Page 19

CHAPTER

NINETEEN

BEFORE

N oah pushed through the crowd, one hand clasped in mine, guiding me. We went up a staircase and turned towards a slightly less crowded platform. A big table was set at the back, and as we reached it, Noah stopped to greet people, his grip on my hand never loosening. When we reached a tall table, he propped his arms over it and turned to smile at me.

“It’s very loud.” I leaned closer so he could hear me over the music’s thumping bass.

“Yes, that’s pretty standard at a club.” He kissed my cheek and turned to talk to someone else.

It was like a frat party on steroids—bigger, louder, and darker. People danced everywhere, drinks in hand, scantily dressed, and huddled close together. Noah’s grasp on my hand tightened and I turned towards him.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked against my ear .

I nodded, and he kissed my cheek before letting go of my hand and walking away.

I was so far out of my comfort zone, and Noah’s absence only made it worse. I checked Colin and Ezra’s chat. They weren’t sure if they’d make it, and my stomach dropped. I didn’t want to be alone in this place. Noah pushed his way back, holding a drink in one hand and a beer bottle in the other, with two girls trailing after him. One of them clung to his elbow, talking into his ear. He smiled at something she said, and her hand moved over his arm. Jealousy twisted in my stomach. Noah saw me and smiled, pointing at me before walking over.

“Who’s your friend, Noey?” she asked, smiling at me.

Noey?

Noah laughed and leaned closer to me. “You have your scowling face on,” he told me.

I tried to relax my expression.

He smiled and handed me my beer. “Jo, this is Atticus.”

She smiled at me with practiced politeness. She was undeniably pretty. “Nice to meet you. This is my friend Keyla.”

I glanced at the girl next to her. “Same.” I took a big gulp of my beer.

Jo leaned close to Noah and said something in his ear. I couldn’t hear what it was.

Noah reached for my hand again, lacing his fingers through mine. “He’s taken. Atty’s my boyfriend, Jo,” he said, holding our hands up for her to see.

She lost her composure, and I couldn’t help the satisfied smile that spread across my face.

“Shut up, I didn’t know you were gay.” She looked taken aback.

Noah smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Bisexual,” he corrected gently.

She glanced at her friend, who pressed her lips together in response .

“See you around, Jo. Thanks for coming.” He guided me towards a plush couch and sank into it. He let out a laugh. “What?” His eyes were dancing with amusement.

“You love doing that.”

“What?” He leaned closer, his breath ghosting over my ear.

“Shocking people,” I said into his ear and saw him laugh before taking a drink.

His nose wrinkled, and he pushed his arm closer to me. “I do,” he admitted with a shrug, his smile widening.

I glanced at the two girls, still watching us, their conversation clearly revolving around Noah. Jo seemed mildly upset, her flirty smile nowhere in sight. I placed my beer on the table before us and reached for Noah’s face, tilting it upward and kissing him. He smiled against my lips before parting them for me, letting me deepen the kiss.

“Could you stop making out for five minutes?” Holly’s voice cut through the music as she sat next to Noah.

He sniggered into my mouth before turning towards her. “We can. Atty was just feeling a little possessive,” he said, turning to wink at me.

“I’m getting a couple of bottles of champagne for the table, okay? Do you want something different?” she asked.

I raised my beer in a silent toast.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “You’re having champagne, Atticus. Your boyfriend’s turning twenty-one,” she declared.

I smiled. She walked away, and Noah kissed my cheek again.

“Where were we?” he asked, tilting my chin towards him and kissing my lips.

I tried to move, but he held me firmly.

“No, wait. I think they’re still looking over,” he teased, kissing me again.

I pushed him back, and he barked a laugh .

“You’re the worst, Noey .”

Another wave of laughter. “They were asking about you. I should be the one getting jealous.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “You have nothing to be jealous of. I’m not even a little turned on by girls, and I have you. Why would I even look at anybody else?”

He grinned. “You have no idea how much I like you.”

I pressed my lips together.

“You say these things so offhand, and you don’t know what it does to me,” he continued, leaning closer. “You don’t have to be jealous either. You’re the one I want to fuck when we get home. Why would I even look at anybody else?” He threw my words back at me.

He kissed me again, and I reached into his hair, holding him close.

“For fuck’s sake,” Holly’s exasperated voice interrupted us.

A server behind her opened the bottle of champagne while another placed glasses on the table. She turned towards them, and Noah kissed me again quickly.

“I love you,” he said, turning towards the table.

I loved him too. Everything felt better with him close to me. I reached into my pocket and felt the little bag sitting there. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. If it was with him, nothing sounded like a bad idea. I tugged on his arm, and he turned to look at me. I kept pulling until he was close enough for me to talk in his ear.

“I’ll do it,” I told him, grabbing his hand and placing the bag in it.

He stared down at his hand, then back up at me, a smile spreading across his face. “Seriously?” he asked, excitement evident.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” I said, pulling him closer. “Just this once, okay?”

He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before looking down at the bag. He turned his body to shield his actions from view. I watched as he opened the bag and sucked his pinky into his mouth before dipping it into the powder. He held it to my lips, his eyes locked on mine with a predatory gleam.

