Page 5

“S am, drop it!” Katherine demanded. The shepherd unclenched his jaw, releasing his powerful grip on the furry item in his mouth. “Good boy.”

Katherine stooped down and saw that Sam’s trophy was just an old, ragged stuffed animal. Probably someone lost it at some point. She had no clue how it wound up on her property. Relieved, she picked it off the floor to toss into the garbage, then stopped. Something about the threadbare animal struck a memory. Examining it, she realized it was a tattered stuffed lamb. It looked old; the glass eyes were yellow, and the eyebrows were done in X-style stitching, giving the lamb an odd look. Its feet were a faded red cloth material, the left ear torn. As fast as she’d picked the animal off the floor, she tossed it into the kitchen sink, the blank yellow eyes staring back at her, the dirty brown fur beckoning her to look closer.

She felt her heart start to race, her throat closing. “It can’t be,” she whispered. She repeated the process, inhaling then exhaling, as she’d done a few minutes earlier.

Duckie .

She must have been around four or five when her father and his assistant, Helen, returned from Australia with a stuffed lamb. They’d given it to her as a souvenir, a rare gift. Katherine treasured this present from her dad, naming the lamb “Duckie,” her new best friend. When she’d been sent to Spain, her mother snatched the lamb from her luggage, reminding her that she was twelve, practically an adult, and adding that she didn’t need anything from “that woman.”

Distraught, Katherine had surreptitiously searched the house until she found the stuffed animal and put it back in her bag. With Duckie at her side in Spain, she wrote even more stories of brave girls who didn’t need a stuffed lamb to cuddle at night. Duckie had been her only friend.

Back in the present, Katherine found herself glued to the floor. She had to force herself to walk over to the sink, intent on picking up the raggedy stuffed animal. Taking Doc Baker’s fork from the drainboard, she lifted the stuffed animal out of the sink using the tines. Both dogs growled. Katherine carried the plush animal to the kitchen island, placing it on a dish towel. “This can’t be what I think it is,” she said to herself as she began to inspect the toy. The empty, yellow eyes were the same, but that didn’t amount to much. Probably thousands of these had been made. The tear on the ear bothered her. Hadn’t Duckie’s ear been torn? She experienced a flash of memory—when Katherine had been quite young, her mother slammed the car door before Katherine could get Duckie inside. Katherine had yanked on the lamb, and a piece of the fabric ear tore off.

How could this be hers? But the longer she inspected the toy animal, the more convinced she was that it had once belonged to her. She had no memory of bringing her childhood toy with her when she left Boston. Though, in all fairness, in the days following Adam’s death, the bombings and all the mass hysteria, private and public, it was possible she’d tossed Duckie into her car with the rest of her belongings. She was relieved in knowing that in all likelihood, that’s what had happened, and then possibly Sam or Sophie had dragged Duckie out of a closet or wherever she’d stored it all those years ago. And now the dogs were returning it to her after finding the ball of fluff during their jaunt outside.

Katherine had always thought of Duckie as a female. Deciding she’d keep Duckie on her bed as she’d done as a child, Katherine felt it needed a good scrubbing first. It was much too old for the delicate cycle in her washing machine. She filled one side of the sink with hot water and a splash of dish detergent with just enough bleach to whiten and hopefully disinfect the material. Who knew what kind of germs old Duckie had picked up?

Both dogs sat on their haunches, watching as she used an old dishcloth on the lamb. She dipped the cloth in and out of the water, scrubbed the matted fur, then wiped the fur with a clean cloth. Half an hour later, Duckie looked decent enough. She sprayed a bit of disinfectant on the fur as a precaution, just in case. Protection from what, she didn’t know, but at least this action wasn’t prompted by her latest phobia. Placing her childhood toy on a chair she kept by the open French doors, Katherine decided to leave the lamb there until Duckie was completely dry. She wouldn’t let the dogs out just yet.

“Let’s get to work,” she said to them, knowing they would follow her to her desk, where each had a comfortable napping spot. She wanted to check the Friendlink fan page to see if Karrie was logged on. As soon as she connected to the Internet, her cell phone rang. She didn’t get many calls. She took the cell from her jeans pocket and said, “Hello?”

