Page 4
Story: Fight or Flight
“I ’ll be right there,” Katherine called out, hearing someone knocking on the kitchen door. That must be why the dogs were barking. She pulled on a pair of jeans she’d tossed on the chair last night along with a gray T-shirt. After hurriedly dressing, she ran downstairs, both dogs on her heels.
Doc Baker tapped on the drape-less French doors.
“Sorry. I was up most of the night,” Katherine explained, opening the door. She really should consider blinds or some other type of window covering. I couldn’t hide if I wanted to, Katherine thought as she stood aside. “Come on in.” Sam and Sophie danced around the vet, tails wagging so fast they created a breeze. “Looks like they’re happy to see you,” Katherine said.
Doc Baker was probably in his late sixties and was in excellent physical condition. He was tall with broad shoulders, a full head of silver hair, and bright blue eyes that lit up when he smiled. Time had been good to him.
He stooped down and held one hand out for the dogs, offering them a treat. When they gobbled it up, he used his free hand to get a hold of Sam. Doc reached into his shirt pocket for a penlight and quickly examined Sam’s eyes. Once satisfied, he removed another treat from his pocket, and held it out to Sophie. Always eager for treats from Doc Baker, she approached him, enabling him to check out her eyes, too. His examination complete, he took out two more treats and tossed them high in the air. “Good pups.” He always referred to them as pups , even though they were four years old.
“So, what do you think?” Katherine asked him.
Shaking his head side to side, he said, “Their pupils are normal, no glassiness in the eyes. I’ll stand by what I said last night. Something probably scared them.”
Katherine nodded. “I’ve never seen them act that way before. Reminded me of a wild animal.”
“Could be that’s what scared them. You said they were sleeping, then went a bit cuckoo?”
She nodded.
“They hear sounds humans can’t. I’d hazard a guess and say they heard a wild animal. Maybe it hurt their ears, and they reacted. I will look around the property and see what, if anything, is out there. Tracks, carnage. I’ll be back shortly. You’ve got a lot of land to cover, but I’ll search closest to the house. You said they’d been out back earlier? Their usual jaunt out those doors?” He nodded toward the French doors. He’d spent time outside with the pair many times before, so knew their habits.
“I always let them out through these doors and can usually see them from the kitchen and the office windows.” The fact that she didn’t know their exact outdoor routine once they were out of her sight hung in the air.
Doc Baker nodded his head. “We’ll talk when I’m back.”
“I’ll make breakfast,” Katherine said, smiling. She was grateful for someone other than herself to prepare a meal for. Adam was the last man she’d cooked for.
“I’ll take ya up on that offer,” Doc said before heading out.
Katherine spent the next half hour preparing brioche French toast, crispy bacon, and fluffy scrambled eggs. Lastly, she made a whole pot of coffee, knowing Doc Baker was a coffee connoisseur just like her. She wasn’t a huge breakfast lover, but she did enjoy the smell of frying bacon, and the coffee sent a pleasant aroma throughout her kitchen.
Doc Baker tapped on the door, then came inside, both dogs tagging behind him. “I didn’t find a thing—no tracks, no evidence of a wild animal. Nothing human, either.”
Startled, Katherine put down the pot of coffee she held. “What do you mean ‘human’?”
“Just what I said. There’s nothing out there. No tire tracks where the dogs romp around, no footprints.”
“That’s reassuring,” she told him, even though it didn’t do much to settle her nerves. That persistent feeling of someone watching her still bothered her, but she didn’t think it warranted mentioning. Just one more thing to add to her list of issues.
She handed him a mug of coffee and nodded toward the kitchen’s large island. “Have a seat.” She handed over a plate piled high with eggs, several slices of bacon, and a stack of French toast.
“If I ate like this every day, I think I’d be in trouble. Looks delicious.” He dug into his food, stopping to wash it down with coffee. When he finished, he placed a hand on his stomach. “This’ll do me until dinner.”
Katherine grinned. “Glad you enjoyed it.”
He took his empty plate to the sink, rinsed it off, then put it on the drainboard. She’d rewash and rinse his dishes later.
“So, K”—Doc always called her that—“tell me what’s going on with this staying-in-the-house business. I’ve known you for four years, and you’ve never brought the dogs into my clinic. I always bring them myself.”