I hesitated, then took his hand, giving him one last look before placing his finger in my mouth. The taste of it spread across my tongue. I swallowed, trying to wash it away, as he repeated the process for himself. He closed the bag and handed it to Holly before turning back to me. His hands were warm on my cheeks as he kissed me. He tasted bitter too.

“You’re going to love this, Atty. I’ve got you. We’ll ride it together,” he said, kissing me again and slipping his tongue past my lips.

My heart raced with nerves. There was no turning back now.

Holly coaxed me into drinking a couple of glasses of champagne, hoping the alcohol would steady my racing heart. Noah talked and joked with his friends, but his hand never left mine. I had no real idea what to expect—only vague memories of what Chase had told me. I barely remembered any of it now.

Time passed, and I started to relax in the chair, listening to their conversation and trying to ignore the nagging feeling in my chest.

My hands felt cold.

I rubbed my fingers together, trying to warm them. My chest was shivering, but I wasn’t cold. At least I didn’t think I was. Maybe it was the music thumping; it seemed to be getting louder.

I moved my hand into Noah’s. His skin felt cold, too, and my hand shook in his. I clasped it tightly and reached my other one to the skin on his wrist. It felt silky and smooth. His icy fingers grazed my cheek and held my gaze with an intensity that made my heart skip. I clenched my jaw to stop the shivering. The music grew louder. I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. A smile grew on Noah’s lips. His face seemed brighter. A shiver ran through my back, and I closed my eyes.

“Hey,” Noah said in my ear.

My heart was racing. I looked down at my hand and saw it trembling. I looked back at him, panic rising in my chest.

“It’s okay. It’s kicking in. It’ll feel really strong, and then it’ll start coming down.” He pushed up from the couch, grabbed my hands, and urged me to stand with him.

I couldn’t stop shaking. “Noah.” I licked my lips. My legs felt shaky. The lights were getting brighter.

“It’s okay, this is okay. You’re safe, trust me.” His breath was hot on my cheek. “Come with me, let’s go down. It’ll feel better.”

He guided me, walking before me. I stumbled slightly, my feet unsteady, the shivering uncontrollable. My jaw clenched tightly as I grasped his hand.

He guided me down the stairs into the throng of dancing bodies. The air was thick with heat and movement, but I still felt cold. Noah turned to face me, his eyes darker, pupils dilated. I watched his tongue dart across his lip before he moved closer, pulling me into his arms.

His hands cradled my face, his breath warm and soothing in my ear. “I’ve got you, babe. Just come with me. Dance with me. Hold me as hard as you want,” he murmured.

My mouth felt dry, and I swallowed thickly, trying to moisten it.

As Noah swayed against me, I clung to him, my eyes closed. He felt warm. If I could just absorb his warmth, I might stop feeling like this. I leaned on his lips and kissed him. His mouth was hot, wonderfully hot. I ran my hands on his back. His shirt felt amazing, cool and textured, almost like it was caressing me back. Noah kissed my jaw, pulling my hair.

“I love it when you do that,” I whispered, shivering as he bit down on my earlobe. I engulfed him, needing to feel him pressed hard against me.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he breathed in my ear.

The music seemed to swell, the beat reverberating through my body as the shaking continued. I dug my fingers into his back, eliciting a moan from him.

“Dance with me. It’ll feel better, I promise,” he urged, guiding me to the rhythm.

I tried to match his movements, slowly falling into sync with him. He kissed down my neck, his hands gripping my hips, swaying with me.

I rested my forehead against his, gazing down at his parted lips. I ran my tongue over them, tasting him. He tried to chase my touch, and I held his face in my hands, making him look up at me. His green eyes fixed on mine, and I felt a jolt of connection. The bright lights flickered over his face, making him look ethereal. Noah was like air, like fucking oxygen for me. I rested my face against his.

“I love you so much.” I mouthed the words against his soft cheek, feeling his stubble on my lower lip.

“I love you, too, so, so much, fucking forever. You’re everything, Atty. You’re everything to me,” he said against my lips.

I reached my hands down his hips and brought them to his back. His skin was searing against my palms. The rhythm of his back moving to the music was so similar to him moving over me while riding me. He was perfect, like a god. I wanted to keep worshipping him, touching his skin, and tasting him forever. I kissed his cheek, lips, jaw, and every part of him I could reach. I tilted his head back and ran my tongue over his neck, savoring the saltiness.

“Fuck,” he murmured. I ate the vibration with my mouth hot and open over him.

Kissing his soft skin, I rested my cheek on his and felt his breath on my jaw .

“You don’t do anything halfway, do you? You’re fucking perfect.” He echoed my thoughts.

“I want you to melt into me, Noah. How do I get you closer?”

His arms tighten around my waist. “I don’t know, sweetheart, but keep trying.” He nibbled my ear again. “Keep trying like this.”

My hands slid over his back, reaching the nape of his neck and holding him there. His mouth panted against my collarbone. He kissed up to my jaw, his tongue sliding over my skin before each kiss.

