Page 19 of Edge of Heaven (Crimson Edge #2)

Taryn

The next few weeks are tricky.

I’m happier than I’ve been since I met Callum, but also more anxious. I know he’ll lose his mind if he finds out about Mick and me, so we’ve had to be extremely cautious. I can only spend about an hour with him on the nights they have shows, and it’s exhausting for both of us.

Mick’s not happy with the situation, but so far, he’s keeping his word and staying away from Callum, which is all I can ask for. Our stolen moments and kisses and conversations are the only things keeping me sane, other than my daily conversations with Toby.

As expected, Callum got grumpy in the week leading up to my going back to L.A. and I breathe a sigh of relief now that my plane landed. My mom is at the airport picking me up so I don’t have to rent a car and can save a little money.

“You look tired, sweetheart,” Mom says, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

“I am tired.” I lean back in the seat and pull in a deep breath.

Last week was harder than usual.

Callum is partying more than he ever has, and he’s meaner than ever when he’s high.

The worst part is that he wants me to party too, but I draw the line at drugs.

I’ll drink all night long, and occasionally grab a cigarette, but drugs are a hard no.

Mostly because they’re bad for you but also because I can’t risk being seen doing drugs.

It could impact my ability to get custody of Toby, and though my mother would never keep him from me, she’s been incredibly protective.

“It won’t be much longer,” she says as she pulls into traffic. “I know this has been hard on you.”

“Toby’s worth it.”

“I’m sorry it came to this.”

“I’m not. I’ll do anything for him.”

“I know. But it shouldn’t be…like this.”

Mom and Toby met Callum last year and neither of them liked him.

My mom and I have never discussed the details of my relationship with him, but she knows he’s mean and verbally abusive, and though I’ve never told her about the things he makes me do, or the spankings that leave bruises, she has to know how difficult this has been.

“Three more months. Maybe two if I skip the visit next month. We’ll be back on the east coast so the flights will be a lot more expensive.” I flew in from Oklahoma City today, so it wasn’t too bad.

“Next month is when he’ll be at his most vulnerable immunity-wise,” she says thoughtfully.

“It might actually be better if you don’t come.

Save the money and give him a little more protection.

I’m going to visit less too. I know it’s hard for him to be alone, but we have to make sure he doesn’t get sick. ”

“Of course.”

“Are you planning to move home once you break up with Callum?”

“Yes.” I glance at her. “Why? Don’t you want me to?”

“I do. I just…” Her voice trails and she stares straight ahead. “Toby and I have a routine. It might be confusing for him to have you around full-time. You haven’t lived with us full-time since you left for college, and he was little then.”

“Mom, I’m planning to take full custody once this is over,” I say slowly. “That’s always been the goal.”

“You still don’t have a full-time job. Where are you going to live?

How are you going to continue his medical care?

You live life one day at a time. You don’t save, you don’t have a home, and you seem to enjoy the rock and roll lifestyle.

How are you going to add a child to the mix?

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but he needs me more than he needs you. ”

A tightness fills my chest, and I don’t say anything as I try to gather my thoughts.

“Mom, we talked about this. I’m not living and sleeping with a mean, abusive drunk because I want to party and have a good time.

I’m literally prostituting myself to save Toby’s life, and you’re throwing it back in my face? !”

My mother sputters for a moment before glancing at me. “What are you talking about? You were dating Callum long before we lost the funding for Toby’s treatment.”

“And I’d just broken up with him! I was literally in the lobby of the hotel waiting to take a cab to the airport so I could come home when you called and told me about the funding.

He used this as a way to not only keep me with him but to control every facet of my life.

He tells me what to wear, who I can be friends with, even how much I can eat.

On top of that, he humiliates me daily—in front of his band, our friends, and the press.

His new thing is that he wants me to fuck the other guys in the band while he watches.

I’ve managed to put him off but he keeps asking. Do you really think I’m having fun?”

I can’t see it clearly because she’s wearing sunglasses, but I’m pretty sure my mother’s face is red.

“What?” I ask after a long, awkward silence. “You thought Callum is paying Toby’s bills out of the goodness of his heart? You met him—you know exactly what kind of man he is.”

“Then why were you with him in the first place?” she cries. “What does that say about you, that you would date a man like that?”

“When he didn’t have anything to hold over my head, he wasn’t like that.

He was a little crass, but we were just having fun.

It’s not like I was in love with him. And when it stopped being fun, I ended it.

Except then we needed money for Toby and he offered.

So don’t you dare try to make me feel bad about this.

What would you have done if I didn’t come through?

Huh, Mom? Were you going to pull money out of your 401K, or were you going to let him die? What were the options?”

Her knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel so hard.

“I know you’re doing what you need to do, but it just reinforces my feeling that Toby needs to stay with me.”

“How does me doing what I have to for my son make me the bad guy?”

“I didn’t say you were the bad guy—I just think he gets more stability with me.”

“You’re almost fifty,” I say quietly. “This is how you want to spend your middle age? Taking care of a nine-year-old? He’s my son, Mom. And I’m going to get custody of him.”

“Only if I allow it.”

“Seriously? You’re going to keep him from me?”

“You can see him as much as you like, but I think he’s better served in the stable environment I’ve always provided. Unless and until you can provide that for him, I’m not letting you take him.”

I want to scream and cry and rage, but I’m so tired. Dealing with Callum takes up every ounce of energy and fighting with my mom while I’m helpless to change my circumstances serves no purpose.

Once I’m free of Callum, she and I will revisit this conversation.

Until then, I don’t have the strength to argue with her.

“I know you’re upset,” she says when I don’t respond. “But you have to look at your track record, Taryn. You’ve always made bad decisions.”

Despite my vow not to engage, I can’t help myself.

“Absolutely,” I agree. “Letting you have custody so I could go to college was the worst decision I ever made.”

Before she can respond, my phone rings and it’s Diane.

“I have to take this,” I tell her. “Hi, Diane.”

“Hey!” Diane sounds excited. “I have good news.”

“I could use some,” I say dryly.

“Well, I got your payment from Rock Vibe, so I’ll be depositing that into your account soon. And get this—there’s a last-minute opening in an Alexa Humboldt fashion show in Vegas tomorrow night!”

“Holy shit.” I’m shocked because Alexa Humboldt is huge. Walking in one of her shows could change everything for me.

“Right? Anyway, you can do it, right?”

“Absolutely.” I don’t even hesitate. If my mom is going to make it hard for me to get custody of Toby, I need to make all the money and contacts that I can.

“There’s a catch, though.”

“Of course there is.”

“Pay is a flat fee.” The number she names is embarrassing. “You’re an unknown in the fashion show world so that’s the standard.”

Jesus. That’s less than Rock Vibe pays, and they don’t pay much.

“Will they provide transportation to the airport?” I ask quietly. “Because I’m broke.” That’s not entirely true, but I’m not about to ask my mother for anything the way I’m feeling right now.

“Of course. You leave all that to me. I’ll be in touch and text you the details.”

She disconnects and I look at my mother.

“I’m going to Vegas tomorrow to walk in an Alexa Humboldt fashion show.”

“Really?” For once, Mom sounds impressed.

“Yup. And I’m going to spend the rest of today with Toby.”

“All right. We can go there now if you like.”

“Yes, please.”

I’m so tired of everyone in my life trying to fuck me over.

I know she wants what’s best for Toby, but the fact that she’s minimizing the sacrifice I’ve made with Callum hurts.

It’s becoming increasingly obvious that the only person in my life I can trust is Mick, but he scares me because I don’t know how we can be together if I have to be in L.A. with Toby.

This is something we’re going to have to talk about at some point.