Page 221 of Eternal Ruin

They refused.

And when she got violent, clawing half of the detective’s face off, they gave her a needle. One that made everything blurry and warm, like melted candy. They dragged her back to her seat when her lids became heavy. Yusef came to her in her dreams, shrouded in sun, smiling and brown skinned.

“No more debilitating creative rants. I think I’m done.”

She was crying. “Not like this. You can’t leave us like this.”

Yusef stared into the blinding sun, face a little dejected. “I wanted to be a hero. I should have listened to Slen. They always die, don’t they? Look at GK.” His form started fading, brown pants and mustard sweater melting away. “Don’t be a hero, Kidan. Just… survive.”

Kidan knew Yusef had truly died when the door clicked, and she was free to go.

Umil House wrapped itself in black drapes when the funeral took place the next morning. Everywhere one looked, the sigil of the beautiful woman dancing in blue flames was painted red in grief. The drugs were still in Kidan’s system, so June had helped her dress in a black skirt and sweater and numbly guided her to Ahnd Cemetery. The weather was cold and punishing. No trace of sun like at Ramyn’s funeral. Yusef’s family was small. His great-aunt Yusra was head of the house again, and she sobbed louder than anyone else.

Kidan was out of tears. Out of words too. She and Slen grieved Yusef the same as they did Ramyn Ajtaf, close together, without speaking. When a bowl of mot paste was passed around by an elderly Mot Zebeya, both Kidan and Slen dipped their fingers into the grainy red paint and smeared it on their silver pins too. A show of respect and grief to Umil House.

It was a visible mark that saidDeath is here, and I have failed to guard against it.

Kidan didn’t know who to blame. Herself?? The Dirt Diggers?

Each time she faced death, she thought she grew stronger. But nothing left her less of herself than this. Whom could she point to, to relieve this crushing weight on her chest?

June stood next to Qara Umil, holding her hand as she sobbed quietly.

Kidan stared at the fresh mound of dirt, her hand tight around her mother’s finger bones.

Yusef couldn’t be inside there.

He’d be waiting for them in their study, sketching distractedly, fingers blackened with charcoal. Smiling, and fixing his hair repeatedly. She had the horrible urge to dig him up, to get him some air because Yusefcouldn’tbe inside the ground. All of this was a mistake. They were rushing to bury him when he wasn’t dead.

When Kidan stepped forward, a hand caught her elbow. Slen.

Kidan’s head snapped up, taking in the stony expression, no tears, not in public. Maybe not ever.

“He’s gone,” Slen said, her tone cold as the weather.

Kidan wrenched her arm free, giving Slen her back. Anger was the only thing that kept her upright and she held closely to it.

The Dirt Diggers lingered on the outskirts of the procession, dressed in long coats and with solemn faces. Kidan’s blood boiled as she counted down the minutes.

When the ceremony ended, she marched to Adjoa Piran.

“You did this,” she hissed, the ice in her voice slicing past a crowd of people.

Adjoa glanced around at the startled mourners and grabbed Kidan’s arm, pulling her farther away. Kidan barely felt herself being dragged, she was empty, becoming more weightless with each second. She wanted to collapse and never get up. But there would be none of that. Sacro, as always, followed. They didn’t stop walking until the coffin was a distant blur.

“Now is not the time—” Adjoa began, and the voice snapped Kidan’s bones in place.

“He’s dead!” Kidan wrenched back, swaying a little. “Yusef is dead.”

Saying the words aloud made the ground soft.

“Did you do this?” Kidan demanded, stepping close enough to grab the woman’s collar. “Did you have him killed?”

Adjoa’s face rippled with anger but like the dean, she restrained it quickly. “I told you he was an uncertain vote. We needed him to leave Uxlay. And we knew he wanted his father free. Yusef offered to cause a destruction within Uxlay so we could get Omar Umil out.”

“As well as your sister and the others,” Kidan spat.

Adjoa didn’t deny it.