Page 5 of Fake Skating

It looks exactly the same.

Grandpa Mick put the truck into park and I felt transported back in time as I stared at the house.

My favorite place in the world.

Or, well… the place formerly known as.

The Barczewskis lived in a small Cape Cod–style house, gray with white shutters and a curvy sidewalk leading to the door that was always lined with flowers—daylilies and roses—in the summertime.

Today it was lined with knee-high snowbanks, yet it still managed to somehow look ridiculously charming.

But also terrifying.

Intimidating.

I was so unbelievably nervous to ring that doorbell.

I was never at ease in social situations. Ever. I overthought each word that was spoken and worried too much about the tiniest of details. I stressed over what everyone was thinking about me, how I looked, what I was doing; on a normal day, social gatherings gave me anxiety.

But tonight—this felt ten times worse.

The idea of reuniting with these people whom I’d loved but who were now strangers was even scarier.

Mostly because I didn’t know what things would be like with Alec.

I stared out the window and just wished I knew if it was a distant memory for him now, where he barely remembered our couple-few years of correspondence and his departure from it, or if it would be all he thought of when he looked at me.

There’s the postcard-sending dork.

God, I couldn’t believe I was about to see him.

And how was I supposed to look at his always-readable face and decipher his thoughts when I hadn’t seen that face in five years? And this was going to be happening in real time while the rest of the family watched us?

It was too much, and I was starting to breathe too fast.

Calm down, I told myself. I inhaled through my nose and counted slowly, trying to remember all the ways to stop myself from spiraling.

“You okay?”

I looked away from the window to see Grandpa Mick watching me in the rearview mirror. His face was as serious as it’d been all afternoon, but there also wasn’t any judgment in his expression.

“Yes,” I said, clearing my throat. “I’m fine.” Though I was really embarrassed that he seemed to know something was up with me.

“I’m so excited,” my mom said, jumping out of the car and slamming the door.

She deserved this excitement. After so many years of living far away from her friends and family, she was like a kid at Christmas about this move.

And I got it.

My mom was a social person who’d settled into a solitary, unsocial life for a very long time. It’d pretty much been the three of us—Dad, Mom, and me—as we moved from base to base, and even though that might’ve been normal for me and the only life I’d ever known, it’d weighed on her.

She’d had a lot of arguments with my dad about it.

Just as I was climbing out of the truck, the front door flew open and there was Sarah. She yelled my mom’s name and ran down the walkway, not stopping until she’d wrapped my mom in a massive hug. The two of them squealed and said unintelligible words that made my mom look so damn happy.

Once again I glanced at my grandpa and he was looking back at me. It felt like we shared… something in our silent exchange, watching my mom squeal in joy.

Sarah hugged me next, smelling—as always—like dryer sheets. She said into my hair, “Look at you; you’re so gorgeous, Dani!”

I loved Sarah and hugged her back so hard.

“And how are you, Mick?” she said to my grandpa.

I think he might’ve said fine , but it was more of a grunt, to which she replied, “Oh good.”

I wanted to laugh for the first time since we’d pulled into town.

“Dani, it’s about damn time!” Big John was standing inside the doorway, and it was impossible not to grin as he pulled me into a big bear hug. He’d always been my favorite uncle, even though we weren’t technically related, and just hearing the long northern vowels made me feel warm inside.

It was a little shocking to see him with a cane—I hadn’t seen him since the accident—but from the way it sounded, it was a miracle he was standing at all.

He asked, “How was the drive, kiddo?”

“It sucked,” I said as he let go of me. “Too long, too cold, too boring.”

“It’s only the beginning of February, hon,” he said with a grin. “This is like a crisp fall day. Better toughen up.”

“You sound insane when you say things like that.”

“You sound exactly like my favorite little smart-ass,” he replied. “It’s been too long. How’s it goin’, Mick?”

My grandpa gave another grunt, to which Big John replied, “Right?”

Sarah and my mom exploded into conversation after that, the way they always had, wandering toward the kitchen in a cloud of giggly exclamations. I followed, nervously wondering where Alec was.

In the kitchen?

Upstairs in his room?

Was he going to pop out of a closet?

God, I just needed to get this over with.

“Who are you?” I heard, and when I turned around, there were two little kids—one boy and one girl—standing beside the staircase that led to the second level.

They looked like they were probably four or five years old, dressed alike in Vikings hoodies, and they were obviously waiting for me to answer the question.

“I’m Dani,” I said.

“No, that’s a boy’s name,” the girl said, her little eyebrows wrinkling together as a half-dressed Barbie dangled from her fist.

“It’s also my name,” I countered, wondering why I was justifying my name to a preschooler.

“I like your hair,” the boy said with a chin nod. “Your bun is real big.”

“Um, thank you,” I said, raising a hand to my messy hair, and I swear to God when I looked over at my grandpa, he almost looked like he wanted to smile.

But only almost.

“Can you believe we had more kids?” John said, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe it himself.

“Wait—these are yours ?” I said, shocked to the core. “These two are your children?”

“Whoa—don’t seem so shocked,” he said with a grin. “We’re not that old.”

“No, it’s not that,” I explained with a laugh, my mind totally blown. “I just had no idea. My mom didn’t tell me.”

She’d been very careful to not discuss anything Minnesotan around my dad because he blamed this place for everything, so it wasn’t especially weird that she’d forgotten to mention something so huge.