“It’s just me,” Doc Baker said. “Hope I didn’t interfere with your writing?”

“Not at all,” she replied, curious as to why he was calling, since he had just been there a couple of hours ago. Maybe he’d left something behind.

“Remember that friend I told you about?”

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Yes.”

“He’s in the hospital.”

She didn’t want to appear unsympathetic, but how was this connected to her? “I’m sorry to hear that. Is it serious?”

“The old coot, I swear, he’s worse than a newborn calf. Fell off his motorcycle and broke three ribs and his ankle.”

Seated at her desk, still eyeing the computer screen in case Karrie logged on, Katherine wished Doc would get to the point. “Poor guy,” was all she could come up with.

“Yep,” he said. “Seamus Lee Newlon, a helluva guy.”

“Doc, what does this have to do with me?” Admittedly, she was slightly curious, since this was completely out of character for Doc. When they normally spoke on the phone, it was always about the dogs.

“Seamus has a son, Tyler. He’s a psychiatrist, too.”

Katherine felt the blood drain from her face. How dare he once again bring up her illness without her permission? “The way I live is of my choosing,” she said, her voice sounding more terse than she intended. But it was her choice. If she decided she could no longer cope with her lifestyle, she would change. Maybe. Could she? She just didn’t see the point of trying now. Sure, if she were being honest, she’d love to leave her house without fear and walk around her property, but Katherine had no desire to travel any farther than her own land. Yet it wasn’t anyone’s business.

“This ain’t about your . . . agoraphobia, K. Tyler, Seamus’s son, has a friend who needs a place to keep a couple of horses. I thought of you.”

Horses? Was he kidding? Where in the world would she keep horses, and why?

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I weren’t,” he said. “Your stables are in good condition; the paddock is large enough for six horses. It would only be for a short time.”

Floored at the request, Katherine was truly at a loss for words. “I have stables?”

“That’s why I’m asking,” Doc said.

Feeling foolish, she had to explain. “Doc, I didn’t know there were stables here.” When she’d bought the property, her main concern had been privacy. She didn’t even think to ask about anything else, and she never did explore the land.

“Oh, kiddo, I didn’t know.”

Katherine was embarrassed, and maybe that’s what prompted her to say, “If you say I have stables, then of course, I have stables. Tell your friend he can use them for as long as he needs to.” She wasn’t keen on the idea of a stranger on her property, but Doc had always been good to her, and she hated to say no to him.

“Thanks, K. You’re a lifesaver. The guy is only here for a short time. I’ll tell him as soon as I hang up. We’ll probably be there in a couple of hours. You do know this is a move in the right direction?”

She knew exactly what he was referring to. Maybe it was; maybe it wasn’t. She’d see how it played out, allowing a stranger to use stables she didn’t even know she had. “I suppose.”

“I’ll text you when we’re at the turnoff,” he said.

This being their usual routine, she agreed and then ended the call. She was clueless as to why he’d brought up his friend’s accident and his friend’s son. What did that have to do with the man who needed to stable his horses? Unable to make sense of his call other than the need to stable the horses, she hoped he’d fill her in, maybe add more details when he arrived.

Returning to her computer screen, she saw four girls were chatting on the fan page. Karrie included.

Bigfan216: You feel better?

klcLUV/007: Much. U in class?

Katherine glanced at the time on her screen. Dang, again she hadn’t factored that in. You couldn’t pull anything over on this small group of fans. She liked that about them. Now if she could keep up with her fake persona, she’d be okay.

Bigfan216: Library.

SKRfan4evr: Cool. Sneaking, huh?

Bigfan216: No, it’s allowed. Not everyone has a computer!

That came out of the blue. She hoped it was true in some schools.

klcLUV/007: Same here. We can use it at school for homework if we need to.

