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Chapter Twenty-One

SESSION TRANSCRIPT #7 – Dylan Braun Treating therapist: Dr. Stuart Morley

Dr. Morley: Well, happy Wednesday afternoon, Dylan Braun [rustling noises]. For you, sir. Dylan: What’s this? Dr. Morley: A Big Mac combo. What’s it look like? Dylan: Why are you giving me this? Dr. Morley: You accused me last week of being cheap. Told me I should be offering you a burger and fries for the rates I’m charging… So I’m anteing up. Even throwing in a chocolate shake, to prove I’m not the cheap bastard you think I am. Dylan:[rustling noises] Uh, ok. Cool… Thanks, I guess. Dr. Morley: I mean, I don’t want to take too much of the credit. You did insinuate it’s the least I should be including for my fees. Dylan: It is. Dr. Morley: Well, now it’s included. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Well? Are you going to eat it or just stare at it like it’s a modern still life? Dylan: What’s the catch? Dr. Morley: Aside from my apparently exorbitant hourly rate? None. And technically, that’s your father’s issue to deal with. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: There’s no other catch, Dylan. You have my word. Dylan: I’m not gonna start spilling my life story to you just ’cos you got me a burger and fries. Dr. Morley: Good God, I would hope not! I’m not sure I could stomach working with someone who’s so shallow they can be bought with a McDonald’s combo meal. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Mmpf . Fries are good. They’re getting cold, though. Eat up. [Few minutes of eating sounds, rustling of paper] Dr. Morley: So? Tell me one thing about the last few days. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Alright, then. I’ll start… I learned how to make risotto a couple of days ago. Dylan: What’s that? Dr. Morley: Basically a fancy, creamy rice dish… Only I messed it up. You’re supposed to add broth slowly to the rice, and I was impatient. It turned out mushy, with the taste and consistency of baby cereal. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Okay. Your turn—something you did this week. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: First thing that comes to mind when you think of the past few days. Dylan: [sighs] … I read a comic to my little sister. Dr. Morley: Really? Mackenzie? Dylan: Kenzie, yeah. Dr. Morley: That’s great. How did that come about? Dylan: Asked Diane if I could read to her the other night, then I did. Dr. Morley: So what made you decide to read to Kenzie? Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Anything specific that brought this about? Dylan: Yeah. Dr. Morley: Want to share? Dylan: You already know about it. The room trashing Friday night that you invited Phil and Diane to rehash in your office on Saturday. Dr. Morley: So how did that lead to you reading to Kenzie? Dylan: I’m not talking about that anymore. You asked me to tell you something that happened since Saturday, and I did. Dr. Morley: Okay. We don’t have to talk about Friday again. Tell me about Kenzie. Remind me how old she is? Dylan: Five, I think. Dr. Morley: Mm. Great age… Tell me about her. Dylan: Kenzie’s cool. Dr. Morley: How so? Dylan: She’s just… super random. Dr. Morley: What do you mean by ‘random’? Dylan: She says stuff and does stuff whenever. Whatever comes into her head, or I guess whenever she feels like doing something, she does it. And she’s just… happy. Pretty much all the time. Dr. Morley: Great way to be. Dylan: I guess. If you’re a kid. Dr. Morley: Not if you’re older, though? Dylan: Not all the time like that. Would be weird. Dr. Morley: Really? I feel like I’m a pretty happy guy most of the time. You think that’s weird? Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: [laughs] You’re giving me a shrug? Wow—and I brought you a Big Mac combo… Dylan: You’re fine. Dr. Morley: No. Maybe I am weird… I joined a bowling league last month. That probably makes me at least partially weird, doesn’t it? Dylan: Maybe not for an old guy. Dr. Morley: So now I’m weird and old. Dylan: How old are you? Dr. Morley: Fifty-four. Dylan: Old enough. Dr. Morley: [laughs] Keep this up and I just might spike that chocolate shake with Tabasco sauce next time. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: So here’s a question for you—where do you imagine yourself when you’re my age? An old geezer of fifty-four. Where do you picture yourself living? What are you doing for a job? For fun? Dylan: Never really thought about it before. Dr. Morley: You should sometime… It can be neat to think about. Imagining the stuff you’d like to see and do. The kind of job you’d have if you could do anything. That’s the silver lining to all this crappy stuff you’re going through—you get to re-invent yourself… Start thinking about what kind of person you want to be and the life you want and slowly start taking the steps to make it happen. You don’t have to just survive anymore. You can live. Dylan: That your go-to "returned kidnap victim" motivational speech? Dr. Morley: Nope. That one was custom tailored just for you. Dylan: I’m fucking flattered. Dr. Morley: [laughs] So? Any idea at all what kinds of things interest you? Dylan: Not sure. Dr. Morley: What about the modeling? Is that something you see yourself continuing with in the future? Dylan: Nope. Dr. Morley: Hmm. Why’s that? Dylan: Hated it. Dr. Morley: Okay… What did you hate about it? Dylan: Everything. Dr. Morley: Was it your choice? To do the modeling contract? Dylan: Yeah. Dr. Morley: And what made you want to do it? Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Do you not remember? Or— Dylan: I remember. Just don’t want to talk about it. Dr. Morley: Okay. Fair enough. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: So here’s something I’m curious about, changing topics a little… If you had to pick one emotion to sum up each of the past three stages of your life—what would each one be? Say, if you think back to living with Eli… What is the first emotion that comes to mind? Dylan: Not something I want to think about right now. Dr. Morley: What if I say we’re not going to dig any further? That I’m just looking for one or two emotions? Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Whatever emotion pops into your head first. Then we move on. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Come on. Just one emotion when you think about your life with Eli. Dylan: I guess… tension. Always fucking uneasy. Dr. Morley: Okay. Good… Want to talk about that? Dylan: No. Dr. Morley: That’s fine. What about the months after the arrest, when you were living as an in-patient at Clive? One or two emotions that kind of sum up that period for you. Dylan: [unintelligible] Dr. Morley: Sorry? Dylan: Anger. Dr. Morley: Anger. Okay. Did you want— Dylan: Nope. Dr. Morley: [laughs]. Got it. And what about since moving in with Phil and the rest of your family here? Going to school and living in Sandy Haven. What emotion comes to mind? Dylan: Not sure. Dr. Morley: Doesn’t have to be exact or anything. Just an emotion that comes closest to your overall feelings these past few weeks. Dylan: I guess… Exhausted. Dr. Morley: Okay. So, exhaustion is something you’ve been feeling a lot here. Just these past couple of days? Or would you say since moving in with your family? Dylan: Since I moved here. Like, just… drained all the time. Dr. Morley: You want to talk about that last one at all? Dylan: No… Those kinds of questions are exactly what’s exhausting. The questions and talking about feelings all the time… it gets fucking tiring. All of it. I just want to be. You get that? Dr. Morley: Yes… I do. I can see how it would all build up and wear you down. Dylan: Yeah, Eli got to go to prison. He doesn’t have to rehash and talk about any of this mess he created. Just closed the door on all of it and he can just be. Dr. Morley: Except Eli doesn’t get the silver lining I was just talking about. The chance to move past everything and do something else with his life. You do. Dylan: [no response] Dr. Morley: Also, Eli doesn’t get to hear my custom tailored motivational speeches. Dylan: Like I said, seems like he’s the lucky one. Dr. Morley: Smart-ass. Dylan: Old timer.