“Keep trying, please. I want that too. I don’t ever want to move away from you.”

I closed my eyes, feeling his words like a caress.

“I’m never letting you go.”

I smiled. Euphoria spread from my heart to every part of my body that touched him. I was never letting him go either. I let my head fall back, loving his lips on my skin, and moved to the music. My smile stretched as I ran a free hand through my hair, goosebumps running rampant over my skin, and wet my dry lips.

I was so fucking happy.

Noah kept leading me, my hands on his hips as we navigated through the crowd and up the stairs. I nodded along to the music and ran my tongue over my lips. It was good. It didn’t even sound so loud anymore. We reached the table, Noah moving over to Holly while I stayed close behind him. He turned to look at me, kissed my cheek, and looped my arms around his waist.

“How are you two lovebirds doing?” she asked.

We both beamed at her.

“I thought so. There are water bottles on the table and champagne in the cooler.”

Noah grabbed a bottle and handed it to me. I took a long drink, feeling instant relief from my thirst. I watched Noah gulp down some champagne and follow it with water.

“How are you doing, Att?” Holly asked, standing next to us with her glass.

“I’m great!” I responded brightly, the words tumbling out with a burst of enthusiasm that made her laugh. I joined, the sound of our laughter mingling with the noise of the club.

“I would have never guessed you danced,” she said with a chuckle.

“The music is excellent here,” I told her.

Noah pressed his back to my chest, and I wrapped one arm around his neck, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

“I bet it is,” she replied with a smile.

“He literally can’t do anything wrong. He’s unreal.” Noah’s voice was filled with affection as he kissed my jaw.

“Okay, tone it down while you’re talking to me. You’ve been having sex on the dance floor for an hour. You can reel it in for ten minutes,” Holly said.

I burst out laughing. “That was dancing,” I told her.

“Could have fooled me,” she quipped.

Noah leaned his head back on my shoulder with a sigh, his hand running through my hair, nails grazing my scalp. I practically purred at the touch.

“He makes it feel a million times better.” Noah swayed gently in my grasp.

“I noticed. What does that even feel like?” she asked, genuine curiosity in her voice.

“Like the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I feel complete.” He smiled and kissed my jaw again. His words made happiness swell in my chest.

“This is the happiest I’ve been too.” My face ached from smiling so much. I kissed his cheek and stretched my jaw.

Holly giggled. “Do you want gum?” She offered .

I grinned and took it gratefully, feeling immediate relief as I started chewing.

“That’s what he meant. I thought he was kidding.”

“Who?” Noah asked.

“Chase, that’s who called before we got in,” I told him.

“Why?” Noah asked.

“I asked him about this,” I said.

Noah’s eyes held a trace of disappointment.

“Are you jealous again? I think the last hour should have permanently eradicated jealousy from your brain.”

He grinned. “I’m not jealous,” he said but didn’t elaborate.

Holly’s brows raised as she glanced at her phone. “Oh shit,” she muttered, looking at Noah. “Noah, Colin’s here,”

“That’s great! Colin’s here,” I said happily.

“It’s fine, Holly. We like Colin, remember?” Noah said with a laugh.

She glanced at me and gave Noah a look. “Noah, come on.”

“We do like Colin,” I told her.

“We do, Att. That’s not the problem,” she said, looking at Noah.

“He’s a big boy, Holls. He doesn’t have to answer to them. He’s having fun. Aren’t you having fun, sweetheart?” he asked me.

I smiled and nodded.

Holly closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. “This is going to be a fucking mess.” She downed her glass and reached for the bottle.

Noah turned in my arms.

“Why is she worried? I’m fine,” I told him.

He kissed me. “I know you’re fine. We’re good. Don’t listen to her,” Noah said, and I tried to kiss him back around the gum.

“That has to go,” he told me.

I tittered. “No, it feels good. Stop kissing me. ”

“Do you really want me to stop kissing you?”

“No, I would live in your mouth if I could.”

He huffed bemused. “What does that even mean?”

I laughed in response. I had no idea. I leaned down and kissed him again. Everything felt so good. I ran my hands up and down his back, and Noah pushed up closer to me. I moved, rubbing my face in his hair and breathing him in.

“Hey, Col.” Holly’s voice cut through the din of the club.

I watched Colin and Ezra approaching. A smile spread across my face as I kissed Noah and gently tried to extricate myself from his grasp, but he held on tight.

“Let me say hi.”

He seemed like he wanted to say something but then shook his head and let me go. I hugged Colin, who made a surprised “umph” sound but hugged me back.

“You came!” I said happily. Being around them was so much better than Noah’s stoner friends. Not Holly—I liked her —just not the others.

“Hey, Att. Are you drunk?” Colin asked.

I moved to hug Ezra too. He let out a hearty chuckle and hugged me back tightly.

“You said you weren’t coming. I’m just happy you did.”

As I let him go, I felt Noah’s hand in mine. I tugged him in front of me, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pressed his back against my chest. Ezra sighed and turned towards Holly, who was offering him a glass. Colin’s smile slowly faded as he looked right at me. Noah bounced in my grasp, and I moved with him, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

“Why did it take you so long?” I chewed on the gum.