Score one point for a lucky lie. Not being honest with this set of fans bothered her. Had she made a mistake by allowing herself get too involved with them? Normally she would visit the page in the evenings. It gave her something to look forward to. Now she felt concerned for Karrie and decided it was her duty as moderator to keep watch over her. Not that she’d be able to do much other than phone the authorities, if needed, but who knew if Karrie’s stories were even true? She could be telling lies as easily as Katherine was. Katherine would try to pay closer attention to Karrie’s comments, log on as the moderator, and scroll through the comments made when she wasn’t online.

Blondebookbabe: Not here, they monitor you. Probably think we’re all looking at porn! LO

klcLUV/007: Gross.

Bigfan216: Your dad off your case now?

She couldn’t help asking. Coming from a “friend,” maybe it wouldn’t seem too nosy.

klcLUV/007: Not really.

Blondebookbabe: He must be a real jerk!

Bigfan216: Parents are weird sometimes!

A truthful statement for a change. Katherine had barely known her dad, as she’d spent little time with him. Even when he wasn’t traveling the world, he stayed in his study at home, with the doors always locked. Katherine thought of Audrey, the favored housekeeper and Tracie’s mother. Audrey told her to never knock on her father’s office door and never enter his study without his permission. Even if it was a matter of life and death. She remembered those words and what she’d experienced when she’d disobeyed them. Katherine often wondered if she had imagined what she’d seen. She’d been told she was prone to an overactive imagination as a child, and to this day, she wasn’t sure what was real and what was a figment of her imagination.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw WHS524 had logged on and focused her attention on him. If he even hinted at anything remotely inappropriate, she would kick him off. HotandCool would probably put him in his place before she could block him. She seemed to be the most aggressive of the group, though Blondebookbabe could hold her own, too. This small group of girls was tough, like the characters she’d created, minus the special powers she’d given them.

HotandCool: What about ur foster dad? Is he a jerk or what?

Katherine was grateful for the question, because it reminded her to stick to the persona she’d created. Darby supposedly lived with foster parents.

Bigfan216: He’s really cool, and my foster mom too!

She would be the girl with nice parents, but not too nice. Darby was still a teenager, and all teenagers butted heads with their parents sometimes.

WHS524 hadn’t offered an opinion. Maybe the man was a pervert. He might not even be a man. He could be whoever he wanted to be here, just like her. Maybe she should give him the benefit of doubt. It could be that he was like her. Lonely, with no real life to speak of.

klcLUV/007: You’re lucky, Darby.

Again, she wished Karrie would stop using her phony name; it reminded Katherine of her lies. But she’d have to continue. These girls would be blown away if they learned of her true identity.

HotandCool: Darby, huh? Let’s blow the handles, use our real names, just our first names. I’m Lola.

Blondebookbabe: Ashleigh.

SKRfan4evr: Melissa here.

WHS524: Walter.

Katherine knew it was up to her to acknowledge Walter and give him a chance to redeem himself.

Bigfan216: That’s my foster dad’s name!

Lies poured from her like water from a spigot.

HotandCool: So Walter , why aren’t you at work? You always seem to be on here.

A legitimate question. Katherine guessed he worked the night shift, if he was really a nurse. He wasn’t online early in the morning, at least when she’d been here, nor was he on late at night. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but most likely, he worked during the hours they slept. She decided to change her online routine to keep a closer eye on things.

WHS524: I have a job. Just mind your business.

HotandCool: Okay, Nurse Walter.

Blondebookbabe: LOL, Lola!

Bigfan216: Y’all be nice!

klcLUV/007: Yeah, poor Walter has to work!

WHS524: Wait until you’re an adult. You spoiled rotten brats won’t be laughing then.

Walter was a jerk.

HotandCool: Duh! You’re a creep, WALTER!

Blondebookbabe: Agree. Walter, why are you here?

A question Katherine wondered, as well.

WHS524: I am a reader and a fan. Isn’t that what this page is FOR???

Katherine heard her cell phone ping—it was a text message from Doc Baker.

Bigfan216: Gotta go! TTYL friends!