Her face turned ten shades of red. She thought he knew the extent of her disorder. Apparently, he didn’t.
He held both palms out. “I know the medical terms, kiddo. As a friend, I’d like to offer my help. I’ve got a buddy in Asheville. He was my roommate in college, and we’ve been friends ever since. He practices psychiatry. Kind of like me, he makes house calls. You wanna talk to him?”
Visions of a doctor trying to persuade Katherine to leave her home were too much. Instantly her throat was dry, and she could barely swallow. She just shook her head.
“You probably don’t need to hear this, but I was a medical doctor before I became a veterinarian. Found I liked animals a lot more than humans.” He watched her carefully. “Here.” He pulled out a barstool. “Calm down. I’ll get you some water.”
Wanting him to leave, she now regretted her spur-of-the-moment invitation. She did as instructed and took a sip of water, despite how difficult it was to swallow. Embarrassed, she looked away when he made eye contact.
“K, I’d better scoot. Though promise me you’ll think about this?”
Finally focusing her gaze on his, she nodded. “It’s not a choice,” she whispered as he turned away.
He nodded before leaving through the open doors.
But it was a choice , she thought after he’d left. She chose to stay away from the outside world, finding comfort in the cocoon she’d created for herself, one she felt relatively happy with. Technology made her life livable. She had everything she needed, minus a relationship. After her experience with Adam, having a man in her life wasn’t a top priority, though she often wondered if her life would’ve been different had Adam survived the bombing. They’d discussed marriage and in general terms if they wanted children, topics couples discussed as the relationship progressed. Theirs hadn’t been a long relationship, though it’d been intense in a good way.
Focusing on Sam and Sophie, Katherine gave each a good scratch between the ears. She was unsure if she should leave the kitchen doors open, giving them free rein to run in and out as normal. Thinking better of it, she shut the doors with her foot, continuing to give her dogs attention.
“You two have to stay with me today,” she said, before returning to the kitchen. She washed Doc Baker’s plate, cup, and flatware five times and still felt she needed to repeat the process. But she stopped herself before she reached for the plate yet again. This was insane. She vowed she wouldn’t allow this excessive dishwashing to become another uncontrollable habit. She was sure that she could do this on her own; she didn’t need a physician to tell her it was abnormal.
After tidying the kitchen, she went to her office, which was also the dining room. She supposed she could have used one of the bedrooms as an office, but they remained empty to this day. Having her office here, she could see straight through to the kitchen and the living room. Because one of the dining room walls had floor-to-ceiling windows, she positioned her desk so she had a view of the incredible Blue Ridge Mountains. Fall was her favorite season. She would gaze at the mountains with all of their jewel-toned colors. She often spent hours staring out the windows. It kept her from feeling claustrophobic. She felt fine looking outside, even opening the doors. She just could not bring herself to put one foot out the door. Every time she tried, it was always the same ending. Living alone, she couldn’t risk another blackout. She had to remain alert at all times, because for years, she felt like she was being watched. Crazy , she thought. “Enough, Katherine,” she said out loud.
Booting up her laptop, she clicked on her calendar, a practice she’d yet to give up, knowing exactly what plans she had for today—paying bills. Most days were the same as the ones before. Katherine paid her electricity bill, her cell-phone bill, and the company that monitored her security system. All of this came at a price, and she knew she’d gone a bit overboard on the security system. But it kept her safe, and that’s all that mattered.
Her thoughts drifted back to the night before. She closed out the calendar and opened her email, wondering if Karrie had responded to her last message. Scanning through dozens of emails advertising everything from sunscreen to organic beans, she deleted them. There was nothing from Karrie, so she opened her Friendlink fan page to see if she was online. She was probably in class, though most kids had cell phones, and Katherine knew they were allowed to bring them to school. Suddenly a message from another user popped up.
HotandCool: Hey girl, what’s up?
Bigfan216: School.
HotandCool: Utah starts early!
Katherine had forgotten about the time difference.
Bigfan216: Getting ready, I mean. Makeup, hair, takes 4evr!
HotandCool: I gotcha.