Colin’s eyes flicked towards Noah and then back at me. “We were at a bar.” He took a glass from Holly and studied me again. “Noah, can I talk to you for a second?”

“No, I don’t want to move,” Noah replied petulantly.

“Noah,” Colin said, frowning.

“Later, Col. I’m happy. ”

Colin shook his head at Noah.

“What?” I tried to keep my mouth shut while chewing.

Colin moved closer and reached for my chin, holding me still and looking into my eyes. Noah pushed him back, and Colin looked at him, annoyed.

“Molly? Really, Noah?”

Noah clicked his tongue. “Col, come on, get off your high horse. You’ve done it a million times, and he’s enjoying it.”

“It’s not the same,” Colin argued.

“Why not? Atty’s a big kid, and he can decide if he wants to try it or not. He wanted to try it.”

“Why are we arguing? Let’s go back downstairs and dance.” I bounced in place.

“Did you?” Colin asked.

I turned towards him. “What?”

Noah guided my arm to his waist. I pressed my palm to the flat of his abdomen.

“Did you decide you wanted to try it?” Colin asked.

“Yeah, I talked to Chase, and he told me it was fun.”

Colin sighed, looking away. He shrugged, unconvinced.

“It has been fun. I don’t think I want to do it again, but it’s been great so far,” I added, seeing a slight smile on Colin’s lips.

“See? I’m taking care of him, Col. He’s okay. I’m a good son-in-law,” Noah said, making Colin chuckle.

“Fine, do you have more?” Colin asked.

“Holly,” Noah said.

Colin turned towards her, and I let my hand slide under Noah’s shirt, feeling his skin again and kissing his neck. Noah turned in my arms, and I caught his lips instantly.

“I want to be closer to you, but it’s so hard standing up,” I told him.

He smiled. “Do you want to sit down?”

“If I sit down, you’re going to climb on my lap, and we’ll permanently scar our friends and get kicked out because we’ll try to have sex right here.”

“Smart, that’s smart.” He tried to kiss me again. “Atty, spit that fucking gum out,” he added.

I cackled as I checked my watch. It was half past eleven. Almost his birthday. “Let me go. I have to use the bathroom.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No, Noah. No public sex.”

He snickered and then pouted. He grabbed my waist and swept me closer. I kissed his cheek.

“Come on, let me go.” I kissed his cheek repeatedly until he loosened his grasp. I kissed his lips one more time before turning to walk towards the bathroom.

When I stepped out, Colin intercepted me.

“Can we talk before you glue yourself back onto him?” Colin asked.

We walked over to a high table, where he leaned his elbow on it. Noah stood with Holly and Ezra, a joint in his hand. I glanced down at my watch—twenty minutes to twelve.

“So?” I prompted.

“Att,” Colin said, his voice serious.

I turned to look at him, noticing his frown. “What is it?” I asked, leaning closer, unable to stand still. I rubbed my face, trying to focus on his words.

“Att, I’m worried about you. I know you asked me to stay out of it, but I’m concerned.”

“Why? I’m fine,” I insisted.

“Why are you doing drugs, Att? That’s not you; that’s Noah. You know he has a problem with it.”

“But it’s different. It’s Molly, not coke. It’s different, right?” I asked, but he grimaced. “You had some, too?”

He looked guilty as he assented. “It’s not good for him.”

I glanced back at Noah, who was laughing at something Holly said. Ezra had the joint now, smoking too. Everything seemed fine. “You think I messed up, letting him have it? ”

He blinked at me.

“He asked me. He wasn’t going to do it, and I said we could. Is this my fault? Did I mess up?”

“Att…” His eyes were wide.

“What if he relapses? I can’t break up with him. I said I would, but I won’t be able to. I love him too much,” I confessed.

Colin’s face softened. “I don’t know, Att. Don’t you think you should slow things down?”

My chest tightened. “Are we going too fast?”

He nodded.

Shit . I knew I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t putting the brakes on. Now he was going to burn through me and leave me. I was never going to stop loving him. I was sure of that. I looked at him again, running my hands through my hair. Noah was smiling. I fucking loved his smile.

Colin’s hand found my arm. “Att, he loves you too. I’m not saying he doesn’t. He looks really happy. You just can’t be doing this with him.”

I relaxed a bit. “I won’t. It was just this time, just for his birthday. I want him to get better. I need him to get better. He needs to,” I said quickly. “I won’t do it again.”

“That’s okay.”

I turned towards Noah. The colorful lights illuminated him, and he looked perfect. What was it about him? I couldn’t look away. He had me completely mesmerized. “How do I slow things down?”

“I’m not sure.”

I leaned closer to him. “We’re practically living together, and we’ve already had sex. I don’t know how to slow things down. I can’t control how I feel about him,” I admitted, seeing his eyes widen even more.

“Shit,” he mouthed.

“Do you think he’s going to break up with me?”

