Page 42

Chapter 42

The Family Johanssen

Dell

R obyn returned from her team vacation less than a week ago, and the three of us have been working out and hooking up every day since. There’s been pillow talk and goodnight kisses, good morning texts and I miss you phone calls. There’s been massaging of tight muscles and irresistible urges only quelled by the nearest flat surface. We have dinner most nights at Isaiah’s place, once at Robyn’s. But tonight is different.

“Quiz me again,” I say as we pull into the driveway of Isaiah’s childhood home. Robyn sits next to him in the passenger seat of his SUV, and I’m in the back panicking.

He laughs, like this is some joke! I’m about to meet my man’s family for the first time and he’s laughing. This is nothing like him meeting mine. Mine is so much smaller than his. He has four brothers and sisters, a dad, and a brother-in-law. And there are kids! And the lesbians who raised him!

“Do you have any antiperspirant in here?” I ask, dabbing my pits.

Zay puts the vehicle in park and opens the center console. He hands me an Old Spice. “Okay,” he says, smirking back at me as I pray the aluminum not only stops my sweat, but calms me down. “What's the order?”

“Angie, you, Dane, Jonah, Ivy.”

“Good. And who is Rafael?”

“He’s Angie’s fiance. He’s Mexican American. They have twins, Zo and Nico.”

“Very good,” he smiles. “There will be a stocky, masculine, white woman with short auburn hair, most likely wearing a gray T-shirt and cargo shorts. Who is that?”

“Christina,” I answered confidently. “Married to Ana, who is Rafael’s biological mom. She’s Mexican.”

“Okay, stop twisting your hands,” he chides and places his hand over mine. “What’s my dad’s name?”

“Neal. He’s an engineer but also does small engine repair on the side.”

“Nailed it,” he says and opens the door. “Let’s go.”

Before we can get to the back door, Robyn’s quizzing me. “What are everyone’s jobs?”

I list everyone off on my fingers as we walk. “Angie is a children’s therapist. Rafael is in finance. Dane is a veterinarian. No one really knows what Jonah does, and Ivy is a midwife.”

“Yes,” she cheers as we come to the back door. “You got this. And you look very handsome.”

I changed my outfit five times. “Thank you,” I huff, smoothing my distressed brown Henley and jeans. Why did I wear jeans? It’s so hot today.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Isaiah says with a disbelieving shake to his head. He’s sporting a USA Valor T-shirt and shorts that make his hamstrings look good enough to eat. “They’re going to love you. Just be your normal, charming, cocksure self. Come on, give me a pump,” he says and shimmies his chest, gesturing for me to give my pectorals a little dance. I roll my eyes, but do it anyway.

They both smile and, okay, fine, that does make me feel better.

Robyn’s wearing white linen shorts and a simple but sweet light-blue tank top. Her hair is up in a bun like me but, of course, hers is styled, and she’s wearing gold drop earrings. God, she’s pretty.

“They’re all very nice, Dell,” she soothes, her hands skimming my arms.

Suddenly the back door opens wide to reveal a grinning blonde man with shoulder-length hair, holding a baby on his hip. “What the fudge is this?”

“Jonah,” Isaiah says with narrowed eyes. “You know Robyn.”

“Of course, she’s the love of my life.”

Isaiah grabs her hand. “Finders keepers.”

“You finally did it?” he gasps.

“He finally did it,” she beams, and then grabs my trembling hand. “And this is Dell. He’s our boyfriend.”

Jonah’s eyes pop out to assess me and then trace back to Isaiah and Robyn. “This hunk of man is your boyfriend?” Then he shakes his head like a cartoon character. “Wait, bro, you’re gay?”

Isaiah pushes past him and drags us with him. “Kinda. Yeah.”

His little brother, who’s about my height, then cuts us off before we enter the kitchen and dining room and exclaims, “Did everyone know Isaiah is gay?”

“He’s bi,” a shorter, curvier version of Isaiah says without looking up from setting the table. Must be Angie.

“Hey, girl,” Robyn says simply.

