Page 54 of Doxed

FOUR MONTHS LATER

The engine of my boat rumbles underneath me as I pull the throttle down, slowing the boat. It’s an overcast fall day in Washington, and I need to get this shot before it starts raining.

I sit on the couch along the side of the boat and angle my camera, clicking away at the mountains and water. The grey sky contrasts with the bright green of the mountain and reflects off of the water below. It’s beautiful.

I nod my head to the beat of “deepfake” by brakence as it plays from the boat speakers while examining the pictures I got. Perfect.

Standing, I place my camera back in its bag and put it in the compartment to keep it dry and safe, and then pull the hood of my hoodie over my head.

I cruise around the lake for a while, just enjoying the views and the feel of the biting wind on my face.

I started doing this a lot after Briar left.

Whenever I needed to get out of my head, I hooked the boat up to my new truck and found a new body of water to explore.

After that became a regular thing, I bought a camera to capture the calming scenery.

Now almost every available spot in my house is filled with these shots.

Everywhere but Briar’s old bedroom. I haven’t gone in there since she left.

But I think it’s time I broke that barrier; plus I'm running out of wall space everywhere else.

I still hold out hope that one day she’ll come back, but as the days turned to weeks, then months, it feels like the chance of that happening is less and less.

The longer she stays away, the more often my fingers itch to look for her. But I made her a promise, so on nights when the burn gets too strong, I call up Mason and go have a drink with him. I’ve spent more time with the Outlaws in the last four months than in the last three years of knowing them.

The only time I’ve heard anything about Briar was the night I went to dinner with Tell and Maya, and I broke down and asked if she’d heard from her. She only told me she was doing well, and that was enough for me. I never asked again.

After the hell I put her through, I just want her to be at fucking peace.

Raindrops plunge into the water, creating ripples. Several rings pop up all around the boat, and I take that as my cue to leave. I steer the boat back to the dock and get it loaded onto my trailer so I can go home.

Something gotta give, right? She’ll come home soon… right?