“No, Att. Noah loves you too.” He grabbed my shirt and drew me closer so I could hear him. “We’ll figure something out, okay? Tomorrow, we’ll figure it out.”

I relaxed at his words. “Thanks, Col.” I hugged him.

“Don’t disappear on us, Att. Let me help you.” He hugged me tighter.

“Thanks,” I repeated, moving back to look at him. “Don’t tell Ezra, but I think you’re my best friends,” I confessed.

He grinned. “Right back at you, big guy. I feel like we should do shots. Do you want one?”

“Sure, why the hell not at this point.”

We walked towards the bar, got the shots, and I glanced down at my watch—two minutes to twelve. “Oh shit.” I downed the shot and placed it on the table.

“What?” Colin asked, making a face after drinking his.

“It’s almost twelve. Come on.” I grabbed his arm and dashed towards Noah. He was talking to Holly, holding a glass.

I reached for it and placed it on the table. He looked up with a smile.

“Hey, we’re supposed to be toasting with that,” Holly complained.

“In a minute.” I grabbed Noah’s hand and led him away. I guided us towards the couch and sat, tugging his hand to get him to sit beside me.

“What is it?” he asked with his easy Noah smile, the one that was always right around the corner.

I grabbed the side of his face and leaned into his ear. “I love you, Noah. Happy birthday.”

He grinned before I kissed him. I didn’t let him lead the pace this time. I held him firmly and kissed him like he always demanded I did. I let my lips slide slowly over his, tilting his chin backward to deepen it. I could taste the champagne on his tongue and something that I knew was just Noah. He moved closer to me, and I grabbed his waist under his shirt, pushing him back on the couch and forcing him to submit to the kiss. He breathed out through his nose and melted, letting me do whatever I wanted. I kissed him slowly until I started feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the way his lips always made me forget about everything around me.

I stopped and let my eyes rake over him. His lips were still parted, and his eyes closed. He opened them slowly and stared at me, the corners of his lips tugging upwards into a smile.

“That was some kiss,” he said.

I smiled. “I have a present for you, but it’s back home.”

He ran his fingers on my face, following them with his eyes. “A fuck?” he joked.

“We’ll do that, but I have a wrapped present.”

His smile grew. He leaned up and kissed me again. “I love you, too, Atty,” he said against my cheek. “Are you going to kiss me like that again?”

“Next year.”

He smiled brightly. “Next year,” he repeated.

I smiled before kissing him again.

“Can we toast now? Or are you going to keep making out for the foreseeable future?” Holly asked loudly.

We laughed, accepting the glasses she handed us. We stood up with the rest of the group, raising our glasses to toast Noah. He had his hand in mine, looking up at me and smiling as if he couldn’t help himself. He tugged me down.

“You make me so fucking happy,” Noah whispered in my ear.

I smiled back at him. “That’s all I want,” I replied.

Our eyes met, and for that second, everything felt perfect. Noah was all I would ever need. Nothing else mattered, as long as he looked at me like that. I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or just him, but I knew I could never feel this way about anyone else.

We were back on the couch after dancing for what felt like hours. The need for movement had finally subsided enough to let us sit down and relax. I couldn’t stop touching Noah—kissing the soft skin of his neck, running my hand up and down his thigh. Noah had broken a dam in me. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I didn’t care that people surrounded us or that my friends might silently judge our behavior. I couldn’t bring myself to care that we were both men, and I had only recently shown that part of myself to the world. Noah consumed me.

I let my hand slip under his shirt and up his back, feeling him arch into my touch. He loved it, and that was all the approval I needed.

“Atty, if you keep that up, you’re going to leave a mark.” Noah lifted his shoulder.

“Do you want me to stop?” I kissed him just below his ear. His fingers stroked my hair and held me close.

“No, I don’t. I’m just pointing out what’s going to happen if you keep mauling my neck like that.” Noah rubbed his leg over mine.

I tightened my grasp on his back, moving my lips down and sucking on the skin.

“Can we leave?” Tiny bumps formed on his skin as I ran my fingers over his ribs. “I want to get you out of your clothes,” I whispered in his ear and felt the rumble of his laugh against my chest.

“I love you like this.”

I groaned into his neck. “Come on, Noah. Let’s leave.”

He tugged on my hair, getting me to lean back and look at him. He was smiling. “It’s still early.”

I pulled my hand from his shirt and checked my watch. It was almost three in the morning. I showed it to him, and a soft amused sound escaped him .

“See? Early.” He tilted his head.

I sighed and took in our surroundings. Colin was half-talking, half-dancing with a girl standing a little further away. Ezra was sitting on the next couch with Holly and another friend of Noah’s, laughing. They didn’t look like they were ready to leave either.

I turned back to Noah, burying my face in his neck again. “It’s late. I don’t want to leave to go to sleep. I want to get you to bed.”

“Yeah? And do what?” His tone was teasing.

“You know.”

“Yes, but I want to hear you say it.”

I kissed his neck again, slipping my hand back under his shirt. “I’ve already told you I want to get you naked,” I whispered, my fingers tracing patterns on his skin.

“To do what?”

