Page 33 of Disillusioned (A Lay of Ruinous Reign #2)

S he was alone as she sat up among the mess of maroon sheets.

Her clothes had been changed, and her hair had been brushed, falling in thick waves, brushing her shoulder blades; she wore one of the simple cream nightgowns she’d packed, nearly too comfortable with no undergarments beneath.

As she stretched the kinks out of her upper body, there was a tug at her left hand; her last two fingers and knuckle were wrapped in some sort of gauze, though there was no pain when she flexed those fingers.

Curiously, she unwrapped the gauze. Whatever injury the arrow had left was gone, as was the shallow slice from her potato mishap in Lorietta’s kitchen.

The half empty bag the witch had given her was set at the foot of her bed, now filled with what looked to be several folded garments gifted from Garin.

She was at the Inn, in the room she’d rented on the first night she’d stumbled upon it, the darkness out the window evident despite the curtains being pulled.

But there were no sounds of debauchery outside her door.

No voices or clinking of glasses. None of the loud korikaned tunes she’d grown to miss.

She rubbed her eyes and stood, prepared to gather her belongings and step out, when she noticed an absence.

Her dagger wasn’t on her body. Lilac swept her hand into the bag beneath the linens and found the belt and leather sheath empty.

Then she checked under the bag—nothing. Garin had no reason to hide it from her; wouldn’t he want her to have the only method of defense she owned?

Especially after the past day.

Yesterday. The last couple of days? The fogged memory she clung to, of her body pressed against the warmth of Garin’s, was replaced with panic. Her parents had been expecting her back, and when they ran into the merchants, it was already a day counted into her journey.

Had it happened? Had she dreamt it all? Her imagination wasn’t that vivid, she thought, turning back to the door, especially to conjure?—

She came face to face with her blade. Her hand flew up, fanning before her and knocking it from the hand that steadied her. She blinked against Garin’s sudden and overwhelming proximity.

“ You . I was looking for that,” she said, breathless, as he crossed his arms and silently watched her retrieve the dagger from where it had landed beside the hearth.

He said nothing as she approached the bed, lifting her leg to place the weapon against her bare thigh and remembering she didn’t have her garter or belt on.

There was nothing to tuck it into under the loose nightgown that swirled just above her ankles.

He scoffed under his breath, and she narrowed her eyes. “Whoever dressed me couldn’t have given me my undergarments?”

“You did have them, but you removed them yourself. You were half conscious, but you insisted.”

She scowled, heat and humiliation climbing her face. “Did we…?”

“No.” Garin’s expression was stormy, unreadable. “Whenever necessary, I restrained you until the witches intervened. They kept you asleep most of the time with a draught in the soup we fed you, so you could rest and heal. But your wakefulness was reassuring. Albeit troublesome.”

“Kept me asleep? How many days has it been?”

He counted on his fingers and hummed. “This morning’s the fifth day. Bastion’s been watching the path from your castle, and no search party has been initiated yet. We’d planned to intervene if necessary, but there’s been no reason to so far.”

Five days. She suspected her parents were slow to dispatch the guard because she couldn’t afford another scandal, but this was the least of her worries.

Garin took her hand and helped her sit on the edge of the bed and, dizzily, she allowed it. He sat next to her upon the chair she remembered him reading to her from.

“Lilac.”

She would have smiled at him, at the tenderness in his gesture and voice. But there was something else there—a hesitation just beneath the surface. “Garin?”

“I’m sending you home.”

She pulled away from his hand, still holding hers. “ Sending me? Why?” Of course, she could not stay at the Inn forever.

“Giles readied the carriage last night. He was able to repair it with the help of the Guài ,” he added sourly. “Those creatures were quick to do so when they learned who we were. I was going to allow you to wake on your own, but I thought it’d be much later in the day.”

Giles. Guài .

She remembered those women, stunning, glittering, and deadly as they had chased them down. She rubbed her eyes, trying to remember everything that had happened. It all came to her in fragments. Being thrown from the carriage. The incredible pain. The corpses?—

“Giles…is alive?”

“He is alive. You have nothing to worry about here,” he replied, more stern than reassuring.

