Page 12 of Enzo (The Amato Family #2)

D oc’s sitting room is full to the brim with romance books because the guy has an addiction and refuses to buy an e-reader or read on his tablet, so the shelves are bursting at the seams. A lot of the books in the library at the Amato Family main house are his as well as far as I’m aware.

Sitting on the sofa, I hold the book I grabbed off the shelf in my lap.

I don’t have anything against reading, it’s simply not my thing, and Doc’s tastes are…

well, I’m not surprised to discover he’s apparently very into gay romance, but it’s definitely not my thing.

Not that I have an issue with it, I’m not a fucking hypocrite or anything, but I’d rather spend time with my own boyfriend than reading about two or more fictional ones.

I’m saved from reading about how a water mage and an earth mage get together when Jane, the nurse who is babysitting me when Kail can’t, steps into the room.

“The Boss is here to see you,” she says, looking rather nervous for me.

“Send him in. Thank you.”

Jane is quick to disappear after leading Cristian into the sitting room, and I allow myself to find the humor in it.

Jane is one of the clinic nurses, so her exposure to the main Family is non-existent, as Doc has Kail, Rose, and now Soren on his elite team that cares for Cristian Amato and his inner circle.

As Cristian steps into the sitting room, I sit up straighter in my spot on the sofa, but there’s not much I can do about my appearance.

Kail helped shave both my head and my face yesterday, and I’m wearing clean sweats with a T-shirt, but it’s nothing like the polished, professional look I sported for so long.

“Enzo, I hear you haven’t been taking care of yourself,” the Boss says without any preamble.

I grimace, but any argument I have is thwarted by a perfectly raised black eyebrow. Cristian stares at me with onyx eyes that seem to sear into my soul, and it’s all I can do not to squirm.

The crushing feeling of disappointment weighs down on my chest. Knowing this man trusted me with the safety and well-being of his son, and yet here I am, letting him down… Fuck, there’s no greater shame for a bodyguard, especially one such as me.

My childhood was a rough one, but it wasn’t until I got kicked out at fifteen because I made the mistake of getting caught with a boy and a girl in my bedroom that I found myself in this world.

Turns out I’m a shitty drug runner, but a good bodyguard. I prided myself on working my way up.

Saved from an endless cycle of getting into fights, to be trained under Tennant Mason—Cristian’s right hand, Second in Command, and Head of Security—working my way up to a house guard, then to Roman Amato’s Head Bodyguard.

I’ve spent years working for this man, being someone he trusted with his only child, and to know I’ve repaid him by becoming useless? It’s a hard pill to swallow.

“Sir…”

“Save it,” he replies mildly. “I don’t need to hear your excuses. Doc isn’t one to exaggerate, at least not when it comes to a person’s health. You’ve been neglecting yourself.”

I scowl. “I’ve done everything they’ve asked, sir. I’ve eaten what they’ve put in front of me, showered with their help, I do my PT, and I’m fucking living here! I don’t know what more you want from me.”

Cristian slides his hands into his pockets, studying me for a moment, no expression on his face.

Over the years, I’ve learned how to read him.

I’ll never be as close to him or know him as well as his own bodyguard, or even Doc, but being on Roman’s guard meant I had to be close to him for extended periods of time.

Right now? I know I’m fucked.

“That’s too bad,” he says in a deadly soft voice.

“I purposely came to see you before your surgery tomorrow. I understand you’re stressed, probably panicked about how your life is going to go.

But I will tell you exactly what’s going to happen, Enzo, if you don’t start talking to the therapist and seeing not only Benji, but whoever else from the Family wants to visit you.

You’ve worked with a lot of people over the years, Enzo.

They want to see you and make sure you’re okay.

“Not only that, but Roman is anxious to see you. He’s been worrying himself sick over you, and I’m surprised he hasn’t found a way to sneak over to come see you.”

“Tennant would kill him,” I retort.

Cristian shrugs. “It’d be worth it for him. So, you’re going to go to therapy, start taking visitors, and remember whose organization you’re a part of. If not…Doc already has a rehabilitation center picked out where you’ll do the rest of your recovery after tomorrow’s surgery.”

I clench my jaw, nausea churning in my gut at the knowledge I’ve not only disappointed Cristian, but Roman as well. “You’d threaten me?”

“I don’t make threats, Enzo. I make promises. You know this. Think about what I’ve said. You have until an hour before your surgery tomorrow to make your decision.”

With that, one of the most feared mafia Bosses in the country walks out of the sitting room, his pace casual, as if he hadn’t just threatened to upend my entire life—again.

Sighing, I lean forward to grab my phone off the coffee table. Holding it in my hand, I stare at the device for a long moment, gathering the courage that abandoned me when they took my leg before unlocking it.

ENZO

Want to come over? I need something to save me from the boredom

The reply is almost instant, and it makes me snort and shake my head.

BENJI

About damn time. I’m outside. Coming in now

Only a minute later one of the house staff comes into the room with Benji in tow. “Do you need anything, sir?”

“Some refreshments would be great, thanks.”

She bows her head and then leaves, letting Benji walk further into the room.