I groaned, frustrated again. I ran my hand up his chest, feeling his necklace before moving down, letting my palm rest over his flat stomach.

“You’re going to have to give me something better than that if you want me to leave my birthday celebration early.” He stroked my hair.

“Noah,” I complained.

He grasped my hair again and kissed me before leaning closer to my ear. “Let’s do this: the club is closing in an hour. We’ll stay until then. We were all supposed to head back to our place, but we’ll ditch them and go fuck. How does that sound?”

“An hour?”

“I promise.”

I grabbed Noah’s neck, kissing him again.

“Give me a second,” he said, moving.

I slipped back to his neck. He shifted and pulled on my hair again to get my attention. He was holding the little bag again, showing it to me .

“What?”

He shrugged, moving closer to my ear. “Let’s do a little more, Atty. It’ll be great for sex.”

“No, Noah, that was enough,” I told him, but he still smiled.

“It’s just a tiny bit more. Haven’t you liked it so far? I’ll be good.” He leaned close and nibbled my ear.

“Yeah, I did, but we don’t need any more.”

He ran his tongue over my ear slowly, and the pleasure ran down my back. He moved to my neck, kissing me with hot, open-mouthed kisses that had me drowning in desire. “Come on, Atty. I love you like this. It’ll be so good,” he coaxed again.

He tried to open the bag, and I closed my hand over it, frowning. Noah moved to look at me.

“No,” I said firmly.

He licked his lips, letting go of my hand and climbing over my lap.

“No, Noah, not here.” I tried to get him off me as gently as possible.

He tightened his legs at my hips to keep himself there. “Seriously? You’ve been on me for hours now.” He had a point there. It’s not like we had been subtle until now.

I stopped pushing him back. “Noah, I don’t want to have any more.”

He kissed me, and I closed my eyes, loving his lips back on mine. His forehead rested on mine.

“Just this once. You said you’d do it for my birthday, remember? It’s still my birthday.”

“Why? We had enough already.”

He held his hand to me. His pinky was coated in the stuff again.

“Noah, no.”

“Don’t be like that. It’s just a bit more. We’ll share it.” He moved his hand closer to my face .

I turned from him. “Cut it out, please.” I had my hands on his hips and tried to push him back again. He only moved closer to me.

“Atty.” He ran his tongue over his lip and smiled at me. He frowned as if he didn’t understand why I was saying no, like I was being irrational. “Come on, you’ve been on it for hours and loved it. Why are you acting like this now?”

“Because it’s almost three in the morning, and I still don’t feel like it’s gone. Even if it were, I would rather not do it. I like having sex with you sober. It’s pretty amazing like that too.”

His face softened. “I’m not saying it’s not. It’s just this once,” he insisted. He moved his hand closer to me again.

“Stop it, Noah. I’m serious.”

He grabbed my shirt, and I snatched my face away from him again. He was about to say something when he moved sideways off me, sitting back on the couch. I thought he had given up, but I got one look at his pissed-off face before seeing Ezra standing in front of us with a deep frown.

“What—” I started to ask.

“He told you to stop,” Ezra told Noah, who looked up, furious. I had never seen him this angry before.

He stood up and shoved Ezra back. Whoa. I got up after him and tugged him back by his arm.

“What the fuck is your problem with me?” Noah shouted, his voice clear over the music.

Ezra was pissed too. He shoved Noah right back.

Alarmed, I glanced at Colin and saw him walking quickly towards us.

“Noah, calm down,” Holly said, her eyes wide.

“No. I’ve fucking had it with you and your self-righteous act. You think you can justify treating me like shit, and I’m done,” Noah yelled at Ezra.

“Maybe if you stopped treating him like shit, then I’d stop. Have you ever thought of that?” Ezra retorted while Colin held him back.

“Noah, stop.” I grasped his arm.

He shrugged me off. “I’m not treating him like shit, and he’s a big boy. He can take care of himself,” Noah called out.

That really pissed Ezra off, because he pushed Colin back and took two steps towards Noah, standing right in front of him and getting in his face.

“He shouldn’t have to take care of himself with you, you fucking asshole. You’re his boyfriend. He trusts you,” Ezra said, his nostrils flaring. Ezra was almost as tall as Noah, but he was stockier and much stronger.

I tried to pull Noah back again, looking at Colin, who was attempting to do the same with Ezra.

“Noah, stop, please,” I pleaded.

“No, I want to know what his problem is.” He glared at Ezra. “I’ve ignored it because, for whatever reason, Atty likes you, but I’m done with you rolling your eyes at me and scoffing at everything I say,” Noah shouted.

“You want to know what my problem is?” Ezra asked, bumping into Noah.

I tried to push him back.

“Yeah, I do,” Noah said, tilting his chin up defiantly.

“ You motherfucker, you’re the fucking problem. You’re an entitled piece of shit drug addict, and I have no idea how you managed to convince him otherwise. Other than buying him off as you do with the rest of your life,” Ezra said.

I stared at him, alarmed.

