Page 18 of Endlessly Yours (The Wilder Brothers #10)

I blinked as he turned away from me, heading to his truck, and I had to wonder why I should be disappointed.

It wasn’t like we were in a relationship.

Not really. Or not at all. Why was I disappointed that he hadn’t touched me or leaned forward to brush his lips along mine?

He wouldn’t have done it in front of the girls anyway.

I needed to get my head out of the clouds and back to the reality that was my new life.

I pushed thoughts of Brooks away and popped into the SUV, forcing myself to pay attention to the road.

I dropped the girls off, Alice happier than she had been that morning, Cameron still quiet.

But each of the girls had walked off to a group of kids that seemed trustworthy.

I didn’t know, but perhaps I should try to wheedle out the other kids’ names a little bit harder than I had been trying to.

Was I supposed to talk to their parents?

Were there supposed to be play dates? What did parents do?

With a sigh, I made my way back to my house and pulled into the driveway. Brooks’s truck was gone, and I let out a breath.

Well, at least I didn’t have to deal with that.

I made my way back inside and got to work. I had a deadline coming up and income to make.

My finances were fine, at least for now. But I needed to start the girls’ college funds over again since they had lost them in the will. And that meant everything just took longer than it should.

Thankfully the Wilders knew people and were brilliant themselves, and were helping me figure things out. But at some point, I needed to stop leaning on them for everything.

We were a party of three now, and even if that broke my heart and shattered me into a million pieces, I was just going to have to deal with it.

I got a good three hours of work in when the doorbell rang. I nearly knocked over my now cold coffee at the sound but made my way to the door.

Ava walked in, brows raised, and I froze.

“Hi.”

“You had sex.”

I blinked, my mind going in a thousand different directions. I wasn’t sure how this was possible.

“Did you hear?”

“I know your face after you have sex. And I was just here to see if you were okay after leaving the pizza thing early last night. However, what do you mean, did I hear? Oh my God. Did you have sex at Singles’ Night?”

“Well. Maybe. Um.”

“You know what, I think it’s time for a mimosa. Or wine. Or something.”

“Ava. I’m working.”

“Well, if you’re not going to tell me what happened, I’ll have to liquor you up to get it out of you.”

“I had sex with Brooks,” I blurted, and Ava stood there, blinking.

“So it wasn’t with Callum.”

“Of course not.”

“Well, I was worried.”

“Why would you be worried?” I asked.

“Because I like Callum, but not for you. You guys just seem like you would be friends. And from what Briar tells me, Callum has a whole set of issues up in Ashford Creek. And I know you have enough drama now. But Brooks? Oh my God. Finally.”

“What do you mean finally?”

“You guys have been giving each other loony eyes since I first got here. I remember that meeting where you two already knew each other. And I have been tight-lipped this entire time, waiting for you to tell me. But first, you had sex with Brooks. Was it good? No, don’t tell me.

Of course, it was good. He’s a Wilder. Oh my God. It’s my brother-in-law.”

I blinked at her before I burst out laughing.

“Thank you for alleviating some of the stress of what just happened.”

“What do you mean some? Tell me everything.”

“There’s not much to tell,” I lied. “We went to the pizza thing, then we walked down the hall and had sex in the office. Everything’s fine.”

“You had sex in the office? Which office? I need to know it all.”

And so I told her, not quite in detail, but when I mentioned the piercing, Ava’s mouth dropped open, and she squealed. “I knew it. I knew Brooks was the kinky one.”

“How on earth did you know that?”

“The quiet ones always are.”

“If that’s what you think. I don’t think it was that kinky.”

“He’s a dirty talker? It’s kinky. But Wyatt can be the same.”

“I don’t know if I want to know about your sex life with your husband.”

“Well, I want to know a little bit about your sex life. So Brooks. What does this mean?”

“I have no idea.”

“So you guys had sex for the first time and didn’t talk about it. That sounds about right for the Wilders. What are you going to say when you see him next?”

I looked down at my hands and realized that I was squeezing them together so tight my knuckles had turned white. I forced myself to relax them and let out a breath. “That wasn’t exactly the first time we had had sex.”

Ava screamed and rushed forward to shake me by the shoulders.

“You had sex before this? When. I thought you guys had only kissed. Quit holding out on me.”

“It wasn’t here. It was before.”

“So you guys knew knew each other. Wait. How long before?”

