Page 17 of Enzo (The Amato Family #2)

“ I hate you, you fucking sadist.”

Jayden laughs. “You say the nicest things to me.”

He helps me transfer from the floor mat to the wheelchair. I hate using the thing, but on days like this, when the asshole puts me through his rigorous physical therapy program, I’m quietly grateful to have it at the same time.

Jayden helps me clean up a little, so I’m not sliding back into bed sweaty, but I don’t bother with a shower, partly because my aching body is too worn out, and partly because I’d rather not have Jayden, of all people, see me naked.

I can do most things on my own nowadays, but Jayden is a worrier, even if he’d never admit to it, so he’d definitely insist on helping me if I tried to shower. No thanks.

Once I’m settled in my bed, Jayden leaves, and it’s just me and my thoughts since Kail is with Lara.

It’s good for him to get out, to see his family, to be away from having to tend to me.

I won’t ever voice it, but watching him cater to me is…

it’s more difficult than dealing with my injury sometimes.

The burden I put on him cuts me deep, and every instinct I have tells me to protect him from the worst of it.

He doesn’t need my bullshit on top of the normal stress that comes with being a health care worker.

I hate that Doc assigned him to me, not because I’m not grateful for him, but… letting him see me at my most vulnerable is difficult. Stupid, with how we’ve spent the past decade together, but I never said I was rational about things when it came to those I loved.

The housekeeper knocking on my door and stepping into the room pulls me from my tangle of thoughts. “You have a visitor, sir,” he tells me softly.

“Who?”

“Mr. Mason and the younger Mr. Amato.”

I sit up quickly, making my tired body protest. “They’re here?”

“Yes sir. The Boss gave permission, and Doc approved. Do you want me to ask them to wait?”

I sigh and lie back against the bed. “No, it’s fine. Send them in.”

“Very well.” He gives a small bow before leaving the room.

I hate being forced into a corner like this, and my heart starts to race at the thought of Roman seeing me so weak, but I also know I can’t put it off any longer lest I get another visit from the Boss.

Roman and Tennant step into my room, and the moment Roman realizes what he’s seeing, he stops in his tracks.

A wounded look crosses his face, his dark green eyes growing wide as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

Tennant—my technical boss and the person everyone in the Family fears because he can and will put those who disappoint or displease him into the ground—holds Roman’s hand, keeping his young lover close.

When neither of them move, I realize I’m going to have to be the one to initiate things. Biting back a sigh, I say, “Are you going to just stand there all day?”

Roman lets out a little gasp, and all that escapes from his mouth is my name in a choked voice. “Enzo…”

Seeing how torn up he is over me…it pulls at the affectionate spots of my heart that are just his.

“You can come closer, ya know. I don’t bite.”

He lets out a strained, barely-there laugh and drags Tennant across the room to my bedside.

Seeing tears on Roman’s face hurts. Shame fills me as I think about how stressed and worried he must have been all this time because I refused to let him see me.

I didn’t want him to see me weak, not after relying on me for so long to keep him safe.

But this? Watching as he silently falls apart at the sight of me? It cuts my heart in two.

“No tears, Roman. I don’t want to be blamed for breaking you.”

He lets out a soft laugh. “I’m sorry,” he says on a choked breath. “I’m so fucking sorry you got hurt because of me.”

“Hey. You don’t need to apologize for me doing my job.” I keep my voice firm, a little stern, the tone that always got his attention when I needed him to listen to me.

It doesn’t quite work this time, his emotions overflowing rapidly and his guilt spilling out as he says, “That’s the thing! I shouldn’t be a job. You wouldn’t have been hurt if it weren’t for me.”

Tennant tries to step in. “Roman…”

Holding up my hand, I stop him from continuing. “Let me handle this, please, sir?”

Tennant’s expression falls blank, but he releases Roman’s hand only to place his palm on his back and encourage him to step closer to the bed, allowing me to reach for Roman’s hand.

Normally, I wouldn’t touch my principle so casually, but these circumstances aren’t normal, and with Tennant right here, encouraging this conversation, I’m not in fear of losing my job.

Not that I really have one anymore. Neither the Boss nor Tennant have said anything about my employment status, but…

I’m not an idiot either. It’s only a matter of time before they have their lawyer send me a nice severance package.

So I don’t hesitate to take Roman’s hand in mine, feeling the delicate bones in his small one. Pride fills me at knowing how deadly his hands can be, while sorrow also rolls through me at the thought I won’t be able to help keep this fierce but delicate young man safe anymore.

“It’s not your fault, Roman,” I tell him gently as he cries. “It was those fuckers who thought they could take what doesn’t belong to them. It was my privilege and my honor to give a part of myself up in order to protect you.”

He shakes his head rapidly. “It’s not fair, though.”

I give him as gentle a smile as I can. “This life ain’t fair, kid. You know that. But we all have our roles to play. One day, you’re gonna take over, and you’re gonna be the best Boss this Family has ever seen. You know why? Because you care about the people who work for you.

“And me? I was never gonna be able to guard you forever. It happened sooner than I’d have liked, but that was always a risk I was willing to take.

“I knew what I was gettin’ into when I took the job.

I can tell you now, it was an honor serving you.

Plus, I get bragging rights. Do you know how many men would kill to be in my position?

” He rolls his eyes and scoffs, but we both know I’m right.

Being not only part of the guard for the main Family, but Roman’s guard specifically? There’s no higher honor.

“I led your guard, Roman. I got to work closely with your lover over there. Not many people have that privilege. And it is a privilege. We all have a goal in this line of work, and mine was to be the best damn guard I could be. I happened to go further than most people and had a career they could only dream of. So don’t be sorry for me. ”

“But your leg…”

I swallow at the reminder and can’t help but sigh. “Yeah. I won’t lie and say that’s not a kick to the teeth, but not for the reason you think. I’m upset because it altered a part of me, but it also cost me my job. I can’t help but worry about what’s going to happen to you without me.”

