Page 17

Erin

I stand under the hot water letting it burn itself into my exhausted body. Maybe I can melt away everything that’s happened today, this week, this year...this lifetime. This situation is more fucked up than ever, and as much as Ryan tried to act like the slashed tires were just a minor inconvenience, we both know it’s much more than that.

Someone is sending Ryan a message to back the fuck off, and if he doesn’t listen, which I know he won’t, it’s going to get so much worse.

Anthony doesn’t want me back, because if he did he would’ve found me years ago. I was never the compliant quiet girlfriend I was supposed to be, and he didn’t have time for that. But that doesn’t mean he’s not bitter. He’s spiteful and vengeful, and it would totally be his MO to ruin my life.

If he’s not happy, no one will be.

Ryan hasn’t shared much with me, but what I do know gives me reason to believe that Anthony isn’t going to give up anytime soon.

I almost wish Ryan’s captain would’ve taken him off the case, because to Ryan, this is not only a job, it’s become personal. I don’t think he’s going be able to separate his feelings for me, and my connection to all this and his ability to do his job rationally.

When I get out of the shower I can hear Ryan talking to someone on the phone, but his voice is calmer and I hear him laugh, and just the sound makes me smile. I love the sound of his laugh and I feel my heart flutter as I walk up behind him and slip my arms around his waist. I press up on my toes and kiss the back of his neck.

“Sounds good,”

Ryan says as he turns in my arms to face me.

“We’ll see you soon,”

he adds, and then he hits the end button on his phone.

“Who will we see soon?”

I ask, my eyebrows raised because clearly he has something planned. I’m still on my tiptoes, my face looking up at him as Ryan quickly kisses me, and then says.

“My family.”

He’s beaming as he kisses me again and starts to walk toward the bedroom. I’m following closely behind beginning to panic before I even have the details.

I can’t meet his family not when mine is such a fucked up mess, not to mention that we haven’t even been together that long.

“Ryan,”

I call trailing after him as he ducks into the bedroom, clearly avoiding me but with that cheeky smile still plastered on his face.

“When are we going? Like now, tomorrow, next week?”

I ask, watching him grab an overnight bag from his closet.

I scrub my hands over my face and pull them through my wet hair. I guess the bag answers my question.

“We’re going to leave tonight. I know you’re on winter break now, but I don’t have a ton of free time and I figure it’s as good of a time as any to go.”

He’s completely casual as he goes along tossing socks and underwear into his bag acting like he can’t see the panic that is written all over my face.

“One of my sisters will be there too,”

he adds, taking my face in his hands now and kissing me hard.

“We just need to make a quick stop at your place and then we’ll be all set.”

Again, with the casualness as my panic starts to escalate.

.

“Ryan, what about your car?”

I ask, trying to stall this visit as much as possible. I’d like a little more time to be prepared.

“All taken care of. I made some calls while you were in the shower, and the tow truck is on its way.”

“Your job?”

I question, now knowing that’s the one thing that will possibly make him stay.

“Again, Erin, it’s all good. I’ve got some work I’ve got to take care of up there, so you can hang out with my mom and my sister.”

What in the literal fuck is he trying to do to me? I’m an only child, I have the shittiest family, and he thinks we’re just going to show up and hang out like we’re old friends? I don’t do families and socializing.

“Ryan,”

I practically plead, but he shakes his head. Still smiling, he zips his bag and starts walking toward the door.

“You ready?”

he calls over his shoulder as he opens the door and begins to leave.

“We’ve got at least a four hour drive ahead of us so get moving.”

Without questioning him anymore because it’s obvious he’s made up his mind, I grab my coat and shoes and follow him out to my car. Maybe at least when we get back to my house I can talk some sense into him.

We were both quiet most of the way back to Rockport with the drive taking a little longer than normal given it’s a Friday and we were heading back in the thick of commuter traffic. But I know it’s more than just that; we’re quiet because talking about our situation just causes us to argue and right now both of us are stressed.

I understand Ryan’s concern with me visiting my father and getting involved in this more than necessary, but he has no idea what I know.

