Page 13 of Edge of Heaven (Crimson Edge #2)

Taryn

I hate showing weakness because I’m always so weak and submissive with Callum.

And not in a fun, sexy way either. I have to do almost everything he says, when he says it, and on the rare occasion I stand up to him, he either belittles me, flat out shoots me down, or reminds me who’s paying Toby’s bills.

Essentially, I’m trapped in a nightmare.

Admitting it out loud is almost as humiliating as some of the things Callum makes me do.

But instead of mocking me or being repulsed, Mick drops to his knees in front of me and pulls me against him.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry.” He strokes my hair and holds me gently, his body warm and strong against mine.

I’m about cried out at this point, so I just rest my head on his shoulder and soak in his embrace. His touch. The way it feels to have someone in my life who’s supportive. Holding me. Making me feel like I’m not alone.

Even if only for a few minutes.

“I’m so embarrassed to be in this situation,” I whisper. “Where I have to let him treat me the way he does, in front of everyone, watching the disgust and pity in their eyes. Knowing they don’t understand. Knowing they think I’m pathetic.”

“I don’t think they think that,” he whispers. “They’re worried. At least, I am. Ryleigh is. The guys in the band think that’s just what some women like, that maybe it’s some kind of kinky dynamic or whatever.”

“Ew. No. I mean, kink is fine—I’m into a little—but not the public degradation in front of people who don’t know anything about that kind of power exchange. And just to be clear, degradation is not the kind of kink I’m into. I like a little spanking, a little…well, you know.”

He nods—I can feel it—but he doesn’t say anything.

Because he spanked me when we were together.

And it was so hot.

He probably doesn’t know this, but no one had ever done that before him.

I didn’t know I would like it. And if I’m honest, there’s only been one other guy who knew how to do it so it wasn’t painful to the point where it diminished my arousal.

Callum always makes me cry. But I don’t want to talk about that. Not tonight.

“Jesus, Taryn. I wish I could help.”

“I know. It’s okay. He just made the eighth payment. Only four to go and then I’m free.”

“The trial is for a year?”

I nod. “Then they wait three months and do all kinds of scans and whatnot. At that point, we’ll know if he’s back in remission. They did some stuff at six months, to make sure the disease hadn’t gotten worse, and it hadn’t, so now we wait.”

“And you’re stuck with him because you don’t have the money to pay for it yourself.”

“It’s a lot of money. I don’t make anywhere near ten grand a month right now, and my mom’s a teacher who doesn’t have that much extra.

She could pull it out of her retirement fund, and if Callum hadn’t offered, we might have gone that route, but that’s all she has.

My dad passed away and left her enough life insurance for the house.

Beyond that, she has her teaching retirement fund.

We would’ve saved Toby’s life with it if we had to, but then what will she do in fifteen years when she wants to retire? This seemed…easier.”

“Easier?” There’s fury in his eyes when he lifts my chin and makes me look at him. “On who? Certainly not on you.”

“It’s harder on Toby,” I whisper.

He sighs. “I know but… babe, Callum is fucking awful to you.”

“And you don’t know the half of it.”

“Can you get a loan for the balance? Or maybe your mom can? So you can leave him now.”

I shake my head. “No. It’s four more months. I can survive. As long as I do what he wants, it’s not bad. He just gets jealous.” I bite my lip. “Honestly, my biggest worry is that he’s going to find out you were here in New York with me. He won’t like that at all.”

“Hettie said this catalog isn’t coming out for a couple of months. This was for the summer catalog. So it’ll be out in May.”

“Yeah.” I reluctantly pull away and reach for the nearby glass of water, taking a long drink.

“We can figure out a way,” he says. “Maybe Hettie can front you the money?”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to get to the end of this with any debt or anything else to worry about.

It takes everything I have to focus on Toby getting better.

Flying out to see him once a month. Finding jobs in between that work with my schedule and won’t piss off Callum.

I can’t take on anything else, Mick. I don’t have any bandwidth left.

” My eyes fill with tears yet again, and I squeeze them shut, hating my ongoing vulnerability.

“But why not go public with Toby’s struggles? I bet you’d get a ton of work just from sympathy… and everyone would want to help.”

“I’m trying to stay under the radar. My agent thought me being open about having a kid when I was sixteen would mess up my image.

