Page 28 of Fallen Starboy

Chapter

Twenty-Three

ARISTA

Feeling Jun inside me was a glimmer of something I hadn’t let myself hope to ever feel again in real life.

Having him inside me now, raw, unprotected, filling me with his fucking volatile seed when I knew damn well that no birth control was foolproof, was flirting with danger.

And yet, somehow, it was more of a turn on than anything I’d ever imagined in the seven years since we’d been apart.

I wanted his kids. I wanted all of them. No other woman had touched him since I left, and when he admitted that, I realized that I didn’t want to even think about another woman ever getting close enough to try.

I wanted him so badly it ached, like a festering bullet wound, or a missing limb in the throes of phantom pain. But being with him meant taking a huge risk, and putting more than just myself in serious danger.

I couldn’t do that to him, and especially not our daughter.

Yejin was innocent in all this.

Jun, ever the fucking gentleman, wandered off to the attached bathroom in search of a washcloth to clean up with. I didn’t expect to see him wander back in with a second one in his hand. I certainly didn’t expect him to spread my legs again at the end of the bed and clean me up, as well.

Jun in his youth had never been so attentive. So careful. So considerate.

I stayed silent as his hands revived arousal in me, tempting me to beg for more. I wanted this moment to stretch on forever, because the second we put our clothes back on, we’d go back to being two people who couldn’t be together.

No matter how much we both wanted to be.

He slipped his pants back on too soon, the zipper like the closing song on the album of our relationship.

My eyes fell to the floor, where I spotted his shirt, and I let one last tear fall before I stood up and marched into my closet, searching for literally anything that felt like a shield.

I needed every defense against his demands, because I knew what was coming next.

I knew what Jun’s plans were. What he wanted. What he expected.

And I couldn’t give it to him.

Or could I?

Was this just an irrational fear that kept me from having what we both so desperately wanted?

Jun stuck his head in the closet as I pulled a sweater from the hanger, a frown on his face as he looked around. “You don’t have a bag ready?”

“I’m not leaving, Jun.” I turned away from him again, shame rising in me at the hurt that flashed in his eyes. “What we just had was great and all, but I can’t?—”

“I’ll be damned if I’m leaving you behind to face this shit on your own, Arista Rae.

” He marched into my closet, rummaged around until he found a suitcase, and began tearing things from hangers and shelves, tossing it haphazardly into the waiting space.

“You’re coming with us, where you belong.

So just get that self-sacrificial shit out of your head right now and get with the program. ”

I stared in stunned silence, one leg in my sweatpants, the other still very much naked, as he sifted through my lingerie drawer and picked out a few lacy numbers, and then some surprisingly comfortable options as well. “What are you doing?” I asked him quietly, in stunned disbelief. “Jun, I said?—”

“I’m taking you with us if I have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out. Please don’t make me set a bad example for our daughter.”

The zipper on the suitcase was another sound of finality. As if the conversation was closed because he said so.

I didn’t have the heart to argue. Hell, a part of me was elated that for once in my life, someone wanted to protect me. That I didn’t have to do this all alone anymore.

“What are you going to tell Yejin?” I said quietly, tucking my undershirt into the sweatpants with a sigh.

Jun set a pair of running shoes in front of my feet with a grin. “We are going to tell her the truth, like I should have done the minute she was old enough to understand.”

I hadn’t expected this turn of events. And so fast, too.

“Are you sure?”

He took my hand as I slipped into the shoes, tugging me out of the closet with my suitcase in his other fist. “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life, Ari.

I’ve wasted seven years. I’m not wasting a second more.

” He grabbed my purse in the kitchen, turned off the lights as we left each room, and turned to me at the main door. “Keys? Meds? Anything else you need?”

I shook my head. “My whole life is in my purse. I’m all set.”

Jun needed no further encouragement. He ushered me into the hall, and then down to the car, where Pujin and Yejin were busy playing cards between the front and back seats.

Yejin didn’t even look up as the door opened, but Pujin met my gaze with a little smile and a wink. “I’m so glad you’re both here, finally. Yejin’s cleaning me out of spending money. Whoever taught her to play poker really should be shot.”

I cringed at the joke, but said nothing, turning my stare to Jun instead, who looked suspiciously embarrassed.

He peeked at my lifted brows and then cleared his throat. “It wasn’t me–I suck at poker. Hey, Pujin, can you pop the trunk for me? This suitcase isn’t gonna fit in the back seat.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Kim,” he said with a sigh, setting down a card between him and Yejin. “I lost this hand, anyhow.”

Yejin beamed as she picked up the cards and tucked them between her tiny fingers, shuffling them like a seasoned card player. “Uncle Minnie taught me! He says I’m as good as Uncle Jinnie.”

I slid into the seat to her left, very much afraid to make a sudden movement, lest I spook the tenuous situation.

“Maybe I’ll let you take some of my money someday, then,” I teased, silently cursing Minseo in my head.

That fucker taught my daughter how to play poker.

Who knew how long she’d been playing to be able to beat a grown man. “Uncle Minseo teach you anything else?”

The grin on her lips grew wider, practically encompassing her whole face as Jun slid into the other side of the backseat, eyeing us warily. “Oh, lots! He always taught me something new whenever they came home from tours.”

The whole ride to the hotel was filled with Yejin’s endless admissions as to what, exactly her uncle had taught her over the years. How to swim. How to fish. How to mimic accents. How to solve riddles. How to play her favorite song on the guitar.

How to sneak a bird into the house. How to kidnap feral cats. How to five finger discount the company pens when nobody was looking. How to play poker. How to practically clone someone’s voice on the phone.

