Page 192 of Eternal Ruin

“A vampire told you all this before he died?”

June gave a tense nod.

“Why did you help Susenyos at all? Aren’t you with Samson?”

A flash of disappointment touched her face. “Because I don’t want to see anyone hurt.”

Kidan’s snort came out harsh and unexpected, but it was out there, and she couldn’t take it back.

June’s eyes fell. “The way I treated you… it was cruel, Kidan. There’s no excuse for it and I’m sorry.”

There they were.

The words Kidan craved to hear. All she’d wanted for nearly two years was for June to come home, to say these exact words, embrace her. Kidan had had to let go of that dream. Even as it killed her. Kidan had faced down Susenyos once, Samson multiple times, yet it was her own sister who seemed to leave her helpless.

“Thisis cruel, June. What you’re doing right now.” Her voice twisted with harsh pain. “Don’t do this if you’re just going to leave again.”

June rushed forward, grabbing Kidan’s hands. They felt like black rot, burning and infected. June’s eyes were two pools of grief. The sight made Kidan’s chest constrict. This was how June cried when she felt helpless, when Mama Anoet yelled at her or when her hair was being braided in painful tugs. She’d rather suffer in silence, afraid anything she said would create more trouble.

“You tried to kill me,” Kidan said, trying to tug free. “You hated me so much you wanted medead.”

June’s grip tightened, and she shook her head, sending tears everywhere. “No, I wasn’t thinking straight. It was a mistake.”

Dranacti—that was what had finally brought their conflict to a boiling point. The pursuit for power—for the artifacts. Kidan had finally chosen family over those things, but her sister couldn’t be trusted.

“You want the mask, don’t you?” Kidan asked. “More than anything?”

She couldn’t stand her sister’s tears nor the break in her sobs. “I had no choice.”

“Why?” Kidan’s shout made their hands part. “Why do you want it so desperately?”

Wrapping her arms around herself, June said nothing. Her lashes sparkled with tiny drops.

Kidan exhaled, shaking her head. Her gaze landed on Mama Anoet’s collapsed picture. “I wanted to die, June. Right after you left, I wanted to die.”

Slowly, June lifted her face.

Kidan continued. “I bought a pill from the Mathew boys in high school and put it inside the butterfly charm. After I found you, I was going to take it.”

Her sister’s face broke in horror. “I didn’t know… this was never what I wanted.”

Kidan turned her cheek aside. Finally unveiling all of this was making her throat close up but she had to get it all out. She looked to the ceiling so her tears wouldn’t come. “Every day, I was convinced I was becoming like them—vampires who’d kill without feeling remorse. There was no line I wouldn’t cross for you. So I needed to die too, didn’t I? To make the world safer for people like you.”

June’s face shifted from one wave of emotion to another. “I can’t fix this, can I? It’s too late?”

The loss in her voice made Kidan’s gut wrench. She wondered how it was possible to be this hurt and still wish no trace of it for the one who had hurt you.

This had to be love. But the seasons apart had hardened them, shattered their trust to dust. Kidan wished they could go back in time. Because no matter how they healed from this, it’d never be the same. Kidan had to let herself mourn the old June, the one who existed before Uxlay.

“Tell me how to fix this,” June insisted, her warm eyes burning.

“I don’t know,” Kidan whispered, studying her sister’s face. “I don’t know why you left me and until I do, I can’t trust you again.”

Her sister nodded slowly, tried to smile through her tears. “Then I’ll wait. I’ll be here until you can trust me again.”

It was the smallest of steps, fragile. Maybe naive.

In the oval mirror perched on the wall, the top half of June’s back showed, her green top slightly damp. A crescent-shaped scar was planted in the middle of her brown back, similar to the one Kidan bore on her chest.