Page 33 of Fast Break

Thirty-Three

Palmer

I'm having a shittypractice. And everyone knows it.

"York,"CoachArkhady bellows."Pullyour head out of yourass. My niece does a better job in goal than you are today, and she's a six-year-old who doesn't know her left from right."

"Yes,Coach."

I don't improve much the rest of the day, which ends up being one of the longest of my life.

The coaches keep me afterpractice, drilling me repeatedly, until I stop looking like a U10 rookie out there.

Every muscle aches, though not as much as my heart.

I forgo the therapy pool and take aquickshower, anxious to go home and soak in my tub.

Tishais waiting for me at my car when I leave. The look on her face is so kind, I want to sob. Or punch something. My mood right now could go either way."If you stuck around to tell me topullit together, you can save your breath. I know."

"I know you know. Just like I knowCoachhas already chewed you a new one, so you don't need me to do it."

I unlock my door, but she remains leaning against it."I'm exhausted, T. Can we talktomorrow?"

"That's what you said on Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. Well, girl, now it's Thursday and we have agametomorrow. A pretty important one. I don't think we canpushthis talk off any longer."

I nod once."Where's your car?"I look around, but I don't see her Camaro.

"Manny dropped me off. I brought a sleepover bag."She lifts a small duffel I didn't see before."But no alcohol."

"I know, biggametomorrow."

I drive her back to my apartment, spending the time together rehashing strategy and discussing the first playoffgametomorrow. It's not until we're settled in, pajamas on, ESPN2 on for background noise, that sheasksme the dreaded question.

"What happened to you andCharlie?"

"It's over."I tell her the whole story, much of it she already knew about, filling in details here and there. When I get to the events of the past weekend, I'm able toholdit together until the very end.

"When I got home, I had a text from him I hadn't seen since I didn't have my phone on me all day. It explains why he looked confused when I showed up. It basically said something came up and hewasn'tgoing to be free for a while."

But itwasn'tsomething. It was some one . Otherwise, why would we go back to using a condom on our last night?

"I did it again,"I sob into her shoulder."I let my heart get involved. I didn't learn a damn thing and I'm pretty sure I've lost one of my best friends in the process."

"Hey,hey,hey."Tishastrokes my hair."You did learn something. You learned how tostandup to your parents. You learned how beautiful and strong you are. You learned your limits. So don't go thinking this was a pointless exercise."

I hiccup."I just feel so awful. I've never felt this bad before.

Not afterBrennandumped me. Not after any of my other boyfriends, all of whom I was planning futures with.

So why does ithurtso much when I went into this knowing there was no future withCharlie?

Itwasn'tuntil that last night when I realized how much I loved him that I even entertained the notion he could possibly love me back. So why does thishurtsofuckingmuch?"

Tishasighs."Maybe because this is the first time you truly loved someone. All those other times you thought you were in love. You complained to me that you always fell too hard, too fast. Did youfallforCharlieon Day One?"

I hiccup again."N-no."

"See?"she says."Thiswasn'ta burn-fast-and-hot shooting star. That's why this hurts so much."

"What do I do now?"I askTisha.

"Right now? You let this thing between you two breathe.

Play your heart out for theteam. Put all your energy and focus in the goal and on leading your defense.

And when you're done, you're gonna knock on that man's door and you're gonna tell himexactlyhow you feel about him. Put it all on the line, come what may."

"And if he rejects me? Again?"I sniffle.

"Then we'll go get drunk and I'll help youpickup the pieces."

Ilaughand tip my head to her shoulder."Thanks,Tisha. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"That's what friends are for. Now let's get to bed. We've got anass-whooping to hand out to Denvertomorrownight."

I take Tisha's advice and putCharlieout of my mind, pouring my entire heart and soul into the playoffs.

When we make it to the Championship Game, I call my parents and invite them to come out towatch, even though it means traveling to New Jersey to play Philadelphia on a neutral field. To my surprise, both of them say yes.

