Page 26 of Expecting The Unexpected
“No, I didn’t know that,” Throg stated, but said nothing else.
“Yep, I had a client almost fresh out of school. He was an elder’s son. He came to me, because he suffered some horrible nightmares and everyone was worried, because he had been forcing himself to stay awake, he wouldn’t eat, and he was separating himself more and more from his clutch. When he came to see me, he was always escorted by one of the ancient guards. The young man was having difficulty telling me about his dreams. So, I asked if I could speak with his guard. The family agreed, and the ancient guard told me about the attack. I could tell he struggled just as much to talk about that time in his life, but he did it.” Oleander said quietly.
Nodding, Throg replied, “Of course he did. It’s our duty to protect and assist the ancients and their families in any way we can.”
Doc. Oleander smiled a small smile, sipping his drink, then saying, “That’s what he said when I asked him why he was talking with me, when it was clear the man wanted to be anywhere but where he was. He told me that the gods had created him, and others like him to ensure the ancients and their families were protected, cared for, and to ensure their happiness. I then said, you make it sound like they’re your mates. He then told me that wasn’t possible, because ancient guards weren’t destined to find or have a mate.”
Throg refused to look at the doctor but it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t finished speaking anyway. “When I asked him why he would say such a thing, that all paranormals, shifter, Nakaka, fae... whatever, were given a mate just as anyone else. He told me that he couldn’t do his duty if he was mated. He said it was impossible to do both.”
“And he’s right.” Throg stated firmly.
Shaking his head, the doc said, “That’s not true. Bodyguards do it all the time. I know plenty of them that have mates and theystillguard the people they are assigned to.”
“It isn’t the same, doc.” Throg said, with a growl.
“No, Throg, it isn’t, and you know it. Whatever is keeping you from Spencer, it isn’t that... well, not only that. I think you use that as an excuse... an easy way out, but no, that guard wasn’t right in the least,” Dr. Oleander calmly said.
Throg shook his head. “None of it matters. I can’t have a mate and I won’t have a mate.”
“Oh for the love of all the gods, Throg. You are not that dense. Youcanhave a mate! You have apregnantmate! Do you honesty plan on forcing your mate to go through this process alone? To raise your child alone? As your mate, how the hell is that putting his safety, happiness, and wellbeing, ahead of your own?” Krerr snapped.
“It’s a mistake!” Throg stated, louder than he intended.
Krerr grasped Throg’s hand. “The gods don’t make mistakes, Throg. Fate gave you a mate. Hell, if anyone deserves a mate it’s you. Fate felt so sure you should have a mate, she bonded the two of you without a marking ceremony, by making sure he left that encounter with child.”
“I’m the last person that deserves a mate, and I refuse to think of my child as a binder to anything,” Throg said, all the fire going out of him.
“Not a binder. A joyous celebration for you and our people. Fate choseyou, Throg, to show us a new beginning has truly begun. Fate choseyou, Throg, to give our people hope for prosperity and a continuation of our kind. To me that means that Fate feltyouare more than worthy...youare deserving,” Krerr softly said.
Shaking his head, Throg replied, “Fate didn’t create this child, Krerr, my randiness did, and my stupidity. Had I not lost control, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.”
Krerr growled, “Gods be damned! You have always been so stubborn. Are youreallygoing to sit there and tell me that you are going to refuse your mate, your child, your very life, because of a misguided thought?”
“It isn’t misguided! I will not allow my love life to interfere with my duty again!” Throg snarled, then pulled back when he realized what he had said. Standing, Throg said, “Look I need to go. I really need to find those flash drives.”
Oleander placed a hand on Throg’s leg with surprising force. “Not just yet, Throg. I’m not finished just yet. I have questions.”
“Questions youwillanswer. That is a direct order from your elder,” Krerr stated firmly.
Throg said nothing as he looked at the doctor. Oleander didn’t lose eye contact when he asked, “Krerr and Stok said that they were away at the time of the attack on your people. Tell me Throg, where were you.”
There was no way Throg could look at these men. Oleander had asked the one question Throg never wanted to answer. The one question that would prove how shameful he had been. How unworthy as an ancient guard he truly was. If he answered, would they remove him of his position? Would they shun him from the clutch?
Sighing, Throg thought about how since that time he had never taken a day off. Never allowed the ancients or their families to be placed in harm’s way. He thought of how he had done everything in his power to ensure the safety of all ancients and their families with little rest. Surely they had to see he was trying hard to make up for his mistake. However, would his transgression be more than the attempt to make up for that one error, be enough?
“Throg, where were you when the Nakaka were attacked?” Oleander asked again, softer this time.
Letting out another deep breath. As much as he hated to admit to his failure as an ancient guard, he had to answer the question. His ancient had ordered it, and besides, Throg was so damn tired of keeping his wrongdoing to himself. “It’s not as easy as just where I was, doc.”
“Please, call me Norval. This isn’t a session... even if I wish you would start coming to a few.” Oleander said.
Throg snorted. “Then you wouldn’t have time for anyone else. Because, I have to say I’m a fucked-up mess.” With a smirk that was filled with no humor, Throg said, “Not that I didn’t bring it on to myself, but it changes nothing. I not only can’t have a mate, I don’t deserve to have one. It is my punishment for failing my people at a time they needed me most.”
“Bullshit!” Krerr snapped, but stopped speaking when Oleander... eh, Norval, held his hand up. “I didn’t ask what you can or can’t do, or what you do and do not deserve. I asked where you were at the time the Nakaka were attacked.”
“I was getting my rocks off! Is that what you wanted to hear? While my people were being slaughtered, I was fucking!” Throg snapped.
Norval nodded, but his facial features never changed as he asked, “Had you snuck away?”