Page 72 of Enemies with Benefits (Finding the Right Brother #1)

"Fascinating," I said, peering down at my nephew and wondering if his powers of observation would be used for good or evil when he got older. As it was, he was too young to be either, but still capable of causing chaos with perfect innocence. "Not surprising but so fascinating."

"Exactly," Moira said smugly. "So if there's anyone who needs to do some talking, it's me and the two of you."

"You know, I'd love to, but there's not a whole lot to talk about," I said, ignoring the stiffening of Jace's shoulders. "I don't think I have much to talk about."

Micah peered up at me, a question in his eyes, and I had a moment of horror that I should stop him. “But why did you come here?"

"I brought you and your mom, remember?" I asked, hoping that would take care of whatever was brewing in his head.

"No, I mean, Mom said you came here before, and stayed awhile. Then came and got us. I thought you were going to talk to Kayden when he woke up."

"Kayden isn't really my friend," I said, but it was too late, the truth was out there for anyone else to put things together.

"So why…" Micah began, but Jace interrupted.

"You were here before them?” he asked in surprise.

I stared Moira dead in the eyes. “Ask me again if I want children of my own, please."

Her eyes slid between Jace and me, and though I didn't see what his expression was, her annoyance disappeared.

I didn't know how well she could read Jace, but there was no question that she could read me completely from the inside out.

Exactly what she plucked from my head wasn't known, but I watched her reach out and draw Micah closer.

She gave me a meaningful look before speaking.

“C'mon, Micah, let's go see if we can meet Kayden's parents. "

Micah frowned as he was gently pulled away. “I said something again, didn't I?"

"You did," Moira chuckled.

"Was it bad?"

"No, I'd say it was just enough. Let's let them talk, alright?"

"I never understand what's happening."

"If it makes you feel any better, none of us do."

"It doesn't."

"Right," I muttered, wondering if maybe I’d be better off if I’d spent more time in Portland. My time would probably have been better spent, or at least less stressful.

Still not looking at Jace despite feeling the intensity of his stare, I decided to keep walking.

There was no way I would get back to my apartment in the sleep-deprived state I was in, but I could get a ride to the hotel and crash there.

Moira already had the car keys, so it wasn't like I'd be stranding her or forcing her to find a ride of her own.

"Mason," Jace called as I strode down the hallway, and I fell back with a sigh.

"Yes?" Because, of course, I wasn't going to get away without more drama being thrown into the mix.

"Were you really here before you got Moira and Micah?” he asked, coming up beside me.

"I…" What else was I supposed to do? I kept walking, but Jace kept pace with me.

"Alright, fine, yes. I showed up last night.

I confirmed the two of you were here, hung around for a bit, and then remembered that it was my sister's boyfriend.

I woke her up to tell her. Then I went and got her, brought her and Micah here, and then hung around in case they wanted to leave before it was too late. "

"Right, you hung around for hours even though you knew they were going to stick around for a while."

"That's what I said."

"And you took all night to call her?"

"Yes."

"Right."

"Yeah."

"You're an ass."

My temper flared, and I turned, bumping into him with my chest by accident but rolling with it as he took a mildly alarmed step away from me.

"What? Did you want me to say I barely slept after you left the other night because I knew something was wrong, but you weren't going to tell me?

Or that I figured it had to do with Kayden, since my sister and nephew were okay?

And even when I didn't hear from her about it, I figured it was still Kayden because you'd be the sort of person who’d keep that shit to himself because he'd forget all about everyone else? "

Hurt and guilt flashed over his face. “Because that's exactly what I did?"

The self-awareness dialed some of my anger back, but it didn't slow me down.

“Or that I had to call around to figure out if he was a patient in the numerous hospitals in Cresson Point?

Do you know how many there are? It took hours until I found this one.

Had to lie and pretend to be his stepbrother so they'd confirm he was here.

And yeah, I found that you were here, and I saw the bad shape he was in and saw you keeping vigil.

