Page 9 of Ember’s Heart

Colton

“ J ohnson!” I yelled.

All I heard was a deafening roar and the sound of metal twisting and screaming somewhere in the background. The blast came out of nowhere, the force throwing me from the Humvee.

When I awoke all I felt was the feeling of my skin being torn apart. The ringing in my ears was drowning out the screams.

Smoke and dust were heavy in the air, but I could see the twisted, mangled remains of the Humvee we were in. I knew I needed to get up and check on the others.

Not realizing how bad my leg was fucked up, I tried to stand, the pain immediately preventing me from getting up.

The strong stench of burning flesh filled my nostrils as I took a slow look around and saw the charred remains of my unit.

I didn’t want to look to see who it was.

All I knew was that it was someone I had grown to know and trust.

Looking around me all I saw was the desert floor was covered in death and destruction.

I woke with a jolt, my throat felt raw and ragged, my body was covered in sweat, and I could feel my heart hammering in my chest.

It was the same nightmare I’ve had since that day. The images of the explosion, the screams, the faces of my fallen brothers, replayed themselves every night when I fell asleep. That day has haunted me for years, constantly replaying in my head. It was the day that changed everything.

Pulling myself to sit on the edge of my bed, I checked my phone and saw it was just after nine.

“Fuck. I slept later than I wanted.”

Dragging myself out of bed, the floor cold beneath my feet, I made my way to the bathroom. The hot shower would help to wash away the sweat and the lingering effects of the nightmare, but it couldn’t erase the memories that clung to me.

After dressing, I sat on the edge of my bed, staring out the window and listening to the sound of the creek flowing.

My thoughts were interrupted when my door opened and Dad stepped in.

“Morning, son,” he said, his voice quiet. I loved my dad. We were always close. Even when I was younger and he was deployed, he made sure to call and write all the time. And when he was home, he gave my mom and me his full attention.

“Morning, Dad.”

I watched as he sat down in my desk chair, his gaze searching mine. He was quiet for a minute before he said, “Look, I’m not good with some things. That’s your mom’s specialty, getting someone to open up.” He chuckled. “So I’ll just come out with it. Your mom and I, we hear you. At night.”

I looked away, shame burning in my chest.

He sighed. “We’re concerned, Colton. I see the changes in you. You’re not the boy who left here ten years ago.”

I clenched my fists. “I know that, Dad.”

He stood up and walked to the window, his back to me. “The war… it changed me, son. It almost broke me. And I don’t want that for you. I was lucky. I had your mother. She pulled me through the dark time. Other guys… they weren’t so lucky, Colton.”

He turned back to me, his expression softening slightly.

“Sometimes, talking to a professional helps. Someone who understands what you’ve been through.

” He paused, then continued, “You know, I still have my weekly beer with Richard down at the Last Chance. He talks about her. About how she was, how she is. And I know you still keep in touch with Cade. But… I know how much Ember was hurt when you just cut her off and stopped writing,” he paused, then spoke softly, “I’m not going to get on you about Ember.

That’s your business. But you owe her an explanation. ”

He stepped towards me, his eyes pleading with mine. “Don’t push everyone away, son. Don’t let what happened over there win.” He clapped me on the shoulder, his grip firm. “Just… think about what I’ve said, alright?”

Then, he left, leaving me alone with his words replaying in my mind .

I honestly don’t know how long I sat there, lost in thought. I knew my dad was right. I couldn’t keep running from the past. I had to face it, face Ember, and face the consequences of my actions.

Once again my thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. I went to answer it, and wasn’t really too surprised to find who the visitor was standing on the porch. I’ve been expecting a visit from one of them at some point.

“Garrett,” I said, my voice neutral.

He stood there, his jaw tight, his eyes hard. “Colton.”

Garrett and I were never really friends.

He was four years older than me and Cade so we didn’t have too much in common.

He was Cade’s older brother, always serious, and he always seemed to have it all figured out.

His plan had always been to remain in Rose Valley and help run his family’s business.

He was the one to teach me and Cade how to fight in the sixth grade when a couple kids were giving us trouble.

And with my dad being gone a lot, Richard and him taught me and Cade how to drive and how to fix a truck.

Back when I was just a kid tagging along, trying to keep up, but he’d always been cool with me.

