Page 64 of Enemies with Benefits (Finding the Right Brother #1)

"I didn't tell anyone, and she put the thing back up after I left, and for the rest of the year, no one got it.

I was finally in on the joke because I could tell when people were guessing, trying to get praise from Miss Hamren, and those who were so close to seeing it but just couldn't make it out.

At the end of the school year, in the last few minutes of class, I announced that it was a squirrel with an acorn.

The whole class stared at me, and she did too.

Maybe it was on my face, or maybe she had a hunch, but she asked me if I'd known all along, and I shrugged and told her yes.

She smiled and asked why I kept it to myself then. You know what I said?"

I glanced at him, and he had to clear his throat roughly several times before he found the strength to speak. "You told her it was because the whole thing was stupid?"

"Close, I told it I did it because it was funny. I'm guessing from the look on her face and the note she sent home with me, she didn't see the humor in it."

"You...Jesus," he said, his voice soft and almost distant, as if he were having a hard time hearing what I’d told him. "So, you've always been an asshole."

"I guess so," I said, feeling the weariness return because, of course, that's what he pulled from that story. "Not really the point I was going for, but I guess."

He threw up his hands. “Then what point were you trying to make?"

For a moment, I seriously considered keeping my mouth shut and staring at him, letting his thoughts overtake him and make him obsess.

It would be as simple as that, and the irritated, spiteful part of me wanted to do it because, Jesus Christ, couldn't he separate himself from his head long enough to think?

To consider what someone else, or at least I, was thinking or feeling?

Why did everything have to be a constant struggle with him?

But no, I let the spite go, letting it float off into the mental ether where it would drift for a time.

I knew eventually it would return, called whenever it felt like coming back, or more likely, when I was pissed off and wanting to get my own back when someone got on my nerves.

That spite was as much a part of me as the grief at the loss of my father, just things I would never be able to rid myself of, no matter what I did.

Not that I ever truly wanted to rid myself of my grief.

My father had been a good man, and he deserved to be mourned for the rest of my life, but that grief was mine and mine alone; it didn't call to be shared.

"I guess you have a point that I've been like.

..this, for a long time," I said with a shrug, annoyed that the asshole still insisted on seeing the absolute worst in me whenever he was irritated or frustrated.

"Because yeah, I guess I’ve always seen how stupid and weird the world can be, and all I've been able to do is laugh at it.

People are going to see what they're going to see, and do what they're going to do, so why shouldn't I do the same, but have a good time along the way?

But really, I was laughing for the same reason I was thinking of that old ass memory.

..because for a moment, I was able to look out of the corner of my eyes and see the picture I guess I'd known was there all along when it came to us, but never really saw completely. "

"That's...not helping," he said, and I wondered how irritating it had to be for him, whipping between confusion and annoyance so frequently. Honestly, with how testy he was most of the time, it was probably a miracle he hadn't lost his temper by now.

"I'm so very tempted not to tell you, to see if maybe you can look at things from a weird angle and see the picture."

"Don't fuck with me more than you already have."

"Tempting, oh so tempting...but no, I won't do that.

What was funny to me from the beginning and is absurdly hilarious now is.

..you had all these different people over the years, like Moira, and even Kayden, who had a chance to peek in your head and see what's lurking in there.

Except, my sister wouldn't do that, would she?

Not because she doesn't have control issues and wants to know everything, but because you two are just too similar.

She'd make the mistake of being confident that she knew enough to deal with you, because you two are so alike that she wouldn't think to dig for the differences.

And Kayden? You two couldn't be more different in a lot of ways, but he's too damn nice, too respectful of your moods and your bitchy ass attitude.

He tries to make sure you stay happy and have a bit of fun, but he never pushes it, does he?

So why would he push past all your prickly defenses? "

Confusion had given way to wariness, but he was always going to be an angry son of a bitch, so I wasn't surprised to see the anger was still there.