While Katherine appreciated the conversation, she wished Karrie would log on. More than a bit concerned after last night, she could only hope the poor girl’s emails hadn’t been discovered by her father. If she was being truthful about his abuse, who knew what could have happened. Why Katherine had involved herself in her fan’s issues last night was beyond her, other than sheer loneliness. She typed another message.
Bigfan216: Super long hair, it takes a lot of time!
She realized her mistake, but before she could delete her comment, she saw the gray dots indicating HotandCool was responding.
HotandCool: Pic shows hair very short!
Bigfan216: It’s from a couple of years ago. Acne is too bad now; no pics!
Karrie logged on.
HotandCool: hi!
klcLUV/007: hi back!
Bigfan216: hey, friend!
Katherine added “friend,” wanting to remind Karrie of their conversation last night.
klcLUV/007: hey, y’all at school?
She wasn’t going to respond to that question. She’d screwed up already talking about her long hair.
HotandCool: Study hall!
klcLUV/007: I’m home, I feel crappy.
Bigfan216: Like crappy how? You got a cold or something?
klcLUV/007: cramps.
HotandCool: sorry, not good.
Bigfan216: ugh, that sucks.
klcLUV/007: part of being female. Guys couldn’t handle it! :)
SKRfan4evr: What’s up? I’m in English class. booor-rring!
HotandCool: klcLUV/007 has her period. Cramps. She gets to skip school.
SKRfan4evr: Cool, at least ur not pregnant!
klcLUV/007: Not hardly!!!
HotandCool: I think klcLUV/007 is a V-I-R-G-I-N!!!!
Bigfan216: Not our biz.
WHS524: You’re all disgusting. This is a book discussion page only—no personal issues allowed. I’m reporting all of you to the moderator. You all act like whores.
HotandCool: Hey, screw off, old man. Yeah, I read your profile. WTF are YOU doing here?
Katherine considered switching to her other profile used for moderating but didn’t think she’d use it just yet. These were kids expressing themselves in their own way. She agreed with HotandCool . Why was an older man on her fan page? While she appreciated readers of all ages worldwide, he was bossy. She decided then that she wasn’t very fond of WHS524, but she’d let him slide for now.
WHS524: You’re all disgusting. I’ll make sure every one of you is removed from this page! You just wait.
SKRfan4evr: whatcha gonna do, old man? Delete us??? Hunt us down and eat us alive?
Bigfan216: I say we forget this conversation!!! He’s just tryin’ to piss us off.
klcLUV/007: I agree with Darby, uh, Bigfan216. Sorry!
So much for using handles.
Bigfan216: No worries, but let’s stick to using handles. Who knows what that creep is gonna do?
WHS524: That’s enough. You wait, all of you!
He logged off then. Unsure if she should take his words as a threat, Katherine decided she would block him if he continued his insults.
Katherine wanted to steer the conversation away from that creep and lighten the mood.
Bigfan216: Frig him. He’s outta here! I wanna talk about BOOKS!
klcLUV/007: I’m reading Frankenstein again!
Bigfan216: Creepy!
SKRfan4evr: Saw that old movie once! Never read the book.
Blondebookbabe: Hey chickies!! What’s happenin’ ???
HotandCool: We’re talking about books!
klcLUV//16: I’m reading Frankenstein , BOO!
Blondebookbabe: Awesome. I read that last year. Saw the movie too.
Bigfan216: Don’t like horror books or movies.
That was true. It was probably the only time she’d been completely honest since forming the page a few years ago. For some reason, she felt comfortable among these girls. She’d had fans come and go, but this group seemed tight, like they’d cover one another’s backs if need be—a real-life group of Girls with Unusual Powers.
SKRfan4evr: I’ll scope it out next library visit. I’ll kill myself if we don’t get the next GWUP soon!!!
klcLUV/007: Don’t say that! We’d miss you here.
SKRfan4evr: Duh, it’s a figure of speech.
klcLUV/007: You never know. Suicides happen.
SKRfan4evr: Frig that! I’m not suicidal. I’m “dying” for the next book in the series. Geez!!!
klcLUV/007: Sorry, I lost someone I cared about that way. I’m PARANOID!!!!
