drew was there. He ordered a plate of donuts.

Then Dustin showed up and said, “Hey, those are mine.” Drew dropped the plate and walked out without looking back, but then he said to Dustin, “Aren’t you coming?

” Dustin grabbed his guitar, which, oddly, was propped in the corner by the bakery case.

And he walked out. I tried to scream for him to stay, but my vocal cords were not working.

I was as mute as the Little Mermaid after Ursula tricked her.

I can’t sleep after remembering all that.

So, I shower and head downstairs to bake.

Baking always centers me. I start with a double batch of muffins.

They come out dry as sawdust. I look over and see the softened butter still sitting on the counter.

That’s okay. I’ll make scones. I whip everything together, using cold butter from the fridge this time.

The scones come out soggy. Maybe I added too much liquid?

Maybe they were too close together during baking.

I give up the idea of baking. Before I actually think about what I’m doing, I’m grabbing my purse and my keys and driving to the bakery.

I enter the kitchen through the back door.

Syd takes one look at me and asks, “What’s wrong?”

I don’t even ask if a part-timer is covering everything out front. I just collapse into Syd’s arms. She hugs me and then she steps back.

“Okay. Tell me everything. What happened?”

“I almost called you last night, but I just needed time to process everything.”

I launch into the CliffsNotes version of the conversation with Dustin the night before last at the Waterford Burgers ’n Such.

I didn’t name the place. And despite their desperate need for a rebrand, they do have the best fries in town.

“So, he’s really considering Nashville?” Syd asks when I finish my summary of our situation.

“It’s a big opportunity. He's leaving for Nashville. I knew this was too good to be true.”

Sydney frowns. “Did he say he’s leaving for Nashville?”"

“Not moving. Not yet. He’s going to record a demo,” I say.

“I’m trying so hard to set aside my past so I can be happy for him.

This is the chance of a lifetime. I know that.

And Dustin’s a talented singer with a charismatic personality.

He’s the whole package. He should pursue this—of course he should. ”

I look at Syd, silently begging her to make sense of this for me, to walk me through my fears so I can be there for Dustin the way he was there for me in the contest.

“My head is as busy as the first day we release apple crumb pies in the fall,” I nearly whine.

“A line out the door?” Syd asks.

“A room so crowded you can’t hear yourself think.”

“Ahh. Well, you need to override all that chatter.”

“I know. Where’s the off switch?”

“I wish I knew. Come here. Let’s make some cookies. We’ll just throw ourselves into baking. That always helps.”

She hands me a mixing bowl and starts to pull down ingredients. “What are we baking?”

“Let’s use the freeze-dried strawberries that came in yesterday,” I suggest. “We can make my strawberry white chocolate chip cookies.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“You say that now. You didn’t see me tossing out two pans of muffins and a batch of scones this morning at Gran’s.”

“Girl.”

“I can’t focus. I’m a hot mess.” I set the mixing bowl down.

“I don’t know if I can go through this again.

Dustin knows about how Drew left. He knows about my parents.

He knows how those experiences wrecked me.

In my head, I’m fully aware this isn’t about me.

Why can’t I just let go and be happy for him? ”

Syd sets down the bag of white chocolate chips.

She walks over to me and places her hands on my shoulders.

“I get it. This is scary. For most people, it would be. You just started liking this guy and now he’s talking about possibly pursuing a career that would put him on the road—take him away from Waterford, from you.

And with your past, any sign of someone heading for the door makes you double over inside.

But Dustin’s just going to record a demo.

Nothing’s happened yet. Do you know how many demos get recorded in Nashville in a year? ”

“No.”

“I’m guessing tens of thousands.”

“You think?”

“Sure. At least that. And do we have tens of thousands of handsome firemen becoming country stars every year?”

“No.”

“Exactly.”

“He could be the one in ten thousand.”

“He’s your one in ten thousand. And he knows it. Give the man the benefit of the doubt.”

“I’m trying, Syd.”

“I know you are, sweetie.”

“Sweetie?”

“It sounded appropriate to the moment.”

We both laugh. Then Syd draws me into her arms. And all the stress and fear that’s been boiling inside me over the past twelve hours or so comes to the surface. I feel the tears press behind my eyes and then they can’t be held back.

“I think I love him,” I say through my sobbing.

“That’s a good thing,” Syd coos into my hair.

“I knoooowwww,” I say with a snuffle.

We stand together, her smoothing my hair, me weeping until I’ve let enough out that I feel incrementally better. I pull back, wiping under my eyes.

“Let’s bake some cookies,” Syd suggests. “Cookies always make it better.”

I wash up while Syd lays out the ingredients. We whip up a batch of dough, not saying much while we work.

“I don’t ever want to look back and wonder if he stayed because I begged or forced him,” I say into the silence. “If I ask him directly, I’ll never know if he’s staying for me or because he wants to.”

“Beg to differ. You’ll know because he’ll tell you.

If you don’t talk to him you’ll never know what might have happened if you did.

You’re two grown-ups who have deep feelings for one another, you need to tell him how you feel—fears and all.

I’m about to say something bold, so buckle up, buttercup. ”

I brace myself for her truth-bomb.

“When Drew left, you let him go without a fight. I’m not saying that would have made a difference. It probably wouldn’t. But Dustin is not Drew. He’s a totally different man. And he’s head over heels for you. Stop making him pay for the sins of your ex and give him the chance he deserves.”

I nod. She’s right.

