Page 14 of Enemies with Benefits (Finding the Right Brother #1)

"Micah," I said softly. The name had been my grandfather's name on my mother's side, a man I had adored up until he’d died when I was seven.

I had been given it as a middle name, and although I'd always hated the last name I'd inherited from my father, and had been neutral about my first name, my middle name had always been cherished.

She winced slightly at that. “It seemed...appropriate at the time."

I once more turned to stare down at the little boy. “I...does he know?"

"About you?"

"I just...what does he know?"

"He knows he has a dad, obviously, you need one for the most part to make a kid.

As far as what he knows, he knows it was my choice to go for the single mom thing, not his dad's. Otherwise, he knows his dad was a good man and that I’d been happy with him.

After that, I left it up to him if he wanted to know more.

..and that included if he wanted to know you. "

I leaned forward, setting the glass down, pushing it toward her as I struggled to find the words, which was difficult enough on a good day.

I'd never been good at expressing myself, and now I was trying to figure out how I even felt about the sudden news, let alone try to explain it to someone else.

The problem was, I didn't think there was even a handbook for how to feel when you found out that you not only had a kid, but you'd had one for eight years that you didn't know about.

"I feel like I should be asking if he's actually mine, but…" I watched him twist in his seat to say something, and I frowned when Mason came into view, taking a seat opposite... my son, and talking to him. "But even if you had been sleeping around at the time...the, uh...the?—"

"Resemblance is beyond uncanny and practically downright creepy?"

"Yeah...kinda shocked I didn't realize it before when I saw him, but?—"

"Mm, well, you were a little focused on Mason."

"Yeah, I guess."

I was able to throw out a few emotions, at least enough to know I had no use for them.

Feeling guilty because I wasn't around was slightly lessened by two facts.

One being that Moira had intentionally kept me out of the loop, which I was going to circle back to in a moment, so I hadn't had much choice in that matter.

The other was that, despite my feelings about part of the family, I knew Moira and Micah had known support I could have only dreamed of growing up.

Micah might not have known me, but he had plenty of family there for him, and the hotel had done well for years, so money had never been a question.

Micah laughed, his little shoulders shaking as he picked up a fry and threw it at Mason, who managed to catch it with his mouth. "They're close?"

She didn't answer right away, pouring me another drink and pushing it back toward me. “What answer are you looking for?"

"The honest one," I said, resolving to sip this one. "I don't do anything but honesty, that hasn't changed."

"They are close," Moira said, capping the bottle and setting it down.

"Have been from the start. Mason isn't around as much as he'd like, but they're always calling each other, especially video calls.

Mason will even make normal calls while he's dealing with his club and talk to him all night while he's managing.

It's been a little while since the last time he was here, but whenever he's around, he makes sure to spend time with Micah. He adores Micah, and vice versa."

I watched them for a moment. It was obvious the kid was used to him, and although I didn't know him at all, he seemed comfortable with Mason. "Oh."

"Did you want them not to be?"

"I...no, I want him to know his family."

"Just not Mason."

"I didn't say that."

"He's good with him."

"Okay."

"I mean it."

"I get it."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

Which was...true, mostly. I knew that the Mason I knew was not the same Mason that those close to him knew.

And I knew that, in theory, you could despise everything about a person without them being an awful person, and they could even be a good person with everyone else.

At the same time, finding a way to separate the man I hated from a version of himself who could be loved by a child and be good with that child was.

..not easy for me. It was a task I would have to figure out later, when I wasn't trying to deal with a much more important and bigger issue.

"Why...did you keep it from me?" I asked, knowing she had expected the conversation to loop back to that point. "And why tell me now?"

She sighed. “Those two questions are pretty much tied together. I kept it from you because...well, you wanted to have a life. You were always so careful to make sure you didn't have kids because the idea scared the hell out of you, and you wanted to have fun, irresponsible and free."

"I don't?—"

"Stop, I'm not saying that was wrong. For God's sake, Jace.

You spent your childhood and teenage years trying to take care of and defend your mom from that beast who called himself your father.

You had every right not to have to take care of someone else when that was the last thing you wanted.

You were the careful one, I was the one who got sloppy with my birth control, and it.

..well, it happened. I didn't realize I was pregnant until, like.

..three months after we broke up. All I could think was that I had no choice.

Well, I had choices, but none of them sounded good.

I couldn't bring myself to abort him, and adoption was out of the question, I wasn't...I couldn't see myself carrying him for nine months just to give him away.

I didn't care if it was to a good home, I.

..well, I was right. There was no way I was going to be able to give him up.

"So I kept my mouth shut, I thought it was for the best rather than dragging you into a life you didn't want.

It wasn't like I was going to be left to do it on my own.

But...there hasn't been much time in the past eight years where I didn't question that decision, where I didn't wonder if what I decided was for the best or if it was me being selfish, or if I was robbing Micah of the chance to know you.

Kayden might have interfered, as you put it, but all he said was the same things that I've been telling myself for years.

So, now I'm telling you, and I'm letting you decide what you want to do about it.

I don't mean right this minute, or even this week, or this month.

This is...a lot, and I won't know if it was the right choice, either way, for quite a while, I'm sure.

And if you're pissed at me, I don't blame you, I expect it because I know that even though you didn't want something like this when we were younger, you've got a noble streak in you almost as wide as the stubborn one. "

"I am pissed," I said because now was definitely the time for truth. "I had a right to know. It should have been my choice if I wanted to be his father, not yours."

"Would you have made the choice the right way? Or would you have made it because you felt obligated?"

"How do you even know I would have stayed?"

"Because despite how much you kept from me, because you never knew how to open up, I knew enough. Are you saying you would have just walked off?"

I grimaced, bitter because she was right. "No. But it still wasn't your decision. Even if I chose to stick around because it was the right thing to do, it was my choice, not yours. You say you know me, then you should know I don't like people making decisions for me."

"Look," she said, her eyes flashing in warning. "We've got plenty of time to discuss how badly I fucked up and if you're going to let it go."

"Let it go?"

"Jace...do you really want to argue about this right now? Or do you want to digest the news and come back afterward to yell at me? Because we both know you're going to think of more to say, so you might as well compile it so you can properly chew me out."

"Alright, fuck you too."

"Been there, done that. That's what brought us to this in the first place."

I ground my teeth. “Your sense of humor isn't needed here. You know I hate when you joke about serious shit."

"You hate when I make jokes like that because it reminds you of my brother, someone you tried to forget existed while we were together," she said dryly.

She had me there, though that didn't exactly do wonders to improve my attitude.

What a bizarre and fucked up twist of fate that I ended up having a son I didn't know about, but Mason fucking Beckett had known him and had been there throughout his life.

Meanwhile, I had been free to live the life my ex-girlfriend had apparently thought was better for me without once considering whether she should consult me on the matter.

An alarming thought occurred to me then, and I stared at her with wide eyes. “Does Mason know?"

"Pretty sure he does now," she said with a sigh and a roll of her eyes. "And get that pissed off look off your face. I never told anyone who Micah's father was until today. What I mean is, I'm pretty certain he figured it out at about the same time Kayden was putting two and two together."

I frowned. “So...he didn't know?"

"Not until today."

"So he didn't figure it out on his own before this?"

"Pretty much."

"Wow, for someone who always thinks he's so smart, he's been as slow about this as me. Didn't even recognize the genetics of the guy he spent years hating standing right there in front of him."

Moira stared at me. “I...would you have preferred he did notice and...hate Micah because of it?"

"No," I said quickly and firmly. "But that makes me feel better about being so slow on the uptake."