“Oh, so that’s it? You can’t handle the fact that I can do whatever the hell I want. I knew it was a money thing. You’re so fucking resentful, you think you can paint him in the same light. He doesn’t care about it,” Noah said.

I raised an eyebrow, confused.

“You sure as hell don’t seem to mind when you’re here at the party my dad’s money paid for, or is it only when you don’t get anything from it?” Noah continued, further puzzling me.

Colin was still trying to pull Ezra back, telling him repeatedly to calm down.

“You think I care about your daddy’s money? I don’t give a shit, not even where it came from in the first place,” Ezra spat.

Noah’s face shifted. If he was mad before, it was nothing compared to now.

“What did you just say?” Noah asked.

“You heard me,” Ezra answered.

Noah shoved him back hard.

Shit. I grabbed him by his waist and pulled him back forcefully. Ezra moved closer, but Colin stepped in front of Noah, holding him back.

“You’re a fucking loser, Tate. You can’t stand that he outgrew you. You don’t know a thing about my family or my father, and if I were you, I’d shut the fuck up about it before you say something you really regret,” Noah yelled back.

“Yeah, I’m the real loser here, not the junkie who flunked out of college. Like I’m going to listen to any threats from you,” Ezra yelled.

I froze. Noah did what?

Two big security guys reached us as Noah shrugged me off him.

“Mr. Rossi, is there a problem here?” One of them asked Noah.

There was clearly a problem. I scowled at the man and back at Noah. He had settled down and stopped pushing towards Ezra, but was still fuming, his chest heaving in anger.

“Yes, get him out of here.” Noah didn’t take his eyes off Ezra, who scoffed.

Ezra’s eyes locked with mine, still addressing Noah. “This is good. At least he got to see the real you this time.” Ezra glanced at Noah again before turning.

The security guys walked over and escorted him out, with Colin following closely behind.

I turned towards Noah again. He was clenching his jaw, hands on his hips.

“What the fuck was that?” I asked him.

He looked up at me before shrugging. Then he turned and left.

I gave Holly a questioning look.

“I’ll try to calm him down,” she said, walking after him.

I didn’t know what to make of this. I glanced around at the rest of Noah’s friends. They just went back to drinking, business as usual. It was unsettling.

I went towards the exit, following Colin and Ezra outside. Once I got there, I spotted them talking down the block. Colin saw me first and gave me a helpless look.

“Ezra, what?—”

“I’m not going to apologize, Att. I saw what he was doing. He was trying to push you into doing more with him, wasn’t he?”

“Still, you didn’t have to get aggressive with him. I can handle Noah.”

He scoffed. “Please, Att, spare me. You can’t handle him. You can’t even see how brainwashed you are.”

“Ezra, come on,” Colin sighed.

“No, I’m tired of holding my tongue and staying out of it. Have you seen yourself lately? I know we weren’t super close in high school, but I’ve known you for years. You’ve never apologized for being who you are or for doing the things you like. You’ve never compromised that, and I know how hard you worked to get here. I know it wasn’t easy for you. You’re throwing all that away for him.”

I pressed my lips together.

“You’ve changed, Att. You’ve changed so much since you met him. I know you’re doing it to keep him. The clothes you’re wearing, the watch.” Ezra gave my wrist a pointed look.

“That’s not…” I tried, glancing at Colin. “It was a Christmas present.”

“You like to stay in, I know you do, and he has you going from party to party, drinking and smoking, and now this. You never hang out with us. You take him to class. You practically have to ask permission to breathe without him,” he continued.

“He’s just going through something.”

“Yeah, he is. He’s going through a drug addiction. You, Atticus King, are in a relationship with a drug addict. What do you think your parents would say about that? Your mom?”

“Noah’s not a drug addict,” I said almost reflexively.

Ezra gave Colin an exasperated look, then turned back to me. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked, incredulous. “Att, he’s a drug addict. Noah’s addicted to drugs. That’s quite literally the definition of a drug addict.”

“He stopped.”

“No, he told you he stopped. That’s very different,” Ezra countered.

A knot tightened in my stomach. “He stopped. He wouldn’t lie to me about that,” I said, looking at Colin for support.

He gave me a pained look, like he wanted to disagree but couldn’t bring himself to.

“Because he’s been so honest about everything else? Did he tell you he flunked out? That that’s the real reason he can’t join the team? Because he’s not allowed to?” Ezra asked.

My heart sank. I had no idea about that. I never asked Noah about his classes or heard him talk about them or go to them. The only school-related activity I had seen him at was training and the courses he had joined me in .

“Is that true?” I asked Colin.

He took a deep breath, looking away, nodding.

Fuck .

“It’s not that I don’t want you to be happy,” Ezra continued. “I just don’t think Noah will make you happy, not in the long run. I think he’s going to destroy you, and it’s horrible to sit and watch as he gets his claws deeper into you. You’ve slept with him, right?” he asked bluntly.

My eyes flickered to my feet, shame creeping over me.

“I’d bet good money that he pushed you into that too.”

“I think that’s enough,” Colin said.

Ezra raised his hands in surrender. “I said what needed to be said. I’ll be around when he fucks up,” Ezra told me, turning and walking away.