Sam and Sophie must’ve heard Doc’s old battered Ford truck, because they jumped out from their napping spots and were running around in circles, apparently waiting for her instructions. “Go,” she said, knowing both shepherds knew exactly what the word meant. They ran to the kitchen, waiting for her to open the door. She clicked out of the app, shut her computer down, and opened the doors for Sam and Sophie. In the kitchen, she made a pot of coffee for Doc Baker for the second time that day. She wasn’t sure what her other guests drank, but she’d ask when they arrived.

It occurred to her that she’d never had guests other than Doc Baker. Even he wasn’t a guest in the true sense of the word. He took care of Sam and Sophie. However, Katherine did consider him a friend, especially in her isolated world. Not a single soul besides him had ever entered her home. Her groceries and her online orders were always left by the door, and usually her delivery people would set bags and boxes as close to the door as they could without actually entering. That way, she didn’t have to go outside to the deck to bring her purchases into the house. Maybe Doc Baker was right. This could be the beginning of a positive change for her. Having control of her life for so long, it would be difficult to adjust to anything different, but at least she was giving the idea some thought. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel the usual beginnings of panic that normally hit her when she thought of going out into the world.

Katherine busied herself in the kitchen, scrubbing the sink after Duckie’s bath and wiping down the counters, though not excessively. She refused to let hyper cleanliness become a problem. With that in mind, she folded the cloth she’d used and placed it next to the dish detergent.

She heard Doc’s truck pulling in, along with another vehicle. She didn’t want to appear anxious, so she took a deep breath and then exhaled, hoping it would keep her calm while a stranger was inside her home. She could hear Sam and Sophie barking outside.

“K,” Doc Baker called out.

“In here! I’ve just made a fresh pot of coffee.” She’d ordered yet another fancy coffee maker a couple of weeks ago, and this was the first time she’d used it. This was coffee maker number four. She’d donate one to the delivery people. Or two.

Doc Baker came inside and sat down on a barstool. “Smells good, kiddo. I wanted to check with you before I asked those two inside for a quick introduction. You good with that?” His blue eyes were dark with concern.

Two? The guy with the horses and who else? Must be Doc’s friend’s son, Katherine reasoned. She took another deep breath and then said, “Sure, ask them to come inside.”

Uncertain if they’d been informed of her illness, she’d do her best to appear as normal as anyone else. Her hair was still in a long braid from yesterday, but Katherine raked her hand over the top of her head to smooth down any flyaway hairs. Glad she still wore the Nikes, she walked with Doc Baker to the open doors, standing beside him.

Leaning against the deck were two men, both around her age. Her heart rate increased and her face flushed when they stepped inside.

One man appeared average in height and weight, nothing remarkable about him other than his long sandy blond hair and his skin leathered from too much time in the sun. He stepped forward and held out his hand and introduced himself. “Carson Murphy.”

Katherine shook his hand. The words strong and capable came to mind, as his hands were callused and rough.

“Friends call me Car,” the man added, grinning.

She released his hand. “Carson, Car, I’m K.” She used Doc’s nickname for her. If these two didn’t know her pseudonym, she’d stick to the nickname for now. Katherine returned Car’s grin with a shy smile.

“I can’t thank you enough for the use of your stables,” Car said. “I won’t be here too long. I’ll be out of your hair in just a few days.”

It had been so long since she’d looked at a real live man close to her own age that she felt bashful. Worse, the still-silent man beside him was movie-star handsome. His hair was black as a raven’s wing, and he had light blue eyes. He was the complete opposite of his friend. He was very tall and very broad in the right places. Katherine took a deep breath again. She couldn’t believe two real live men were standing in her doorway.

“Tyler Newlon,” the other man said, offering his hand and smiling at her as if he knew her intimately.

He must be the psychiatrist. Wanting to appear normal, she shot him a slight smile. “Pleased to meet you,” Tyler said as she extended her hand to his. His hand was large yet smooth, unlike his friend’s. His fingers were cool as they touched hers. She liked the feel of his hand in hers. Momentarily surprised at her reaction, she quickly withdrew her hand, cramming both hands in her jeans pockets. She nodded, giving herself a couple of seconds to recover.