Angie immediately looks over and clutches her chest. “Robyn! Why are you here?”

“She’s dating Isaiah!” Jonah replies and then throws his head my way. “And this dude! Hey, how much can you bench, man?”

“I max at four oh five.”

“Fudge!”

Angie barges over to give Robyn a fierce hug. “Don’t lie to me,” she cries. “Is this really happening?”

A tall man with smooth, deeply tan skin and black hair comes in with another baby in his arms. “What’s going on? Robyn, what are you doing here?”

“Okay, family meeting!” Jonah shouts, running into the living room to gather everyone in the kitchen. Isaiah grips my hand a little tighter as confusion and chaos erupt before everyone is finally paying attention.

“Everyone,” he announces calmly. He holds up his hand which is laced with Robyn’s. “This is Robyn, as most of you know.” Then he holds up my sweaty hand that’s clutching him like a lifeline. “And this is Dell. The three of us are together.”

My eyes lock on his dad’s and I can see an older, somewhat slimmer, Isaiah in him. Inwardly, I smile knowing my boyfriend is going to age very fine indeed. But Neal has a pinch to his brow. “The three of you?”

Zay nods.

“Dad,” Angie says. “Remember when I told you about my friends Cora, Marco, and Jay? How they’re polyamorous? It’s like that.” Then she turns back to look at Isaiah. “Right?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re gay?” Jonah asks yet again.

Dane rolls his eyes, “He’s bi. We’ve been over this, bro. This is not new information.”

“Who else in this family queer?”

Neal raises a lazy hand. “I’m not.”

Jonah clicks his tongue. “Eh, jury's still out.” He hands the baby in his arms over to his dad and takes out his phone. “Maybe I should try dating men. I’m gonna download Grindr.”

“Oh god,” Rafael groans. He shifts the baby to his shoulder and rubs a gentle hand over their back. “What are you guys doing about the team? Is the Valor cool with the head coach and captain dating?”

“So here’s the thing…” Isaiah drawls, and everyone goes quiet. “No one can know outside of here.”

“Gasp,” Angie huffs.

He tucks Robyn into his chest, and I put an arm around them both before he continues. “If anyone finds out, it’s game over. Robyn will lose endorsements, maybe her position on the team, and I’ll definitely lose my job.”

“Jesus, son,” Neal mutters, now pinching the bridge of his nose. The following silence makes my heart drop in my stomach like a ton of bricks. They don’t even know my half of the story. Now’s not a good time to tell them I used to jerk off for millions of viewers.

“Listen,” he sighs. “I don’t ask for much from you guys, mostly because I don’t know how. But, we don’t have anyone else we can be ourselves around. Not here. Until we can figure out how to be public about what we are, this is what we’re left with.” Isaiah swallows hard and I’m blown away at the vulnerability he’s showing. “It would mean a lot to me if we had your support.”

Slowly, there’s a low chorus of assurances before Neal makes his way over to us, and my second-hand Old Spice fights for its life. He looks at me and then Robyn. And with a tilt of his lips, he wraps his arms around all three of us. “Of course you’re welcome here. I won’t say a word.”

The largest sigh of relief whooshes out of me. He’s not even my dad, this isn’t even my family, but the acceptance tastes just as sweet.

“Oh, that’s enough,” the beautiful Mexican woman with a long, curled ponytail says. She pushes Neal out of the way and squeezes us. “Welcome to our family, Dell and Robyn. I hope you two are hungry. We’re having tacos.”

“That’s my favorite food group,” Robyn says.

“ Buena. You will all go home with some.” Ana grabs a plate and starts loading it up and asks Robyn, “Do you like spicy food?”

“Love it.”

“ Perfecta . Though, no one handles spice like Angie. She’s a freak, that one. ”

Rafael leans in for a chip next to us and says in a low voice, “In more ways than one.”

His hand is promptly smacked by his mother. “Wait your turn. Ladies first, mijo .”

Ana continues speaking to Robyn while she heaps food onto a plate, and Rafael takes me to the side. Isaiah hands me a beer, and I didn’t even realize he had stepped away long enough to do that. “Thanks,” I say.