“About four years ago. Do you remember when Beth finally cut me off, and I realized I wasn’t going to see the girls or her again? And Mom and Dad were gone, and I was flying out again to deal with things?”

“I remember. And I was dealing with my now ex-husband and all his bullshit at the time, so I couldn’t go with you. Plus, Faith was sick at the time. Just a baby.”

“It was that night. We got drunk at the airport bar, barely exchanged names, and I thought I would never see him again. And then it turns out he’s your brother-in-law, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Because I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be with him, I shouldn’t want him, but I can’t stop. ”

Ava’s face paled, and I cleared my throat. “So you agree?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think that you guys are wrong for each other. But I remember that day. The exact date, Rory.”

I stiffened, leaning against the back of the couch since we both stood in the living room. “Why do you remember that date, Ava?”

“Because that was the first anniversary of Brooks losing his wife, Rory.”

I took a step back, my hand on my chest as it beat rapidly. “Oh my God. No wonder he hates me.” Tears pricked at my eyes, and I remembered him that night. The haggard look, the broken betrayal on his face.

The first anniversary of losing his wife and he had drunken sex with a random woman who turned out not to be so random.

“He doesn’t hate you, Rory,” Ava whispered.

“I don’t hate you,” a deep voice growled behind me, and I whirled, nearly falling over my feet.

“What are you doing here?” I gasped.

“The door was unlocked,” he answered simply.

“That’s not an answer.”

“You know what, I’m just going to go,” Ava said as she scampered away, out of reach of my hand as I tried to grab for her. The door slammed behind her, and I stood there in front of Brooks, wondering what the hell I was supposed to say.

“I don’t hate you, Rory. I hated myself for a while, but not because of you.”

The tears finally fell, and I angrily wiped them away. “Why didn’t you tell me? About it being the anniversary? No wonder you looked at me later when you saw me like I was a memory you wanted to forget.”

“But it wasn’t you,” Brooks snarled as he moved forward. He wiped his thumb along my cheek and then looked down at the wetness. “It wasn’t you.”

“Then what was it?” I asked softly.

“That night, I needed to drink my way out of memories. I thought I had been handling the loss well. Amara had been sick for a while. We knew it was coming. It wasn’t a surprise.

And yet, it felt like a gut punch. As if part of me had hoped that the cancer hadn’t spread.

But it had, and she was gone. And I’d been dealing with it in an analytical way because that was how I dealt with things.

And then I didn’t deal. And then I saw you. ”

Amara. Her name had been Amara. I had known that, at least on the periphery.

I had known she had died of cancer that had spread far too quickly.

But never because Brooks had told me. I didn’t know if I was supposed to lean forward and hold him or move away so he could have space.

Once again it felt like this wasn’t my life, and I was failing in every level.

“When I saw you again here, it reminded me of that night. Because part of me thought that I had cheated on my wife.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he put his fingers over my lips.

“I was wrong. I was dealing with grief, and I wasn’t doing it well.

And I was wrong. It’s not cheating on my wife.

I know that now. But it took me a while to get there.

So what we did last night wasn’t cheating.

” His hands fell from my lips, and I swallowed hard.

“Then what was it?”

“I have no fucking clue,” he said, his lips twitching.

I smiled right along with him, though I wasn’t sure either one of us truly saw the humor in this.

“Rory, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I am trying not to be an asshole, and yet every time I’m around you, I can’t help being a colossal jerk.”

“You are kind of growly when I’m around.”

“It’s because I want you, and part of me told myself that I wasn’t allowed to want you. But I promised Amara that I would try.”

I frowned. “You what?”

“My wife made me promise that, when she was gone, I wouldn’t become the grouchy loner who never saw another human being. And I would try again. And I have tried my hardest to break that promise. But I can’t stop thinking about you, Rory.”

Mind whirling at the revelation, I tried to come up with words, but I had nothing.

To say this was complicated would be an understatement.

“I have the girls, and there’s the Wilders, and now this, no matter what we do, we’re going to end up hurting each other.”

“Maybe not,” he said. “Because ignoring this isn’t working.”

“It’s not working, but we could still try harder,” I whispered. “Because I don’t want to get hurt. And I don’t want to hurt you. But I feel like we’re just setting each other up for that.”

“No, we try not to. Okay?”

“I don’t think okay is what this is, but I’ll try. Because you’re right, ignoring this isn’t working.”

And then he laid his lips on mine, and I was lost.