Page 25 of Entertaining the Earl (Vows in Vauxhall Gardens #2)

S usannah watched Colin leave from her bedroom window that Friday morning. They had said their goodbyes at dinner the previous night, with him giving his heartfelt thanks for allowing him to stay.

Her goodbye had been just the same as the one for her mother and father. Of course, it had to be. He could hardly kiss her in front of them. And she shouldn’t want that either. She had told him to leave, and he was clearly not attracted to her—not in the way a man ought to be toward a woman.

This morning, as she watched his borrowed carriage riding away, she did not hold back her tears. This was the right decision, she was sure—but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. There was a good chance she would never see him again, and it broke her heart to think that.

Still, she needed to make herself presentable before going downstairs. She did not want her parents questioning why she was so upset. Of course, they had believed there was some connection between her and Colin, but they also very easily believed it when nothing came of it.

So, it would look strange if she appeared distraught at his departure.

She just needed to move on.

At luncheon, however, all her parents spoke of was Colin. There was no escaping him, even now he had left .

“Such a nice young man,” her mother said.

“Yes, I’m sure he will do well in life. He’s got a talent for making people like him, no matter their background. But he seems genuine too, don’t you think?” her father asked.

“Oh, most definitely.”

Susannah managed to stay out of the conversation until her parents decided she ought to join in.

“I am sorry things did not progress between the two of you,” Mama said, with a smile that Susannah presumed was meant to be comforting. “It would have been a fine, if ambitious, match.”

“Yes, Mother,” Susannah said, for what else was there to say?

“But you mustn’t be downcast. There is still some of the Season left, and you may find that interest from the earl has increased your desirability, along with your large dowry. There is still hope, Susannah—don’t despair.”

Susannah nodded but did not trust herself to speak. Clearly, she was not doing as good a job at hiding her emotions as she had thought. But her mother thought she was sad at the prospect of never marrying—not for the very specific reason that she would never see Colin again.

That she wouldn’t get to marry him—although surely that had never been on the cards anyway.

She had just allowed herself to think it might be a possibility, especially after he kissed her. Especially after that night in the library, on the rug in front of the fireplace, when they had so nearly…

“But I’ve said before, you cannot spend your time holed up in here reading. When the earl was showing interest in you, you could take a more relaxed view of the Season. But with him gone, we must press on.”

It was exactly as it had been before Colin had arrived, or perhaps even worse. Her mother’s vigor in pushing her onto the social scene and finding her a husband seemed renewed by the earl’s passing interest.

And so she would have even less time to read and even more opportunity to see that look in a gentleman’s eyes when he felt he had to dance with her but had no real wish to.

*

It has come to this author’s attention that Lord B has quit the Season early and returned to his country seat.

Has he grown tired of the newfound wealth of his hosts?

Rumors of a betrothal between him and Miss L now seem unfounded.

In fact, the on dits in some ballrooms is that she broke off the attachment because he did not understand society manners well enough!

Hopefully, Miss L will quickly find a match to rival him, although perhaps it is because of such high expectations that she remains unwedstill.

Susannah rarely read the gossip columns, but in the days after Colin left, she found herself with much time in which she needed to be distracted, and a reason to take an interest in what the anonymous pens of the ton had to say.

She wasn’t wholly surprised to see the reference to her and Colin’s courtship, nor the fact that his lack of society knowledge was given as the reason for their connection ending. It had been one of his suggestions, after all. And she supposed he had put the word about before he had left.

In some ways, he seemed such a decent man. And yet he seemed to be totally repulsed by her…

She did not like to be the topic of gossip.

While spending time with Colin had made the increased attention she received acceptable, she was more than happy to disappear into the background once more.

She would try to attract a husband, because it was what her parents wanted, but she had no wish to have all eyes of the ton upon her.

Especially without Colin by her side .

What was he doing now, she found herself wondering, as she and Mama sat in silence completing their needlework. Was he happy to be at his estate? Was he relieved he had escaped the Season without being marched down the aisle?

Did he think of her at all?

Mama looked over at the fabric clutched in her hands and tutted. “That last row is very messy, Susannah. You will have to unpick it and do it again.”

Without arguing, Susannah followed her mother’s instructions. She didn’t care about the needlework. She wished it engrossed her enough to take her mind off Colin, and the haunted look in his eye when he had told her he could not continue…but nothing seemed to be able to distract her from that.

Not even her beloved books.

“You need to get your head out of the clouds, Susannah. Men are looking for wives who have mastered the feminine arts—not ones who can read a book in a day. That will not interest them at all.”

But it had interested Colin, Susannah wanted to say. He had always seemed to care about what she had to say—and he certainly hadn’t acted like he cared a fig whether she could complete a neat row of cross stitch.

But perhaps it had all been an act. Perhaps he had feigned interest in her, and in the books of Miss Austen. It had all been a game of pretend, and she was the one who had ended up hurt.

And Colin…Lord Bourne… She sighed to herself as she unpicked the last of the stitches. He had probably forgotten all about her the moment the carriage pulled away from the city.