Page 15 of Expecting The Unexpected

CHAPTER 5

Spencer sat at the piano, pressing keys, thinking about where he was going to go from here. He knew he couldn’t leave. Not only didn’t he want to be alone out in the human world, expecting a child that he had no clue how to raise, but the thought of never seeing Elijah, Petree, Abe, Mason or Bryant again, wasn’t something he could handle right now... if ever. Besides, Hron and the clutch needed him. There was no way they could find those flash drives without him, or hack into the systems necessary to keep the Nakaka safe. However, Spencer just didn’t know how he was going to be able to be here... live here, seeing Throg every day, without him finding out about the baby.

What should he do? That was stupid. He knew what he had to do. As much as he didn’t want to, he knew Throg had a right to know that he was going to be a father. Spencer just had to make it clear that he had no expectations. He understood Throg didn’t want him, and that was okay... well, it wasn’t... it hurt... about fucking killed his soul... but he would deal with it. He’d have to. What choice did Spencer have? None. Throg made damn sure he had known that, hadn’t he?

Tears filled his eyes again, but he brushed them aside. Gods, he had cried enough when he had lain there on the cot in the cell. He needed to stop and start planning. Then again, this was his mate rejecting him. Maybe he should be allowed to take a moment and grieve that loss. He wouldn’t be able to do it for long. He had a baby to raise, and that wouldn’t be fair to him or her to have a father that always looked sad and desolate, no matter how much it might be true.

As he tapped the keys, Spencer began to play a song. It was one from a really old movie he watched with his dad. Two different women had sung it around the same time. Leann Rimes had been much younger, and the movie company had thought it was not a song a girl of only fourteen should sing, so they asked Trisha Yearwood to do it instead. However, Trisha had no idea about Leann singing it, until she heard the song when she was in another country being sung by the young singer. How Do I Live was a huge hit for the both of them, and what always touched Spencer was that neither artist ever spoke ill of the other, no matter how hard the industry had tried to make it happen. They had wished each other luck, sold their records, and became stronger for it. Spencer could only hope that with all that he was being put through, he could not only stay strong, but become stronger because of it.

He worked up the intro, then began to sing the beautiful and so relatable lyrics,“How do I get through one night without you...?”

As he sang the song, a vision of Throg came into his mind, and he relived every moment he had seen Throg.

“Without you there’d be no sun in my sky...”

Throg tossing his head back in laughter at something Hron had said was so beautiful and bright. It always lit up Spencer’s day to see that smile. Spencer just wished he could have brought that light out of Throg.

“Baby you would take away everything... need you with me...”

Spencer didn’t understand how Throg could ignore their mate status. It was killing Spencer to know he would never feel his mate’s touch again. To know that you were so flawed your mate didn’t even want you.

“How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you...?

His voice caught in his thought, but Spencer pushed forward as best as he could.“How do I ever... ever survive... ? How do I live...”

Once the song had finished, Spencer placed his hand on his still very-flat stomach. “It’s going to be okay. We can do this.”

Gods, Spencer was scared. He couldn’t remember being so scared of anything. He was going to have a baby. A little tiny person that would be counting on Spencer to keep him alive and safe. He knew nothing about raising a child. He didn’t have any siblings to have little nieces or nephews.When do they eat? What do they eat?It wasn’t as if he had boobs... well, he had boobs, just not girly kind that produced milk.Wait!

He wasn’t going to get girl boobs from this pregnancy was he? Gods, he hoped not. He had heard women that had just given birth, bitching about how their boobs had gotten bigger since having the baby, and how their asses were huge now that they had the baby and... oh fuck, was that going to happen to him? Was Spencer going to end up with a bus-sized ass and tits to his knees, because he had a baby?

He needed to talk to Caden. He would know. Or Peth... maybe... sighing, Spencer stopped his mind from going nuts, because if he didn’t, they would be locking him up and tossing away the key. He needed a pick me up. The Savage Garden song, Truly, Madly, Deeply came to mind and he couldn’t help, but sing it.

“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea...”

The song was kind of working, until visions of Throg started coming to him again, and he thought, maybe had he thought to say Throg might have kept him instead of rejecting him.“Oh can you see it, baby. Don’t have to close your eyes, cause it’s standing right before you...”

When he finished that song, he went into one for his baby. He knew it was probably way too early for the child to actually hear it, but Spencer wanted the baby to know just how much he or she would be loved. How much Spencer really did want it.

Remembering a Reba song from back in the day, Spencer started the chords to You’re Gonna Be.

“Six pounds and nine ounces looking up at me, hoping like I’ll have all the answers, I hope I have the ones you need...”

Boy, he sure hoped would know what to tell their child. How to explain why their other father wasn’t in the picture. Unless Throg did want to be part of the baby’s life. If that was the case they would be sharing in their child’s life, and how he or she would be raised.

“You’re gonna fly with every dream you chase...”

Spencer knew he would make sure his child knew that it was good to dream, and if you tried hard enough you could do anything.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to suffer through some of my mistakes. Lord knows that I’ll be trying to give you what it takes...”

He would just have to teach him what to do and what not to do, by what Spencer had learned the hard way. He would do everything in his power to keep his child from becoming unlovable and tainted. Safe from harm and knowing that he or she was worthy of love because this child would know what it felt to be truly and honestly loved.

“We have to believe that things work out like they should. Life has no guarantees...”

No there were no guarantees, and if it was true life worked out like it should, then why had he been put through what he had? Why did the gods want him to suffer and become worthless to everyone in his life... especially his mate?

Worthless to everyone, was kind of an exaggeration. He knew his best friends didn’t see him like that. Those men were the one bright spot... the one good that came out of the hell Spencer had gone through, and although they would kick his ass for thinking how he did, Spencer couldn’t help but see himself that way... worthless and tainted.