I haven't seenCharlieall week. Someone mentioned he'd been working more up in the office or in the broadcast booth. ButI have a feeling I'll see him tonight at this final game. I try not to think about it as we go through our pregame rituals. My focus is on thegameone last time.

CoachArkhady fires us up, and we emerge from the tunnel ready to take on the Stars. I look over to where friends and families are seated, and see my parents sitting with the Wainwrights. I lift mystickin a wave and they cheer. Even my mother.

After the anthem, we take our positions on thefield.

At the draw, Philly takes possession and makes a fastbreak.

But we're ready, and the opponent takes ashotthat bounces off the right post and is picked up by Marisol.

She makes aquickpass to Ava, who takes it down to the opposite arc.

After a few passes, Allie takes ashot, sending it perfectly into the net.

We've drawn first blood. I bang the posts with mystick, myteammateson and off thefieldshouting in celebration.

I lock in and prepare for the next draw.

It's a fast-pacedgameand we're evenly matched.

After our first few goals, Philly finds its stride and begins matching us goal for goal.

At halftime, Philly has cut our lead down to three.

I'm following everyone out of the locker room when I spotCharlieand my heart somersaults. He doesn't see me, so I hang back anddrink him in. He looks the same as ever. I can’t see who he’s speaking with, but when he smiles, I'm blindsided. Whoever it is gets the two-dimple treatment. A beautiful brunette steps into view to reach up on tiptoe andkisshis cheek. I’m not surprised, but another piece of my heart chips off and floats away.

I can't afford tostand hereanymore. I snap on my helmet and rush out to thefieldto take my place.

The second half is grueling. I'm peripherally aware Charlie’s on the sidelines now, but my focus is where it should be—on thefield.

Our lead is down to one with only a minute left on the clock.

Ava makes ashotbrilliantly blocked by the Stars' goalie.

She clears it acrossfieldto a player who'd been sitting in my blind spot on the right. The attackermovesacross the arc.

"Cutter!"I shout.

My defense is on it and she takes ashoteasily deflected. But the ref blows her whistle."Shooting space,"she calls.

It's a penalty on us. Andi put her body in the path of the attacker, resulting in our opponent being awarded a freeshotfrom the 8-meter arc."I'm sorry,"Andi pants, hands on her knees.

"It's all right. Shake it off."I bang each of my posts and crouch into position. Andimovesbehind the attacker and defense lines up along the arc, ready to crash the net. I draw in a fewdeepbreaths to center myself.

I study the Philly player'sshouldersfor any indication if she's going high or low with theshot.

The whistle blows. She angles left, hershoulderscoming up.

I straighten slightly and move my focus to the head of herstickto anticipate the release.

One step, two steps... she swings herstick, the bright yellow ball coming at me.

My eyes are on it, and working on instinct, Ipushout in time for it to bounce off the side of mystickhead.

It drops down and I scoop it up on the ricochet.

The crowd noise is deafening. The clock winds down.

I wait until the last possible second before stepping out of the crease and into the arc.

Swinging my eyes back and forth, I look for someone open to take the clear, but Philly covers our players like ants on a picnic sandwich.

Iruntoward centerfield, keeping my cradle tight, dodging checks from the opponents.

Someone calls my name and I find Allie, who's shaken her defender behind the opposite net.

I rear back andpushmystickforward, sending the ball sailing.

She catches it and wraps the crease, dumping it in behind the goalie before the other woman has time to react.

This whistle blows, signifying the goal just as the horn announces the end of thegame. We've done it. We're the league champions.

I catchCharlie'seye during all the celebrating on thefield, which he is, of course, capturing for the socials. He grins widely andgivesme a thumbs up. I smile back and shake mystick.

"Too bad we won't be enjoying his flavor of eye candy nextseason,"Jewel sighs next to me.

"What do you mean?"I ask.

"I heard he's transferring to the Red Hawks. I think someone said he's moving back to Annapolis."

I spin around, my heart in my throat, but now I can't find him. The crowd has swallowed him up.