Page 88 of Fighting With Light

She whimpers and moves faster. I lay back against the smooth rock and roll us over. Her dark hair sticks to our skin and I lift her knee, and she winces.

“What?”

“Rock,” she gasps. “Don’t stop,” she breathes.

I listen and don’t stop as I bring us to the edge of everything. I kiss her like the world is about to end. I tell her I love her with my tongue because I can’t say the words with my lips. Her body freezes for a breath and then she drags me into the pool of ecstasy with her. I moan and she sobs into the rock, and I don’t ever want to let her go.

I want to keep her, forever.

33

Liam

The warm air fromthe day cools us as I push the bike as hard as it can go. We’re both tired and coming out here may not have been the smartest thing to do before a competition, but for once I wasn’t thinking about competing and it may have been exactly what I needed. Aelia’s head rests on my back as I drive with one hand on the handlebars and the other on her thigh. I know this peace is momentary, but she has given something to me I’ve barely been able to grasp.

Aelia has brought a different version of peace, and I could rip out my own heart right now thinking about all of this ending. No, it’s not over yet, but it will be, and I hate myself a little for letting it get as far as it did.

I, no,we,gave into each other, but I don’t think there was any resisting it. I think we both tried and failed miserably, but I’d say it may be the best failure of my life.

It feels cruel to have what I never thought I deserved, and still have to let her go. I found her in the most unlikely of people. I want to keep her. Yet I can’t, and I can’t help but ask the Big Man upstairs why He would do this to me? It feels like a slap in the face. I think I would have rather gone without.

My heart stalls in my chest. No, scratch that, I wouldn’t have traded any of this. We made a promise to each other to allow ourselves to be hurt by one another.

It’s a strange thing I have experienced only when it comes to love. You are willing to suffer, to endure the pain because you love. She is worth every bit of heartache I will feel in the future, hell, how I feel now, and that pain is worth it. That suffering has purpose because it is born out of love. I thought I had very little room left in my soul to be able to love. But she surprised me. No, shereminded me I have a lot more than I thought. I have the capacity to love her more than I thought myself capable. Sure, that realization hurts, but it also gives me hope.

We pull into the resort and I walk the bike back to the porch. Aelia unlocks the door and lays out on the edge of the bed. “I think I’m going to take a bath,” she mutters.

“Okay, I’ll order us dinner.”

“Sounds good,” she says and saunters into the bathroom.

After I order dinner, they said it’ll take about an hour. I glance at my computer because I need to continue to keep digging, but the bathroom door feels like an invitation…so I take it.

The bathtub is on the other side of the room, next to the shower. It’s a small freestanding tub, but it could squeeze two people.

Aelia has her head leaned back on the edge of the tub, with bubbles everywhere.

“Hey.”

Aelia opens her eyes and lifts her eyebrow. “Hey,” she says back.

I stand there awkwardly, wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have come in because she needs her space, which is fair. She’s the first woman I’ve been with who makes me second-guess myself.

“Dinner will be about an hour.”

“Okay,” she says.

“Okay, I’ll go,” I say, spinning on my heel.

“You can stay, Liam,” she says quietly.

I face her again and her shy smile tells me she’s a little more nervous than I thought. This isn’t how things were supposed to be. We weren’t supposed to feel this way.

“Are you enjoying your bath?” I ask her.

“Yeah, I am. Do you want to join me?” she asks with a smile.

“I thought you’d never ask.”