I turned to Colin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Att, I thought you knew. Ezra told me Noah went to your house after Christmas, and I found out about it then. I figured that’s why he left. I knew he had a huge fight with his mom over it.”

I shut my eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to steady myself. I didn’t know about that either. “He’s lying to me,” I said quietly, feeling my heart shatter. If he didn’t tell me about this, how many other things was he hiding? I didn’t even know what they were talking about—the things Ezra said about Noah’s family, about his dad.

“He’s like that. Noah doesn’t like sharing what’s wrong with him. He’s used to pretending everything is fine. He’s been like this forever, Att. He probably doesn’t want you to be disappointed in him,” Colin explained.

That didn’t make it any better. We were supposed to be over that. He was supposed to be telling me what was going on.

“What did Ezra mean about Noah’s dad?” I asked.

Colin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Att, come over to the house later, okay? I swear I’ll tell you everything I know in the afternoon, or if you want, tomorrow. I told you I’d help you figure it out, and I will, I promise, but please come over without Noah so that we can talk.”

“Okay,” I agreed, and he breathed out, relieved.

“I’m going to go catch up to him.” Colin glanced back in the direction Ezra had taken. “Or do you want me to stay? I can stay if you want me to.”

“No, it’s okay. Go after him. I’m going to get Noah to leave.”

“I’m sorry, Att.”

I wasn’t sure what he was sorry about.

I glanced back at the club. I didn’t want to go back in there. My phone vibrated. Noah was calling. I didn’t want to pick up. How had everything gotten so messed up in less than half an hour?

I was still looking down at it when the club door pushed open and Noah stepped out.

“Hey, there you are.” He hung up and moved toward me.

He reached for me, and I pulled back. He stopped, confused.

“Don’t,” I said simply.

“Atty, I’m sorry I got so mad. I was fed up with him being so rude to me. I know you’ve seen it too,” he started.

I shook my head, cutting him off. “Did you lie to me about using, Noah? Are you still doing it?”

He glowered. “Did he tell you I was? He hates me, Atty. He’d say anything to get you to stop being with me,” he said defensively.

“That’s not what I asked.” My eyes tried searching for the truth.

“No, I’m not,” he insisted.

“Don’t lie to me, Noah. Not about this. You promised you would stop.”

Noah glanced down at his feet and then up, stepping closer to me. His voice softened. “I’m not lying to you. ”

“You know, I don’t know about these things. Don’t take advantage of that, Noah. Don’t play me for a fool.”

Noah walked closer and placed his hands on my arms, his eyes fixed on mine. His pupils were still dilated. “I’m not, Atty.”

“Did you flunk out?”

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “Yeah, I did, but I’m fixing it,” he said, looking away.

“How?” I pressed.

He scratched his head, making a face. He didn’t want to talk about it. “I had to pay a fine. I’m taking two classes this semester to stay enrolled. I have to take a full load next semester,” Noah explained.

“What do you mean pay a fine? Like a bribe?” A cold knot formed in my stomach.

Noah shifted uncomfortably. He made a dismissive gesture, moving his head from side to side. “A donation.”

“Are you serious?” I knew my eyes were wide.

“My mom told me to do it,” he explained.

Somehow, that made it worse. For the first time since I’d met Noah, a wave of inadequacy washed over me. It wasn’t just that we had little in common—we came from vastly different worlds. I had ignored so much about him.

“Was that what was upsetting you last week?”

“No, I really did have to sign stuff. All this happened two weeks ago.”

That didn’t make it better either.

“How could you not tell me about this, Noah?”

His gaze fell to his feet.

“And please don’t tell me you didn’t want to disappoint me.”

The corners of his lips pulled down. “That’s the truth, Atty. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You know what’s disappointing, Noah? The fact that you keep lying to me. I’m really tired of this trickle of truths. Every time I think I know what’s going on with you, someone else has to tell me there’s this whole other side I know nothing about. I’m tired of being blindsided.”

His face softened. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ll tell you about it—all of it. Let’s go back home, and I’ll tell you about it.” He held his hand out to me.

“Do you promise, for real this time?” I needed to believe him.

“I promise, Atty,” he said.

I stared down at his hand.

“I’m learning here. I’ve never done this before, having a relationship like you need and deserve. I’m sorry I keep screwing it up, but I’m trying to learn how to do it. I don’t want to let you down.”

It was so difficult to know what was right, whether to trust my friends or him. I had no idea what to do. My instincts felt nonexistent when it came to Noah. It was almost like, behind the two sides of Noah, there was a smaller, hidden one—the real Noah. He was the one I knew, the one looking at me now. Not the happy mask he wore or his darker side, but this caring, scared kid waiting for me to take his hand and be with him.

The Noah I had found in his room, the one that had joined me in the shower that first time, and the one who told me how much he missed his dad. They were all the same person I was seeing now. If I could clear all the other stuff away, maybe this could work. When things were good between us, it was like being on top of the world. I had never known happiness like this. I wanted to make this work more than anything.

So I took his hand.