“But I do. The Accords are a work in progress, and we need to get that chest to Kestrel. We did get the chest, right? Maybe we can attempt a meeting again now that we…” She trailed off as Garin crossed his arms and leaned back. Away from her.

“Lilac,” he said, slowly.

Why was he looking at her that way?

“We all agreed it would be best for you to focus on things at the castle. I imagine your parents are very worried.”

We all? “When have you ever been concerned about my parents?”

“My concern is for you. You will return today. There is no question.”

“I will return when I please. ”

“Lilac.” Garin glanced briefly at the door. “You need to convene with your council.”

“I don’t have a council.”

His voice was even, reasoning. “See? What is a queen without her council? Without an advisor or ladies-in-waiting? You’ll have to appoint them when you return. You’ve much to do.”

She didn’t understand. Her memories of the past five days spent in recovery did not match how he treated her now.

She remembered . He’d held her, laughed with her, or at least at her.

He had kissed her forehead as she lay in the crook of his arm, whispered the things he wished to do to her, followed by strange apologies as she drifted back to sleep.

He looked at her quizzically, resting his chin on his hand.

“I think I’ve done fine without a council thus far. I have you, and I suppose Adelaide, Lorietta, and my dutiful scribe, John.” Lilac forced conviction into her voice, which wavered at the memory of him cradling her to his chest on this very bed. She did not want to think about returning.

Unmoved, Garin nodded against his knuckle. “That, I agree with.” But that was all he said.

“What will you do without me?” The desperation in her voice was sickening, but she couldn’t seem to stop it. “How can I be of service here?”

As if sensing her thoughts, he said, “I don’t want you to worry about anything unnecessarily when you have many mortal affairs on your plate already.

When you’ve already been through so much here.

” As his words sank in, he scooted the chair back and stood.

“Bastion has already sent a note to Cinderfell from the nearest hawthorn tree, and I’ll keep you informed as things progress.

For now, you must return to your castle. ”

She stared at him, incredulous, as he extended a hand and mustered a despondent smile. Lilac didn’t take it.

“Well? Are you ready?”

“That’s it?”

“I suppose.”

She stood from the bed, her hands shaking. Her voice was hoarse when she next spoke. “Are you coming with me? To the castle?”

“Not this time. The witches will. It’s not best to have you return alone, as the sound of the carriage crash apparently carried to Paimpont, so there may be more thieves lurking along the roads than normal.

Plus, I still think they’ll be more receptive to magic folk returning you than I, especially after the arm.

And with all those ridiculous rumors Sinclair spread of you running off with vampires.

” He crossed the room and lifted two logs from the pile to nestle them among the dying embers. ”

Why was he avoiding her gaze?

“Plus, what exactly would I do there, Your Majesty?”

She didn’t quite know how to answer that when all she wanted to do was stomp over and force him to look at her. “You were there after my ceremony. I saw you several times in the halls. You came to my chamber.”

He continued to fiddle with the logs. “I wanted to ensure your safety and needed to ensure Giles remained entranced in his new job as stablehand while maintaining my own cover at the castle.” He straightened and dusted his hands.

“He will remain under my influence until I figure out if he is fit to return as priest, or if another need be appointed. If there are any issues, I’ll come to remedy them.

Otherwise, there’s no other reason for me to involve myself, is there? ”

“ No reason? ” As he moved toward the door, she sidestepped, blocking it with her body.

She couldn’t even name the emotion pounding through her veins.

It felt like there was a fountain of words to be spewed, all of it stopped by the lump in her throat.

In the short time they’d known each other, Lilac had felt hated, despised, yearned and hungered after—but she never felt unwanted . “You don’t want to see me.”

“That is not true.” He moved to reach past her for the doorknob, but she gripped it with her own hand, forcing him off.

“You laid with me just there,” she whispered, anger mounting, pointing at the bed.

“You read to me several stories, told me one from your childhood. You laughed with me. You knelt and apologized to me for…” She frowned, her memory distant, as if it were years ago.

No , she thought regretfully. Even decades would not erase the memory of Garin’s trembling breath against the nape of her neck, of his too careful fingertips drumming upon the blanket he’d tucked around her. “For wanting me.”