I looked at the twins again, and now I could totally see it. They looked a lot like Alec. Dark hair, dark eyes, mischievous faces; they were like his little clones.

Or clones of who he used to be.

I wanted to ask John what Alec thought of being a big brother, but for some reason I was scared to bring up his name.

But it was like he read my mind.

“By the way, Al had to run his friends somewhere, but he should be back in a bit.”

“Oh,” I said, not sure how to respond. I didn’t want to seem too interested, but I didn’t want to seem too disinterested, either.

“I don’t think he’ll be back in time to eat with us, but he’ll be here before you leave.”

“Okay, cool,” I replied, relieved he wouldn’t be there for dinner. I felt myself relax a little, knowing I’d have at least another hour to get used to the situation before he showed up.

“Grab a seat at the table—the food is ready,” Sarah said, and my stomach growled, because she’d always been the most amazing cook, and it smelled like that hadn’t changed.

“You don’t have to ask us twice,” my mom said, and motioned for Grandpa Mick and me to come sit beside her. I sat on her left and my grandpa on the right, and as I scooted my chair in toward their big dining room table, I was a little surprised to see plates at every spot.

A lot of other plates.

“Go get your friends,” Sarah said to John with an eye roll, and he headed for the basement stairs.

“Friends?” my mom asked, taking the glass of white wine Sarah was holding out to her.

“As soon as I told John you guys were coming over for dinner, he opened his big mouth and told Dougie, Andy, and Ed. And even though I informed them multiple times that they weren’t welcome, the knowledge that you guys—and Mick Boche—were going to be here was too much for their hockey-addled brains and they refused to listen. ”

Just as she finished saying that, three guys followed John upstairs. One was wearing a Vikings sweatshirt, and the other two were in flannel.

“No way,” my mom squealed, jumping to her feet and running over to hug the guy in the Vikings hoodie. As soon as she let go of that dude, she hugged the other two.

Which, to be honest, shocked the hell out of me.

The four of them obviously knew each other, and it was a little bit of a mind blow to me, seeing her this way. My mom had been an officer’s wife my entire life, not really having any friends of her own who weren’t just spouses of my dad’s coworkers who she occasionally attended base events with.

But here she was, beaming at this man trio as they gave her shit like they were the oldest of friends. I guess I’d always known she’d had a life before us, but I’d never thought about what it might’ve looked like.

“This is my daughter, Dani,” my mom said, “and my dad, Mick.”

These grown men smiled politely and said hi to me, but then they turned to beam at my grandpa like he was a god.

They immediately launched into NHL game recollections and statistics without even pausing for small talk, stumbling all over themselves to kiss his ass and tell him how good he used to be at hockey.

It was so bizarre.

Like, I knew my grandpa played when he was younger, but these guys were acting like he was Wayne Gretzky.

Grandpa Mick still only gave them one-word answers and grunted replies, but he also didn’t look uncomfortable with their attention. Obviously people treated him this way a lot.

“Will you shut up so we can eat?” Sarah said to Ed, gesturing toward the line of Crock-Pots on the counter. “You said you’d be good.”

“I am being good,” he said with a huge smile. “You think I’m being good, right, Dani?”

I was a little surprised as he gave me a conspiratorial smirk and a wink.

“I mean, sure,” I replied.

“See?” he said to Sarah, pointing at me. “Dani thinks I’m being great.”

“I don’t think that’s what I—”

“Dani thinks you should lighten up and let us talk freely,” Doug said, also giving me a grin. “Right, kid?”

I coughed out a laugh as these grown-ass men—strangers—pulled me into their jokes.

“Don’t let them speak for you,” Sarah said, pointing a big spoon at me. “They’re overgrown children who need discipline.”

“Don’t talk to our Dani like that,” Andy said with a big smile, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

Who were these guys?

As someone who usually hated chaotic gatherings where I didn’t know anyone, I was surprised to find myself having a decent time. I sat there, shoveling food into my face, having trouble not smiling as these guys all talked over each other about hockey, hockey, and more hockey.

What is the deal with the hockey insanity?

Fifteen minutes later they were still recapping someone’s game from the night before, and I wondered if they realized that hockey was literally the only thing they’d talked about.

Even Sarah—and my mom— were in on the conversation.

Since I didn’t know a puck from a Popsicle, I was able to listen to everyone else without having to contribute. I was relaxed and enjoying the show, so much so that I kind of forgot to be nervous about seeing Alec.

He’d completely slipped my mind until I visited the restroom and saw his bedroom across the hall.

And— no way— it’d barely changed.

I couldn’t stop myself from stepping through that doorway, because seeing his room was like stepping into a time machine.

There was still a twin bed in the center of the room, though it was now covered with a gray comforter instead of the Vikings bedspread that’d been there the last time I visited. Hockey posters still hung on his walls, though they made a lot more sense now.

I used to think it was funny that unathletic Alec had a sports-themed bedroom, but now I understood that hockey was obviously part of life up here, whether you played or not.

I looked at the little desk in the corner, the same oak desk he’d always had, and my fingers itched to open the drawer. To see if there were still postcards and stamps.

Does he still have them somewhere the way I still have mine?

A shiver of nervousness slithered through me, but what came with it was a bright side.

At least the unknown, with Alec, was almost over.

By the time I went to bed that night, I’d be back to having him in my life again.