We pull into my driveway and it’s a little after seven o’clock. With both of us starving I suggest we get something to eat and leave for Ryan’s parents’ house tomorrow morning instead.

“Erin, babe, stop being so worried. It’s all good,”

Ryan says dismissing my suggestion and shooing me into the house to pack and change my clothes.

“Hurry up, okay?”

he shouts as I open the front door and leave him behind.

I’m dragging my feet, but eventually I throw some things into a small suitcase and quickly change my clothes, but leave off the makeup. Given we will be arriving late at night I’m not certain it even matters.

I grab some bottles of water from the fridge and walk into the living room expecting to find Ryan sprawled out on the couch watching TV, but he’s nowhere to be found.

I call his name, but I get no answer and in that moment my heart begins to race. I begin to walk through the house, looking in every room, but I still can’t find him. I’m already on edge since visiting my dad and with the idea of meeting his family, but this is making it much worse.

By now I’m practically sprinting to the front door and as I fling it open I yell out his name, “Ryan!”

I’m panting and out of breath, the tears are about to start when I hear him call out.

“What, Erin?”

and he seems as out of breath as I do.

“Where are you?”

I call, my voice cracking slightly as I try to regain control, knowing that I’ve just panicked for absolutely no reason.

“I’m out back,”

he calls back, as I grab my suitcase from the house and toss it in the trunk, then make my way to the back deck.

Ryan is pushed up on his toes in front of the door attaching something to the frame as I round the corner.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I ask, shaking my head as I think I already know.

“I’m finishing up installing your security system.”

I look up and see a small motion activated camera tacked above the back door, and I roll my eyes. As much as I’m paranoid about this shit, I feel like this might be over the top. I’ve lived here for nearly ten years without incident, and without a security system.

“Maybe if you hadn’t taken my gun you wouldn’t have to do this,”

I respond, leaving him to do whatever he feels he needs to do. But secretly I’m happy about it because maybe I won’t have to share a bed with Finn anymore.

“If you want your gun back you have to let me teach you how to use it correctly,”

he calls back and laughs a little.

“Whatever, Ryan!”

I yell back as I walk in the house and flop down on the couch.

I’m scrolling through my phone when Ryan walks back in five minutes later and announces that he’s done and ready to go.

“Ryan, seriously?”

I ask, yawning, mentally and physically exhausted from this day, and now the thought of getting in the car and driving four hours just sucks.

“Yes, Erin. I told my parents I was coming and that you were coming with me. I’m not bailing now. Get your ass off the couch and in the car,”

he says, giving me a look that says he’s prepared to toss my ass in the car if I don’t comply.

“Fine,”

I say, giving in but not without pouting as we both get in the car, me slamming the door after I do.

My arms are crossed over my chest as Ryan starts the car and backs out of the driveway.

“Come on, babe,”

he says.

“My family is going to love you, so stop worrying about it being too early or whatever.”

He reaches over and takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips, he presses a few kisses to my knuckles.

“We’ve been together for six months, Erin.”

“No we haven’t,”

I respond back, rolling my eyes.

“Yes we have,”

Ryan argues back.

“It’s been like six months since we fucked in the bathroom at the pub.”

“Oh my god, Ryan, you can’t count that as being together.”

“What? Yes we can. When would you say we got together then?”

Both of us are smiling as Ryan drives out of Rockport and toward the highway. He makes me happy, and this conversation is a nice reprieve from the usual bullshit.

“I don’t know, I guess. I never really thought about putting a timeline on it, but if we count the bathroom, it’s been at least six months,”

I reply and Ryan nods his head, his smile growing larger.

“Best six months of my life.”

He’s so fucking cheesy at times, but I have to agree with him.

I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder, my arms wrapping around his arm as he guides the car onto the ramp for the highway. Despite the casualness of our conversation, I can’t help but notice the number of times Ryan checks the rearview mirror; his eyes flicking between the mirror and the windshield as he drives.

He’s checking to make sure we aren’t being followed, an act I’ve become familiar with, and something I noticed my father and Anthony do for as long as I can remember. I hate that I’ve now passed this on to Ryan, but I don’t want him to know that it worries me or that I feel responsible.