“You know, when the Boss asked me to meet him here, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I mean, Doc has an ego and can be a pretentious fuck, but I didn’t think he was this bougie.” He gestures to the room at large.

I have to agree, it’s not what I expected. Aside from the bookcases lining almost every wall, there are shelves full of fucking Disney movies on either side of the marble mantle.

The walls not covered in bookcases or movie shelves have interesting abstract paintings on them. I’m not an art guy, but they look like something you’d see in a museum.

The floor is the same hardwood as the rest of the house, a large, soft area rug in front of the sofa the only thing breaking up the space. The furniture is as soft as it looks—plush, and the perfect place for a late-afternoon nap.

It’s not just this room, though, the entire house goes against what one would expect Doc to live in, simply because he’s never come across as someone who has money.

I know he’s paid very well by the Family, we all are, but this is…something else. It screams of privilege, and it’s only because I want to keep living that I don’t ask more questions about Doc’s past.

I know he has one. That year I was his bodyguard I saw way too many hints of someone who’d been traumatized, but one thing you learn early in this life is to not ask too many questions.

“How you doing?” Benji asks quietly, sitting in the armchair adjacent to the sofa. He grimaces. “I’m sure you keep getting asked that, but fucking hell, Enz, you scared the shit out of me.”

I look down at my lap, tracing my fingers along the edge of the book I’m still holding.

“I… I don’t know. And that’s the truth. Things are so fucked right now.

I’m having another surgery tomorrow. I’m not at home in my own bed.

My fucking boyfriend has been taking care of me because the first week I was in so much pain…

hell, I’m still in pain. It comes and goes, and it’s not even always the pain from the residual limb, but…

I swear, sometimes it’s like my leg is still there and being crushed all over again.

“I don’t feel like myself, but I don’t know how to change that either.

Cristian basically said get help or get out, and well…

I’m terrified. What if the therapist says it doesn’t get any better than this?

That even when I’m able to get a prosthetic and walk on two feet—sort of—my life still won’t be fully my own.

What’s that going to do to Kail? To our relationship? ”

“You’re a fucking dumbass.”

I glare at my so-called best friend. “Really.”

“You’re worrying about things you can’t change or fix.

It happened. There’s no going back, only moving forward.

Kail loves you. I don’t know why, because you’re not all that and he can do way better, but whatever.

He loves you and he’s stuck by you. Even agreed to your stupid ‘I don’t want to tell Roman because he’ll feel guilty’ thing. ”

“It’s not stupid. You know how he is. Once he found out Thomas was married he tried to get Ten to take him off his guard, because he didn’t want Thomas to spend more time with him than he did with Jennie.

You know it would be a million times worse if he knew about me and Kail.

It’s easier this way. Kail doesn’t mind.

It’s not like we’re in the closet or anything, I’ve just chosen not to get too personal with my principal. ”

The look Benji gives me is unimpressed, but it’s an argument we’ve been having since Kail and I started dating.

Having grown up with his father and brothers as Amato guards, Kail knows the score.

No, his family might not be on the personal guard for the main Family, but he knows how the Family works and how many hours I’ve had to put in as the Head of Roman’s Guard.

Being available twenty-four seven for the Amato heir isn’t something everyone’s able to handle. It’s a thankless job at times, even though Roman is very sweet and gracious. He cares about those in his family’s employ, and he’s going to make an amazing Boss one day.

It’s because of his soft, caring heart that I chose to keep my relationship quiet. As much as I trust my fellow guards, there are only some people, like Benji, who I trust enough to have Roman’s back.

“Look, Enzo. I’m not here to give you a hard time,” Benji says with a sigh.

“I’ve wanted to see you because you’re my friend and I’ve been worried.

I want to know you’re taking care of yourself.

Thomas, Dante, and me? We have Roman. He’s safe.

He’s not happy about not being able to see you, but we’re doing our best.

“I just want you to be okay, and now I know you’re not…

Fucking hell, it’s killing me. That could have been me, or Thomas, or any number of other guards.

It could have been any other driver, but it just happened to be Luigi that day…

We all know what we’ve signed up for, but it’s not until death is staring you in the face that you really understand.

And I don’t think I would have been okay had you not made it. ”

I swallow, the emotions crashing over me making it impossible to speak for a long moment. Closing my eyes, I take a long, slow breath.

Fuck.

Meeting Benji’s gaze, I say the only thing I can. “I don’t think I’d be okay if you weren’t here.”

He huffs a laugh. “Fuck. I hate you, you know that? Have me all up in my feelings in fucking Doc’s house.”

I snort. “You love me.”

“Sometimes. You’ll be okay, Enz. I can’t imagine how you feel right now, but you’re not dealing with this shit alone. I’m here now, and you’re not getting rid of me.”

“Like a fucking growth,” I deadpan.

He flips me off and we both laugh.

I won’t admit it, but…some of the crushing despair that’s been smothering me from the inside out eases a little knowing Benji is here and I can’t push him away, even if I tried.

It’s…freeing to know some parts of the old me are still there. I simply hope it’s enough to tide me over, because who knows how long it’ll take to discover if there’s more beneath the pain.

Fuck, I hope so.