“Not everyone is Drew,” Syd adds. Her tone is so intense, I wonder if we're even talking about me and Dustin anymore.

“I agree. Okay, Syd?”

“Yeah. I just want you to wipe the slate clean and give people a chance.”

“I will. I’m not one to hold grudges. You know that.”

Syd’s about to answer me when her phone rings.

I ask her, “Who is it?”

“No one. I’ll call them back later.”

“You’ll call no one back later?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Syd, you can talk to me.”

“It’s just family stuff.”

Well, that would explain some of her odd behavior lately. Not all of it, but maybe.

“Anything I can do?” I ask.

“Not unless you can go back in time and rewrite history.”

“You’re not talking about me and Dustin anymore, are you?”

Syd avoids my gaze. I’m about to dig deeper when the bell over the front shop door tinkles and Syd nearly sprints through the kitchen door into the shop.

I stand in front of the oven watching the timer count down. While I’m waiting for the cookies to bake, my phone rings. It’s an unknown number.

I answer. “Hello?”

“Hi, Emberleigh?”

“Yes?”

“This is Matt, from Home Restoration Pros.”

“Oh. Hey, Matt.”

The timer goes off and I pull the cookies out and set them on the counter to cool.

“I wanted to let you know your home is ready for you to move back in. Sorry for the delay on completion. The countertop was out of stock so that put us back a few weeks. Then we had to wait for the inspector to give an all clear. But you’re good to go.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Call us if you need anything else.”

I hang up with Matt and pop my head out into the bakery.

A family I used to babysit for in my teens is here. Syd’s chatting with the mom. Then she turns to the girl who looks even more grown-up than when I last saw her almost a year ago.

“Anabelle, how was your freshman year?”

“Awesome. It’s good to be home for the summer, though.”

Anabelle’s already through her first year in college.

I was eighteen when I babysat for her eight years ago as a cute ten year old.

Her brother’s on the high school football team now.

He was only seven then. I can still picture playing Sorry and hide and seek with them on nights when their parents went out. Time flew.

“Hey, Syd,” I say.

“Emberleigh!” Mrs. Spence says with a big smile on her face.

“Hey. How are you?”

“How are you? We watched every minute of that contest. What a gift you have! And that boyfriend of yours.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Anabelle asks.

“Yes, she has a boyfriend,” Syd answers for me. “The rookie at the fire station. He’s gorgeous and funny, and he only has eyes for your favorite town baker.”

“That’s so sweet,” Anabelle says.

I smile, but I feel a fresh wash of tears threatening to push through.

I look at Syd, “I took the cookies out to cool. I’m grabbing a few for Gran. I just got the call that my place is ready. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Oh. Okay. Sure.”

I turn to the Spences. “Sorry to rush off. It was so good to see you two. Tell Rogan I said hi!” I glance at their pink box full of cookies. “That’s on the house. Syd, don’t charge them.”

“Oh. Okay. Sure.” She gives me a quizzical look.

“Oh, Emberleigh, you don’t have to do that,” Mrs. Spence protests.

“It’s our pleasure. Come back soon. And enjoy the cookies.”

I dash through the kitchen door, grab a Ziplock and bag up a few cookies, and then I nearly run to my car.

When I get back to Gran’s, she’s in the kitchen washing dishes from lunch.

“Gran, my place is ready.”

“Your place?” She pauses, a look of confusion taking over her expression. “Oh! Land sakes. Your house? Well now. I guess that means you’ll be moving out.”

“Yes. I should. It’s my house—where I live. And it’s ready.”

Gran wipes her hands on a dish towel.

“I’m just thinking. My house is finally ready. It feels like I should go back soon. Give Dustin some space while we both sort things out.”

“Of course, it makes sense for you to move back home when your house is ready.” Gran pauses and gets what I can only call a mischievous look on her face.

Her eyes nearly twinkle. “I just kinda got used to having you around again.” She pauses, dramatically, in a way only grandmas can do because they have so much practice laying it on thick when they need to.

“But don’t you mind me. Children have to move on.

Grandchildren too. That’s the way it is in life.

And God willin’, a grown woman like me should have a life of her own so she doesn't miss ’em too much. ”

“Gran, I’m only going to be a few blocks over. I’ll be here so often you’ll want to take a fly swatter and shoo me out.”

“Only a few blocks?” she muses. “Well now, that’s sort of how Nashville’s only an hour away, isn’t it? Silly me. Well, go ahead then. Pack your stuff.”

“Nice try,” I tell Gran.

“What try? I’m just makin’ a point, Sunshine. Nashville’s still in Tennessee. A man can commute an hour, can’t he?”

“It’s not that, Gran. Musicians don’t live in one city. They tour. And they’re only home for short breaks.”

“Hmmm.”

“That’s all you’re going to say? Hmmm?”

“I’m just thinkin’ about how many musicians I’ve known who’ve had a decent career and didn’t do any tourin’ whatsoever. But maybe that was in my day.”

“Just come out and say what you want to say.”

“I just hope you’re not moving out today because Dustin told you he’s got a big opportunity and you got scared.”

“I’m not. I’m moving out because my house is finished being repaired. People live in their own houses.”

“So they do.”

“So that’s why.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. I’m not running away from Dustin. If you’ll notice, I’m right here in Waterford. He’s the one thinking about leaving. Not me.”

“Just don’t forget to leave a note for the boy who’s going to think you still live upstairs.”