And so, yeah, I stuck around just in case something went wrong after surgery.

Once I was sure he was probably going to be okay and wouldn't die while I was gone, I went and got Moira and Micah.

And I stuck around to make sure everyone was doing okay, but I was getting ready to leave in another hour or so when you came stomping into the lounge.

So there, does that make you happy? Are you thrilled? Excited?"

"I didn't stomp," he muttered sullenly.

Mentally, I threw up my hands. “Fine, whatever. There, now you know. Go see your best friend, I'm glad he's alive and will be up to annoy you soon."

He grabbed my arm, and it was only being in public that kept me from whirling around and decking him for laying a hand on me when I was obviously pissed off at him.

Didn't stop me from spinning around, my other hand flexing to show just how close I was and then.

..freezing. The expression on his face was a mirror copy of the one when he'd woken up in my childhood rooms in the hotel after his breakdown, when he'd realized I’d brought him there and let him calm down at his own pace.

It was vulnerable, downright fucking shy, wary, and fearful, but hopeful at the same time.

"You hunted Kayden down to stay here...for me?” he asked softly, all his normal doubt with none of his normal anger in his voice.

Ugh.

Now, how the fuck was I supposed to stay mad at that ?

It wasn't fair. He looked like a little boy receiving some crumb of affection for the first time. Not quite daring to believe it could happen, but deep down wanting to hope that it could.

"Yes," I snapped, though there was no real bite to it, and though I pulled my arm from his grip, it was reluctant.

"You're a stubborn prick who doesn't know his head from his ass half the time, but with Kayden in the state he was in, you were alone and dealing with all of it.

At the time, I was the closest thing you had for support, even if you didn't realize I was there.

..wasn't supposed to know I was there, alright? "

"You didn't want me to know," he repeated, a shadow passing over his face, and I couldn't tell if it was at himself, at me, at the situation, or some really depressing mix of the three.

"No, you made it pretty damn clear you didn't want me in your life."

"You still came."

"You know, it's funny. You're an ass. A bigger one than me, which is fucking impressive by the way, but that doesn't mean you deserve to be alone when shit hits the fan.

Maybe if you were better at accepting help and letting other people show you that they care, then maybe I wouldn't have tried to keep it from you.

But what do I know? It's not like I don't have plenty of people who’d be there for me in an instant, but still manage to live my life on my own two feet.

What would I know about balancing being independent and stubborn with accepting love and help from people who care? "

"That's not...fair."

"Life isn't fair, Jace. You should know that by now.

It's not about what's fair and what isn't. Just like it isn't about what we deserve or don't. It's about what we accept and what we do.

You kept watch over Kayden, and I kept watch over you, and then I brought Moira and Micah here because I knew they'd want to be here for both you and Kayden.

I did it because I care, and even if that care was supposed to go unnoticed by you, it was still there, alright?

So yeah, I did all that, and I did it because I care. Now, can I go?"

"If you want," he said, his expression wavering between sullen and hurt, taking a step back.

"It's not about what I want," I muttered, turning and walking away because he clearly wasn't listening.

Just like everything else I'd said, it wasn't about what I wanted, especially when it came to us.

Or at least, it wasn't just about what I wanted.

I had tied myself to him, which meant that what he wanted mattered just as much, but he was never going to see that.

All he was going to see was the Mason he had etched in the hard stone of his thick skull, one who never thought of anything else but himself.

Which was...fine. Well, it wasn't fine right now, it stung deep down and would smart for a while.

Eventually, though, I'd be able to think about it without feeling the slide of a blade between my ribs, and eventually the needle pricks of pain and regret would fade as well.

I would be able to move on with my life without thinking of him and feeling like I was a shit person because I hadn't managed to figure out how to get things to work between us.

Hell, maybe one day I might be able to think of the fact that he had come the closest of anyone I'd been with to knowing me, and not regret it.

Maybe even think of it as a good thing. Right now? Not so much.

It would just...take time.