However, judging from his face right now, I was definitely not his favorite person.

“I’ve been expecting a visit from one of the Carters,” I said, leaning against the doorframe. “Figured since Cade’s not around, it’d be you.”

He didn’t return the casual tone. “I’m not your biggest fan right now, Colton. You hurt my sister.”

“I know,” I said, the word heavy with regret. “I know I did. She’s not the only one I hurt with my actions. I hurt myself too.”

“Frankly Colton, I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. Em’s my baby sister, she’s all I care about in this scenario. ”

“Know that too Garrett. I wouldn’t expect any less. And I agree. I don’t care much about myself these days either.”

An awkward silence stretched between us.

Finally, Garrett spoke, his voice low. “You know, for years, Ember kept everything bottled up. She wouldn’t talk about you, wouldn’t even say your name.

Whenever someone brought your name up she’d run out of the room crying.

Then, a few years ago, she finally opened up. Told us about the promises you made.”

My stomach clenched. I knew what promises he was referring to.

Garrett crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes staring into mine.

“Promises about coming back. Promises about the future. It was fucked up, Colton.” His voice started to rise.

“You made promises you didn’t know you could keep.

Did you ever stop to think what if something happened to you over there? She would’ve been devastated.”

I couldn’t speak. Everything he said was right.

I knew before I left that there was that possibility I might not come home.

That’s why I didn’t claim Ember before I left.

Maybe it would’ve been better had I just left and not said anything to her.

But just as I thought that I quickly thought ‘no’.

I knew that even though I hurt both of us, I made the right decision that day.

Because that kiss we shared before I left, well, that kiss got me through a lot of dark times.

Garrett’s gaze softened slightly. “But I also… well I also respect you for not making any real commitments. For letting her have those years, in high school and college, to grow, to figure out who she was,” he paused for a brief moment before continuing, “and to see if you were really who she wanted.”

A flicker of jealousy flared within me. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Just the thought of Ember with anyone else made my blood boil .

Garrett shrugged, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “When you stopped talking to her she didn’t exactly sit around and wait for you, Colton. She dated. Went out. Tried to move on.”

My jaw tightened. I knew. In the far back of my mind, I knew.

What did I expect her to do? Become a nun?

But actually hearing it, hearing Garrett say it so casually, twisted something ugly in my gut.

For the past ten years, I had opportunities, but I never acted on them.

Never. The thought of her had been my constant.

My inner voice told me that I was doing the right thing by staying away, but deep down, there was always the arrogant assumption that she’d be waiting for me.

The reality of her living her life, trying to move on, was a punch to the gut.

“And?” I practically growled.

He laughed. The fucker actually stood there laughing, while I wanted to go out and find the assholes she’d “dated” and tear them apart.

When he saw how pissed I was getting he held up his hands. “Hey man, I’m not saying she got serious with anyone. I’m just saying… she tried. And honestly? Sometimes, I think she should have. It would’ve served you right.”

He leaned forward, his eyes intense. “But she didn’t. Because she loves you, Colton. She always has. And I know, deep down, you still love her too.”

He straightened, a small, humorless laugh escaping his lips. “But you’ve got a lot of work to do, man. A lot of work to get her trust back. It won’t be easy. My baby sister lives up to her name. She’s a tough girl.”

Looking him straight in the eyes, I made him a promise I would definitely be keeping. “I’ll do anything to fix things with Ember. Anything. And I know it won’t be easy.”

He raised an eyebrow, a ghost of a smile playing on his face. “What’s your plan?”

“For starters,” I said, “I need to make things right with your folks. They mean a lot to me, and I know I hurt them.”

Garrett nodded in agreement, a sign of approval in his expression. “That’s a start.” He paused. “You know, originally, I was planning on coming over here and kicking your ass.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I figured as much.”

“Yeah, well,” he said as he started down the steps towards his truck but turning around just before getting in, “I prefer how things went. But,” his expression hardened, his eyes locking onto mine, “if you hurt her again, Colton, I will kick your ass. And I’m pretty sure Owen will want to join in.”

“I have no intention of hurting her again,” I said, my voice low and sincere. “Whether we can fix things between us or not, I won’t hurt her. But if I do, then I’ll gladly let you both beat the hell out of me.”