Page 11 of Ember’s Heart

Ember

O h the audacity of this man!

The sight of him, sitting on my porch swing, talking to my mother like nothing had ever happened, sent a fresh wave of fury through me.

It was a cold, hard anger, the kind I felt deep in my bones.

After years of silence, after years of pretending he didn’t exist, convincing myself I was over Colton, now he was here, again .

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, my voice sharp and angry.

I watched as Colton came down the porch steps up, his gaze stayed locked with mine.

I didn’t want to admit how good he looked.

When he left here he had muscles, but now he was a wall of muscles.

Six feet of solid muscles. I couldn’t help wondering what those arms would feel like wrapped around me.

At that thought I felt a wave of jealousy as I wondered just exactly how many other women had those arms wrapped around them.

“It doesn’t matter Ember, he’s not yours and he never was.

So what if he slept his way all over the country, and every other country he might have been in.

He’s always been free to do whatever he wanted, just like you,” I told myself.

Unfortunately, even though I dated a little, I basically lived like a nun.

I mean I wasn’t a virgin. But the notches on my bed post consisted of three guys.

“Firefly,” he said, interrupting my thoughts, “it’s good to see you. I-”

“Don’t,” I cut him off sharply. “And don’t Firefly me, Colton James! Just go. I’m sure you remember how to leave.”

“Ember, please,” he pleaded, taking a step towards me. “I just want to talk.”

“Talk?” I scoffed, “You just want to ‘talk’, ” a bitter laugh escaping my lips.

“Sure, Colton. And what would you like to talk about? Hmm?” I didn’t give him a chance to even say anything before I fired more at him.

“How about how you disappeared? Or how about the promise you made to me? Oh I know, how about how you just stopped writing?”

I stopped to breathe, I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes.

Years worth of tears were threatening to spill.

The hurt, the confusion, the sheer heartbreak of his abandonment, I felt all the emotion resurfacing with a vengeance.

I’d spent years trying to convince myself I was over him, that I’d moved on.

But seeing him standing there, seeing that look in his eyes, felt like it was going to shatter that illusion.

“Ember, please,” he pleaded again. He tried to reach his hand out to my arm but I stepped back. “Just let me try to explain.”

“You know, it’s funny,” I said, my voice laced with sarcasm, the hurt finally breaking through the fragile dam I had built.

“You could talk to Cade. You kept in touch with him. But me? I wasn’t worth a letter, a phone call, any goddamn thing.

” I paused, taking a shaky breath, the memory of those agonizing months still sharp.

At first, when I started to get less phone calls from you, and you stopped responding to my letters, I just assumed you were too busy.

But as the months went by, and nothing, I started worrying that something happened to you.

Because surely you wouldn’t just stop talking to me. ”

My gaze hardened. “If it wasn’t for your parents and Cade letting me know you were still alive, I would’ve driven myself crazy with worry.

I would’ve been picturing you dead in some ditch somewhere.

Or thinking you just didn’t care anymore.

And you know what the worst part is? I didn’t know which was worse.

Knowing you were alive and just… ignoring me, or thinking you were gone forever.

We grew up together, Colton. You weren’t just the boy I was falling in love with, you were my friend, too.

That’s why being ignored by you, by my friend , hurt so deeply.

Because at least if you were dead, I’d know it wasn’t my fault.

I’d know it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough. ”

Colton flinched, his expression pained. “No, Ember. Don’t say that, you are good enough. It was never you, it was me. Something happened. Something I’m not ready to talk about, but please believe me-”

He started to explain, to tell me about some incident that had supposedly led to his emotional withdrawal. But I didn’t want to hear it. It was too late. Years too late.

“I don’t care,” I said, my voice flat. “Whatever happened to you, it doesn’t excuse what you did. You left me, Colton. You left us all. And now, you expect me to just… what? Forgive you? Forget?”

I shook my head, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “I thought… I thought I was over you. I thought I’d finally buried the hurt. But se eing you here… it’s like ripping open an old wound. And I don’t want to feel this anymore. I need to move on. I need to forget you.”

With that I brushed past him to go inside.

Just as I was about to pass, I felt his fingers brush against my arm.

Just the touch sent a jolt of electricity through, telling me the pull between us was still there.

But it felt tainted. The love I once felt for Colton James was now replaced with hate and resentment, I didn’t know if there was any chance of forgiveness.

“I’m not giving up, Ember,” he said, his voice low and determined. “I know I fucked up, big time. I know I hurt you. But I’m going to fix this. You’re mine.”

I didn’t stop. I just kept walking, my heart pounding. As I reached the porch steps, I saw Owen, coming around the side of the house, his expression a mixture of confusion and concern. But it quickly turned to disgust when he saw who I’d been talking to.

Not bothering to say anything, I went inside, slamming the door shut with a force that rattled the windows. Leaning back against the door, I closed my eyes, trying to stop the flood of tears that threatened to spill over.

“Ember?” Mom’s voice, soft and worried, drifted from the living room.

The sound of my mom’s voice was all it took for the dam to break.

“Mom,” I said as I stumbled towards her, the tears finally falling, and collapsed into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. The years of hurt, the anger, the confusion, all came pouring out.

Mom held me close, stroking my hair. She didn’t say anything, just let me cry, let me release the years of pent-up pain and anger.

“Get it out, honey,” she whispered, her voice soothing and relaxing. “Let it all out. I know you’re hurting, sweet girl. ”

I sobbed harder, my body shaking with the force of my tears. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again, like all the carefully constructed walls I’d built around my heart were crumbling. It was all too much.

I sobbed harder, clinging to her. “He just… he just showed up, Mom. After all this time. After everything.”

She pulled back slightly, her eyes searching mine, filled with a familiar mix of love and concern. “I know, honey. And it’s not fair. But… maybe you should listen to what he has to say.”

I recoiled, pulling away from her. “Listen to him?” I asked in disbelief. “Mom, are you serious? He cut me out of his life without a word! And now you want me to just… listen?” My voice rose, tinged with disbelief, shaking my head at her. “ How can you say that, mom? Whose side are you on?”

Her expression softened, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “Oh, honey. I’m on your side. Always. You know that. But I also know Colton. I’ve watched him go from a boy to man, and I know he’s hurting too, in his own way. I just can’t believe he would stop writing to you for no reason.”

I scoffed. “Well, he did,” I whispered almost to myself.

She took my hands firmly in hers. “I know it seems that way, sweetheart. But when I was talking to him, I saw something in his eyes. He’s not the same boy who left here, Ember.

Cade mentioned it years ago, when he was home on leave.

He saw the changes in Colton. He said… he said the things they saw, the things they went through… it wasn’t easy.”

“That doesn’t excuse what he did,” I said, my voice tight.

“No, it doesn’t,” she agreed. “It wasn’t right how he handled things. But he’s hurting too, Ember. In his own way. And maybe… maybe if you listen, you can understand that hurt. Maybe you can understand why he made the choices he did.”

“I don’t want to understand, Mom,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes again. “You can’t just erase years of silence and hurt. I just want him to leave me alone.”

“I know that, sweetheart. But maybe you can start by just listening to him, Ember. Please. I know that man loves you. And deep down… underneath all that hurt and anger, I think you still love him too.” Her gaze was sincere, her words tugged at the fragile strings of my heart.

“I just want you to be happy. And if there’s even a chance…

just a small chance… that talking to him could lead to that, then isn’t it worth it? ”