“You, too,” she finally replied. “I’ve made a pot of coffee.” Katherine turned toward the kitchen. “I’d like to hear all about your horses, if you’d care to tell me.”

Sam and Sophie chose that moment to barrel through the doors, panting, their tongues hanging out of their mouths. Slobbering, they circled Doc Baker like he was a piece of meat.

“Take a drink,” Katherine said to the dogs. They obeyed.

“Good dogs. You train them yourself?” asked Car.

Katherine took four mugs from the cabinet, filling them with coffee. The action was unfamiliar, since she normally only used two mugs. One for her, one for Doc Baker.

“I did. I’ve had them since they were pups. They’re brother and sister,” she told him, surprised at how relaxed she was.

She placed three mugs of coffee, a bowl of sugar, and cream on the kitchen island. “Please, help yourselves,” she said, thankful she’d remembered her social manners.

Carson reached for a cup, sipping the coffee without adding cream or sugar. Tyler and Doc drank their coffee black, as well. It pleased her that these men drank black coffee, for some odd reason. It came across as very manly to her, though she would never put a voice to these silly thoughts.

“I guess you ought to explain why you need the stables,” Doc Baker told Carson.

“Of course, yes. I’m a horse farmer in North Florida. Tyler and me, well, we’ve been buddies for as long as I can remember. We met in college, just like our fathers. I sold these two horses last week to a fella here in Blowing Rock. He’s building new stables, but they’re not quite finished. He needs four or five days at most. I hope this isn’t too long or too much trouble. I’m going to hang out with Tyler for a few days, and so I’ll take care of the horses. Hopefully you won’t even know they’re here.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind having them here,” Katherine said. Had Doc told him she hadn’t even realized she had stables? She hoped not. It was embarrassing. Maybe this would motivate her to change her lifestyle. It seemed like all she could think about was needing motivation to get her out of the house.

Sophie chose that moment to race out of the kitchen, only to quickly return with Duckie hanging from her mouth. The shepherd dropped the plush old lamb next to Doc Baker, her paw pressing on Duckie. It was her way of wielding power over toys and, sometimes, treats.

“What do we have here?” Doc asked, looking at Sophie’s trophy.

“Sophie, let me have that.” Katherine yanked Duckie from beneath the dog’s paw and placed the plush animal on the counter behind her. “An old childhood toy of mine,” she explained. “They brought this to me earlier. They must’ve found it on one of their jaunts outside. I cleaned the old thing up a bit, though I have no idea how it wound up outside.” She smiled a truly genuine smile. It felt good to have a conversation with people face-to-face.

“I didn’t see it when I looked earlier. Bet they had it buried out there,” Doc Baker stated.

“Probably,” Katherine said—though wouldn’t it then have been covered in dirt? It didn’t matter, but she still couldn’t help being curious about how her old pal found its way out of the house. Maybe it was a hint in some weird way, telling her she needed to go outside and join the world again. Or someone watching me put it there for me to find. Impossible. Stop it, Katherine! she scolded herself .

She waited for the panic to start, but when she felt nothing, she took it as a sign that perhaps she could overcome all of the irrational things preventing her from living a normal life.

Carson drained the rest of his coffee and said, “I’d best get those horses stabled before they go stir crazy cooped up in the trailer.”

“Yep, let’s get them in their temporary home,” Doc Baker said. “Tyler, you wanna give K Carson’s contact info while I help him with the horses?”

“Sure thing,” Tyler said.

Doc and Carson thanked Katherine again, then left to take care of the horses. Sam and Sophie bolted out the door, following Doc Baker outside.

Katherine’s heart thumped so loud, she was sure it could be heard. It wasn’t out of fear. Could it be even slightly possible that she was excited to be alone with a very handsome man? Maybe?

Tyler removed a pen from his shirt pocket and a business card. He jotted something down on the back of the card, then gave it to her. She accepted the card.

“Just in case there’s a problem with the horses, here is Carson’s info,” Tyler said, then added, “My personal cell number is on the back.”

