Page 31 of Fire and Icing (The Firemen of Waterford TN #1)

Emberleigh

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Being back in the bakery, this morning feels almost as if I dreamed the whole contest week. Did Dustin actually come with me? Did we make it to the semi-finals? Was that kiss real?

Not the kiss again. My thoughts circle back to him way too often—and to our kiss, but not only that. I think of all the ways he showed up for me, the way he laughed, how he looks in his sleep.

“Earth to Emberleigh,” Syd says for not the first time this morning.

We’re in the kitchen cleaning up during a break in the rush of customers. Jolene is covering the front counter for another hour.

“What? I’m good. What’s up?”

“You’re not here. Do you need an extra day off? I can cover the rest of the morning.”

“I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m not worried, exactly. I just want to know what’s going on. You’ve barely said a thing all morning. You stare off into space with this dreamy look in your eyes. I need to know about the contest. But mostly, I want to hear about Dustin.”

“There’s nothing much to tell—about him.”

I attempt to veer Syd away from the topic of the hot, tenderhearted fireman who took me by surprise and hijacked my heart. Wait. What? No. He surprised me, that’s all—in the best of ways.

I launch into a rundown of each contest category, adding extra emotion when I share about Vanessa showing up and nearly getting us kicked off the show.

“You can’t tell anyone any of this. My NDA is clear that I can’t talk about certain things. I trust you, though.”

“You better. I’m your best friend.”

“We’ve never had a secret between us,” I say with a smile.

Syd opens the fridge and stands there a second too long, like she forgot what she went there for. She turns back around with an awkward look on her face.

“Syd …” I begin.

“Festival’s coming up,” she says, but her voice lacks its usual snap. “We should probably get a plan in place. I’m thinking cake pops. But that feels so mundane and overdone. What do you think?”

“The festival? That came out of left field.”

“We have to plan at some point.”

“I just got out of a week of planning desserts on the fly. Give me a few days, okay?”

“Sure. Sure.”

Jolene pops her head through the swinging door. “We’ve got a little bit of a rush, can one of you come out front?”

Syd and I drop what we’re doing to serve customers. The rest of the day Syd busies herself with tasks that keep me from asking her what’s up. Her seeming avoidance is my answer.

When I get back to Gran’s, I’m more tired than usual. The cumulative emotions of the week at the contest and the pace of a day running the bakery have taken their toll. Dustin’s on shift. He won’t be home tonight.

I miss him—the sound of his voice, all his smiles, the way he settles me with his steady and buoyant presence, the unspoken conversations we so easily exchange with a mere glance. This is not good.

I pour myself a cup of after-dinner tea and stroll into the front room with another cup for Gran.

She leads with, “So, how are things with your fake boyfriend?”

I nearly spill the cup all over her. “Gran!”

“What? I call it like I see it. I wasn’t born yesterday …

or even the day before that. You would have told me if you had started dating again.

Though, I had my hopes for you with Dustin.

He’s just the type you ought to seriously consider.

He’s the perfect balance for you. And I believe you’d do him some good too. ”

“But you told June that Dustin was my boyfriend.”

“A woman can dream,” she sighs. “Besides, June needed to believe you’re dating. So does all of Waterford. And who knows, maybe after this all dies down, you actually will be.”

“I don’t think so,” I say, not wanting to get her hopes up.

“Never say never, dear.”

“Gran.” I take a sip of my tea and sit on the couch.

“Is that all you have to say for yourself? Gran, Gran, Gran? I want details.”

“Okay. Yes. We were faking. Are … were … I don’t know.

We started because of those rules for the contest. And Syd had this wild idea.

Dustin just happened to be in the shop when she suggested I come up with a boyfriend so I could enter.

He was so instantly willing. I don’t really know how I ended up saying yes to this insanity.

But then … well … He just started showing up for me.

He surprised me. And over the past week, it felt real, like we were truly a team. ”

Gran’s eyes twinkle. “Sometimes, pretending leads to something real, dear.”

“I probably have a case of overexposure. Dustin was there for me when I was under pressure. I’m still reeling from all the week's excitement.”

“Emberleigh, my sunshine,” Gran says, looking at me over the rim of her teacup. “Life can be spent running toward or running away. Which will you choose?”

She’s silent, sipping her tea and allowing her words to sink in. Gran never was one to mince words. That trait has only grown more prevalent over the years.

After a few moments, Gran elaborates. “Dustin runs into life-threatening situations for a living. He’s fearless.

You’ve been abandoned by three of the most important people in your life.

I’m not about to try to excuse a one of them.

But I will say this: you can spend the rest of your life avoiding pain, or you can choose to risk again. ”

Another poignant pause. She stares at me, pinning me in place with her words.

I consider Dustin, my parents, my ex. Did I think I’d be married by now?

Maybe. I would have been settling. I didn’t know that then.

I had no idea a man like Dustin existed.

Call me provincial, but I thought Drew was the best man I could find.

I cared for him. I enjoyed his company. I foolishly gave him everything—my loyalty, my hope for a life together.

And he walked away from it all—from me—without a second thought.

“No one can push you into risking. Believe me, if I could, I would. I know I can be pesky.” Gran smiles this innocent smile that is anything but.

“The deepest wounds in life are often inflicted by those closest to us, Sunshine. That’s not because they’re the worst people. It’s because they live closest to our hearts, so they have a straight shot that others simply don’t have.”

I nod. “That’s true. You’re a wise woman, Gran.”

“I earned my wisdom, sweetheart. And you’ll earn yours.

When you get to be my age, the preciousness of life becomes palpable.

It’s impossible for those of you with years and years ahead of you to grasp the brevity of life.

That’s why young'uns hold grudges and waste time on things that really won’t matter in the big scheme of things. You can’t help yourselves.”

I nod slowly, a quiet smile forming. “Everything you’re saying makes sense.”

“Not yer fault you’re shortsighted. It wasn’t mine either when I was a young knockout and all the men in town had my name on their calling card. I didn’t know beans from corn back then.”

I laugh lightly.

“Alls I’m sayin’ is, don’t waste your life in fear. It’s a liar and a jailkeeper. If you choose not to give your heart to a man, that’s fine and dandy. Just don’t make that decision based on fear. Base your decisions about Dustin on Dustin, not on anyone else and their failed track record.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?”

“You’re pretty convincing.”

“Aren’t I, though?” She takes another sip of tea and settles back into her chair like her job here is done.

“I’m going up to bed. Want me to rinse your teacup before I go?”

“No, you go on. Give everything a long thinkin’. Dustin deserves at least that much after traipsin’ around the state to support you.”

He deserves a lot more than that. But who’s saying whether spending tonight thinking about my feelings toward him is fruitless or not.

He never said he wanted to be more than fake.

He’s the type who says what he thinks. And he never said that.

I might be walking up to a pool, preparing myself for a launch off the high dive, only to find out it’s drained and dry by the time I get there.

It doesn’t really matter whether thinking about Dustin and my feelings for him is productive or a waste of time because it turns out, when I’m alone in my bedroom that night, reflecting on my talk with Gran, he’s the only subject my brain seems to want to entertain.

I close my eyes to sleep and my mind is a montage: wiping frosting off Dustin’s face, the way his neck smelled after our kiss, peering at him over the pillow wall—every wild, wonderful moment plays on repeat in my mind.

I reach for my phone on the bedside table. I start to text Syd, but end up deleting before sending. She’s holding out on me. And for the first time in my life, that makes me less eager to spill my heart to her. I’ll end up telling her everything—just not tonight.