This visit to his family is important to him, even if it’s just to get us out of Rockport and away from what we are dealing with. He didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. I know something is up. Tires don’t just get slashed on a whim.

I want us both to enjoy this time with his family, despite my nervousness.

“Tell me about your family,”

I say, wondering just what I’m getting myself into. I know it can’t be anything like what I grew up with, and I’m already nervous as hell to meet them.

“Ok, I’ll make you a deal,”

Ryan says, looking over at me, smirk on his face, and he gives me a wink.

“I’ll tell you about my family, but you have to tell me about yours.”

“No,”

I say instantly without even giving it a second thought, but I know how selfish it sounds. It’s hard to share things with Ryan because I have no idea if I’m sharing it with my boyfriend or if I’m sharing it with a cop.

“Erin,”

he says sternly.

“I want to get to know you and getting to know you means knowing everything about you. I promise I won’t use anything you tell me in my investigation unless you tell me it’s okay.”

I give it a few seconds to sink in, letting it play out in my head. I have to trust Ryan, because without it our relationship is doomed.

“Okay, you’ve got a deal,”

I say, pecking him on the cheek.

“So I know you grew up in a small town in Maine and your family is fucking perfect and all that shit,”

I joke with him.

“But I don’t know much else.”

Ryan chuckles a little, giving me a look that says I’m being a shithead.

“Yeah, so I grew up in this small town in Maine, it’s in the middle of nowhere. When I was a kid I always wanted to move to Boston. I grew up watching the Red Sox with my whole family, and I constantly dreamed of one day moving to Boston and becoming a cop.”

He shrugs his shoulders like it was just something that came naturally.

“When I turned eighteen, I left home and moved to Boston. In order to become a cop in Massachusetts, you have to live in the district you work in, so I got a job waiting tables at a high-end restaurant in Boston, enrolled in college studying criminal justice, and worked my ass off until I was old enough to apply to the police force.”

“What did your parents think of you leaving like that?”

I ask, because I know mine couldn’t have cared less with the exception of the fact that I was taking the family secrets with me.

“I wasn’t the first so by then they were both like see ya later.”

He laughs again and it’s makes my heart skip a beat. There is something so perfect, so calming about him.

“My two older sisters had left and gone to college by then. They were working and living on their own, semi-successful, so I guess my parents figured I’d end up the same way.”

“So you have sisters?”

I ask, even though I know he has mentioned them before, but not in detail.

“Yep, three of them. Two are older than me and one is younger. Sarah is my youngest sister. You’ll totally get along with her. She’s a pain in the ass just like you.”

“Ryan,”

I scoff, smacking him on the arm. “Stop it.”

“But seriously, you’ll like all of them. They’re cool. Kate’s my oldest sister; she’s married and lives in Portland, works as a nurse. Jenny’s in the middle; lives in Vermont and sells shit for some lab supply company. I like to give her shit that the products she sells are just used to make pancake syrup because who the fuck actually lives in Vermont besides people who make syrup?”

We both laugh and I can picture Ryan hassling his sister about her job and it makes me love him even more. I love that he has that kind of relationship with his family where they laugh and joke.

“Then there’s Sarah,”

he says rolling his eyes.

“She the youngest and probably the one I’m the closest to, but she’s a fucking piece of work.”

He shakes his head, and pauses a second like he’s trying to figure out what to say about her.

“She lived with me up until about five months ago, but she’s back in Eddington living with my parents and tending bar at this dive in town. She hates me.”

“What?”

I question.

“She hates you? You just said you guys are close.”

“I kicked her out because she couldn’t find a job and was doing fuck all in Boston. Basically I was supporting her because she couldn’t have possibly lived on her own with what she was making waitressing on the weekends.”

He pauses for a second.

“I felt like a real asshole for making her leave. I still do, but she needs to get her shit together. She has a fucking MBA and no job.”

“So she hates you because you made her move back home,”

I say.

“I get it. It would suck to be on your own and then back to living with your parents, especially in my case.”

I give Ryan a little nudge and he smiles at me.

“See? A total pain in the ass just like you,”

Ryan adds for a second time and it just solidifies how much he really does love me.