Minseo had been a busy uncle, apparently.

I wanted to be angry, but realistically, I couldn’t be. After all, it was my own fault that she’d been left with several barely legal aged boys who had no idea how to raise a child. It was inevitable that she’d pick up some of their more questionable skills and habits.

Did I even deserve to have a say in parenting her if I stayed with Jun?

Was I actually contemplating staying with him for a long haul? It wasn’t like he’d asked me to fucking marry him, after all.

The hotel garage was quiet as the car rolled to a stop in the underground VIP parking section.

Our security team was already in place, and I breathed a sigh of relief as Pujin got out of the car and did his preliminary sweep, deeming everything to be okay enough for the three of us to get out.

Two burly men grabbed our bags from the trunk and led us to the elevator, where we traveled in silence to the fifteenth floor.

It was the only floor that required a special passcode to even take the elevator to. The chance of someone getting to us there was practically nonexistent.

Jun’s hand wrapped around mine reassuringly as I tapped my fingers against my leg, effectively calming my nerves as we watched the floor numbers tick by, finally reaching our destination. “Relax,” he leaned over to whisper, placing a soft, fleeting kiss on my cheek.

I damn near fell over from shock. Panicked and embarrassed, my eyes scanned the small group of us, relieved that Pujin and the other two guards, as well as Yejin, were all facing away from us. If they’d seen, I might’ve died on the spot.

“I am relaxed,” I hissed, rolling my eyes even though my heart was doing flips.

For seven years, I’d yearned to feel this way with him again.

Mourned the loss of something I thought I stood no chance of repairing.

And now, here we were, mending something I’d broken out of fear, out of a misguided belief that they’d be safer if I was out of the picture.

After all, a kpop star could very well still have a career with a hidden kid.

But a kpop star whose affections were with a specific someone?

A star who’d admitted that he wanted to leave the kpop scene behind and start a family?

I was more dangerous to the idea of a perfect pop star than the illicit kid.

Or so I’d thought.

While Jun settled Yejin in the adjoining room, I took a moment to check the exits and viewpoints. I knew it was Pujin’s job to deal with security, but after everything, I wanted to be sure. Now that I was here, I wanted to see that we were safe with my own two eyes.

Jun found me minutes later checking the sturdiness of the locks on the balcony doors, my face screwed up into a moue of concentration and frustration.

“What are you up to?” he asked casually, hands in his pockets as he watched me tug on the handle again.

I huffed in annoyance. “I could slip through this lock with a credit card and motivation. That’s not safe.” I motioned one of Pujin’s men over. “Let Pujin know the balcony locks need to be addressed. I want this place safe, not sort of safe.”

Before I had a chance to keep testing locks, Jun’s hands were on my shoulders, steering me into the bedroom I’d seen him point out to the guy carrying the bags earlier. “You need to chill the fuck out before you work yourself up,” he growled, shutting the door quietly behind him. “Sit down.”

It was almost instinct to cross my arms over my chest in an act of self-protection. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” he pointed out, his eyes narrowed. “Your forehead is wrinkled from all the frowning you’ve done this week, your eyes are tired, and you look like someone ran you over with a tour bus.”

“Gee, thanks, Jun. As if I needed a reminder that I’m not a flawless idol.

” I patted my hair self-consciously, fighting to resist the urge to check myself in the mirror.

“You’re no prize yourself, either.” I pretended to look him up and down with disdain, but then I was actually looking him up and down, and oh, would you look at that, he was sporting a fucking stiffie behind the fabric of his pants ? —

“My eyes are up here, Ari.”

He snorted as I blushed and turned around, facing the bed. “Who’s looking at you?”

His footsteps on the floor echoed in the silence of the room, setting my skin to crawling in a good way. I could hear him getting closer, but like a deer in the headlights, I was frozen, anticipating my eventual capture.

His lips grazed the shell of my ear as he leaned in next to me from over my shoulder, a smile in his words as visible as if I were looking at him eye to eye. “I like it when you look at me like you’re starving and I’m a snack on the buffet table.”

As if compelled by his words, I licked my lips, clenching my thighs together with a little whimper of need.

Nevermind that we’d literally just fucked like the world was ending in my apartment an hour ago.

Nevermind that our daughter was in the next room, that Pujin and a whole host of security guards were right there, as well.

I wanted him. I wanted this, wanted us. And I was well past denying it, because he could feel it, too.

“But you’re tired,” I heard him whisper as visions of the things we could do to each other, things I’d only read about, things I wished for years I could try out, faded from my mind. “Why don’t we lay down for a bit, grab some rest while Yejin is napping?”

I couldn’t hide the whole-body pout that washed over me. His laughter said he hadn’t missed it, either.

“I’m not tired,” I argued, though it was pointless. He knew me, still knew me, as if we’d never been apart. Nothing about me had changed in all that time, though I tried my damndest to become a whole new person.

“Liar,” he said simply, lifting me off my feet as if I weighed nothing. “Don’t argue just to argue.”

The three million and one tasks I had to complete, work I could be doing, raced through my mind like rabbits on speed. “I have to wor?—”

“Let me have this, Ari. Work can wait.”

The words were simple, but said with such emotion, such longing, I couldn’t fight him anymore. I wanted to give in to him, wanted to make him happy again. We’d been at each others’ throats for so long, the idea of playing nice was . . . strange. But with him in this moment, it felt . . . right.

“Work can wait,” I echoed, letting him arrange us in the center of the hotel bed. “For now.”

I passed out in his arms, content, safe, and warm from the inside out.

It felt good to not feel so fucking empty for once.