“How did you guys meet?” Rafael asks. He shifts his daughter in his arms who is sucking her entire fist, drool dripping down her hand. “I obviously know about Robyn.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, Angie and I went to college with her.”

I look at Isaiah to make sure it’s okay and he bobs his head. “I was his personal trainer.”

At that very moment, Angie comes to join us. “You were? Oh, what scandal!” she sings, her eyes alight with zeal. “But wait,” she says, placing her hand on her brother’s arm. “So you’re telling me, your career playing rugby ended, but your career in love had just begun?” Angie’s daydreaming face is a sight to behold.

Isaiah’s eyes sharpen on her. “You read too much romance.”

“That’s not a thing.” When he doesn't reply, she turns her wide smile on me. “Do you want to join our book club? So far it’s just me and Joaquín.”

“I’d love to join.”

“Really?” she asks

“Sure.”

“We only read ro—”

“Smut,” Isaiah interrupts.

Angie’s lip hooks in a snarl. “Romance.”

Zofia slaps her wet hand against Rafael’s neck before he adds, “Last month they read about a minotaur with a breeding kink. ”

I chuckle, “That sounds fascinating. I’m in.”

And it’s the truth. Maybe I’m doing what I’ve always done and diving in to something I know little about. But maybe I’m just listening to my instincts that are telling me these people are special and important. It’s impossible to miss the love they have for each other through jabs and eye rolls, smacks on the hand, and genuine interest they have in each other’s lives. It’s the family I’ve been missing since I moved away. The same family, really—just bigger. Louder. Less acres of land and whiskey barrels, more tacos and tight quarters.

Seriously, this house is small. How were five kids raised here?

It’s then that my eyes catch on the corner of a wall. There, scribbled in different colored pens and markers, are the heights of all the kids throughout the years. There’s one very pronounced tick mark about one foot off the ground with several years of dates listed, one after the other. For someone, probably some thing , named Razzle Dazzle.

I extend my foot and grab Isaiah’s attention. “Family pet?”

When he catches my meaning, he chuckles and nods. “The cat.” Suddenly an image of the entire family holding a cat in place so they can measure it assaults me with silent giggles. “He’s still around by the way. Angie has him.”

“How old is he?”

“Who, Razz?” Rafael asks. “He’s gotta be knockin’ on twenty-one at this point.”

There’s a quick ringtone from Isaiah’s pocket, and he pulls it out to scan the notification. It’s a long text message that he opens up.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“My old teammate, Kermit. He just started the rugby training program we thought of together.”

“It was your idea?”

“Both of ours. We had this idea to sort of act as consultants for teams that needed some dedicated focus in certain areas. Help them build.”

“That’s cool,” I say. “So he’s running the whole thing now?”

“Yeah,” he says despondently.

“You okay?”

He nods. “It’s just been an idea for so long. It’s surreal to see it become a real thing. He already has two teams he’s working with.”

Eventually we all find our seats for dinner, but there’s not enough room at the dining table, so we all scatter to any available spot. After two bites of steak tacos, I black out in a delicious haze and inhale several more rounds alongside Robyn, who meets me plate for plate. Are these homemade tortillas? They have to be.

When Isaiah finishes before us, he cleans up his plate and a few empty glasses before taking Nico from Angie’s arms. She looks relieved when she can finally eat alone. Zay sets Nico on the ground and then takes Zo from Rafael’s arms and does the same thing.

“Race ‘em,” Dane says from the couch, then pops off and joins his brother on the rug. They both stare down their niece and nephew.

“I have twenty bucks on Zo,” Neal chuckles.

“Fifty on Nico!” Jonah hollers.

With matching grins, Zay and Dane start thumping the ground with their hands, cheering for the twins to crawl to them.

“Come on, Zo!” Robyn cheers, setting her plate down and clapping. The babies slowly make their way toward their ridiculous uncles, stopping when the occasional giggle overpowers their tiny muscles. When Nico reaches Uncle Dane, he lifts him in celebration.