We don’t know for sure, but she figured we shouldn’t risk it.

You know how judgmental some people can be.

And now I’m walking a really fine line because I’m with Callum, who’s notoriously not well-behaved.

If I’m going to get custody of Toby in the next year or so, I can’t have any drama in my life. ”

“Being with Callum seems counterproductive in that regard.”

“I know, but publicly, he’s not too bad.

The public doesn’t see how he treats me, or what goes on with the band behind closed doors.

We’ve been together over a year, and so far everything has been fine.

Four more months of letting him pay for Toby’s treatment and me staying under the radar.

Then I’m free, not just of Callum, but to move back to California and work on getting custody of my son. ”

“Will your mom fight you?”

“She will if she thinks I won’t be able to handle it.

Generally speaking, she’s on board, but she thinks dating rock stars is bad for me and for Toby.

Obviously, she knows Callum is paying for his treatment, but once we’re done, I have to walk the straight and narrow to get her to turn over custody. You know what I mean?”

“Damn, you’re just getting it from all over, aren’t you?” he murmurs.

“Now you know why I’m a mess.” I feel teary-eyed again and try to will them away.

“I’m sorry, babe.” I feel his fingers, a gentle brush against my skin, as he wipes away my tears. “Don’t cry anymore, okay? I don’t want to add to your stress. Tell me what I can do.”

I slowly open my eyes to find him watching me intently.

“Can you be my friend? Because I don’t really have anyone who’s there for me. Who doesn’t want anything. Who’s just…my friend.”

“I can absolutely do that.”

“The problem is, you can’t act like my friend. Our friendship has to be totally in secret. Maybe just when Callum is on stage. And that feels so shitty, but I don’t have a choice. You know how he gets.”

“Whatever you need. I never want to do anything that could make your life harder.”

I reach out and gently put my hand on one side of his face. “You were always so nice… why are you single?”

He shrugs. “A couple of reasons. Partly because I needed to see what was out there before settling down. Being a rockstar and being in a relationship seemed counterintuitive in the beginning.”

“That’s just one reason,” I point out curiously when he doesn’t continue.

His eyes grow shadowed, a look in them I’ve never seen before. “The other reason is a lot more complicated.”

“What do you mean?” I frown.

“It has a lot to do with the one who got away.”

He can’t be talking about… me?

Can he?

He’s certainly the one that got away for me, but it never occurred to me he might feel the same way.

“I… does that mean what I think it means?”

He lifts one shoulder. “Probably.”

“But… you never called,” I whisper in frustration.

“I know .” He looks equally frustrated. “Believe me, I know. We talked about this—twenty-two-year-old me was a dumbass.”

“And now it’s too late,” I say sadly.

“Is it?” He cocks his head. “We’re here. Together on tour…”

“I can’t… be like him,” I say slowly. “Even though I don’t love him and I’m starting to hate him, I don’t ever want to be a cheater. And honestly, if we were going to be together, I wouldn’t want to start something in the middle of all this…drama. I would want us to have a fresh start.”

“I understand that.”

“So…what now?” I’m almost afraid to ask.

“Now, we eat dinner.” He motions to the feast laid out before us. “And drink that bottle of champagne to celebrate what might be a lucrative deal with Rock Vibe. Maybe watch a movie. No pressure, Taryn. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. It’s been four years. What’s four more months?”

How did I let a guy like this go?

Is it even possible for us to be nothing but friends for four long months?

Anything else would be impossible at this point, with Callum watching me like a hawk and me trying to stay under everyone’s radar.

But I could really use a friend.

“Come on—let’s eat,” he says gently, lifting the cover off his plate.

The aroma hits me like a physical blow, and my stomach immediately rumbles. I haven’t eaten anything but a granola bar all day so I’m starving, and I quickly take a bite of the baked potato.

“Oh, that’s good.”

He smiles and pours us two glasses of champagne.

“Shall we toast to Rock Vibe?”

“We should,” I say, taking the proffered glass. “To Hettie and Rock Vibe.”

“And to making a fuck-ton of money.”

“Amen to that.” We clink our glasses and for the first time in months, the tension drains out of me.

For the next few hours, maybe a day, I don’t have to worry about Callum, Toby, or anything else. Twenty-four stolen hours of time, where I can just relax and think about the possibilities of good things in my future.