Katherine felt terrible for Karrie, but a discussion about suicide wasn’t something she thought appropriate, at least not on this forum. It should be discussed at school or with their parents. They were young girls—at least, she hoped they were. Possibly some were vulnerable, so she felt the topic needed to go in another direction.
Bigfan216: Sorry, this topic is too morbid for me. What about boys?!?!?
HotandCool: My fav! Except for GWUP!
Blondebookbabe: Me too. I’ve met the hottest senior! OMG, he’s to die for. Oops! Sorry about that.
SKRfan4evr: how hot is hottest?!
Blondebookbabe: all the way hot!
Katherine couldn’t help but laugh. These girls were fun; she’d bet they were a little wild. She liked them, and it didn’t matter that they were only names on her computer screen. She felt like they were her friends. She would make sure to check in several times daily. Katherine worried about Karrie; with her mother gone and having lost a friend to suicide, she truly did need someone to confide in. Deciding the current subject matter was better left to teenagers, she logged off and would check in later.
What a sad life , Katherine thought after she’d closed the app. Depending on the Internet for everything wasn’t the life she’d planned, yet here she was, alone in a mansion. Of course she knew things could change if she tried working through her fears. She remembered reading a book about it: Feel the Fear and Just Go for It . Maybe it was time to take all the advice she’d gathered throughout the years and put it to use. She needed to learn Sam and Sophie’s stomping grounds, literally. After last night, it made sense. Katherine couldn’t imagine her life without them. They’d helped her in so many ways. She owed it to them to protect them as best she could.
With that thought in mind, she closed the laptop and hurried upstairs to her room. Inside her closet, she found a pair of sneakers that had to be at least a decade old, though they looked fairly new. White Nikes. She remembered buying them in Boston. She’d kept them in her locker at the gym. She would work out almost daily, feeling a rush of endorphins afterward. If only she could do that now. With all the property she owned, it would take a lot of running to familiarize herself with her land, and she’d for sure wear out her sneakers. Just thinking about it made her feel jumpy and on edge, though oddly enough, she had no anxiety. Before she lost this sudden surge of confidence, she slid her feet into her sneakers, and, as she tied them, Sam and Sophie sniffed them. “I do have shoes, ya know,” she teased the dogs. They were used to her Ugg slippers, which she always ordered from the website. She’d forgotten what a good-fitting pair of sneakers felt like. Sam and Sophie trailed alongside her to the kitchen, where the scent of bacon and coffee lingered. After Katherine opened the French doors, both dogs raced outside, as was their routine.
Did she really believe she could walk outside?
She stood in front of the open doors, a cool mountain breeze enticing her, tempting her. It was nearing the end of September, and the trees were starting to show off their vibrant colors. She so desperately wanted to go outside, walk along her property line, jump in piles of leaves, roast marshmallows, and do what normal people did. Without further thought, she took a small step out onto the deck, farther than she’d ever been.
Waiting for the onslaught of physical sensations to hit her, Katherine only felt a mild tightening in her throat. She was conscious of her heartbeat, but didn’t feel the usual rapid pounding in her chest. She daringly took another step farther out, when all the familiar symptoms of an anxiety attack suddenly forced her back inside. Closing the doors, she slid to the floor, frightened. She began to sweat, her hands trembling. She wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to still them. The room spun like one of those old metal merry-go-rounds she and Tracie used to play on at the park when they were little girls. Shutting her eyes, she focused on the feel of the hardwood floor beneath her, the chill in the air. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes, and the room stopped spinning.
Taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling seemed to calm her, so she repeated the process. After a few minutes, she was steady enough, forcing herself to stand, then peered out the doors, looking for her dogs. They were nowhere in sight, but she could hear them barking. They weren’t far away, just out of her sight. She opened the doors farther for them.
She spied Doc Baker’s dishes on the drainboard, but instead of rewashing them, she walked away. She had no urge to rewash them. At least for now. “Good,” Katherine said, needing to hear a human voice and not caring if it was her own. As she was preparing to make a cup of tea, both dogs bolted through the open doors, the click of their nails on the hardwood sounding louder than normal. “Hey, you two.” She turned, then stopped when she saw Sam’s jaw clenched around a ball of fur.