Robyn gets up, lays next to Zo and speaks to her like an adult. “It’s okay, girl. We’re gonna train hard and beat him next time. ”

I watch on as my partners give Zo a pep talk, and I wonder if either of them want children. They’re both so at ease with them. Isaiah is so uncharacteristically animated with his niece and nephew, and it’s like he can’t stop himself from squishing their little cheeks, arms, and feet. Then I remember several videos of Robyn at youth rugby events, laughing and teaching. I think about how sweet Isaiah was with my nephew Liam; asking him about music and instruments, finally getting him to really talk was no small feat. It was so easy for Isaiah.

Having children has never been something I was particularly interested in, but watching the two people I love play with them has me considering the possibility. Could we make a family someday? Do either of them want that?

“I had the same look in my eyes when I first saw Ana with her children,” Christina says, sitting down next to me and nudging my shoulder. Well, her shoulder nudges just above my elbow. She’s very short.

Slightly embarrassed, I clear my throat. “What’s that?”

Christina nods to Isaiah and Robyn on the floor with the twins. “I knew I loved Ana, but once she finally introduced me to her kids and I saw the way she loved them, the way they made her laugh, I was done for.”

“It’s hard to see the future when there’s so much we have to hide.”

She taps my forearm in a comforting manner. “Your path will clear soon enough.”

Isaiah catches my eye and he graces me with the smallest curve to his lips before standing and handing his niece to Ana. He gives me his hand. “Come with me.” Isaiah leads Robyn and me up the narrow, creaky stairs to a small landing and opens the first door on the left.

“This was your bedroom?” Robyn gapes, stepping into an offensively green space.

“Who chose this color?” I chuckle.

He sighs, “That would be me. We had a thing for Mountain Dew back in the day.”

“I’d say so.”

There’s not much in the way of artwork, but there are rugby team posters of the All Blacks and Springboks mingling with band posters of Cage the Elephant, Queen, and Green Day. There’s even an Agony Nectar poster that looks like it was handmade.

“I shared this room with my brothers.”

“All three of you slept in here?” Robyn asks.

“Believe it or not. When they annoyed me, I’d go sleep on the couch in the basement.”

“Can we see it?” Robyn asks. “I have to see where the band began.”

Jonah and Dane are already down there, letting the twins tinker with the drums. I take a seat on the old couch, and Robyn sits in my lap while Isaiah pulls his old bass from a well-worn case.

“I can’t believe you all have musical abilities,” Robyn muses.

“Our mom was gifted,” Dane adds. “She had some strong genes because we all got it.”

“What about your dad?” I ask, and all three of them laugh.

“Can’t carry a tune to save his life,” Dane chuffs.

“He can’t even hold a beat,” Jonah adds, then cheers on Zo who’s sitting in his lap and slapping a drum. “Yeah, girl! Nothin’ like you!”

Holding Robyn close, we watch on as the Johanssen brothers fiddle with their instruments, making sure not to play too loud in front of the twins—who, by the way, have this entire family wrapped around their little pudgy fingers.

I wonder if Robyn is feeling the same warmth spread in her chest that I do right now.

She leans her head against mine as I sweep my hand over her arm while the other skims her firm, warm leg. I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing as me. If she can see herself in this family too. If she can see dinners and pickup rugby games in the backyard; birthday parties and babysitting.

But when her golden hazel eyes find mine, I know she sees me.

Something powerful and familiar breaks through the surface of my uncertain future and it begs me to release it. I whisper, just loud enough for her to hear, “I love you.”

Her shapely eyebrows raise, and her lips part in a smile. She quickly looks around and back to me. “You just said that.”

“I just said that.”

“You love me,” she repeats and it’s not quite a question.

“I love you.”

I’ve loved her for a long time and foolishly kept it bottled up. But here, on a casual summer Sunday in the childhood basement of our boyfriend, where we can be exactly ourselves and love out loud, I tell her the truth. It feels right and real and good.

Pink blooms across her cheeks and down her neck as she bites her lip. Lacing her hands behind my neck, she cradles it and whispers, “I love you too.”