Page 10 of Edge of Heaven (Crimson Edge #2)

Mick

Well, isn’t that a question for the ages?

Why didn’t twenty-two-year-old me call the most beautiful girl I’d ever been with?

There are so many answers to that question, none of them satisfying. Not even to me. I’m sure she’ll be even less impressed when I tell her.

“That’s a tough one,” I say after a moment.

“How hard can it be?” she asks. “You must have had a reason for not calling.”

“I had more than one, but it’s hard because it’s not black and white.

There were several different things in play back then, but I guess the most important one was that I was a broke-ass musician working part-time in my dad’s auto repair shop.

I had absolutely nothing to offer you, and let’s face it—you were way out of my league.

Not only were you this up-and-coming model, you were in college.

Beauty and brains. I couldn’t picture a world where we could be together. ”

She stares at me, her pretty blue eyes filled with confusion. “You thought… I was out of your league? Seriously? I didn’t care how much money you had.”

“I know. But like I said, there were a lot of pieces to the puzzle of why I didn’t call.

We both had dreams that were going to take us far away from Minneapolis.

You were already planning to move home to L.A.

as soon as you graduated, and my dream was to go on tour.

We didn’t have a future, so what was the point? ”

“I see.”

Dammit. Somehow, I’ve screwed this up, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Was there a better answer than the truth?

She looks disappointed in me, which sucks.

“You didn’t call me either,” I say after a moment.

We exchanged numbers, so it’s not like she didn’t have a way to get in touch with me.

“There’s this unspoken rule,” she says thoughtfully, “where the girl shouldn’t be the one to reach out.

Especially after she’s already put out. I know it’s old-fashioned, but the fact is, lots of guys are only interested in sex.

So while everything you said is true, about us going our separate ways and such, deep down I held out hope that you’d call.

And when you didn’t, I convinced myself it was because it was no big deal.

Nothing more than a few days of good sex and companionship. ”

That’s an interesting way to put it.

“Was it…more than good sex and companionship?” I counter curiously. It was for me, but I want to hear her thoughts.

“Wasn’t it?” She meets my gaze directly. “We knew each other for three days and I told you about my kid. I’ve known Ryleigh for six years, and she doesn’t know.”

Our fingers are still laced together, and I wish I had something more meaningful to say about the past. The time we spent together was incredibly meaningful, but twenty-two-year-old me wasn’t mature enough to understand it until a couple of years passed.

Actually, it wasn’t until I saw her again last year that I realized how much I wish things had been different.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call.” I squeeze her hand. “I wanted to, but I convinced myself there was no point.”

“I guess subconsciously I felt the same way. It wouldn’t have been the first time I called a guy… I just, I don’t know. I guess I wanted more from you. And that wasn’t fair. For whatever reason, I held you to a higher standard. I guess twenty-year-old me wasn’t all that mature either.”

“I think we get a pass for our younger selves,” I say gently.

“My younger self was dumb as fuck,” she murmurs. “If I could go back and change things, I would.”

“I wouldn’t,” I say after a moment. “Because those are the things that got me where I am today. On this plane, flying first class, heading to New York to do my second photo shoot ever. On a world tour. About to have a platinum album. If I went back and changed a bunch of shit—I might not be here, in this exact spot.”

With you.

I don’t vocalize that last part, but I know she understands what I’m trying to say.

Our eyes lock, and the intensity that sizzles between us is almost palpable.

Except she belongs to someone else.

And as much as I want her, she has to end things with Callum first.

He’s not a good guy, but I’m not going to be anyone’s side piece.

Slowly, I pull my hand away but change the subject so it doesn’t feel like rejection. Even though it kind of is. Short-term rejection, if nothing else.

I down my champagne and motion to the flight attendant to bring me another. “So what’s going on with your career? Have you been working much?”

She sighs. “Not really. Callum is so fucking needy. He hates when I leave him for any amount of time. He’s always grumpy when I go see Toby. And now he has a new thing—apparently, blowjobs don’t count as cheating.”

I open my mouth but snap it back shut.

Not my circus, not my monkey.

If we’re going to be friends, I have to keep my opinions to myself. Or at least soften them a little.

“Is that okay with you?”

“You know what? I don’t want to talk about Callum.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry if that’s rude, but I’m not ready to get into the nuances of our relationship.”

That’s an interesting answer.

“Okay,” I reply easily. “You said you had another job lined up too? Didn’t you just get back from L.A.?”

“Yeah, it was for a print ad for a new line of sneakers called Sole Target. They’re actually pretty comfortable. They gave me four pairs, which was nice. I even got a pair for Toby, though he’ll probably outgrow them in six months.”

“Speaking of Toby. He’s what? Eight? Nine now?”

“He just turned nine.”

“Tell me about him. Last time we were together he was still a little kid. He must be all grown up now.” It feels like Toby is a safe topic for us because her face lights up and she smiles fondly.

“He loves hockey and collects Pokémon cards. We also play that silly Pokémon Go game, which is fun because it’s something we can do any time, anywhere we are, even when we’re not together. We trade and stuff, which he thinks is great.”

“I’d play with him if he wants,” I suggest. “I used to play it but haven’t in a couple of years because it feels like I’m a little old for that.”

She grins. “I don’t even understand what I’m doing most of the time, but he loves the fact that I play with him, so it’s all good.”

“You still haven’t gotten custody? Weren’t you talking about that once you graduated from college?”

Her face tightens and she looks down. “My mother is being…cautious, for lack of a better word. It’s not that she doesn’t want to give me custody, but she wants to make sure I’m in a place where I can take care of him properly.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, for example, she has legal custody so she can cover him on her health insurance plan. I don’t even have insurance for myself right now, much less for him.

I don’t have a place to live—other than with my mom—and I don’t have a steady income.

The truth is, I don’t know how I’d take care of him without her.

And I hate myself a little for being in this situation. ”

I have so many questions, but the look on her face—that’s making her look sad and embarrassed—tells me this isn’t the best time to ask.

“But it sounds like you’re involved in his life,” I say. “I think that’s what he’s going to remember. He doesn’t know anything about who’s paying for his health insurance. He just knows Mom is playing Pokémon Go with him and whatever else you do. Does he play any sports? Baseball or whatever?”

There’s another weird look on her face now as she shakes her head.

“No, he’s…been dealing with some medical stuff.”

“I hope he’s okay?”

“I hope so too.” She gasps as the plane hits some turbulence and drops what feels like twenty feet. Her hand shoots out and grasps mine again, squeezing tightly.

“Easy,” I say gently, covering her hand with my other one. “It’s okay. Just a little turbulence.”

“I hate flying,” she admits, not releasing the death grip on my fingers.

“Ladies and gentlemen.” The captain’s voice fills the cabin. “We’re going through a little bit of rough air right now, so I’ve turned on the fasten seat belts sign and I’m going to delay cabin service until we get through. I think it should only be about ten minutes or so…”

Ten seconds or ten minutes—I’ll take any amount of time if it gives me a legitimate excuse to hold her hand.

I’m a dumbass but I don’t care.

This is yet another stolen moment in time for us and I’m here for it.