And I realize that’s the truth. I’ve accepted that having only one leg has altered my life and will make things more difficult for me, but I have a great team of professionals behind me to help. What I can’t deal with? What keeps me up at night, even after a long day that should have me exhausted?

I don’t know what to do with myself now that I don’t have Roman to protect.

I don’t want to be so shallow to say my entire life revolves around him and the job, but…

it did. Being someone’s full-time bodyguard isn’t for the faint of heart, and not having that anymore?

It’s a reality I’ve been fighting with since I woke up from surgery.

As if sensing my tailspin, Roman squeezes my hand. “I’m doing okay. Benji’s got me. And Dante has been great. Thomas is…Thomas. So don’t worry.”

I snort but I understand what he means. His guard is solid, and I couldn’t have picked a better group to step up, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

“I’ll always worry about you, kid. But you have a good team behind you, and that’s all I could ever ask for.”

Roman is quiet for a long moment as he assesses me.

His tears have dried, and I can see the intelligence he’s good at hiding sparkle in his dark green eyes.

Carefully, as if choosing his words with intent, he asks, “Will you come work for me? When you’re all better.

I… I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t know what a former mafia bodyguard can do after being injured on the job, but I don’t want anyone else in charge of my security.

Except for Tennant, of course. If he and Dad agree, will you stay on?

And not just for me, but maybe you can coordinate with Ten and keep everyone’s security in line. ”

His words take my breath away and I have to swallow back my own tears.

It’s not official, and there are a lot of things that would have to happen, such as Tennant giving his approval, because even though Roman is making the offer, he’s still Head of Security, and probably will be long after the Boss retires.

Still, a kernel of hope rises in me, that maybe the future won’t be as bleak as I’ve been predicting.

“I don’t even have to think about it. Yes! I told you, I’m not done. Out of the field? Yes, but definitely not done.”

Tears fill his eyes once more, but he manages to hold them back.

“I’m sorry.” I open my mouth to protest, but he shakes his head.

“No, let me say this. I’m sorry you got hurt because of me.

I care about all of you, and maybe I shouldn’t because I understand there’s more bodyguards and only one of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

I hate knowing that people would die for me.

I also understand my job, my position, is important.

I know the role I play as the future Boss, and it’s one I take seriously.

So thank you for doing everything you could to make sure I’m alive to play that role. ”

“I’d say anytime, but I think one leg is enough.”

That earns me a weak laugh. “You’re really doing okay?”

“Yeah, kid, I am. Just finished physical therapy a bit ago, which is why I’m here in bed. Shit wipes me out. But you know Jayden’s the best, and I’m better now than I was a week ago, let alone when all this started.”

He tilts his head as he asks, “How’d this come about anyway? You being here in Doc’s house.”

I can’t hold back my eye roll over the whole situation. “Fucker didn’t trust me at home, and both he and your father thought a rehabilitation center would piss me off—they were correct. So, for now I’m here. The PT comes in once a day, and Kail is here twenty-four seven to care for me.”

Roman’s eyes narrow a little when I say Kail’s name, but I pretend I don’t see it. Tennant smirks a little behind his lover, and I work on keeping my expression impassive. Now isn’t the time to make Roman feel worse than he already does by letting him in on my private life.

“It’s not a bad setup,” I tell him. “Just… I’m used to working, used to knowing where you are and what you’re doing. If I’m being honest, that adjustment is harder than learning to live with one leg.”

“That can’t be true.”

“Yes and no. I won’t lie and say it’s been a fucking picnic, but I was always prepared for the possibility of being injured on duty.

I just didn’t realize how much of my time was dedicated to you.

” I narrow my eyes at him, stopping whatever he has to say.

“And if you apologize for that, I’ll ask Mr. Mason to shoot you. ”

That earns me a laugh, which is what I was aiming for.

I don’t need any more of Roman’s guilt. And I’m not lying to him, not completely.

He doesn’t need to know the dark hole of helplessness I’d fallen into at the knowledge this injury was the end of the road for me career-wise.

But having his offer helps, more than I’ll ever confess to.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Roman.” I give his hand another squeeze.

“You can’t stop me. I am better than I was right after everything happened, but… I still struggle sometimes. Not just because of this, but everything that comes with being who I am. I’m working on it, though.”

“Good.” I can’t imagine the pressure that comes with being heir to the Family. For someone so young, Roman holds himself with grace and dignity, and as his guard I’m proud of him. I know his fathers are too. He’ll make a great Boss one day, and it’ll be my greatest honor to serve him.

“Can I come see you again?”

I give him a genuine smile. “I’d like that.”

They don’t stay long after that, not with the main Family being on lockdown until they figured out who tried to either kidnap or kill Roman—according to Tennant they never quite figured out what the motivation behind the car accident was—as well as whoever set Carter Amato’s father’s house on fire and almost killed him.

Tennant bringing Roman today goes against all his edicts and rules, but was a testament to how much the younger man meant to him that he was willing to take a detour and let Roman see me.

It makes me feel important, special, more than just a forcibly retired bodyguard.

Roman surprises me by giving me a hug when they leave. I hold him tightly, letting him cry for a few minutes before he pulls away. “You’ll answer if I text you?”

“I will.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

Tennant ushers the boy out and I let out a breath, wiping at my own wet eyes as the weight of the visit crashes over me.

I didn’t expect Roman’s offer. I have no idea how it’ll even work, going from working for Cristian to working for his son, but I meant what I said—I’m not done. I have years’ worth of knowledge to impart, and I take my vow to protect the Amato Family seriously.

I’m at their disposal, for as long as they’ll have me.