Page 18 of Fallen Starboy

Chapter

Fourteen

JUN

I might not have the experience I let her think I did, but men talked. Men shared stories. And I’d always been a good listener. Every move, every technique, was learned through someone else. I’d never so much as held another woman the way I’d once held Ari, let alone fucked them.

But she didn’t seem to notice.

Maybe she’d just been with that many losers that my learned skill was superior to what scraps she’d been living off of.

Her body sucked me in as I eagerly met her thrust for thrust, our bodies working in tandem as we both raced toward the finish line and sweet release. She felt like fucking heaven around me, so tight, so achingly perfect, like we were meant to be together.

A low growl escaped me as she tossed her hands over her face and arched her back, soft moans and whimpers leaving her with every shift in our bodies.

I was tired of being underneath her. It was high time I show her who was really in charge here.

Me.

In a quick move I’d learned with clothes on as part of a variety show, I hooked her with my arms and legs and flipped us so she was beneath me on her back, still hidden behind those hands.

She parted two fingers to peek out at me as I gave her back as good as I got, taking the opportunity to showcase my hips, the part most integral to an idol’s marketable sexuality.

Her moans deepened, and as if she’d forgotten to hide from me, those fingers fell away, baring her face to my scrutiny.

She was crying.

Tears streamed down her face, giving me pause enough to slow my movements as her eyes met mine. And then I spotted the fire in the depths of her gaze and brushed that momentary guilt from my mind.

I shouldn’t feel bad for her shame. If she felt a certain kind of way about what she was doing, she’d had multiple opportunities to back out.

“I’m not going to last long like this,” I growled at her, grabbing for one of her hands as I spoke the words.

“If you want that orgasm, you’d better help me out a little.

” I guided her hand to her lower stomach, hoping she picked up the hints I was dropping.

I didn’t want to do it like this. Everything within me screamed at me to touch her, stroke her, show her pleasure that she’d never known before.

But my brain was at war with that softer side, insisting I take what I wanted and leave her to get her own on her own time.

I couldn’t bring myself to pick a side, so this was the best middle ground I could offer.

Her tears shimmered in the corner of her eyes as she forced a smile to her lips. “Cheater.” Despite the taunt, I could see the brokenness in her leaking out, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

It should make me happy. I wanted to break her, to make her hurt like she’d done to us.

But suddenly, the victory wasn’t as sweet as it’d looked when my dick wasn’t buried in the only girl I’d ever loved, actively hurting her with the same thing that we’d once shared in our mutual love.

Fuck, I was a prick.

My balls tensed up as she reached down and touched herself, legs wrapped around my waist in invitation, pulling me deeper as she clenched around me and closed her eyes, a fresh wave of tears staining the sheets beneath her cheeks as her hips canted in my direction.

The move was so perfect, it had me seeing stars, and as her body began to shake, I let out a feral groan of pleasure and sank to the hilt inside her, stilling as I filled the condom with my cum.

Her hot, wet cunt clenched around me, milking me dry as my body grew weak, threatening to give out on me. I managed to roll sideways as my arms trembled and gave out, flopping on my back beside her with a whoosh of air.

I carefully tugged the condom off my softening cock and tossed it in the waste bin beside the bed, refusing to look in her direction now that the deed was done.

I was childish, I knew. I could have been an adult about it and done right by her.

I could have gotten a towel and cleaned her up, maybe even let her lay there and gasp for air like I was.

Hell, when this had been an act of love and not a punishment, we’d spend hours in each other's arms post-sex, cuddling and talking about the future.

Now, all I wanted was to be alone with the shame of what I’d done to feed the monster I’d become. The jealousy and resentment I’d let control me.

“There’s towels in the bathroom,” I rasped, throwing an arm behind my head like I didn’t have a care in the world. That’s right, man. Let her think you’re not affected by any of this. “Clean yourself up before you leave.”

The bed went still around me as she processed my words, letting their intention sink in. When the reality hit her, she let out a soft, pained sigh of resignation, rolling onto her side to slip from my bed. I watched covertly as she marched in the direction of the bathroom.

I didn’t miss the way she refused to look at me as she fished her panties off the floor when she re-emerged, and then slipped silently out of my room.

And once she’d left me with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company, I realized just how deep my feelings ran.

I had always harbored a resentment for her actions, but I’d never stopped to disentangle the love I’d had for her, from the devastating betrayal that I felt when she left and didn’t look back.

And when she left Yejin on my doorstep months after I thought I’d never see her again, it ripped open old wounds.

All the feelings had compounded onto each other until all I could see was what burned hottest: the rage. The hatred. The anger.

I’d never stopped loving her, beneath all that, though, and now that I could see myself actively hurting her, I wanted to puke.

How could I treat the woman who’d carried a child she clearly didn’t want, for me, like a piece of dirt in my shoe?

How could I use her like that, say words like those to her?

How could I live with myself for treating someone’s daughter like that, when I’d kill someone for looking sideways at my own?

I tossed around on the bed, confused and upset and disappointed in myself for the situation I’d created.

Only I could be blamed for the tangled mess of feelings drowning me right now, and if I didn’t sort them out before I walked out that bedroom door in the morning, there was no telling how much more complicated it’d be going forward.

If it wasn’t already too late.