Page 18 of Enzo (The Amato Family #2)

I find Enzo in the sitting room when I get back to Doc’s. One of Doc’s romance books is in his lap, but my love seems lost in his own head if the way he’s staring off into nothing is any indication.

“You okay?” I ask.

He flinches and turns to look at me. “Fine.”

“That’s not very convincing…” I say slowly, going to sit on the other end of the sofa.

Enzo curls his leg closer to himself, as if that’ll help give the illusion that one isn’t significantly different from the other.

I don’t make a big deal of it, though. Whatever helps him…

well, I’ll let him do whatever he needs to.

So long as it doesn’t seem to be hindering his healing, both mental and physical.

“Roman came to see me today,” he says without prompting.

I measure my response. The last thing I need is for the micromanaging Doc, Tennant, and I did to be called out. “How’d it go? I know you’ve been worried about him.”

Enzo looks down at the book in his lap. “It was nice to see him. He’s healed from whatever injuries he sustained in the accident. He…offered me a job. Once I’m through physical therapy and back on my feet.” He snorts at his word choice. “Nothing’s official, but…I took him up on the offer.”

Surprise flashes through me as I smile at him. “That’s great! Did he have an idea of what the job would be?”

“Something with security. But he was clear I’d be working for him, not Cristian, so… He’s making his stand, building his empire already.”

I nod slowly, contemplating the reasons for that, but coming to the same conclusions Roman apparently has.

“Well, he needs something to start out with. Cristian had Tennant and Doc and a plan by the time he took over for the Boss’s uncle.

This is the same. Not that Roman is staging a coup, but putting the pieces in place so he’s not starting from scratch or having to deal with a Family that was loyal to those before him is a smart move. ”

“Yeah…”

“You don’t sound happy to be given a job offer,” I say cautiously.

“I am. Happy…” He shakes his head, golden eyes bright. “That’s an understatement. I just… I didn’t expect it, and I’m honored he thinks so highly of me that he wants me on his team, but…I guess I won’t fully believe it until everything’s in place.”

“That’s a good point,” I say carefully. “You spent your entire life working for the Boss, so change is going to be weird at first. But Roman will be good to you. He respects you and values you, that’s obvious.”

He nods. Leaning forward, I touch my hand to his raised leg, bringing his attention back to me rather than his lap.

“What’s wrong, baby? I thought you’d be happier than you are. I know how much not being able to work has been weighing on you. This is a good thing.”

“It is. I just…I don’t know. I thought it would help me feel more than what I have been, but…there’s a nagging feeling that this is pity, and I can’t move past it.”

“You know Roman would stab you if he heard you talking like that. He doesn’t do pity.

Roman is smart, compassionate, and in a place where he can start making decisions for himself and what he wants his Family to look like.

You, all people, should know that. I…” Taking a deep breath, I try to organize my thoughts and feelings, unsure what to do with the frustration and hurt currently rolling through me.

“I don’t want to minimize your feelings, Enzo, or make you discuss things you’re not ready for, but I’m lost here.

I’m not expecting you to be all better because of this, but…

I don’t know. Maybe you need to talk to Dr. Madison, see if he has any suggestions to further help your mental health, because I hate seeing you like this. ”

He pulls himself out of my reach, twisting on the sofa and placing his foot on the floor. “He already suggested an antidepressant,” he says.

I look at him in confusion. “When?”

“Two weeks ago? Maybe? I don’t know. I haven’t decided if I’m going to take them or not.”

I don’t ask why, knowing that’s not what he needs. No one can force Enzo to do anything he doesn’t want to do, especially when it comes to medication, but fuck. Something in me curls up and aches at the thought of him going through this without any support from me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask softly, quietly.

“I don’t want to burden you. Not any more than I already have.”

I flinch. “Is that what you’ve thought this entire time? The reason you’ve been shutting me out? You think supporting you, being here for you, is a burden?”

“What else can it be, K?”

I stare at him, silent for so long he finally looks over at me.

“I don’t know,” I say, trying my best to keep my emotions out of my voice.

“Maybe love? Did you ever think of that? I didn’t spend the last few months, let alone the last ten fucking years with you because I felt anything but love for you, you fucking asshole. ”

He has the decency to flinch. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then enlighten me.” I deserve a fucking cookie for not exploding, but the anger and hurt choking my insides right now is layered in frozen fear.

It’s as if everything I’ve built the last few years is starting to unravel and I’m desperately trying to hang on.

“I know you love me, darlin’. I love you too. So fucking much I don’t want to drag you down this road of hell with me.”

“If you can’t rely on the people who love you, then who do you have, Enzo?” I ask quietly.

Without waiting for an answer, I stand. “Lara reminded me that it’s not just you who went through something traumatic.

I didn’t want to listen because I’m not the one dealing with the aftermath, but…

that’s not true. Am I too much? Too overbearing, too pushy?

Too clingy? If I am, all you have to do is speak up.

I don’t want to push you too much too soon, but dammit, I was there.

I heard your heart stop beating. I saw them race to save your life even if they couldn’t save your leg, and I faced the very real possibility of living without you.

” Swiping at my eyes, I look away from him, not wanting to see whatever sorrow or guilt or… anything from him right now.

“I have no idea what you’re going through, but you haven’t been alone this entire time. Maybe that’s what you need, more than support. Fuck if I know. I do know I’m not going to put up with it. Not today.”

“Kail—”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to fight with you, not when I know it’s not your fault, not really.

I just…need some time to get my head on right, and you do too.

” I look at him then, hating that I’m adding to his pain, but my sister is right.

Enzo isn’t the only one who needs to heal, and maybe we can’t do that together, not today at least.

He reaches for the crutches and stands, taking a step toward me, but I wrap my arms around myself and shake my head, backing away a step.

“Whatever you’re thinking, darlin’... it’s not true. None of this…it’s not about you.”

I let out a strained laugh. “Oh, I know that, and that’s why I need to remove myself from this conversation.

Before it does become personal and we end up hurting each other more than we already have.

” Pain and confusion crosses his expression, but…

how can I explain the current maelstrom of emotions running through me when I can barely breathe?

“I love you,” I tell him softly. Before I can second guess myself, I turn on my heels and leave the room, heading upstairs to the bedroom I’ve barely slept in because I hadn’t wanted to leave Enzo’s side. Maybe that was a mistake.

Maybe all of this… the freedom I’ve had to care for him through his recovery did more harm than good.

The tears are hot as they fall down my face, and I burrow under the blankets, wondering where it all went so fucking wrong.