Page 25

I lean back on the couch, feeling the pressure of all of my deepest, darkest secrets lift off me. The crippling burden of the secrets is finally gone. Sure, spilling my guts to Ziggy for the last hour was heavy, painful, and overall kinda sucks. But now that it's done, I have this new sense of relief. Like I’ve finally let go of something that’s been eating away at me, and I can live my full truth. The whole story, the truth I’ve held inside for so long, it's all out there now. My life-changing night in New Orleans, the unexpected chemistry with Oren, and how one reckless, spontaneous decision landed me here, where I am now, the mother of his child.

Ziggy stares at me, her mouth hanging open, eyes wide, and looks like she is completely reeling from everything I just said. I’m not sure if she’s more shocked by how it all went down that night or by the fact that I’ve been able to keep this information to myself for over a year. Her face is an interesting blend of amazement, disbelief, and a layer of sadness. She lets out a long, hissing breath like she’s been holding it in ever since I started talking. She blinks rapidly as she tries to process everything I’ve just thrown at her.

"Okay… first of all, that night? Hot as hell, Rachel. Like, I had no idea you were my kind of wild!” Her infectious laugh fills the room for the first time since I got here. But beneath it, there’s something else in her tone, a hint of melancholy, maybe even a little guilt for not having been there sooner. “But…oh god, you’ve been dealing with this alone?”

I shrug, the familiar sentiment causing something to tighten in my chest. “Yeah, I mean, what choice did I have? I didn’t want to drag Oren into something he never asked for. I wasn’t about to force him into a role he wasn’t ready for, and I didn’t want to face the rejection that comes with that. It was just easier to do this on my own. Especially since I never in a million years would have expected him to turn out to be how he has been.”

Ziggy shakes her head, her expression unreadable. “I get that. I do. But still…you didn’t tell anyone? Not even me? Rach, I would’ve been there for you in a heartbeat. You didn’t have to go through this by yourself. I probably would have told you to tell Oren, but I wouldn’t have judged you or made you do anything you didn’t want to do. I would have just been there.”

Her voice softens, and how much she cares is clear in her eyes. I fight back the lump of emotions that forms in my throat. I really needed to hear those words. I take a deep breath, my voice so quiet, very little conviction left in my voice. “I know, but to be fair, when all of this was happening, I didn’t even know you. I had already made my decision before we became friends.”

Ziggy’s expression becomes even more gentle, and I can tell she’s trying to understand. I don’t know if she will ever truly understand, but she is trying. “That makes sense,” she says gently, “but still, I wish you’d trusted me to help support you.”

I smile weakly. “It was never about trust, Zig. I was scared. I didn’t even know what I wanted half the time. I was just trying to figure it all out as I went. It just became easier to keep the secret. I wasn’t ready to face what it would mean to tell anyone.”

Ziggy leans forward, placing her hand on mine. She starts like she is going to say something and then her eyes widen as if something tragic just occurred to her. She stares at me, “Oh my god, Rachel. Elliot.”

She rips her hand from mine and starts rubbing her temples in sheer disbelief. “What the hell are we going to do about him? When he finds out…I mean, he’s going to freak out.”

“I know, I know!” I groan, dropping my face into my hands. “I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out what to say and how to say it, and nothing ends well.”

Ziggy starts pacing around the room, her hands pulling at her hair. “You have to tell him, Rach! And soon. Elliot doesn’t handle things calmly at all, definitely not as well as I do. And Oren—oh my god, Oren. Elliot’s his best friend, his confidant! Fuck-ity Fuck!”

I bite my lip, anxiety bubbling up inside me as I think about Oren. “Yeah, this could be bad. Elliot’s going to react in an Elliot way. I mean, he’s been so protective of Lily and me, which I really appreciate! But he’s known Oren for years. What if he takes it the wrong way and blames me for not telling him sooner?”

Ziggy stops pacing and looks at me with wide, frantic eyes. “He’s going to freak the fuck out. Like…full-on meltdown. But not at you. I know that for sure.” She rubs her face in exasperation, clearly struggling with how to break this to Elliot. “But, he’ll get over it…eventually. He has to. I mean, he’s got to understand that this wasn’t some sort of elaborate plan of deception.”

“You’re right,” I nod slowly. “ I just don’t know if I’m ready for the conversation yet.”

Ziggy throws her hands up. “Ready or not, it’s going to have to happen. If it comes across that we are keeping this from him, we’re all screwed. Elliot's going to be hurt, and Oren's really going to look like a bad guy in that scenario.”

I press my eyes shut for a second, trying to steady myself. “You’re right, but what if this destroys their friendship? I don’t want to be the reason everything falls apart.”

Ziggy exhales loudly, sitting back down beside me. “We can’t worry about that. That’s on them. Those two idiots will have to figure out whatever happens there. And when it comes to Elliot, he needs to be on Oren’s side. Oren needs someone that he can talk to about these new changes in his life.”

“But how do I even begin?” I ask, my voice cracking with frustration. She’s right, and I know it. But the thought of sitting down with Elliot and watching his face as I tell him the truth. It's enough to make me want to flee the country. But there is no more running anymore.

Ziggy breaks the silence, her voice softer now. “You know what? If you want me to, I’ll tell Elliot for you. He might take it better and be able to process it if it comes from me. Plus, I can calm him down in special ways that no one else can. Then once he has calmed the hell down, you guys can talk it out. That way, you won’t have to worry about him blowing up in the moment.”

I look at her, relief flooding through me. “You’d do that? You’d tell him?”

“Absolutely. I’ll take care of it,” Ziggy nods firmly. “For now, just focus on figuring out where things stand with Oren, especially after last night’s kiss. You two need to sort your shit out. You can’t let this ‘co-parenting’ stuff get tangled up with how hot and bothered, horny level 11 Oren makes you feel.”

I sigh, leaning back. “Yeah, I don’t even know what to do about that. I keep thinking about him…in a not so ‘father of my child’ kind of way and more of a ‘call him daddy’ kind of way.”

“OH MY GOD,” Ziggy shouts, covering her ears. “My poor innocent ears!”

“Oh bullshit, there is nothing innocent about your ears!” I laugh at her, swatting at her arm. “I’m serious. That kiss. It complicated everything.”

Ziggy immediately gets serious again, squeezing my hand. “One thing at a time, Rach. I’ll handle Elliot. You handle Oren. We’ve got this together now. ”

Her words bring a smile to my face, and the weight on my chest eases just a little. Now, I really won’t be facing any of this alone. I have Oren, I have Ziggy, and eventually, I’ll have Elliot on my side.

Ziggy sits back, shaking her head again. “But seriously…Oren Samuels? That Oren? I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me all this time. And I’m never going to get over how spicy that story was.”

I laugh, the stress easing a little, and for the first time in a long time, I feel lighter in a way that feels like it might be permanent.