I suppose it would stay with him just like my spite and my grief, a part of him that wasn't going anywhere, no matter how much he or others might want otherwise. Honestly, I’d be fine with that, but it would be nice if his temper didn't always have to do with me, or at least wasn't always aimed at me.

Or wasn't used as a bludgeon to ward me off every time he decided things weren't going the way he expected.

"I...okay," he said, swallowing hard and looking away. "I'm not saying you're right."

"No, God no, we wouldn't want that."

"Can you not be a sarcastic ass for five minutes?"

"Can you not be a grumpy asshole for five minutes?"

His face twitched, and for a moment, I thought he was about to chuckle before he rolled his eyes. “That was your point?"

"No, that was the start of the point. As for the rest, well, you have all these people that could have gotten closer to the truth, to really get to the nitty gritty of you, but for one reason or another, they didn't. In fact, and here's the really funny part, the only person who has got close to really seeing all of you.

..is the one person you've despised for years.

Well, if we take your parents out of the equation, because that's a whole different level of hate. "

His frown returned. “You?"

"Me."

"Fuck off."

"Really? I mean, think about it."

"No."

"I mean, sure, others put up with your moods, but I'm sure Moira just ignored you, and Kayden tries to soothe you. But me? Sometimes I do that, and other times I just roll with it because it is what it is."

"Or you fucking cause it!"

"Mmm, that too, but for a while now, I haven't let it get to me. Obviously, tonight is an exception, but still."

"Oh, good, you know how to deal with me being pissed off, great for you."

"Oh, good, you discovered sarcasm. Maybe next will be an actual sense of humor."

"Fuck off."

I smiled, knowing that if I continued, I was going to set the whole thing on fire and have to deal with the mess.

"But hell, there's the fact that I'm the only one who finally got to make you understand that you like guys.

And shit, this might be tooting my own horn here, but I bet I managed to see a whole lot of different things that make you tick.

..or get hard for that matter. How many of your other partners not only let you be that rough with them, but liked it? "

"I—"

"Don't answer that in its entirety, please, there are some things I don't want to learn about my sister."

"Gross."

"Exactly. And how many people have seen that on top of what happened earlier this week?

You were out of your head, not the person you want to pretend you are, and I didn't bat an eye, I didn't hesitate, and I still don't think less of you.

Shit, I think better of you for it. Or the fact that I know you're desperate to be a good dad, even before you decided you were going to make a go of being one.

Or the fact that you have a hard time understanding how my family operates, but you want to be a part of it so badly, even though you'll deny, deny, deny. "

His eyes flashed, and I knew I’d come back to the very thing that had pissed him off only a little while ago. “Fuck you, Mason. Just because I've had my dick in you doesn't mean you know a fucking thing about me!"

"I certainly know a lot more than most people who’ve met you," I said with a snort and felt the pang of regret that I hadn't made myself another cocktail before he'd come wandering out looking for a fight.

Hell, even the bottle would have worked; the burn would have gone nicely with the bitterness in my mouth.

"But that's what gets to you in the end, isn't it?

The fact that I do know you. Well, that pisses you off, because of all people to know you that well, why did it have to be Mason fucking Beckett, right?

But what really gets to you, what sticks in your craw and freaks you right out, is that I'm the one who takes it in stride, I roll with it and accept it.

Sure, I give you hell for some of the crap you do, but here we are, here you are, as you are, and I'm dealing just fine. "

"What does..." he trailed off, but I didn't need him to think too hard, I'd seen the twitch on his face, his facial muscles giving away his thoughts before he even knew what they were. I had made my point, and just as I’d said, I knew him quite well.

I knew what was going to happen next. I watched his features slowly screw up, and I could see the tension in his shoulders.

There was a lot of pressure building up inside him, and its explosion was as imminent as it was bound to be spectacular.

I blinked when his expression closed off, locking out all but a glint in his eyes that I didn't recognize. "You don't know me. You always act like you have all the answers, but you don't. Quit acting like you do."