“Sure.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“Doc told me you stay inside,” Tyler said, his tone completely normal.

It wasn’t Doc’s place to say that, though she knew he wanted her to get help. What better way than to bring a shrink to her house? She wanted to be angry at Doc, yet couldn’t, as she knew how concerned he was for her. She nodded. “I do.” Feeling a dreaded warmth spreading throughout her body, Katherine turned away for a moment. She didn’t want him to see her shame.

“Anytime you want to talk about it, call me. I want to help, but only when you’re ready.”

“I’ll think about it, but I won’t promise anything,” she said, her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat. “I don’t like to talk about this.”

“I can tell, but talking is healing.” He smiled at her. She felt butterflies in her stomach and a flutter in her heart. She nodded in agreement, wishing he’d leave. But another part wished she had the courage to take him up on his offer to help her.

“I’ve helped people in your situation before, with a lot of success,” he continued.

That’s encouraging , she thought. “I promise to give your offer serious thought. I know the way I live isn’t normal, but I’m relatively happy.” Even though she’d structured her life around her agoraphobia—a word she normally did her best not to think of or verbalize—there would be a time she would have to leave her house. Unsure of when that would be or what would force her from her safe space, she acknowledged this was a small step toward change.

“When you’re ready,” he said. “I make house calls.”

Oddly enough, she wasn’t experiencing any panicky feelings now. Just thinking about a world beyond her mountain sanctuary could send her into a full-blown panic attack. But there was nothing now. She took a calming breath, releasing it slowly. “Doc Baker told me about your father, too.”

Tyler chuckled. “That old coot was on his Harley on his way to a house call when he . . . bit the dust.”

Katherine watched Tyler’s stark blue eyes shine with humor. “I’m sorry. Doc told me about it, though he didn’t say he was going to make a house call. I hope he’s okay—and his patient, too.”

“Dad will be just fine. He’s a tough old dude, like Doc. His patients are under my friend’s care until he’s back on his feet.”

Out of the blue, Katherine wondered if Tyler was a good kisser. Where did that thought come from? Even though she hadn’t verbalized it, she felt brazen even thinking it, and felt her cheeks start to burn.

“Would you want to have dinner sometime?” Tyler asked.

She stared at him, shocked by his question.

“I’m sorry. Forget I said that. I don’t know what’s come over me. A beautiful woman is rare around here,” he said, looking outside, where they could hear the horses neighing as Doc and Car hustled them to the stables.

“I’d love to,” Katherine said, “if you let me make dinner.”

Several seconds passed before he replied, “Really?” He was clearly surprised that she’d accepted his invitation.

“Really. I enjoy cooking. It will give me something to look forward to,” she said. He grinned at her, sending her heart racing wildly for reasons other than the prospect of making dinner. Was she so out of touch that she’d fallen for the first attractive guy that entered her home?

“Tomorrow?” he asked.

“Perfect,” Katherine told him.

He was making this too easy. Was it because of her condition? Had he asked so he could play psychiatrist? He seemed too eager, she decided. Struck with newfound boldness, she asked, “Will I be serving Tyler or Dr. Newlon?”

Laughing, he replied, “Good question. I’d like to have dinner with you to get to know you better. I’m always Tyler and a doctor. I know where you’re headed with this; I won’t be psychoanalyzing you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Katherine guessed that he was used to this. She nodded. “I am.”

“I understand if you change your mind,” he said.

A bit too quickly, she added, “No, not at all. I just had to make sure.” Offering a shy smile, she continued. “I enjoy playing around in the kitchen.”

He laughed. It was contagious. She began to laugh with him. “Cooking. Not what we’re both thinking.” It was unbelievable that she was speaking to a complete stranger like she really knew him. It blindsided her. Maybe they would become friends.

“How does seven tomorrow evening sound?” he asked.

That was normally time she spent with her Friendlink fans, but she thought dinner with him sounded way more exciting. “Perfect.”

“Tomorrow, then,” he said, lightly brushing her cheek with his fingertips.

“Seven o’clock,” she whispered, because she was as close to speechless as she’d ever been.